I wrote this story 2 years ago. I thought I had found a great romance plot for some reason. Today I realize how how silly and insulting my logic was. There's nothing romantic about rape, there's nothing romantic about being « saved » by some cop or whatever from the trauma that comes after. I can't even begin to imagine how it must feel for those who unfortunately experienced it. Iam ashamed of myself for writing such a garbage story.
When raped, man or woman are traumatized, they relive the same tragedy over and over. Having sex can feel like a torture. Being alive too. My first story only focused about Misaki's lost love, and gave some sort of hint about how she would regain it after being raped. The truth is, using rape to advance a plot is despicable, and I had to make it right.
This chapter may be a little graphic, please excuse the spelling mistakes.
Enjoy
SHATTERED
« You never know how things change, how it gets messy. It's hard to cease the moment, the exact moment that made your world fall apart, you know ?
Maybe, it's because we don't always pay close attention to all the details. The truth is, it doesn't matter when or how it happenned, what matters is what « it » is. Unfortunately we don't usually notice the change until it's too late.
How can a marriage fall apart? How can someone like him fall into the dark side ? How can she do this to me?
Do people actually change, or are they just the way they are?
Was I stupid for chosing him, or for not noticing that he was no longer that person ? Did I know he would damage me? Did I choose not to see it?
… Somehow I knew from the beginning how it would end but I stayed anyway »
Maybe, I don't know, but I need…
"Somebody… Help. Please…" she whispered as she slowly emerged, from the punch she had just received. Her vision was blurry and she could barely see around her. She was facing the cold floor, and she felt some sort of liquid coming out of her head. She didn't seem to realize what had happenned at this point, but she knew « this » was just the beginning of what she'd call later a terrible nightmare….
It was late, maybe 2 AM, when in the peaceful building where she was living with her husband, screams and loud sounds were heard. It sounded like someone was heavily knocking at a door. A man was yelling, screaming, and swearing like a madman. Neighbors thought he was drunk and that he may have lost his keys, so they were sure that this nuisance would stop really quickly since they knew him. He was a good man, a respectable pharmacist, he was just inhibriated, that's what they thought, or maybe chose to think.
How naïve ! They didn't know he was inside the apartment, they didn't know that what sounded like heavy knocks, was in fact the sound of him beating her in her own home, they didn't know she was deperately hoping that someone would help.
She couldn't scream nor cry, because this was nothing compared to what he had done to her a couple nights ago, and what he was about to do next.
The humiliation session was about to start. She needed to feel worthless, she needed to feel destroyed, and she needed to know what she was… a whore. He started stripping her, ripping her underwear, as she helplessly tried to fight him off.
He forced his way into her, calling her a whore, and a slut over and over. The pain between her thighs was excruciating. She stopped breathing hoping it would kill her sooner, an that's when she realized: This is really happening to me.
All of it, from the rape, to the beating, it was all real. How could she let herself suffer? She silently cried clenching her fists and teeth in order to stop the tears from rolling down her cheeks but it was useless. The pain was too big and the disgrace unbearable. Her body went out of her control. Not even able to control her own reactions, she turned her head to the left letting her tears fall, trying her hardest to suppressing her moans. He wouldn't win… He wouldn't get that, she kept repeating to herself.
The pain had awaken her in some way. It gave her some unknown strength, the strength to defend herself and to defy him. She started kicking him as hard as she could over and over which destabilized him. He fell on the back, and that was it. The moment that would determin whether she lives or dies. She painfully stood up and and ran as fast as she could to the nearest room, locking it. She then reached for her phone and dialed 911.
_ Misaki, open the fucking door ! OPEN IT ! YOU FUCKING WORTHLESS SLUT ! OPEN THE DOOR !
_911 what's your emergency ?
_ OPEN THE FUCKING DOOR ?
_Hello ? Hello ?
She openned her mouth, but no world came out. She softly cried to the sound of the woman who was trying to help.
_Are you OK ? Are you in danger ? Is someone threatening you ?
_... She whimpered.
_ It's Okay, you can tell me.
_Yes, yes, someone… Someon's trying to …
OPEN THE FUCKING DOOR ! I SWEAR TO GOD, I'M GOING TO BREAK IT DOWN !
_ I need help, call an ambulance please. She said weakly then fainted, probably due to her injuries.
_ M'aam ? Can you hear me ? Hello ?
_OPEN THE FUCKING DOOR !
She didn't respond. What if she called someone ? What if she's dead ? FUCK ! FUCK ! All this blood…
Fuck ! He knew had to stage the crime scene to make it look like a burglary. If she really called the police, that would give him up to 20 minutes to do so. He broke a window, messed the place up a little bit. He then went to his neighboors' house, conviniently placing upon his face a desperate look that would likely exonerate anyone from any wrong doing.
He proceeded to call the police from there. About ten minutes later a patrol car arrived followed by an ambulance. *that bitch must have called them, he thought.
The paramedics were shocked by the horror of the crime scene. The livingroom was in a terrible mess, there was blood everywhere, even on the walls, the glass table was broken, and each piece was bloody. They had to break down the door of the room where she was with a hachet
They found her lying down on the floor, barely conscious, with her phone beside her face which was seriously bruised.
The sound of the door destroyed woke her up, suddenly bringing her back to reality. She crawled up from behind the bed moaning in pain, hiding her face with her hair, but obviously her hands were bleeding. It was clear that she'd been beaten up violently and judging by the state of the apartment she had fought back. The people surrounding her just stood there flabbergasted by what was happening before their very eyes. As she cautiously stood up, her heel broke and she started falling weakly holding on the furniture beside her, but one of the paramedics was in time to catch her before she collapsed heavily on the ground. He took her into his arms. "It's okay, I got you, It's gonna be okay" he reassured.
It's gonna be okay ? Is it really ? She wondered. At leat she was alive, this could have had a different ending. She sighed in relieve before leaving the painful reality, to some sweet fantasy world her subconscious created to cope with what had just happenned to her. A graceful smile appeared on her injured face as she got there.
Everyone in the neighbourhood was shocked at how a random stranger could break in to your house rape your wife, assault her and leave as if it was nothing. Most of them gave the poor husband encouraging words. "_You'll get through this! " "_If you need anything just know that my door is always open!" " _ I'm so sorry man, I'm sure she'll be ok!" "_I can only imagine how hard this must be for you."
All this sympathy made him seriously cry as if "he" was the victim
From the neighborhood perspective, he was a martyr, a true hero. His tears were real enough to pity him and give him all the support you'd expect in such hard time.
Did he feel some guilt at all ? Did he give a fuck if she lived or died ? Did he ?
Even he didn't be he really was a master in the business of faking emotions.
What a great actor he was, wasn't he? As he exited the building, all he could feel was pride; yes, pride. He was proud of himself for teaching her a lesson she deserved. Some might say the hard way, his devious mind called it the right way. It was necessary, that's what he told himself, probably to justify his acts and deny his madness.
From the very moment they got married, she's been disrespectful to him.
First, refusing to take his last name, as if being called Miss Harrison was some sort of insult, as if she had the power to order him around.
Then, she refused to quit her job, even though he had repeatedly told her to. As if she doubted his ability to provide for both of them. She kept humiliating him after that by earning more money than he ever did.
Then, she started paying the bills when he lost his job at the hospital after he was replaced by a stupid machine.
Finally, she decided for the sake of HER career and of HER finances that giving him a child was not an option. She just didn't want to be bonded to him for the rest of her life ! She'd always been looking for a way to divorce him, but he was never going to let that happen: that bitch got what she deserved. If she wouldn't carry his children, she wouldn't carry anybody else's.
When they first met, he knew he wanted to possess her. It wasn't love at first sight ass you may think, it was an exacerbated desire to own a human being he thought out of his league.
Beautiful, smart, strong willed, ambitious and hard-working, that was her. Submitted, naïve, timid, and obedient, that's how he wanted her to be. He did all he could to seduce her, but nothing worked He knew she had a weakness, so he used it against her. He had to destroy her, isolate her from the outside world. He would then glue her back together at his own taste.
What he didn't know, is that no matter how damaged she was, she would remain the same strong willed woman he met. She had this ability to ignore the pain when she acted, to erase emotions out of the equation when she needed to, no matter how painful it might be.
That's how she lived her whole life, that's how she had survived every obstacle that crossed her path. At least she loved him, but that wasn't enough. If manipulation wouldn't submit her, violence would, and he was more than happy to demonstrate that.
She was eventually dragged out of the building in a hand barrow. As they proceeded very carefully to put her in an ambulance, her "disconsolate" husband insisted on coming along, softly holding her hand and kissing it as he cried. Everyone was moved by the scene thinking: "What a beautiful couple … Why Is it happening to them?"
It took 30 minutes to the ambulance to arrive in Grace Memorial Hospital, the hospital from where he was fired. People knew him there, and knew his wife, which is why he insisted on going there. He knew that no matter how hard she wanted to make him pay, she would keep her mouth shut, too proud to admit she was suffering to someone she knew.
She was put in a room alone. The nurses were looking at her from the window. She was in a horrible state, mentally and physically. She turned her head in the opposite direction annoyed by the looks of pity she deemed unbearable. Someone opened the door which made her blench. The images of what happened appeared in her head. Her hands firmly grabbed her bed, her breath became heavy.
_ Miss Ayuzawa, Miss Ayuzawa, can you hear me? A man asked. She calmed down then nodded.
_I'm doctor, Dixon, Peter Dixon, I'll be your doctor, Ok.
He's young for a doctor, she thought.
_ Okay, she muttered as she sat.
_ Alright, the police will be here in a few minutes, they'll take your deposition, I mean if you want to press charges, Angela will be your nurse if you need anything just press this button she'll come right away, she's very reliable, so you don't have to worry, we'll take care of you…
_ Are you okay? He asked concerned.
_ I've been better.
_I'm sorry, I didn't mean to be insensitive, I, I'm not very familiar with these kind of… cases. I'm new in this hospital, and I don't know how you're feeling, and I can't even pretend to know, but if there's anything at all I can do just…
_I'll press the button.
_ I know your husband, he used to work here. He helped me a lot; I didn't have lot of friends but thanks to him I « … »
Her husband ? What a joke ! Maybe he was only a monster to her. Who knew ?
_ « … »I'm sorry, for what happened to you. He added.
_I'm sorry too. She muttered hurt by his pity.
_Alright, would you lie down? I need to do a complete exam so we can…
He took her hand, and slowly pressed two fingers, she flinched in pain, and he then examined her head.
_We'll need to run some test.
_Why ?
_Your hand and wrist are broken, your nose and eye-socket might be too. You'll probably need sutures, and I have to make sure there's no internal bleeding.
She lied back and allowed the doctor to further examine her.
_He…
_Sorry.
_He, he was inside… of me.
_ ...
When the police came in, she was resting, the doctor said she would be okay, but she would probably need some psychological guidance. Hopefully she didn't suffer from any serious injury. Even though, the doctor noticed some old wounds all over her body, he didn't report it. There's no way Ed was abusive, right ?
Sitting in the waiting room, that evil husband of hers was rehearsing his lines for the finale show: the deposition. He had worked at this hospital long enough to know the procedure in these cases.
Three rules had to be respected
#1 he had to look devastated, so fake tears it is, but also incoherent : talk about how he loves her, how he's a failure as a hubby and how he'll find whoever did that
2# Anger was a must, he had to show clear emotions
3# no matter what he's asked, he has to stay vague in his statement; he can't give too much details, but he hass to look ike he's trying his hardest. This way he'll look like an honest guy.
That's how he'd get the police trust, along with the medical staff's he already has.
He knew his freedom depended on that. He sighed bowed his head, joined his hands, and placed them on top of his forehead as if he was praying. A man slowly walked towards him, then placed his hand on his shoulder which "surprised" him. It was a policeman, he was followed by one of his team mate who seemed much younger.
_ Sir, may I talk to you? The man asked.
_ Sure officer, what is it?
_ We need to take your deposition, so could you tell us what happened in there or at least what you saw? Any detail whatever you know, or remember.
_I don't know… She was smiling this morning, you know, she got a promotion at her job, so she was excited, and I went to the bar before going home, but she, she said… We had to see her mother tomorrow, in Japan. We planned it a week ago… but now, I have to cancel, but I don't speak Japanese, I don't so…
_ Sir, sir, please, just focus on the events of tonight.
_ She was covered with blood. He said with a broken voice.
_ Did you see anything else?
_ What I saw? What I saw is my wife beaten up laying on the floor of my living room left for dead, what I saw is my wife broken barely breathing, what I saw is the love of my life… He took a deep breath letting some tears appear in the corner in his eyes. I'm so sorry. He said as he started crying, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry…
_ Sir I … It's fine if you, I mean just take your time, the policeman said uneasy.
He finally managed to calm down.
_ What I know for sure is that I am her husband, and I didn't protect her from her aggressors he said with a broken voice, What kind of man am I? I'll find whoever did this to her, I will find him and I'll… I…
_ You did what you could, just leave the rest to us. Tell us more about the aggression, did you see anyone?
_ I don't … I don't think so. I was drunk when I came home, I opened the door and I found all this blood... I tried to the door, so much blood, you know ? That's all I can say. Can I get a break; I'd like to check on my wife.
_ Sir, the sooner we do this, the sooner you'll get back to your life.
_ My wife had been beaten up and raped by some intruder, how am I supposed to go back to my life?
Here it was! The unnecessary detail. He couldn't know about it, but how was he going to explain it?
_I understand sir I didn't mean to be rude. The policeman apologized; we'll do our best to find out who the aggressor is; we will need your collaboration If you don't mind we'll go outside you and me, my teammate will stay here in case your wife wakes up.
_ I really want to stay by her side.
_ I understand sir, but we need to do our job. Is that Ok?
_Wait a second! The second policeman almost yelled. Did your wife told you she was raped?
_I… What?
_ I'm sorry but in the report the doctor gave to us, well, your wife didn't mention the rape, or maybe the doctor forgot to ask but if she was we need to know.
_ W-Why?
_ First the doctor need to give her the right treatment and run some test for STD's. Second, if she was raped, the police need to use a rape kit, it might help find the aggressor. So, did she specifically tell you that she was raped or not?
The man took a second; he breathed heavily and clenched his fists.
_ She didn't. I figured someone…
_ Ok. My colleague is going to give you an appointment to take your deposition at the pressing.
_ F-fine.
His hands started shaking, what if she talks? What if she tells everything to that bastard? She wouldn't dare, would she?
That wasn't the first time it happened, it wasn't the first time he raped her, nor the second. It was at least the tenth time, but she wasn't sure, she stopped counting a long time ago, as it had become so common in their household almost like a ritual, a banal act, just like going to the bathroom. She had just accepted that fact.
She was also used to being beat-up by her sweet husbands, slaps mostly, punches in the stomach almost daily. But overall nothing that could be noticed, which meant today was some sort of exception.
Somehow she felt relieved that he lost his self-control, at least now people will know how much she has been suffering because of him.
He wouldn't get away with it, this time she would make him regret, this time she would bring him down, this time she'll be strong, this time he will pay for making her feel worthless. No matter what he says or does she won't back down.
She kept playing over and over in her head the events of the night, she remembered how he ripped her dress, how he threw her on the ground, how he beat her. She will turn him in, for sure !
The policeman entered the hospital room sat next to her. She breathed heavily recognizing his face.
_ Miss Ayuzawa, can you hear me? Councilor ?
_ … She weakly breathed.
_I'm here to take your deposition.