Cruelty Hour
A FF9 Humor Page
Act 1: Starring...
Kuja: I know I am beautiful.. You don't have to tell
me.. But I will kill you if you call me a girl..
Zidane: Do I have to do this?
Vivi: Are you sure we should trust him? *Points to Kuja*
Me, the voice from Hell
Me: one day... Vivi, Kuja and Zidane were sent *poof* to modern day Gaia.
Kuja: Mind being a lil careful on the poof things.. *dusts himself off*
Zidane: Iwweeeee!! I have cooties... * gets off of his landing spot on to of Kuja.*
Kuja: I do not have cooties... *gets up making a pout*
Me: Yes I had all of them removed...
Zidane: That's good.. Phew... I don't have Kuja cooties crawling all over me..
Kuja: Would you rather have beautiful me instead?
Zidane: You're supposed to be my brother, Sicko...
Kuja: We were lab creations.. Therefore you can lov--
Me: Weird... Anyway moving on... Since they were all unemployed, we *The dark voices* decided to get them Jobs at KFC (Kentucky Fried Chocobo)
Kuja: Me.. Work... No no no.. You have it all wrong.. *Points to Zidane and Vivi* they work.. I make myself beautiful all day.
Zidane: Kuja.. Just work and like it..
Vivi: Wow I like the uniforms.. *Puts on the yellow shirt and Chocobo hat.*
Zidane: Heh.. a chocobo with a tail...*Puts his uniform on* WARK!!
Kuja: ...*Holding the uniform* Me wear this.. I do not think so.. That is cruelty.
Me: Note the title of the show...
Kuja: Do I have to wear this... *Whines.*
Me: Yes. So get over it.
Kuja: WAHHHH!!! *Comes out in the chocobo hat* It's flattening my hair.
Vivi: *laughing* Ha ha ha ..
Kuja: What is soooo funny?
Zidane: You look like a cross dressing chocobo...
Kuja: I am not a cross dressing chocobo!!!!!!
Cruelty Hour
A FF9 Humor Page
Act 2: Would you like fries with that??
Kuja: I have to work with these fools.
Zidane: Cut it out Kuja.
Vivi: .... Yeah Kuja stop being a sour puss.
Kuja: Meee a sour puss?? Never *scowls*
Me: Day two, Kuja and Zidane and Vivi went to work got to learn about
Interactions with customers.
Manager: (AKA: Me) wark like a chocobo... Kuja..
Kuja: I do not.. wark..
Me: ohh come on Kuja..
Vivi: Yeah.. We like work..
Kuja: I dont. Wark *deadpan voice* welcome to Kentucky Fried Chocobo how may I help you..
Poor Customer: *stepping to the counter* I would like two choco sticks
Kuja: ahhh good choice you will be having choco fries with that two?
Poor Customer: No.. Just the sticks..
Kuja: but the fries are good.
Poor Customer: I just want the sticks.
Kuja: you can't have them without the fries. Next customer?
Poor Customer: Fine I will have the damn fries you cross dressing chocobo.
Kuja: *Throws the fries and chicken at the customer* There next person..
Manager: Kuja, be nicer.. to the customers.
Kuja: But.. but she didn't want fries. I *had* to make her want them *sulks*
Manager: Vivi your turn..
Vivi: Okay...
Sarah: Hi I want a box of choco nugets and a small order of choco fries.
Vivi: wark!!! Welcome to Kentucky fried Chocobo.. Can I help you?
Sarah: I would like a box of nuggets and a small fry
Vivi: Just one fry?
Sarah: No an order of fries..
Vivi: Large Fries?
Sarah: A small order of fries.
Vivi: Is that all.. okay *using the cash register* okay $1.50
Sarah: For the nuggets?
Vivi: You didn't say you wanted nuggets.. *uses the cash register* okay $2.30
Sarah: * hands the cash* There you go..
Vivi: *hands her the bag with only the nuggets*
Sarah: *looking in the bag* where are my fries??
Vivi: Did you want fries or nuggets?
Sarah: *shaking head* Both...
Vivi: Ohhhhh!!! *gets the fries* there you go. *bows head* I am sorry about that miss they are on me.
Sarah: That's ok... *hands him the money* it was nice of you to think of me though.. Good luck at your job. *waves and leaves*
Vivi: Bai bai!!!
Cruelty Hour
A FF9 Humor Page
Act 3: Of Vanity and Freaky Things
Kuja: I am beautiful. *Fixing his hair in a full length mirror*
Zidane: You wish..
Kuja: I wish I was more beautiful..
Vivi: Could he get any worse?
Zidane: Do you really wanna Know?
**AND**
THE VOICES FROM HELL
Kuja: Oh Romeo oh Romeo where are you, you sexy devil ?
Vivi: ... uhh Kuja.. are you okay?
Kuja: I am just peachy.. Do you think my girlish figure is okay ?
Zidane: If you get any more girlie Kuja I am filling out your college application as a female..
Kuja: But it is so hard to hide that 'tail' of mine..
Zidane: Then show it like I do.
Kuja: Who ever know you were such an exhibitionist.
Zidane: Yeah my tail is quite sexy.. Chicks love it..
Kuja: I do too. Can I pet it ? *pets Zidane's tail*
Zidane: ...ummmn ahhh .. NO!! *shakes head* My 'brother' is a pervert..
Vivi: ... you're *both* sick..
Zidane: How do you figure?
Vivi: you are the one who was letting him grope your 'tail'
The voices from Hell : Enough with the Yaoi.. this is is a PG fic..
Zidane: So we can have wild freaky sex with the voices?
The Voices: ... No...
Zidane and Kuja: Damn..
The Voices: *twitching* Uhhh... Okay... whatever...
Zidane: oooooo We get to do whatever we want?
The Voices: uhhhh... No
Vivi: ..... Damn...
The Voices: VIVI !! I Thought you were on our side...
Vivi: I was, but but...
Kuja: Viv's having convies about his bowel movement problem..
Vivi: ....I said but...
Kuja: ... exactly your butt.
The Voices: STOP IT !!!
All: AWWWW!!!
Cruelty Hour
A FF9 Humor Page
Act 4: Ode to Pain... ** Ouchies **
Kuja: I'm beautiful.. I'm beautiful I'm beautiful damn it.
Zidane: *under drugs* Yes you are..
Kuja: I wish I had more of them.. *evil laugh* happy pills..
Zidane: Happy good... *drugged daze*
Kuja: *shakes head* this is gonna be wonderful.. *sarcasticly* dagger is comming soon... ohhh.. What are
you doing here Eiko?
Eiko: *smiles* Nothing... *under her breath* hah ha ha ha .. Serves her right for trying to steal my Zidane!!
**AND**
THE VOICES FROM HELL
Kuja: And thus today.. I will have fun and all of you will be my little actors.. eerrr and actriz.. *rubs his hands together* in my play Sleeping Me.. Since I am beautiful and all..
Vivi: ....Wonderful...
Kuja: Would you rather I make you dress in drag Vivi my love.. ?
Vivi: NO!!!! *runs away*
Zidane: It can't be so bad .. Kuja does it everyday..
Kuja: Bite me tail boy..
Zidane: Ohhh that is what you want..
Kuja: ..... yeah so...
Zidane: Freak...
Kuja: ... I said I am not a freak
Zidane: You are the one who wants me to "bite you"
Kuja: Your the rabid peasant boy.. *Turns to walk away*
Zidane: *grabs Kuja* Say that to my face girlie.
Kuja: You are a rabid tail boy.
Zidane: At least I look male...
Kuja: *sobbing* You big meanie.. Just have to pick on the fact that Garland made me look like a girl.
Zidane: of course Kuja...
Kuja: At least I am better looking and.. I have a bigger.. ummn err Weapon than you..
Zidane: Silver dragon does not count.
Kuja: *shrugs* anyway on with my masterpiece play....
Eiko and Vivi: Lets not and say we did..
1 Cruelty Hour
A FF9 Humor Page
Act 5: ... A Filler Episode ...
Kuja: *flicks his hair back* Just I alone am the most beautiful in the world that makes me a canidate for a god.
Zidane: The ever expansive ego of Kuja.
Vivi: Do you suppose it will ever cause his head to blow up?
Zidane: we could only wish
Kuja: I heard that..
Zidane and Vivi: eeeeeeeeepppp! *hide*
**and**
The Voices of Darkness and Deception
Darkness: Come one, come all to the wonderful play of the year..
Deception: That is my line.
Darkness: No it's not..
Deception: Ohh really...
Darkness: *holding the script for cruelty hour* ...see *shows it* it's mine.. *looks down* ooohh well it is yours.. Sorry..
Deception: I told you... *flicks her hair back*
Darkness: Whatever!
Kuja: Ohh ladies please behave.
Deception: But, she stole my line.
Kuja: Deception.. *Holding her* my lovely *touches her hair* please, just work with her.
Deception: Yes sir..
Kuja: That is a good girl.. *lets her go* Now get away you are wrinkling my clothes
Darkness: Not to mention flatten his hair.
Kuja: Ohh.. poo my hair again.. *sighs* can I never be perfect?
Darkness and Deception: You already are sir.. *bow and leave*
Kuja: *shakes head* these.. are worse than Zorn and Thorn.. At least they were hnn...my evil supporters.
Zidane: I thought you turned good ?
Vivi: Yeah..
Kuja: Ohhh dear me you were listening.. *sarcastically*
Zidane: I am not going to live with an evil freak, let alone act in the same group with an evil freak.
Kuja: Must you be such an insolent tail boy, Zidane. Also remember for future reference... I am not a freak.. *flicks his hair back*
Zidane: Tell that to the fashion police Kuja.
Kuja: *pout* Do you not like thongs?
Zidane: Not when they are on you Kuja...
Kuja: *pouts more* Does no one love me ?
Darkness: I do sire
Deception: So do I.
Kuja: Wonderful.
Darkness and deception: Can we help you in anyway sire. *Cling to Kuja*
Zidane: and my female groupie is?
Vivi: garnet...
Zidane: No.. I wanna groupie..
Kuja: I am the only groupie for you Zidane.
Vivi: Be glad there is only one Kuja.
Zidane: *sob sob* I wanna girl groupie..
Darkness: If you were more evil.. I would be your groupie.
Zidane: But I dun wanna be evil.
Deception: Ohh well..
A FF9 Humor Page
Act 1: Starring...
Kuja: I know I am beautiful.. You don't have to tell
me.. But I will kill you if you call me a girl..
Zidane: Do I have to do this?
Vivi: Are you sure we should trust him? *Points to Kuja*
Me, the voice from Hell
Me: one day... Vivi, Kuja and Zidane were sent *poof* to modern day Gaia.
Kuja: Mind being a lil careful on the poof things.. *dusts himself off*
Zidane: Iwweeeee!! I have cooties... * gets off of his landing spot on to of Kuja.*
Kuja: I do not have cooties... *gets up making a pout*
Me: Yes I had all of them removed...
Zidane: That's good.. Phew... I don't have Kuja cooties crawling all over me..
Kuja: Would you rather have beautiful me instead?
Zidane: You're supposed to be my brother, Sicko...
Kuja: We were lab creations.. Therefore you can lov--
Me: Weird... Anyway moving on... Since they were all unemployed, we *The dark voices* decided to get them Jobs at KFC (Kentucky Fried Chocobo)
Kuja: Me.. Work... No no no.. You have it all wrong.. *Points to Zidane and Vivi* they work.. I make myself beautiful all day.
Zidane: Kuja.. Just work and like it..
Vivi: Wow I like the uniforms.. *Puts on the yellow shirt and Chocobo hat.*
Zidane: Heh.. a chocobo with a tail...*Puts his uniform on* WARK!!
Kuja: ...*Holding the uniform* Me wear this.. I do not think so.. That is cruelty.
Me: Note the title of the show...
Kuja: Do I have to wear this... *Whines.*
Me: Yes. So get over it.
Kuja: WAHHHH!!! *Comes out in the chocobo hat* It's flattening my hair.
Vivi: *laughing* Ha ha ha ..
Kuja: What is soooo funny?
Zidane: You look like a cross dressing chocobo...
Kuja: I am not a cross dressing chocobo!!!!!!
Cruelty Hour
A FF9 Humor Page
Act 2: Would you like fries with that??
Kuja: I have to work with these fools.
Zidane: Cut it out Kuja.
Vivi: .... Yeah Kuja stop being a sour puss.
Kuja: Meee a sour puss?? Never *scowls*
Me: Day two, Kuja and Zidane and Vivi went to work got to learn about
Interactions with customers.
Manager: (AKA: Me) wark like a chocobo... Kuja..
Kuja: I do not.. wark..
Me: ohh come on Kuja..
Vivi: Yeah.. We like work..
Kuja: I dont. Wark *deadpan voice* welcome to Kentucky Fried Chocobo how may I help you..
Poor Customer: *stepping to the counter* I would like two choco sticks
Kuja: ahhh good choice you will be having choco fries with that two?
Poor Customer: No.. Just the sticks..
Kuja: but the fries are good.
Poor Customer: I just want the sticks.
Kuja: you can't have them without the fries. Next customer?
Poor Customer: Fine I will have the damn fries you cross dressing chocobo.
Kuja: *Throws the fries and chicken at the customer* There next person..
Manager: Kuja, be nicer.. to the customers.
Kuja: But.. but she didn't want fries. I *had* to make her want them *sulks*
Manager: Vivi your turn..
Vivi: Okay...
Sarah: Hi I want a box of choco nugets and a small order of choco fries.
Vivi: wark!!! Welcome to Kentucky fried Chocobo.. Can I help you?
Sarah: I would like a box of nuggets and a small fry
Vivi: Just one fry?
Sarah: No an order of fries..
Vivi: Large Fries?
Sarah: A small order of fries.
Vivi: Is that all.. okay *using the cash register* okay $1.50
Sarah: For the nuggets?
Vivi: You didn't say you wanted nuggets.. *uses the cash register* okay $2.30
Sarah: * hands the cash* There you go..
Vivi: *hands her the bag with only the nuggets*
Sarah: *looking in the bag* where are my fries??
Vivi: Did you want fries or nuggets?
Sarah: *shaking head* Both...
Vivi: Ohhhhh!!! *gets the fries* there you go. *bows head* I am sorry about that miss they are on me.
Sarah: That's ok... *hands him the money* it was nice of you to think of me though.. Good luck at your job. *waves and leaves*
Vivi: Bai bai!!!
Cruelty Hour
A FF9 Humor Page
Act 3: Of Vanity and Freaky Things
Kuja: I am beautiful. *Fixing his hair in a full length mirror*
Zidane: You wish..
Kuja: I wish I was more beautiful..
Vivi: Could he get any worse?
Zidane: Do you really wanna Know?
**AND**
THE VOICES FROM HELL
Kuja: Oh Romeo oh Romeo where are you, you sexy devil ?
Vivi: ... uhh Kuja.. are you okay?
Kuja: I am just peachy.. Do you think my girlish figure is okay ?
Zidane: If you get any more girlie Kuja I am filling out your college application as a female..
Kuja: But it is so hard to hide that 'tail' of mine..
Zidane: Then show it like I do.
Kuja: Who ever know you were such an exhibitionist.
Zidane: Yeah my tail is quite sexy.. Chicks love it..
Kuja: I do too. Can I pet it ? *pets Zidane's tail*
Zidane: ...ummmn ahhh .. NO!! *shakes head* My 'brother' is a pervert..
Vivi: ... you're *both* sick..
Zidane: How do you figure?
Vivi: you are the one who was letting him grope your 'tail'
The voices from Hell : Enough with the Yaoi.. this is is a PG fic..
Zidane: So we can have wild freaky sex with the voices?
The Voices: ... No...
Zidane and Kuja: Damn..
The Voices: *twitching* Uhhh... Okay... whatever...
Zidane: oooooo We get to do whatever we want?
The Voices: uhhhh... No
Vivi: ..... Damn...
The Voices: VIVI !! I Thought you were on our side...
Vivi: I was, but but...
Kuja: Viv's having convies about his bowel movement problem..
Vivi: ....I said but...
Kuja: ... exactly your butt.
The Voices: STOP IT !!!
All: AWWWW!!!
Cruelty Hour
A FF9 Humor Page
Act 4: Ode to Pain... ** Ouchies **
Kuja: I'm beautiful.. I'm beautiful I'm beautiful damn it.
Zidane: *under drugs* Yes you are..
Kuja: I wish I had more of them.. *evil laugh* happy pills..
Zidane: Happy good... *drugged daze*
Kuja: *shakes head* this is gonna be wonderful.. *sarcasticly* dagger is comming soon... ohhh.. What are
you doing here Eiko?
Eiko: *smiles* Nothing... *under her breath* hah ha ha ha .. Serves her right for trying to steal my Zidane!!
**AND**
THE VOICES FROM HELL
Kuja: And thus today.. I will have fun and all of you will be my little actors.. eerrr and actriz.. *rubs his hands together* in my play Sleeping Me.. Since I am beautiful and all..
Vivi: ....Wonderful...
Kuja: Would you rather I make you dress in drag Vivi my love.. ?
Vivi: NO!!!! *runs away*
Zidane: It can't be so bad .. Kuja does it everyday..
Kuja: Bite me tail boy..
Zidane: Ohhh that is what you want..
Kuja: ..... yeah so...
Zidane: Freak...
Kuja: ... I said I am not a freak
Zidane: You are the one who wants me to "bite you"
Kuja: Your the rabid peasant boy.. *Turns to walk away*
Zidane: *grabs Kuja* Say that to my face girlie.
Kuja: You are a rabid tail boy.
Zidane: At least I look male...
Kuja: *sobbing* You big meanie.. Just have to pick on the fact that Garland made me look like a girl.
Zidane: of course Kuja...
Kuja: At least I am better looking and.. I have a bigger.. ummn err Weapon than you..
Zidane: Silver dragon does not count.
Kuja: *shrugs* anyway on with my masterpiece play....
Eiko and Vivi: Lets not and say we did..
1 Cruelty Hour
A FF9 Humor Page
Act 5: ... A Filler Episode ...
Kuja: *flicks his hair back* Just I alone am the most beautiful in the world that makes me a canidate for a god.
Zidane: The ever expansive ego of Kuja.
Vivi: Do you suppose it will ever cause his head to blow up?
Zidane: we could only wish
Kuja: I heard that..
Zidane and Vivi: eeeeeeeeepppp! *hide*
**and**
The Voices of Darkness and Deception
Darkness: Come one, come all to the wonderful play of the year..
Deception: That is my line.
Darkness: No it's not..
Deception: Ohh really...
Darkness: *holding the script for cruelty hour* ...see *shows it* it's mine.. *looks down* ooohh well it is yours.. Sorry..
Deception: I told you... *flicks her hair back*
Darkness: Whatever!
Kuja: Ohh ladies please behave.
Deception: But, she stole my line.
Kuja: Deception.. *Holding her* my lovely *touches her hair* please, just work with her.
Deception: Yes sir..
Kuja: That is a good girl.. *lets her go* Now get away you are wrinkling my clothes
Darkness: Not to mention flatten his hair.
Kuja: Ohh.. poo my hair again.. *sighs* can I never be perfect?
Darkness and Deception: You already are sir.. *bow and leave*
Kuja: *shakes head* these.. are worse than Zorn and Thorn.. At least they were hnn...my evil supporters.
Zidane: I thought you turned good ?
Vivi: Yeah..
Kuja: Ohhh dear me you were listening.. *sarcastically*
Zidane: I am not going to live with an evil freak, let alone act in the same group with an evil freak.
Kuja: Must you be such an insolent tail boy, Zidane. Also remember for future reference... I am not a freak.. *flicks his hair back*
Zidane: Tell that to the fashion police Kuja.
Kuja: *pout* Do you not like thongs?
Zidane: Not when they are on you Kuja...
Kuja: *pouts more* Does no one love me ?
Darkness: I do sire
Deception: So do I.
Kuja: Wonderful.
Darkness and deception: Can we help you in anyway sire. *Cling to Kuja*
Zidane: and my female groupie is?
Vivi: garnet...
Zidane: No.. I wanna groupie..
Kuja: I am the only groupie for you Zidane.
Vivi: Be glad there is only one Kuja.
Zidane: *sob sob* I wanna girl groupie..
Darkness: If you were more evil.. I would be your groupie.
Zidane: But I dun wanna be evil.
Deception: Ohh well..