This is a story created by many, many authors at 5MV. It's strange, it's
weird, it's called a "Group Adaptive Story". The authors are: Well,
actually, they would like to remain anonymous due to sci-fi genre
conflicts.
"John closed his eyes as he leaned back in the train seat. The vehicle's hypersmooth thrumming was soothing, but it didn't ease the worries he felt. Suddenly, he heard giggling, and opened his eyes, only to be greeted by the sight of a little girl on the opposite row whispering into her mother's ear. He looked down and realized his socks were mismatched: one was red and the other was blue. He laughed, despite himself.
The train arrived at his station and he disembarked. To his surprise, his girlfriend was waiting for him on the platform. As he ran over to greet her, the station was rocked by a gigantic blast......"
"For most of the world, however, the morning was peaceful. Geordi, for example, had taken advantage of his leave by sleeping in till eleven. Now he sat quietly at the restaurant table, perusing an article in the local newspaper about a capybara that had been trained to spell out 'w-o-m-b-a- t'.
His communicator beeped. Geordi closed his eyes and silently cursed the author for ruining yet another peaceful vacation before tapping it. 'LaForge here.'
'Picard here. Sorry to interrupt your time off, but Admiral Nocheeseyet has requested an emergency meeting of all senior officers--Troi, myself, Data, Worf, Riker, Doctor Crusher, and you*--in thirty minutes to discuss a string of terrorist attacks across the Federation. I gather there may be a serious security breach by a foreign power at the root of this. Lieutenant Saxama will provide you with the beaming coordinates.'"
"John and his girlfriend (Can I give her a name?) ran for cover from the flying debris from the explosion. They could here ships flying overhead, but not the familiar federation sound. John paused briefly to look up to get a glimpse of the attacking ships. He remembered from his studies that the ships were Klingon Bird of Prey. He wondered how they got past Earth's defenses. There was another explosion behind him. He turned around quickly, only to see his girlfriend trapped under some debris."
Josie the Angry Cow was grazing one day when she saw the door to a nearby house was open. She went over to look at what was inside this house, and received the shock of her life. Farmer Joe, who had grown grass for her for so long and had always been so nice to her, was laying in bed, dead. Josie tried to go inside to get a better look, but she tragically was unable to fit through the doorway, so she simply decided to dejectedly walk away in that silly way cows have, alone and distraught.
I also humbly suggest that some small, tiny, infinitesimal effort might be made to actually keep scenes vaguely related to each other, perhaps existing in the same general universe. Following Geordi LaForge up with Josie the Angry Cow do not seem to bode a good start. It's amusing, yes, but personally, it doesn't seem like much fun to write the story like that. A story can be funny and ridiculous, and that's great, but if it's just a disconnected random jumble - well, disconnected random jumbles just aren't all that funny.
"John was frantically trying to free his girlfriend from the trapped rubble when he heard the familiar whining sound of the transporter beside him. Thinking it was a rescue team, he turned towards the sound, only to find himself staring at a... cow?
Josie was confused. One moment she had been standing in Farmer Joe's field, and now she was standing in the middle of this dark, smoky and quite alarming place, staring at a pop-eyed man with grime on his face and mismatched socks. What in the world was going on?"
Geordi on the otherhand, was beamed to the farm where Josie once was. All of the other senior officers were already there. They were all confused because this was not the place of the meeting. They tried their com-badges, but they were not working. They decided to look around and try to find clues. They went inside the house, and while using their tricorders, they found the owner of the house to whom Josie thought was dead. Actually, he was dying. He told the crew that his name was Neo and that he is a Caretaker, and that when he started dying, the Klingons were able to get past the Caretakers defenses. He sent his cow to find the man with the mismatched socks, who is the caretakers long lost son.
As Neo gasped his last, the gaggle of officers was startled to hear a strange, drawn-out mechanical, almost grating noise. La Forge, who happened to be the ranking officer out of the group, led them outside with their phasers drawn, to be confronted by the rather incongruous sight of an antiquated blue police telephone box. "What the heck is that?" exclaimed La Forge. One of the other officers, wearing the blue of a science officer, nervously stepped forward. "It's a, a telephone box. They were used in twentieth century Britain by the police force of the time before the advent of mobile radio trans..." He was cut off by the door swinging noisily open, and the appearance of a man in a large coat wearing a ridiculously long scarf, a blonde woman and, bizzarely, a small robotic dog. There was a long moment of silence, broken at last by the blonde woman, who, after a rather thatrical sigh, tured to her companion and said "We're lost again, aren't we?"
Just as the doctor and his friends were trying to figure out where they were, an interdimensional vortex opened up and out came four figures. "Well," Quinn said hastily, trying to cover up their method of arrival, "we're from Canada."
here was a long and awkward pause.
"Who the bloody hell are you?" Professor Arturo asked. "And what's going on?"
"We don't...err...know," Romana said.
"Aw, hell," they all said together.
"That cow looks angry," Wade added.
The cow was indeed disgruntled. The telephone box had managed to land squarely on the secret opening to the underground shelter that held the device that would disable the cow's disguise. So the cow had to walk all the way to the son's house without even a faint smidgen of a hope of getting a ride.
He rapped on the door and mooed. After a minute, the door opened and a man poked his head out.
"Oh, hullo there, Uncle Morpheus," the man said carelessly. "Does Father want me to go see him?"
The cow mooed in what could almost have been Morse code.
"Mentally unstable visitors, huh? All right, give me a moment and I'll get my shotgun."
Private Log of La Forge: I had seen enough. Earth was under attack, there is a mad cow on the loose, and the crew is stuck on a farm with Bill and Ted (Doctor, Romana and K9). What else could go wrong? Anyway, how hard would it be for a cow to find someone with mismatched socks. Aren't cows colorblind? I know I wouldnt be able to find him. I hope we arent stuck in the Gamma Quadrant, or whereever Voyager ended up. I am just going to sit on this rock and wish I was in my own bed. On second thought, the blonde chic is hot. Anyway, I must find a way to get off this farm.
"Observe," said Data, patiently. "This sock is blue. This scok is red. It also has little yellow circles, commonly referred to as 'polka dots,' upon it, while the blue on does not. Can you see the differences between these two socks?"
"Moooo," said Josie.
"So they are not a pair, correct, Josie? They are mismatched. Mismatched, Josie."
"Moooooo."
Data turned to Riker. "I think we are making some progress, sir."
Quinn thought a moment. Then said "Hold it...we're from Canada, but...mismatched socks are an INTENTIONAL act.Therefore, it is not some sort of birthright. Therefore, this could be an IMPOSTER! Therefore..." Then Picard emerged from under a hay stack and said "Excuse me, but I am the ranking officer here. Quinn, shut up. Troi, read everyone's mind. Geordi, use your visor to take readings. Worf, fire at Will. Sweet, wonderful Crusher...tend to Will." Everyone did that, until The Caretaker told everyone some important revelation...
"The cow... is in the wrong place! I sent her to look for my son a couple of minutes ago... why is she back here?"
"It must have been a backwash from the eddies in the spacetime fabric caused by the arrival of the Sliders," mused Geordi. "Could you send her-- and all of us back to where your son is?"
"I've got a better idea," said Quinn, and suddenly there was a bright light...
Meanwhile, back at the train station, Neo's son, John, was in a panic. His girlfriend was still trapped underneath the rubble and he had no way to get it off of her. He was so distracted, that he didnt realize that Josie was gone. He held on to his girlfriends hand and told her that she was going to be ok. At that moment, a bright light appeared. When the light dissappeared, he saw that Josie and the crew standing there. Data noticed the girl trapped, so he lifted the debris off her, while Crusher looked over her. Picard walked over to John and said, "You must be the one." John was puzzled. Josie said, "Moo Moo Mooooo!" John got this eerie feeling because he knew what Josie said. John said, "I guess it is time then." "I knew it was coming," John said. "I always used to ask Dad, 'How will I know?' And he'd say, 'You'll know, John. You'll know, because when the entire train station blows up all around you, that's kind of hard to miss.'"
"Are you saying that blowing up train stations is one of your latent powers as 'the One'?" Picard asked.
"I'm afraid so," said John. "That, summoning cows, telekinetic power over cheese, and the ability to pull live eels out of thin air."
He pulled himself up. "And now that my powers have begun to develop... I must start on my journey."
Suddenly, the roof caved in on Picard.
Data tried to free Picard, but failed miserably. Suddenly, out of nowhere, the Scoobies appeared. "Oops" said Willow "I guess I kinda stuck us in the Sci-Fi demention while bringing Tara and Anya back so Xander and I can be happy." Buffy quickly helped Data with the collapsed roof, while Xander set about rebuilding the train station, while Tara and Willow Googled "train station collapse in alternate universe". After all that action, Spike and Buffy went to the restroom to....talk...and Anya said to Picard "Picard, would you like to avenge who did this to you?" Picard said "I'de wish someone would fire at Will. It's always his fault. He should not have been trying to figure out what happens when you ram a train into in 20th century rail station" Instantly, Will Riker...
Ensign Janeway suddenly appeared and gave Picard a black box. She told him to save it for a rainy day. Janeway dissapeared as soon as she had appeared. At that moment it started to rain. Picard opened the black box....(to be continued)
Josie ran off someplace and started her own band. She always wanted to do something that that.
Worf overheard "Fire at will", so he fired at the nearest thing, the recently finished train station.
The scarred man looked up at Michael. Michael hated when he did that. The scarred man was much more comfortable to be around when you didn't see him. Not that he could see him - the room was pitch dark, as always. But he could feel him looking at him.
"Have they found John yet?" the man asked.
"They have," Michael answered. "Though they seem to be having... troubles. Encounters with fictional characters."
"Excellent," mused the scarred man. "All is going according to plan."
What plan?, Michael thought to himself, as always.
"This plan" said the scarred man "here, come into my time travel transmorgaphire". They got in. They were in the train station.
Picard realized at once who had come. It was a scarred Khan.
"Oh, BTW, Picard, you turned down my advances at the Kaffe Confrence on Koffeeola fifteen years ago, so I decided to give you Khan, who believes the Scoobies are fictional characters. He's gone nutty" Janeways said as she hopped on the train, as Xander had already rebuilt the station a second time, with Willow's special help.
"Oh Picard, I knew you've always loved me" said Riker. Crusher hit him with a spell she had learned from Tara.
"Hey, Khan here! Dont you want to hear my evil plan, which is..."
"... to give everybody in the world a sex change!"
Picard blinked and looked surprised. "And what would THAT acheive?"
"Nothing," said Khan, "I just like doing things for the heck of it."
Just then, Josie the cow bellowed and charged right at Khan. Khan let out a yell and toppled right into John, and the two of them suddenly disappeared in a flash of light.
A flash of light. Khan and John momentarily ceased their struggling, taking in their strange new surroundings. Picard and all the others were gone; so was the train station. Instead, they were surrounded by crowds of happy people, who were yellow, head to toe. Roller coasters abounded, as did giant beer cans and strange yellow lakes and fountains.
"Duffland!" Khan hissed. "Why have you brought me here?"
"Me?!" said John. "Why did you bring me here?"
"Moooo," they heard, and looked up to see Josie looking at them serenely. Her meaning was clear. I brought you here. Josie said, "You two are brothers. Your father is dead, and now the fate of the Earth is in your hands. One of you must go take the place of your father."
Kahn and John said, "Brothers?"
All of a sudden, Agents come out of nowhere. Kahn and John were surrounded.
Josie shouted, "Use your abilities!!"
John said, "What abilities?" *knocks out an agent* "Oh, those abilities."
"Whoo hoo! This is fun!" exclaimed John as he happily knocked out agent after agent. Khan, meanwhile, ducked under Josie and watched the fireworks.
Suddenly, there was a monstrous sound, and John turned around and blinked in terror. Standing before him was a huge....
...Agent, dressed like an enormous can of Duff in a black suit.
"I am Agent Duff," he said. "You will drink Duff. Duff is good. Reeeeeal good..."
Then he toppled over backwards into the Duff fountain.
From somewhere in the crowd, John heard a faint, "Ha-ha!"
"Oh yeah!" said Duffman.
John was tempted to drink because fighting agents took alot out of him. So he walked up to the fountain. Josie interupted and said "Only The One will be able to use the fountain." Kahn heard this, so he ran to the fountain and knocked John out of the way. He pressed the button, but nothing happened. John got back to his feet and tried the button himself. At that moment, something odd happened. Strange lights appeared. When the lights went away, Josie was no longer a cow. The spell was broken. Josie was now a woman, an attractive one.
"That's what Duff can do for you! Oh, yeah!" said Duffman.
Suddenly, a giant dustbin exploded.
"Duffman is thrusting in the direction of the problem!" cried Willow, who had just teleported the Scoobies. Duffman was thrusting at the dustbin.
"Josie!" cried Xander and Tara at the same time, "Why, what are you doing here?"
"you know this woman?" said Khan. John took the momentery lapse in Khan's concentration to give him the Vulcan Nerve pinch.
"Wow" said John"I've learned a lot from T'Pol's lessons"
Suddenly, T'Pol and Giles stepped out of the debris. "Buffy, John you have learned all you can from us. Now you must go with Josie to continue your journey".
Giles looked at T'Pol and got out a candy bar. "Band candy?" he said.
T'Pol said, "It would be illogical for you to offer it only to me, seeing as you have two boxes of it."
"Okay, band candy for all!" replied Giles.
And with that, everyone ate band candy. Suddenly they were all transformed into 16 year olds again. T'Pol asked Xander out. Picard and Crusher boogied. Tara conjured a stereo. Everyone got down 'n dirty dancing until the strangest two people started to dance together...
Everybody turned to look at them. The two danced on obliviously, until Xander kicked the stereo over. The two looked up sheepishly.
"Data," John asked, "Where the heck did you manage to find Hillary Clinton?"
"Well," said Data, "she was in the dustbin that exploded."
The crew of Voyager was going about its own business as usual when all of a sudden Hillary Clinton suddenly appeared in the mess hall. Everyone was confused. Hillary said "I dont know how I got here. Before I appeared here, I was talking to a cow named Josie. Captian Picard was there too." The mentioning of Josie peaked Janeway's interest because she knew what that meant, Earth was in trouble. However, Voyager had no way of getting home any quicker. Hillary and Janeway talked privately about the recent events on Earth, such as the attack by the Klingons.
"Bingely-bingeley-beep," said the demon. "Three pee em. The One is found. Three oh five pee em - the One defeats Khan."
The twelve men, frozen in ice, listened to the demon Dis-Organizer with bated breath.
"Appointments," the demon continued, "Five thirty pee em: get freed by the One."
The twelve men let out a cheer, their faces being the only parts of them not completely encased in the solid ice wall. Their cheers echoed across the cavern, incidentally making it quite impossible to hear the demon continuing, "Six thirty pee em - three of our number turn to lime jello."
Buffy rushed in and said"Yah know, I never did like lime jello"
Buffy slayed the demons and then started to sing "Jailhouse rock". T'Pol and Giles, still high on band candy, joined in. In fact, everyone joined in. Even Janeway and Josie and Harry and the rest, who had just been teleported by Willow, Tara and Josie. Josie and her band joined in with their drums, guitar, and bass. Just then, Crusher and a very angry Picard stepped in.
"Who stole my hair! I'm only 16! Where's my hair!"
Suddenly, Kirk popped in with a bad wig.
"Picard, we have some issues to work out between you, me, and those half- slayed demons"
Just then they were all interrupted by the TARDIS materialising. "I have to spoil all your fun," said the Doctor emerging from the interior of the blue Police Box. "but there is a large space-ship full of very annoyed Cybermen on their way here as I speak. Apparently they found out about John being the One and all that, though why they're so annoyed I don't know." "Perhaps it's your scarf?" suggested one of the men embedded in the ice. K9 immidiately spun round to face the man, extended his laser, and proceded to fire. Unfortunately, the beam refleced off the ice and zapped two of the other men as well. The three men then proceeded to slowly turn into green jello. "Doctor!" cried Romana. "How could you let him do that?" "Hah," replied the Doctor. "That's nothing compared to what Ace would've done. Nice use of the 'jello setting' there by the way, K9." Suddenly, the ground started to shake violently....
Suddenly, Quark Snyder walked in.
"Hey, both of the franchises I was in are in this, so here I am! Buffy, get to work. Picard, I have some Deupertian Hair-Gro for you. Worf, I'm confused, are you DS9 or Next Gen?"
Buffy said,
"Um, Quark Snyder, you've never had a date on either series, have you? And your brother is Grand Superintendent of SunnyFririgi."
Odo came in the same wierd way Quark Snyder came in.
"Quark Snyder, you are under arrest for time travel technobabble"
Quark Synder punched Odo in the face. Picard cheered. "Barfight! Barfight!" howled Kim and Paris delightedly. Buffy watched the two combatants grapple while rolling her eyes. "Does anyone realize we're on a time limit here?"
Everyone looked up at the clock at the top of the screen. Buffy said, "We must beat this video game before time runs out, or we will have to do this all over again. Defeating Vampires is easier than this." Data said, "I must point...". Everyone said "Shut up Data!" Meanwhile, Quark saw an opportunity to make some money over this game. Odo got up and punched Quark in the face, ending his good idea to make money. Buffy continued to play the game, Picard read some Shakespeare, and Kim and Paris played in the holodeck. A few minutes later, John walked out of the bathroom and said, "Im ready to continue now." Everyone stopped what they were doing and followed John back to the scene of the action, which was when the ground was shaking violently.
There they found a large group of even-more-annoyed-than-they-were-before Cybermen."Do you know how many times we've had to land then take-off again just wating for you lot to get back?" exclaimed the by now downright ticked- off Cyberleader. "Sheesh - at least the Doctor is usually punctual".
"Errr - Odo wasn't it? - be a good chap and turn yourself into gold, ok?" said the Doctor, looking pointedly at the assembled Cybermen.
"We'll, ah, just be going then. See ya!" said the Cyberleader, and led the group hurridly back into their ship, which then hurridly took off.
"Hah," said the Doctor. "Works every time." "Hmm," Odo mused, "the last time I saw someone mention that word in front of the Cybermen, they went psychotic and killed several bystanders and then themselves."
Crusher just looked puzzled. She failed to get anything constructive done by so behaving, but at least she got in a mention just under the 10-post cut-off.
"Gold. He said Gold. Goldgoldgoldgoldgold. Glod."
"Shut up," said the Cyberleader. "You sound like a drunk dwarf."
"But he said GOLD," said another Cyberman. "I can't... get it... out of my... head!"
"I can't take it anymore!!!!" yelled a third Cyberman. Zeke shot him dead. But another Cyberman, similarly minded (or lack of such), could not get those four awful letters out of his brain. So he did the only thing he could think of - fire the blaster guns to decimate the New York skyscrapers beneath the craft.
Goldmember showed up through a time portal. "Did someone say gold?" asked Goldmember, who then proceeded to deflake himself of one big piece of skin flake. Cyberleader demanded that goldmember go flake in another time zone, so he did. However, he took Zeke with him. Not soon after Austin Powers popped out. "Have any of you groovy mixed up characters seen a guy with a golden penis and the desire to flake in the wrong time zone? Cyberman told him what happened, including the fact that Zeke must return to the normal time zone soon or else things will start to speed up. Austin then left into the portal. "Speed up? That's crazy!!!" shouted everyone. "Yes, and you will start using too many '!' marks," explained Josie. "The death of Neo is affecting time as well it seems like."
"This is all getting very strange indeed," said the Doctor said to himself. "Ten to one the Master has something to do with this...." "Did you say the Master?" enquired Buffy. "I kicked his ass all the way back in season one." "The Doctor Master means the Master, not the Master" exdplained K9, confusing everyone but Romana even more. "Riiiiiiiight," said Dr. Evil. "By the way, have you seen Goldmember anywhere?" Everyone now looked even more confused than they were before. "Doctor," suddenly interrupted K9, "I am recieving a radio signal coming from the direction of Jupiter." "Well, let us hear it then!" exclaimed Romana impatiently. There was a brief crackle of static noise from K9's speaker, then a voice came through. "My God, it's full of pies!" At this point everyone was just about as confused as they could physically be, so thery were therefore slightly startled to hear Josie gasp. "The Piealith! Things are moving quicker than I thought...."
Everyone was now really confused. Willow stepped in.
"Okay, you are now all really confused. Well, let me say this: we are stuck in someone's crazy broadway nightmare."
Tara replied, "Honey, crazy SCI-FI nightmare". Everyone started musing what it could be:
"Bunnies" "Shoes" "Khan" "I'm right here, doofus" "Klingons" "I take offense. It's Tribbles" "Viruses" "Q" "The First Evil" "Snyder" "Quark"
"That's Quark Snyder to you. And I say it's kid aliens late for repayment of homework"
Suddenly, Xander raised his hand. "Oops, um, I never handed in that project for Biology...and I'll pay you for that Red Dwarf Cocktail in the morning"
BOOM. There was a very large explosion, which knocked Willow over onto his back...
Willow got up. "Excuse me, whoever doing this strange narrative voiceover, but I am girl. Who dates girls. Gay now, remember? And also, Bored Now."
"Borg now?" asked Picard."Fire at Will!"
"Jean, we cant. Will hasnt been seen for a while. And she said "Bored now" anyways."
Xander stepped in "No one bugs my best bud Willow. Let's fight TOS style"
Picard and Xander got into the exlposion crater. Huge Q-tips appeared. They started to fight. Their clothes, of course, ripped seductivly for no reason.
Josie stood to the side. "What the heck are they doing?" she mused."Have they forgotten The Mission? Gee, Xander's hot"
Josie yelled "Hit Picard on his shiny head!!" "Hey, no cow tipping," said Picard. Xander had the golden opportunity to bonk Picard on the head, but he was on the ground laughing at what Picard said. Picard then defeated Xander by shoving the giant Q-tip us his ass. Josie explained, "Why do we keep getting sidetracked? We will never save Earth at this rate. The Piealith will reach Earth in less than 3 hours. We must make 47 chili pies before they arrive."
"47 chili pies?" Zeke, who had reappeared for no obvious reason, mused. "Isn't that supposed to be the eleventh sign of the Apocalypse or something?" "Maybe for you it is," Paris muttered.
"Paris! You defamed Wesley! I'm gonna kick your butt!" Dr Crusher said. She grabbed the giant Q-tip and hit Paris over the head. He cried. He went into a comma.Crusher had to treat him. "Xander, poor baby, here's some orgasmic- sounding magicbabble to make you all better!" Willow said. Xander was all better very quickly.
"The Pies! The Pies! The Pies!" cried Josie
Anya began to make pies, and Data and Odo joined in, making pies very quickly. "So what kind of chilli is this? Portchilli?" Anya said."No, chilli jokes are banned. This is rabbit chilli". said Odo. Any ran into Paris's arms crying.
And then, a BOOM OF DOOM came.
"We may be too late" yelled Josie...
"Nope, it was just me farting along with Odo and Xander," said Picard. "You can call us the Three Farts" continued Picard. Josie responded, "Well, your farts are out of tune. Now here is a tuned fart." Josie farted, which stunned everyone in a three mile radius. Just then, Cyberleader got an idea. "With some technobabble, we can create the ultimate farting machine that will save earth from the Piealith." Picard said "You must have been standing too close to Josie, perhaps in the direct path of the fart. You smell like it too."
The Magic Shop was desserted. And suddenly, everyone was there. Picard,Riker,La Forge,Crusher,Wesley,Troi,
Data,Worf,Buffy,Willow,Xander,Tara,Giles,Dawn,Spike,Paris, Cybermen,The Doctor,Goldmember,Austin Powers,Josie and John. Anya had teleported them all there, because she was getting bored of the whole "broken trainstation" thing.
"We...we...well, see, here's the thing: Sci-fi realms are converging. That's why we can all see and talk together. And this Piealith thing, it's causing pastry everywhere to explode." Tara went on, " We are the beginning of a new, strange, world, and Xander started it when he said how hot Archer is, and Andrew agreed, on that s7 ep where a female demon date spears him so wants to "gay it up".
"Well," said Commander Straker, "that goes a long way to explaining what I'm doing here. And remember, you didn't see no UFO's whatsoever." "Are you going to deny their existence or something?" said a sceptical Cybercontroller. "The one we came is parked right over there!" Straker spun around, and seeing that the Cybercontroller was right, quickly ordered Skydiver to destroy it. "Way to go, Cybercontroller," said one of the Cybermen underlings. "Quiet you!" Cybercontroller quickly retorted, and reached behind his back to produce a sigh that said GOLD in large letters and hung it around the offending Cyberman's neck. "Ahhhh! The G-word!" the other Cybermen exclaimed in unison, and shot the one with the sign. S.I.D.'s voice suddenly came through from orbit on Straker's communicator which he had stolen from Barclay. "I am detecting a large cube shaped vessel approacing orbit at a range of twenty-two million kilometres and closing." At this K9 went off into a sulk, and Picard exclaimed, "I was wondering when they'd show up." Then, just to make things worse, there was a flash of light and who should appear but Q.....
"Well, now, lookie here, a sci-fi realm convergence. Silly mortals, you cant even *oof* mdfgrt oegfvr." said Q, until Willow gagged him magically."Q, you're up agaist Willow, Tara, Anya, Austin Powers and the rest. Give up now." Xander said. Q cried.And then..."We are the borg. Restistence is futile."
"Those rats stole my bfriend away once. I'de wish they'de all just turn into philosophy majors and stop trying to conquer the universe" Crusher said. "Granted" said Anya.
"We are the bored. Resillence is futile. If what we did was bad, does that mean we should all go to jail, or because we were forced, does that mean we..."*poof* they all went to UBC. "What's that, in sky, is it a bird, a plane? It's the Piealith!" said Buffy, as her lemon tart exploded. Q looked supremely annoyed for a moment, then turned everybody in sight into furry pink mice. "SQUEAK SQUEAK SQUEAK SQUEAK SQUEAK!" exclaimed Willow in annoyance.
Josie, the only one who was not affected, looked around with a frown. "Now, where has John gotten off to?" she wondered.
"John closed his eyes as he leaned back in the train seat. The vehicle's hypersmooth thrumming was soothing, but it didn't ease the worries he felt. Suddenly, he heard giggling, and opened his eyes, only to be greeted by the sight of a little girl on the opposite row whispering into her mother's ear. He looked down and realized his socks were mismatched: one was red and the other was blue. He laughed, despite himself.
The train arrived at his station and he disembarked. To his surprise, his girlfriend was waiting for him on the platform. As he ran over to greet her, the station was rocked by a gigantic blast......"
"For most of the world, however, the morning was peaceful. Geordi, for example, had taken advantage of his leave by sleeping in till eleven. Now he sat quietly at the restaurant table, perusing an article in the local newspaper about a capybara that had been trained to spell out 'w-o-m-b-a- t'.
His communicator beeped. Geordi closed his eyes and silently cursed the author for ruining yet another peaceful vacation before tapping it. 'LaForge here.'
'Picard here. Sorry to interrupt your time off, but Admiral Nocheeseyet has requested an emergency meeting of all senior officers--Troi, myself, Data, Worf, Riker, Doctor Crusher, and you*--in thirty minutes to discuss a string of terrorist attacks across the Federation. I gather there may be a serious security breach by a foreign power at the root of this. Lieutenant Saxama will provide you with the beaming coordinates.'"
"John and his girlfriend (Can I give her a name?) ran for cover from the flying debris from the explosion. They could here ships flying overhead, but not the familiar federation sound. John paused briefly to look up to get a glimpse of the attacking ships. He remembered from his studies that the ships were Klingon Bird of Prey. He wondered how they got past Earth's defenses. There was another explosion behind him. He turned around quickly, only to see his girlfriend trapped under some debris."
Josie the Angry Cow was grazing one day when she saw the door to a nearby house was open. She went over to look at what was inside this house, and received the shock of her life. Farmer Joe, who had grown grass for her for so long and had always been so nice to her, was laying in bed, dead. Josie tried to go inside to get a better look, but she tragically was unable to fit through the doorway, so she simply decided to dejectedly walk away in that silly way cows have, alone and distraught.
I also humbly suggest that some small, tiny, infinitesimal effort might be made to actually keep scenes vaguely related to each other, perhaps existing in the same general universe. Following Geordi LaForge up with Josie the Angry Cow do not seem to bode a good start. It's amusing, yes, but personally, it doesn't seem like much fun to write the story like that. A story can be funny and ridiculous, and that's great, but if it's just a disconnected random jumble - well, disconnected random jumbles just aren't all that funny.
"John was frantically trying to free his girlfriend from the trapped rubble when he heard the familiar whining sound of the transporter beside him. Thinking it was a rescue team, he turned towards the sound, only to find himself staring at a... cow?
Josie was confused. One moment she had been standing in Farmer Joe's field, and now she was standing in the middle of this dark, smoky and quite alarming place, staring at a pop-eyed man with grime on his face and mismatched socks. What in the world was going on?"
Geordi on the otherhand, was beamed to the farm where Josie once was. All of the other senior officers were already there. They were all confused because this was not the place of the meeting. They tried their com-badges, but they were not working. They decided to look around and try to find clues. They went inside the house, and while using their tricorders, they found the owner of the house to whom Josie thought was dead. Actually, he was dying. He told the crew that his name was Neo and that he is a Caretaker, and that when he started dying, the Klingons were able to get past the Caretakers defenses. He sent his cow to find the man with the mismatched socks, who is the caretakers long lost son.
As Neo gasped his last, the gaggle of officers was startled to hear a strange, drawn-out mechanical, almost grating noise. La Forge, who happened to be the ranking officer out of the group, led them outside with their phasers drawn, to be confronted by the rather incongruous sight of an antiquated blue police telephone box. "What the heck is that?" exclaimed La Forge. One of the other officers, wearing the blue of a science officer, nervously stepped forward. "It's a, a telephone box. They were used in twentieth century Britain by the police force of the time before the advent of mobile radio trans..." He was cut off by the door swinging noisily open, and the appearance of a man in a large coat wearing a ridiculously long scarf, a blonde woman and, bizzarely, a small robotic dog. There was a long moment of silence, broken at last by the blonde woman, who, after a rather thatrical sigh, tured to her companion and said "We're lost again, aren't we?"
Just as the doctor and his friends were trying to figure out where they were, an interdimensional vortex opened up and out came four figures. "Well," Quinn said hastily, trying to cover up their method of arrival, "we're from Canada."
here was a long and awkward pause.
"Who the bloody hell are you?" Professor Arturo asked. "And what's going on?"
"We don't...err...know," Romana said.
"Aw, hell," they all said together.
"That cow looks angry," Wade added.
The cow was indeed disgruntled. The telephone box had managed to land squarely on the secret opening to the underground shelter that held the device that would disable the cow's disguise. So the cow had to walk all the way to the son's house without even a faint smidgen of a hope of getting a ride.
He rapped on the door and mooed. After a minute, the door opened and a man poked his head out.
"Oh, hullo there, Uncle Morpheus," the man said carelessly. "Does Father want me to go see him?"
The cow mooed in what could almost have been Morse code.
"Mentally unstable visitors, huh? All right, give me a moment and I'll get my shotgun."
Private Log of La Forge: I had seen enough. Earth was under attack, there is a mad cow on the loose, and the crew is stuck on a farm with Bill and Ted (Doctor, Romana and K9). What else could go wrong? Anyway, how hard would it be for a cow to find someone with mismatched socks. Aren't cows colorblind? I know I wouldnt be able to find him. I hope we arent stuck in the Gamma Quadrant, or whereever Voyager ended up. I am just going to sit on this rock and wish I was in my own bed. On second thought, the blonde chic is hot. Anyway, I must find a way to get off this farm.
"Observe," said Data, patiently. "This sock is blue. This scok is red. It also has little yellow circles, commonly referred to as 'polka dots,' upon it, while the blue on does not. Can you see the differences between these two socks?"
"Moooo," said Josie.
"So they are not a pair, correct, Josie? They are mismatched. Mismatched, Josie."
"Moooooo."
Data turned to Riker. "I think we are making some progress, sir."
Quinn thought a moment. Then said "Hold it...we're from Canada, but...mismatched socks are an INTENTIONAL act.Therefore, it is not some sort of birthright. Therefore, this could be an IMPOSTER! Therefore..." Then Picard emerged from under a hay stack and said "Excuse me, but I am the ranking officer here. Quinn, shut up. Troi, read everyone's mind. Geordi, use your visor to take readings. Worf, fire at Will. Sweet, wonderful Crusher...tend to Will." Everyone did that, until The Caretaker told everyone some important revelation...
"The cow... is in the wrong place! I sent her to look for my son a couple of minutes ago... why is she back here?"
"It must have been a backwash from the eddies in the spacetime fabric caused by the arrival of the Sliders," mused Geordi. "Could you send her-- and all of us back to where your son is?"
"I've got a better idea," said Quinn, and suddenly there was a bright light...
Meanwhile, back at the train station, Neo's son, John, was in a panic. His girlfriend was still trapped underneath the rubble and he had no way to get it off of her. He was so distracted, that he didnt realize that Josie was gone. He held on to his girlfriends hand and told her that she was going to be ok. At that moment, a bright light appeared. When the light dissappeared, he saw that Josie and the crew standing there. Data noticed the girl trapped, so he lifted the debris off her, while Crusher looked over her. Picard walked over to John and said, "You must be the one." John was puzzled. Josie said, "Moo Moo Mooooo!" John got this eerie feeling because he knew what Josie said. John said, "I guess it is time then." "I knew it was coming," John said. "I always used to ask Dad, 'How will I know?' And he'd say, 'You'll know, John. You'll know, because when the entire train station blows up all around you, that's kind of hard to miss.'"
"Are you saying that blowing up train stations is one of your latent powers as 'the One'?" Picard asked.
"I'm afraid so," said John. "That, summoning cows, telekinetic power over cheese, and the ability to pull live eels out of thin air."
He pulled himself up. "And now that my powers have begun to develop... I must start on my journey."
Suddenly, the roof caved in on Picard.
Data tried to free Picard, but failed miserably. Suddenly, out of nowhere, the Scoobies appeared. "Oops" said Willow "I guess I kinda stuck us in the Sci-Fi demention while bringing Tara and Anya back so Xander and I can be happy." Buffy quickly helped Data with the collapsed roof, while Xander set about rebuilding the train station, while Tara and Willow Googled "train station collapse in alternate universe". After all that action, Spike and Buffy went to the restroom to....talk...and Anya said to Picard "Picard, would you like to avenge who did this to you?" Picard said "I'de wish someone would fire at Will. It's always his fault. He should not have been trying to figure out what happens when you ram a train into in 20th century rail station" Instantly, Will Riker...
Ensign Janeway suddenly appeared and gave Picard a black box. She told him to save it for a rainy day. Janeway dissapeared as soon as she had appeared. At that moment it started to rain. Picard opened the black box....(to be continued)
Josie ran off someplace and started her own band. She always wanted to do something that that.
Worf overheard "Fire at will", so he fired at the nearest thing, the recently finished train station.
The scarred man looked up at Michael. Michael hated when he did that. The scarred man was much more comfortable to be around when you didn't see him. Not that he could see him - the room was pitch dark, as always. But he could feel him looking at him.
"Have they found John yet?" the man asked.
"They have," Michael answered. "Though they seem to be having... troubles. Encounters with fictional characters."
"Excellent," mused the scarred man. "All is going according to plan."
What plan?, Michael thought to himself, as always.
"This plan" said the scarred man "here, come into my time travel transmorgaphire". They got in. They were in the train station.
Picard realized at once who had come. It was a scarred Khan.
"Oh, BTW, Picard, you turned down my advances at the Kaffe Confrence on Koffeeola fifteen years ago, so I decided to give you Khan, who believes the Scoobies are fictional characters. He's gone nutty" Janeways said as she hopped on the train, as Xander had already rebuilt the station a second time, with Willow's special help.
"Oh Picard, I knew you've always loved me" said Riker. Crusher hit him with a spell she had learned from Tara.
"Hey, Khan here! Dont you want to hear my evil plan, which is..."
"... to give everybody in the world a sex change!"
Picard blinked and looked surprised. "And what would THAT acheive?"
"Nothing," said Khan, "I just like doing things for the heck of it."
Just then, Josie the cow bellowed and charged right at Khan. Khan let out a yell and toppled right into John, and the two of them suddenly disappeared in a flash of light.
A flash of light. Khan and John momentarily ceased their struggling, taking in their strange new surroundings. Picard and all the others were gone; so was the train station. Instead, they were surrounded by crowds of happy people, who were yellow, head to toe. Roller coasters abounded, as did giant beer cans and strange yellow lakes and fountains.
"Duffland!" Khan hissed. "Why have you brought me here?"
"Me?!" said John. "Why did you bring me here?"
"Moooo," they heard, and looked up to see Josie looking at them serenely. Her meaning was clear. I brought you here. Josie said, "You two are brothers. Your father is dead, and now the fate of the Earth is in your hands. One of you must go take the place of your father."
Kahn and John said, "Brothers?"
All of a sudden, Agents come out of nowhere. Kahn and John were surrounded.
Josie shouted, "Use your abilities!!"
John said, "What abilities?" *knocks out an agent* "Oh, those abilities."
"Whoo hoo! This is fun!" exclaimed John as he happily knocked out agent after agent. Khan, meanwhile, ducked under Josie and watched the fireworks.
Suddenly, there was a monstrous sound, and John turned around and blinked in terror. Standing before him was a huge....
...Agent, dressed like an enormous can of Duff in a black suit.
"I am Agent Duff," he said. "You will drink Duff. Duff is good. Reeeeeal good..."
Then he toppled over backwards into the Duff fountain.
From somewhere in the crowd, John heard a faint, "Ha-ha!"
"Oh yeah!" said Duffman.
John was tempted to drink because fighting agents took alot out of him. So he walked up to the fountain. Josie interupted and said "Only The One will be able to use the fountain." Kahn heard this, so he ran to the fountain and knocked John out of the way. He pressed the button, but nothing happened. John got back to his feet and tried the button himself. At that moment, something odd happened. Strange lights appeared. When the lights went away, Josie was no longer a cow. The spell was broken. Josie was now a woman, an attractive one.
"That's what Duff can do for you! Oh, yeah!" said Duffman.
Suddenly, a giant dustbin exploded.
"Duffman is thrusting in the direction of the problem!" cried Willow, who had just teleported the Scoobies. Duffman was thrusting at the dustbin.
"Josie!" cried Xander and Tara at the same time, "Why, what are you doing here?"
"you know this woman?" said Khan. John took the momentery lapse in Khan's concentration to give him the Vulcan Nerve pinch.
"Wow" said John"I've learned a lot from T'Pol's lessons"
Suddenly, T'Pol and Giles stepped out of the debris. "Buffy, John you have learned all you can from us. Now you must go with Josie to continue your journey".
Giles looked at T'Pol and got out a candy bar. "Band candy?" he said.
T'Pol said, "It would be illogical for you to offer it only to me, seeing as you have two boxes of it."
"Okay, band candy for all!" replied Giles.
And with that, everyone ate band candy. Suddenly they were all transformed into 16 year olds again. T'Pol asked Xander out. Picard and Crusher boogied. Tara conjured a stereo. Everyone got down 'n dirty dancing until the strangest two people started to dance together...
Everybody turned to look at them. The two danced on obliviously, until Xander kicked the stereo over. The two looked up sheepishly.
"Data," John asked, "Where the heck did you manage to find Hillary Clinton?"
"Well," said Data, "she was in the dustbin that exploded."
The crew of Voyager was going about its own business as usual when all of a sudden Hillary Clinton suddenly appeared in the mess hall. Everyone was confused. Hillary said "I dont know how I got here. Before I appeared here, I was talking to a cow named Josie. Captian Picard was there too." The mentioning of Josie peaked Janeway's interest because she knew what that meant, Earth was in trouble. However, Voyager had no way of getting home any quicker. Hillary and Janeway talked privately about the recent events on Earth, such as the attack by the Klingons.
"Bingely-bingeley-beep," said the demon. "Three pee em. The One is found. Three oh five pee em - the One defeats Khan."
The twelve men, frozen in ice, listened to the demon Dis-Organizer with bated breath.
"Appointments," the demon continued, "Five thirty pee em: get freed by the One."
The twelve men let out a cheer, their faces being the only parts of them not completely encased in the solid ice wall. Their cheers echoed across the cavern, incidentally making it quite impossible to hear the demon continuing, "Six thirty pee em - three of our number turn to lime jello."
Buffy rushed in and said"Yah know, I never did like lime jello"
Buffy slayed the demons and then started to sing "Jailhouse rock". T'Pol and Giles, still high on band candy, joined in. In fact, everyone joined in. Even Janeway and Josie and Harry and the rest, who had just been teleported by Willow, Tara and Josie. Josie and her band joined in with their drums, guitar, and bass. Just then, Crusher and a very angry Picard stepped in.
"Who stole my hair! I'm only 16! Where's my hair!"
Suddenly, Kirk popped in with a bad wig.
"Picard, we have some issues to work out between you, me, and those half- slayed demons"
Just then they were all interrupted by the TARDIS materialising. "I have to spoil all your fun," said the Doctor emerging from the interior of the blue Police Box. "but there is a large space-ship full of very annoyed Cybermen on their way here as I speak. Apparently they found out about John being the One and all that, though why they're so annoyed I don't know." "Perhaps it's your scarf?" suggested one of the men embedded in the ice. K9 immidiately spun round to face the man, extended his laser, and proceded to fire. Unfortunately, the beam refleced off the ice and zapped two of the other men as well. The three men then proceeded to slowly turn into green jello. "Doctor!" cried Romana. "How could you let him do that?" "Hah," replied the Doctor. "That's nothing compared to what Ace would've done. Nice use of the 'jello setting' there by the way, K9." Suddenly, the ground started to shake violently....
Suddenly, Quark Snyder walked in.
"Hey, both of the franchises I was in are in this, so here I am! Buffy, get to work. Picard, I have some Deupertian Hair-Gro for you. Worf, I'm confused, are you DS9 or Next Gen?"
Buffy said,
"Um, Quark Snyder, you've never had a date on either series, have you? And your brother is Grand Superintendent of SunnyFririgi."
Odo came in the same wierd way Quark Snyder came in.
"Quark Snyder, you are under arrest for time travel technobabble"
Quark Synder punched Odo in the face. Picard cheered. "Barfight! Barfight!" howled Kim and Paris delightedly. Buffy watched the two combatants grapple while rolling her eyes. "Does anyone realize we're on a time limit here?"
Everyone looked up at the clock at the top of the screen. Buffy said, "We must beat this video game before time runs out, or we will have to do this all over again. Defeating Vampires is easier than this." Data said, "I must point...". Everyone said "Shut up Data!" Meanwhile, Quark saw an opportunity to make some money over this game. Odo got up and punched Quark in the face, ending his good idea to make money. Buffy continued to play the game, Picard read some Shakespeare, and Kim and Paris played in the holodeck. A few minutes later, John walked out of the bathroom and said, "Im ready to continue now." Everyone stopped what they were doing and followed John back to the scene of the action, which was when the ground was shaking violently.
There they found a large group of even-more-annoyed-than-they-were-before Cybermen."Do you know how many times we've had to land then take-off again just wating for you lot to get back?" exclaimed the by now downright ticked- off Cyberleader. "Sheesh - at least the Doctor is usually punctual".
"Errr - Odo wasn't it? - be a good chap and turn yourself into gold, ok?" said the Doctor, looking pointedly at the assembled Cybermen.
"We'll, ah, just be going then. See ya!" said the Cyberleader, and led the group hurridly back into their ship, which then hurridly took off.
"Hah," said the Doctor. "Works every time." "Hmm," Odo mused, "the last time I saw someone mention that word in front of the Cybermen, they went psychotic and killed several bystanders and then themselves."
Crusher just looked puzzled. She failed to get anything constructive done by so behaving, but at least she got in a mention just under the 10-post cut-off.
"Gold. He said Gold. Goldgoldgoldgoldgold. Glod."
"Shut up," said the Cyberleader. "You sound like a drunk dwarf."
"But he said GOLD," said another Cyberman. "I can't... get it... out of my... head!"
"I can't take it anymore!!!!" yelled a third Cyberman. Zeke shot him dead. But another Cyberman, similarly minded (or lack of such), could not get those four awful letters out of his brain. So he did the only thing he could think of - fire the blaster guns to decimate the New York skyscrapers beneath the craft.
Goldmember showed up through a time portal. "Did someone say gold?" asked Goldmember, who then proceeded to deflake himself of one big piece of skin flake. Cyberleader demanded that goldmember go flake in another time zone, so he did. However, he took Zeke with him. Not soon after Austin Powers popped out. "Have any of you groovy mixed up characters seen a guy with a golden penis and the desire to flake in the wrong time zone? Cyberman told him what happened, including the fact that Zeke must return to the normal time zone soon or else things will start to speed up. Austin then left into the portal. "Speed up? That's crazy!!!" shouted everyone. "Yes, and you will start using too many '!' marks," explained Josie. "The death of Neo is affecting time as well it seems like."
"This is all getting very strange indeed," said the Doctor said to himself. "Ten to one the Master has something to do with this...." "Did you say the Master?" enquired Buffy. "I kicked his ass all the way back in season one." "The Doctor Master means the Master, not the Master" exdplained K9, confusing everyone but Romana even more. "Riiiiiiiight," said Dr. Evil. "By the way, have you seen Goldmember anywhere?" Everyone now looked even more confused than they were before. "Doctor," suddenly interrupted K9, "I am recieving a radio signal coming from the direction of Jupiter." "Well, let us hear it then!" exclaimed Romana impatiently. There was a brief crackle of static noise from K9's speaker, then a voice came through. "My God, it's full of pies!" At this point everyone was just about as confused as they could physically be, so thery were therefore slightly startled to hear Josie gasp. "The Piealith! Things are moving quicker than I thought...."
Everyone was now really confused. Willow stepped in.
"Okay, you are now all really confused. Well, let me say this: we are stuck in someone's crazy broadway nightmare."
Tara replied, "Honey, crazy SCI-FI nightmare". Everyone started musing what it could be:
"Bunnies" "Shoes" "Khan" "I'm right here, doofus" "Klingons" "I take offense. It's Tribbles" "Viruses" "Q" "The First Evil" "Snyder" "Quark"
"That's Quark Snyder to you. And I say it's kid aliens late for repayment of homework"
Suddenly, Xander raised his hand. "Oops, um, I never handed in that project for Biology...and I'll pay you for that Red Dwarf Cocktail in the morning"
BOOM. There was a very large explosion, which knocked Willow over onto his back...
Willow got up. "Excuse me, whoever doing this strange narrative voiceover, but I am girl. Who dates girls. Gay now, remember? And also, Bored Now."
"Borg now?" asked Picard."Fire at Will!"
"Jean, we cant. Will hasnt been seen for a while. And she said "Bored now" anyways."
Xander stepped in "No one bugs my best bud Willow. Let's fight TOS style"
Picard and Xander got into the exlposion crater. Huge Q-tips appeared. They started to fight. Their clothes, of course, ripped seductivly for no reason.
Josie stood to the side. "What the heck are they doing?" she mused."Have they forgotten The Mission? Gee, Xander's hot"
Josie yelled "Hit Picard on his shiny head!!" "Hey, no cow tipping," said Picard. Xander had the golden opportunity to bonk Picard on the head, but he was on the ground laughing at what Picard said. Picard then defeated Xander by shoving the giant Q-tip us his ass. Josie explained, "Why do we keep getting sidetracked? We will never save Earth at this rate. The Piealith will reach Earth in less than 3 hours. We must make 47 chili pies before they arrive."
"47 chili pies?" Zeke, who had reappeared for no obvious reason, mused. "Isn't that supposed to be the eleventh sign of the Apocalypse or something?" "Maybe for you it is," Paris muttered.
"Paris! You defamed Wesley! I'm gonna kick your butt!" Dr Crusher said. She grabbed the giant Q-tip and hit Paris over the head. He cried. He went into a comma.Crusher had to treat him. "Xander, poor baby, here's some orgasmic- sounding magicbabble to make you all better!" Willow said. Xander was all better very quickly.
"The Pies! The Pies! The Pies!" cried Josie
Anya began to make pies, and Data and Odo joined in, making pies very quickly. "So what kind of chilli is this? Portchilli?" Anya said."No, chilli jokes are banned. This is rabbit chilli". said Odo. Any ran into Paris's arms crying.
And then, a BOOM OF DOOM came.
"We may be too late" yelled Josie...
"Nope, it was just me farting along with Odo and Xander," said Picard. "You can call us the Three Farts" continued Picard. Josie responded, "Well, your farts are out of tune. Now here is a tuned fart." Josie farted, which stunned everyone in a three mile radius. Just then, Cyberleader got an idea. "With some technobabble, we can create the ultimate farting machine that will save earth from the Piealith." Picard said "You must have been standing too close to Josie, perhaps in the direct path of the fart. You smell like it too."
The Magic Shop was desserted. And suddenly, everyone was there. Picard,Riker,La Forge,Crusher,Wesley,Troi,
Data,Worf,Buffy,Willow,Xander,Tara,Giles,Dawn,Spike,Paris, Cybermen,The Doctor,Goldmember,Austin Powers,Josie and John. Anya had teleported them all there, because she was getting bored of the whole "broken trainstation" thing.
"We...we...well, see, here's the thing: Sci-fi realms are converging. That's why we can all see and talk together. And this Piealith thing, it's causing pastry everywhere to explode." Tara went on, " We are the beginning of a new, strange, world, and Xander started it when he said how hot Archer is, and Andrew agreed, on that s7 ep where a female demon date spears him so wants to "gay it up".
"Well," said Commander Straker, "that goes a long way to explaining what I'm doing here. And remember, you didn't see no UFO's whatsoever." "Are you going to deny their existence or something?" said a sceptical Cybercontroller. "The one we came is parked right over there!" Straker spun around, and seeing that the Cybercontroller was right, quickly ordered Skydiver to destroy it. "Way to go, Cybercontroller," said one of the Cybermen underlings. "Quiet you!" Cybercontroller quickly retorted, and reached behind his back to produce a sigh that said GOLD in large letters and hung it around the offending Cyberman's neck. "Ahhhh! The G-word!" the other Cybermen exclaimed in unison, and shot the one with the sign. S.I.D.'s voice suddenly came through from orbit on Straker's communicator which he had stolen from Barclay. "I am detecting a large cube shaped vessel approacing orbit at a range of twenty-two million kilometres and closing." At this K9 went off into a sulk, and Picard exclaimed, "I was wondering when they'd show up." Then, just to make things worse, there was a flash of light and who should appear but Q.....
"Well, now, lookie here, a sci-fi realm convergence. Silly mortals, you cant even *oof* mdfgrt oegfvr." said Q, until Willow gagged him magically."Q, you're up agaist Willow, Tara, Anya, Austin Powers and the rest. Give up now." Xander said. Q cried.And then..."We are the borg. Restistence is futile."
"Those rats stole my bfriend away once. I'de wish they'de all just turn into philosophy majors and stop trying to conquer the universe" Crusher said. "Granted" said Anya.
"We are the bored. Resillence is futile. If what we did was bad, does that mean we should all go to jail, or because we were forced, does that mean we..."*poof* they all went to UBC. "What's that, in sky, is it a bird, a plane? It's the Piealith!" said Buffy, as her lemon tart exploded. Q looked supremely annoyed for a moment, then turned everybody in sight into furry pink mice. "SQUEAK SQUEAK SQUEAK SQUEAK SQUEAK!" exclaimed Willow in annoyance.
Josie, the only one who was not affected, looked around with a frown. "Now, where has John gotten off to?" she wondered.