DISCLAIMER

The following is a fan-based

FICTION

F/SN, F/Z, F/KPI and other products related to the Fate Series are all owned by TYPE-MOON, Kinoko Nasu and Takashi Takeuchi.

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Prologue: Why are you looking at me like that?

The lands that surrounded several cities all around England were something truly astonishing to see and visit.

It was a perfect example how there was still restrain among humans to not destroy everything that is green or generally nature.

You would ask 'Why are you starting this tale with this boring beginning?' and I frankly can't say why myself.

It was the best that came up in my mind. Yes, I might have a decent learning basics on my back but as I have proven more than once, I was and I still am a mediocre student.

Anyway, talking about all that gibberish was starting to remind me the horrible torture my feet had suffered months ago and the incessant feeling of being spied upon as I tried to 'enjoy' this wonderful place.

Still, interestingly enough, big stuff happened.

A moment I was begging all deities to give me some relief or an early death, then I felt myself falling.

You might think 'Oh! Is that some magical deus ex machina to get yourself in something epic?'. Wrong! Nada!

A traitorous root of one of the many identical tree near me willingly tripped my poor, sore foot and caused my entire body to fall painfully on the ground.

Muttering some not-so-holy words to the tree that caused the whole debacle, I finally noticed a minor mistake I made few minutes earlier.

A good explorer has to never forget from where he came from while doing this kind of walk deep in the woods.

Sadly this dude ain't a good explorer and in my shenanigans I might have forgotten where should I go if I wanted to return to civilisation.

Several mood swings happening in a solid ten minutes, from anger to regret and both when debating the lack of reasons behind this unplanned excursion.

"But I wasn't scared at all! I shall take from here now, Mr. Narrator."

And I think I also developed a bipolar sense of things during my ten minutes of madness and despair.

"It wasn't that bad. I mean, we got to be in an epic adventure."

With lots of pain, danger and tsunderes messing every steps and ruining our mood for most of it.

"I can't actually argument that. But I think that you took much of THEIR time describing your grumpy and cynical sense of describing our journey to an old and yet new land."

That whole 'old and yet new land' sounds like cliche but whatever, I'm taking a pause there. Try not to mess with them too much while I'm away.

"Sure thing, boss."

*Door closes*

"Jeez, sometimes I can feel why many called me so many bad names when I hear how I speak. Well, as my depressed self said, our adventure starts when all our hopes were lost."

"Why God? Why did you leave me?!"

Jeez, sure I was truly useless back then. I remember trying everything possible to solve my problems...

"Phone, don't betray me!" *Low Battery and no connection* "Dangit!"

Once all of the easiest solutions, that were supposed to see me return back home safely, exhausted, I started to contemplate how to survive in such hostile habitat.

"As Bear Grylls says, first we need a source of water. And I'm certainly not doing his Plan B."

After walking for several hours, I finally found a possible water source and a temporary home in the form of a cave until I was able to return to a village or a town and get out of that green hell.

"Please Jesus, let this cave be empty and void of any possible ferocious animal and serial killers."

Slowly I made steps inside the cave and I felt like in one of those fantasy movies.

Boooooring! Why are you describing those odd and dull details? People would love some actions or they might not like this spin-off.

Oh, you finished your pause?

Yes, now please explain yourself to me. In English.

*Frown* I will have you know that I'm a very romantic kind of storyteller and I want to give to our dear readers something to- As I said 'BOOORING!'. Continue the story.

*Sigh* Fine! Walking inside the cave I noticed that there were ancient inscriptions on its walls.

Some were representing humans, others animals... and dragons?

"Is this cave the cove of a Lord of the Rings cult or what?"

It certainly gave it that kind of vibe and so walking even further in the dark place, I noticed something else.

"Oh.. SHINY, TASTY WATER! FINALLY!"

...Yes, any kind of deprivation are cause of those insane behaviors but I can defend myself by saying that I am a respectable citizen of the good, ol' US and A.

What about me?

You... You too, I suppose...

You were talking about this shiny water. Is that radioactive or what?

That's... something I don't know and I am sure I will never understand but yes, there is something weird about that water that caused some strange stuff to happen.

How exactly?

I...

"Oh No! Not Again! Goddamit you painful son of a-"

I tripped again, this time on some blasted rock and into the small fountain.

"-tch!"

Falling again face first to the floor caused my brain to almost shut down completely. My mind was unable to understand why the floor felt different, as if made of wood.

Then other details started to add up as I felt a source of heat warming my body and soon I noticed I wasn't alone anymore.

My eyes adjusted to the frail light of the candles around the house and I stared at the small group of people around me, their eyes showing surprise and... happiness

The unnerving silence was interrupted by something I was certainly not expecting.

"The Ritual was a success! We got the King that was promised to us, the one that shall head us against the invaders!"

The old man that proclaimed this looked incredibly sure of what he had just said and the others started to murmur to each other.

As the greatest of the heroes to come, I started my reign with the most logical reaction to this kind of predicaments.

"Now that you are here, Your Majesty, you might- Your Majesty!"

Facing the possibility of being in an even more hostile habitat because of weird circumstances, my brain decided to launch the operation 'Tactical Faint'.

AN

The cause of this unexpected 'Crack-fic' might be related to the fact I needed to change a bit my schedule with 'Fate/Player Online' and because I wanted to add a change to my usual fanfics. Until now I've written only serious stories that would need some serious study behind them.

Tales of Two Kings shall be my Wednesday-only updated fanfic that I will use as a relief from all seriousness.

For the haters of my works or those who just mistrust me after so much fail from my part, no I'm not stopping updating Fate/Player Online. About that, I am pleased to announce you all that the Fan Manga development has started and I've seen some good designing.

I hope you all understand that this will not be your usual Fate story as it will lack the general sense of dread and suspence for those familiar to it.

Next time on ToTK: Our unlucky protagonist receive a massive responsibility and... obtain a cool sword?!