Disclaimer: NAKED LOGAN!!! //clears throat// Now that I have your attention, I would like to remind you that I own nothing.
Summary: Little idea that popped into my head during Organic Chem - I mean, heck, I have nothing else to do during that class, right? Sort of a mix between fluff and, well, fluff - that makes it, what, fluff? ;-) Not much point, just fun to write and I hope fun to read; I decided to give all ya little Logan-loving fanfic readers like moi a dose of Wolverine-style humor. I actually wrote two different versions of the original idea (the second 'chapter' is the other version) - this was my favorite, but I'd like your opinions on which was better. Although this chapter's Logan is much less gruff and more intelligent than my normal Logan. //shrugs// What can I say, he was having a good day. Rating is for swearing, bondage mention, and... adult content type stuff. Just talk, no action :-( lol Reviews and opinions would be great on which version is the better.
For all my Belt Buckle readers, hope is nigh, due to your intense interest in a sequel I'm working on another chapter for it. Not sure when it'll be up, but Logan is hinting at an argument between the two buckles in his life... ought to be interesting at the least ;-) Oh, prob'ly should mention this is Jubine, or Jubiline, or Lubilee, or whatever it is you call a Jubilee/Logan relationship. Adult Jubilee people, gosh... get your mind outa the gutter //winks// There's not enough room for all of us in my gutter. Go find your own.
"Hey, Wolvie, could you help me with this?"
Logan looked up from his chair, where he had been pretending to read the newspaper. Pretending, because in reality he was watching the way Jubilee walked when she knew that he knew that she knew he was looking... a sort of ballad inspiring stroll. Nobody looked better than his Jubilee when she decided to sway those hips. Still, appearances must be kept up. Thus the pretense. He turned to see her back facing towards him as she bent over something on the counter.
"Depends on what you want help with darlin'."
Hell with pretenses. Logan let loose a low growl as he stood, stalking his wife the way he'd seen her stalking clothing in the mall. Slow and easy, pretend you're not looking at it in case someone else notices, then the lunge...
"Logan! I'm busy here."
Jubilee glared up at him as he grinned unapologetically. He couldn't really apologize for something he wasn't sorry for, now could he? And how he was supposed to be sorry for tackling his wife to the ground... well, that was beyond him. Besides, he was unaccountably comfortable, the voluptuous Jubilee between him and a rather luxurious carpet. Now all they needed was some whipped cream... no, too messy, perhaps strawberries and chocolate... yes...
"You're grinning all goofy again."
Glaring at her, goofy grin wiped clean, Logan growled, bending closer. Jubilee squirmed.
"Logan, you get off me. This instant."
Logan growled more, and Jubilee stopped squirming. He grinned mentally. Ah, he knew she would give in for the growl...
paff paff paff BOOM
Sparklers exploded over his head, making him leap up in retaliation to a non-existent threat. Jubilee jumped up as well, straightening her clothes. She smiled primly at him as she turned back to the counter. Logan sighed his defeat and joined her, wrapping his arms around her waist and settling his chin into her shoulder. He examined the package before them. It was the size of a shoebox, and besides appearing somewhat heavy, he couldn't imagine why it would be more interesting than him.
"So wha's in it?"
He decided to try a kiss on the side of the neck. Please let it go, please let it go, I need my hearing and eyesight intact for tomorrow in the Danger Room...
Jubilee stomped lightly on his foot. "Don't try anything stud, I'm still tired from last night. Besides, we have the whole honeymoon. And you promised."
Logan sighed again and stood up, his arms still wrapped around Jubilee. That stupid promise - why couldn't one of the girls help her decorate before they left? Why had he ever promised to put off the honeymoon in the first place?
A slideshow of naked and pleading Jubilees paraded before his eyes. He smiled, staring somewhat blankly at a hideously yellow plate. Ah yes, now he remembered.
"Wolvie, I can't get this undone."
Logan reached around her, ostentatiously to take the scissors, but more importantly, to trap his wife between him and the counter. Jubilee elbowed him gently in the stomach. He pretended indignant protest even as he tried to manipulate the package around. He knew from years of experience that if the little firecracker really wanted to lay the Wolverine low, she would do so with absolutely no compunction.
"Damn, who sen' this thing?" He wriggled the flamboyantly orange handles around to no avail. "Ow!" He dropped the scissors, nursing a small and instantly healed gash in his finger. Jubilee jumped at his exclamation and checked the finger swiftly, pressing a kiss to the unmarked flesh before answering.
"Pyro, I think. Now he's come back to the mansion, he's been wrapping everything in ducktape." She turned the box around and ran a hand over the package in proof. Great swathes of silver tape obscured all but a single bare inch of box, which was covered with a sticker reading 'Hope you like it Sheila. Ought to make Wolvie-boy happy'. Logan snorted.
"Here, darlin', move outa the way so I can take this apart."
Jubilee obligingly slid out as Logan released his grip. Growling softly to himself, he popped a claw. He winked at Jubilee, who rolled her eyes.
"Logan, isn't that a little overkill?"
Logan ignored her, sliding the blade carefully under a miraculously loosened stretch of tape. "Another second and y' can open yer package hon." He bumped gently against her. She huffed and turned on her heel. Logan turned to call after her, when he realized the package was still attached to his knuckles. Frowning, he jiggled his hand. The box remained stubbornly stuck. Logan frowned. Perhaps his claw was dull.
This could potentially be a major problem; how to sharpen a metal that was indestructible.
Grimacing, he grasped the box firmly with the opposite hand and pulled. The ducktape stayed firmly and immovably stuck. Logan's frown started to show a tinge of desperation.
Think; perhaps something's wrong with that blade. Yes, that's it. I'll pop the others and cut the damn thing to smithereens.
Two other snikts made Jubilee turn her head from a mental count of cutlery. "Wolvie, are you alright?"
'Wolvie' gritted his teeth at the once-hated nickname and growled out, "Fine," before sliding the remaining two blades on his right hand under the piece of ducktape and pulling. Hard.
Muscles bulged, teeth ground, and feet began to slide. A drop of sweat dripped down the Wolverine's face.
Nothing, however, changed in regard to the package's appearance. The stretch of tape elongated, twisting inward to a doubled up slip of tape.
Logan stopped pulling and stared. Not only was he inexplicably unable to cut through the irritating application, but he was now firmly stuck between two layers of the stuff.
What was going on?!
Logan stared at the tape wrapped around his blades, dull grey against the shiny silver, and uncomprehendingly shook the box from side to side. It swung lazily, mocking the rapidly bristling mutant attached to it.
Growling loudly, Logan formed his hand into a fist. Pressing down with his captured hand and holding the box firmly against the counter, he swung with one last defiant snarl.
plop
Muscles strained to eject the blades. They finally began to slide out, slowly, torturously... but none of them made more than a minute dent upon the silver-wrapped monstrosity. Instead, his hand moved back from the box, inch by inch for each piece of shining adamantium to appear. A pulse throbbed angrily in Wolverine's neck.
"Babe, are you okay?"
Jubilee had reappeared in the doorway, a dishrag draped over her arm. Outside, a view of the mansion peeked through the doorway of their private bungalow, a concession made by Xavier when he realized it was hardly an amorous or relaxed atmosphere for married couples up at the rapidly filling school. Logan snarled loudly, and the pulse danced a tango in his jugular. Jubilee took that as a decisive no.
"Let me help..."
Grabbing a loose exacto, Jubilee advanced upon her furious husband.
"Now, take it easy babe... I'm sure this is just John's idea of gift wrapping."
Logan slid the blades on his left hand under another slightly loose section of ducktape before Jubilee could stop him, and started pulling as hard as he could in opposite directions. His firecracker wife sighed, watching the show before her. Good thing she had been tempered with patience by years of the Wolverine. Logan held the box in the air, suspended by the blades emerging between his fingers, while twisting and pulling his hands in a pattern that would have made Quicksilver dizzy. And all the while, a monotonous if powerful growl emerged from between clenched teeth.
Jubilee sighed and watched the show, hands on her hips and the closed exacto limp in her hand. Logan was over reacting perhaps, but she could tell from the dull flush creeping up his neck that it was as much from embarrassment as irritation.
"Logan, if you'll just hold still... no, sweetheart, let me get that... Wolvie, would you knock it off!... oh, that can't be good for either one of you..." Logan was now sinking his teeth in the package, ripping ferociously. Jubilee decided to take her distraction to the highest level.
"Logan, SEX!"
The growls stopped, the man froze, and two very intent hazel eyes were fixed upon Jubilation Lee. She gulped at the instantaneous change, but advanced cautiously.
"Now, hold still..." A few slices of the exacto knife later, and the box lay quiescent and innocent upon the countertop. Truth be told, strips of ducktape hung from Logan's claws like battered streamers, but the box was detached. Logan snorted, growling ashamedly under his breath, but with his attention still fully fixed upon the small Asian before him. Jubilee swiftly cut aside the offending tape, revealing a plain brown box. Shaking it, she frowned and opened the lid, ignoring a grateful Logan.
Beneath a layer of foam peanuts, a small, squat, and rather ugly statue of Buddha held court. Jubilee lifted it out, pulling off the tag around its neck absentmindedly while turning the carved wood this way and that to examine its possible points. Logan advanced, his attention back to the present, as he nervously trying to peel off the tape on his claws before Jubilation noticed. He had had enough embarrassing stories for one day, thank you very much...
The hazel eyes widened when they read the note. All fiddling with the stubborn silver tape stilled, and Logan's lips moved silently as they read the message for the second time, then reached into the box and pulled out a video tape hidden under another layer of peanuts. Jubilee looked up at the sound of the door slamming, to see Logan sprinting across the lawn towards the mansion. Frowning, she picked up the discarded paper card, typically orange, and held it up to the light. A moment later and she too was at the door, yelling after Logan to wait for her, the card drifting towards the ground.
Thought he'd have fun with this. Crikey, hope the security camera in your bungalow is still working, I only installed it yesterday. Still, I think between the movie of precisely what you two use that table for and how Wolvie-boy will likely do with my wrapping job, you two will be setting me up for retirement. Already have advance orders for copies of the video. See ya around, and enjoy Buddha - but be nice to the bloke and don't put him the bedroom, will you? Or the kitchen, come to think of it... Have a nice honeymoon mates.
St. John Allerdyce
Later that night:
"I still can' believe you kep' me from hur'in' the bugger Jubes."
Logan glared across at his wife. A patch of pink and obviously recently healed skin covered his arm. Pyro had taken it into his head to defend himself when he saw the irate Wolverine running at him, closely followed by a furiously paffing Jubilee. The now serene Jubilation shrugged carelessly.
"Got the original vid, though, didn't we hon?"
Wolverine snorted skeptically. Jubilee responded by pulling a handful of scarves out of her husband's hands. "Don't need those."
Logan scowled. That was their favorite game, and now she was telling him not to bring the scarves? What had marriage done to his woman?
Jubilee looked up, and seeing the expression on Wolverine's face, hastened to explain. "I've got us covered for that one. Even found something to hold you." She deliberately dug through her messy jumble of clean laundry, finally emerging with a roll of silver tape. Logan's eyes flashed.
Jubilee looked at the roll before glancing innocently up at him. "John gave it to me. Think it'll hold?" She slowly pulled a piece off and measured it with her eyes. "Might pull some hair off, but in the long run..." Logan growled and shoved their suitcases off the bed.
Jubilee never did find out just what the long run would be.