A/N: Something completely different. As usual, I deny ownership to LoZ.

Pocket Wiki: Birth

Sob. Cry. Wail. The only sounds emanating from the baby she held in her arms. She could only wail back at the newborn in an attempt to calm him down.

Fat chance.

Baby Link, as he had been named by his now deceased mother continued to break down the young green haired girl's ear drums with his incessant crying. She resorted to cooing at him to soothe his sobs, which was somewhat successful as his voice volume began to die down. Baby Link, although not exploding with tears and voicing his discomfort anymore, continued to sniff and snort.

Oh, the pleasures of blowing bubbles.

Of course, she knew that was normal, and so she hurriedly wandered off to find a bottle of cow milk for him. It was too bad she didn't linger around long enough to see Link sniff and snort a bit too much, exhaling the insides of his nose and bringing them to life on the outside world, straight onto her finely polished couch, on which she would often lay down and read a book.

As Link continued bring down the booger rain, she managed to heat up a bottle of milk. She could vaguely hear the sound of squealing, and she smiled believing that Link had finally calmed down and found something to amuse himself.

It hurts to be right sometimes.

Now, she was young. Despite being a Kokiri, she was quite young and despite that, was still susceptible to heart attacks from shock. Such was the case as she walked back into the room with the bottle of warm milk. At first, nothing was wrong and all she could see was Baby Link giggling. She would've giggled herself had she not of sat down on her couch.

Did you know mass amounts of booger on a wooden surface feels likes a whoopee cushion?

It was a reverse of roles somewhat, with Baby Link doing the wailing in an attempt to challenge her own screams of grossness. Somehow Baby Link found it curious to poke her rear as she bent over to retch.

Unloading your stomach via your mouth is only natural. Unloading your stomach via your mouth, then loading it back into your stomach via your mouth is not.

She was dead, she had to be. There was no way anyone could live through what she had just then. But….she did, miraculously. ….Unfortunately. She did find a slight bit of humor in the fact that her new "decorations" did match her look, with her emerald green hair and tunic.

Never underestimate bodily produced art.

So this is how it was meant to be. The baby and herself, in her bathtub soaping it up. One could tell that her main reason for taking a bath was to rid herself of the inky binkies that came with the gross. While being pre-occupied with her thoughts, Baby Link dove.

The best start young.

It was his world underneath the water, no one else except him. However, something that irked him was what looked like a patch of seaweed. Feeling the need to be brave, he began to dive into it, ready to tear the demonic seaweed apart.

For the record, not even Jaws could've executed a more perfect dive attack.

She was in bliss. It was a relaxing moment to kick back and soak up the warm water. Nothing in the world could ruin this moment.

A woman's scream in your ear is more painful than piercing your penis's head.

And scream she did. Had Baby Link not drowned out her scream by giggling, he would've died from shockwave. Oddly and disturbingly enough, he found it quite comfortable nestling right above the seaweed and lounging atop her. Noticing no reaction from the baby, she looked down and saw what every guardian wants to see. A baby, thumb in their mouth and with a smile on their face.

Love is Golden.

It was a heartwarming sight to see Baby Link finally settle down to rest. She could only hope that this day would not repeat itself. Although…she didn't mind the last few minutes just watching him sleep and cuddle into her. She could get used to this, she was young, but she could do it, if everyday ended like it had today.

And so this is how it would be, with her looking after Baby Link, and Baby Link, looking after the couch with his nose. It couldn't get any better for her, life was bliss, she had something to look forward to everyday. Waking up to see Baby Link grow one day older was enough for her, and knowing that one day they'll have normal conversations with each other rather than wailing and crying to each other, was a good life to live.

She looked over to the couch, noticing that Baby Link had disappeared. Probably spreading more snotballs around the house. She sighed, knowing she'd be the only one to clean it up. The mere thought of it was enough for her to bend over to retch. Too bad she didn't notice Baby Link behind her, curious as always wondering what she was doing bending over. Curiosity is what made Baby Link so famous, so…being who he was. He gave her a poke.

Crap.

Thanks for reading, drop a word or two if you like. :)