THE PAIN OF NOT BEING LOVED
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On the outside I am smiling
On theinside I am crying
There isnothing to live for
I amslowly dying
She sighed. No-one understood her, they pretended to but in the long-shot…no. She had no-one; she was abandoned and left alone, unwanted and unloved.
Her dorm mates had hated her ever since first year, scared she would petrify them like she had the others-they didn't realize it wasn't her fault, she was possessed by the main source of all her pain.
Her brothers where way to overprotective, they wouldn't let her be happy, they drove away her only chance at happiness for 5 years!
Her parents cooed over her brothers, sure they still acknowledged her-but she was the least favorite-she was the girl in a long procession of boys-she was over looked.
And harry…oh her harry…the only person whom she had ever loved-she was sure he loved her back. But NO! He pushed her away for the sake of the wizarding world, and when she tried to help, he pushed harder.
Ginny was sick of it-sick of the pain, the teasing, the hurt, the emptiness that constantly threatened to swallow her whole! She had had enough of life itself- for her their was no longer motivation to get out of bed in the morning. But she did, today, yesterday and forever backwards she struggled to smile and say "fine" when asked what was wrong. She knew harry could see through her disguise- but did she care…no…because she knew he wouldn't say anything- he felt guilt, as though he were the reason, and yes he may be part of it. But the blame rests mainly on 1 thing. Voldemort. The pain he cauused shocked her to the bone. What he had done in first year had made her feel useless.
She breathed in again, sitting on the edge of the bath at "the burrow". She closed her eyes as a single tear slipped down her face. She grasped the metal blade from the cupboard, tears now falling freely, she didn't see the point in surviving anymore…what good was it? To get hurt by the people who are supposed to love you? She yanked up her white skirt and grasped the blade tighter.
Ginny brought the blade to meet her leg and felt an unusual feeling wash over her, it wasn't pain but it wasn't enjoyment. However ginny liked this knew feeling-it felt like she was getting rid of the pain. She continued making sharp incisions until her legs were glistening with her spilt blood. She admired her work. 16 incisions. 16 for all the years she had been alive- all the time she now wished she hadn't. She grabbed the white towel from the rack and cleaned her wounds-they were deep. Blood was all over the bathroom. She groaned-if it stained people would know. She mopped up the blood on the bathroom and her leg. The towel was drenched. She washed it under the tap and buried it in the laundry pile as inconspicuously as possible. Se pulled her white knee length skirt down and she was extremely grateful it covered her scars.
She walked out into the hallway and was just about to go down the stairs when she ran into someone. They grabbed her quickly as she fell backwards towards the stairs. She opened her eyes, harry was right above her.
"Oh...i...Um…harry" she stumbled and he smiled and set her right. She flattened down her skirt determined to hide her scarring, He looked suspiciously at her legs. His gaze rose to her face and he looked worried. Of course he did. Ginny looked horrible-that's as nice as it can be said. She hadn't been eating, she hadn't been sleeping and she only wore black. Harry knew he'd get no-where but he tried anyway "ginny are you alright?" he asked tentivly. Im FINE! Why wont anyone listen to me!!!!" she cried before storming down the stairs. She slipped.