Title : Opaline

Fandom : Rayne (Firefly)

Rating : T

Summary : River and Jayne's relationship….set to the music of Dishwalla.

Disclaimer: All recognizable characters are the property of Joss Whedon and Mutant Enemy Productions. No profit is being made from this so no copyright infringement is intended. I'm just taking them characters out for a spin in my own imagination. Songs are by Dishwalla - again, just borrowing them =)

AN: The muses for my other fic(s) are still on strike – but the idea for this just won't quit so I had to write it down – I am quite new to this fandom and so I am almost positive that I haven't got Jayne and River's voices down pat yet so they might sound OoC (my apologies to Browncoats everywhere). Not really sure if this is set before or after the BDM, but it might be a little AU. Though inspired by the songs, unlike some of my other song fics, the lyrics here are part of the dialogue - in bolded italics (a mashup of "Angels or Devils" and "Every Little Thing") – so I suppose this can be considered as a semi-musical of sorts. Completely unbeta'd so all mistakes are mine and like most of my one-shots, written in one sitting at 2 in the morning so do forgive typos and grammatical errors when you find them.

It starts unexpectedly. One day he hated her, feared her. And then suddenly, he doesn't. He thinks at first it is guilt, for wanting to and almost selling her back to the Alliance. And then he thinks it is pity, as he sees her breakdown time and again. But then he glimpses her smile on one of her lucid days and he feels sucker punched in the gut and he realizes, he wants her to look at him, really look at him so she can see him - because he's finally seen her, beyond all her crazy bits.

"Let me in, to see you in the morning light…" he whispers to her quietly as he sees Simon pulling at her arm so he can once again inject her with meds after a breakdown.

"Simon?" her voice comes out hoarsely, almost in confusion, and he moves to the side so she can't see that he is watching them from outside their room. He sees the tear tracks on her cheeks and he thinks to himself, "… to get me on and all along the tears they come," feeling helpless, as he sees her brother pull her into his arms, whispering "I'm here mei mei…."

"She's so sorry, Simon." She apologizes to him, sounding even younger than her age.

"There's nothing to be sorry for …" Simon answers, his voice belying the need to do more to soothe her.

"I never know what I'm saying. What I'm doing. Just put a bullet to me…bullet in the brainpan. Squish." she continues, crying in earnest now.

"Stop saying that!" her brother admonishes her, and it is all he can do to stop himself from running inside the room so he can snatch her from his arms and tell her severely, "See all come. I want you to believe in life" and take her head between his hands so he can look her in the eye and will her to stop crying.

But when her tears suddenly cease, he wishes she hadn't stopped crying after all. Because she turns and he sees that her eyes are blank again. "But I get the strangest feeling that you've gone away…" Her eyes are back to being lifeless. Blank.

And it is with despair that he asks quietly, "Will you find out who you are too late to change?"

Inside her head though, River is still crying. Thoughts jumbled and unable to utter the words she wants to say to her brother, "I wish I could be, every little thing you wanted. All the time," and she watches helplessly as he stands up to leave her alone with the loud voices in her head.

He tries to avoid her after that, but then one night, he stumbles over her as she is lying on the catwalk, and she whispers, "Lift me up. Just lift me up, don't make a sound." And before he knows it he is wrapping his arms around her, and he finds himself, saying to her without words, "And let me hold you up before you hit the Ground."

He doesn't know when it was she finally realizes that he's been avoiding her. But when she does, he is surprised to also realize that she didn't seem to like it one bit. Because she does everything in her power to make sure he is unable to – avoid her that is - at least during days when she is all there and is in control of her own mind and body, and she starts seeking him out. Most days she's all there when she finds him. But sometimes, she disappears even as she stands before him. And some days, he can't help but ask, "See all come. You say you're all right. But I get the strangest feeling that you've gone away - you've gone away," because she will suddenly stop and fold into herself. And he wishes like hell she had more days like those, instead of ones when he hears her broken voice, begging Simon to help her make the voices go away, crying as though there's an actual river-full of water inside her that needs to come out. And he can only ask her silently, "And will you find out who you are too late to change?"

It is at these moments when she's broken and hurting that he can't help but wish, "I wish I could be. Every little thing you wanted. All the time."

Not knowing that inside of her, in that part of deep inside of her that is trying every day to control the crazy, she is wishing too, "I wish I could be. Every little thing you wanted. All the time. Sometimes."

As Serenity shifts to her night cycle, a pair of bare feet walks silently across the ship, moving slowly but resolutely to a particular bunk. Small hands punch in the code to opens the hatch, before a slim body moves to slide down into the bunk. She walks towards the figure lying on the bed and lifts the covers so she can slide next to it. The figure stiffens slightly at the feel of her body pressed onto his back, before relaxing. She knows he is awake, so she whispers to him, "This is the last time that I'm ever gonna come here tonight." She promises him, as she moves to wrap her left arm around his waist, and rests her cheeks on his nape. She has been sneaking into his bunk for months now – after she realized that he quiets her thoughts better than any drug that Simon injects into her system. He refused at first, but she persisted, and she was finally able to break him down.

"And this is the last time - I will fall…" she continues, "Into a place that fails us all – inside…"

It is then that he turns to face her and thinks, "Well I can see the pain in you," as he looks into her eyes.

She gives a small smile, thinking, "And I can see the love in you." It is why she has decided to end it. Not because she wants to, but because she knows, even without reading his thoughts that he now wants something more. And because she knows she can never really fully be everything he wants, she needs to stop this.

Neither one says anything out loud as they both reach out for each other, seeking the relief only each other's bodies can provide.

He wakes up when he feels her slowly disentangling herself from him.

"What do you mean it's the last time?" He finally asks as she moves to sit up.

She closes her eyes, fighting to sink back into the warmth he offers. "I can't keep doing this to you…" she finally answers, moving back to his side, unable to fight the need to return his embrace. "I should stop…"

But he cuts her off. "But fighting all the demons will take time. It will take time."

They both stop to take a breath, both thinking, "The angels they burn inside for us, And are we ever, Are we ever gonna learn to fly?"

It is River who breaks the silence as she finally musters the will to let him go, "The devils they burn inside of us" she murmurs quietly as she moves towards the ladder to leave. "And Are we ever gonna come back down?" she adds mostly to herself, not really expecting an answer.

But he surprises her when he calls out just before she lifts herself out of the hatch, "Come around…" And it is only then that she realizes she's been holding her breath all along, wanting another invitation back to his bed, and she smiles to herself as she slowly walks away.

He doesn't really know why he asked her to come back again, because he knows, "I'm always gonna worry about the things that could make us cold".

It is time for Serenity's sleep cycle once again and the same set of bare feet is walking silently towards the same bunk.

But instead of pretending to sleep, the mercenary waits facing the hatch. And when he finally sees her slide down the ladder, he tells her, "This is the last time, That I'm ever gonna give in tonight." He feels rather than sees her falter, and he almost changes his mind again, but he continues on resolutely, "Are there angels or devils crawling here?" He just wants to know if she knows who she is at that moment because he knows he is getting in way deeper than he had intended when it started. That he is starting to want more from her, and so he needs to know that she needs more from him than a way to make the haze disappear.

She continues walking towards him as though she didn't hear his question. And he almost asks again but she then stops at the edge of his bed and he can finally see her face. And what he sees reflected in her eyes breaks what is left of his heart, even before he hears her answer, "I just want to know what blurs and what is clear - to see."

She feels the weight of his stare like a physical blow, knowing what she had inflicted on him. She whispers sadly, "Well I can see the pain in you…"

He laughs hollowly at her statement and lashes out sarcastically, "And I can see the love in you"

She flinches at this, not knowing what to do, silently thinking, "And fighting all the demons will take time. It will take time."

He almost wants to kick her out of his bunk. Almost. But then he sees that she is fighting back tears and so he breaks and reaches out to pull her onto the bed and into his arms.

Her fear that this was in fact the last time makes her more aggressive than ever. His self-directed anger at his inability to turn her away makes him more forceful than he usually is. And so their coupling is fierce, violent and raw. Their lips, teeth and tongues wanting to mark and claim before either one can let the other go, and well, if blood is shed, neither really minds, nor cares.

She wonders as he pounds into her, "The angels they burn inside for us. Are we ever, are we ever gonna learn to fly?"

He questions as she continues to take him inside her, "The devils they burn inside of us. And Are we ever gonna come back down - come around?"

And they both think, "I'm always gonna worry about the things that could break us."

"If I was to give in - give it up – and then…" he almost asks her.

And as though she hears him, she whispers not quite sure if it's for him or for herself, "Take a breath - make it deep, cause it might be the last one you get. Be the last one that could make us cold. "

And he knows, "I'm always gonna worry about the things that could make us cold."

For River, it is too much and not enough - this last time together. She knows it's impossible but the pain she feels inside is almost too much to bear and she nearly begs him, "Don't give me up. Don't give me up tonight, Or soon nothing will be right at all…Salvation"

And it's as though, he has become the reader this night, because he can almost hear her plea even though her lips do not say anything. And his voice comes out hoarsely, "Will you find out who you are too late to change?," willing her to answer, his pain like a living thing on its own, pressing deeply into her.

And so she answers brokenly, "I wish I could be, Every little thing you wanted..."

-Fin-