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First Naruto fic ever. Enjoy.
Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto.
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I was greeted by silence again as I reached my apartment. It always feels so empty… so quiet… so…
Ring! Ring-ring! I quickly grabbed the phone.
"Hello?" I asked, really unsure. I don't get phone calls quite often.
"Hello, this is Sakkawaka Publishings. Is Kudaketa Chiheisen-san here?" a feminine voice asked.
I was speechless. Is this for real?
My voice grew quite weak. I just couldn't contain my excitement! "Y-yes!"
"Our company's president would like to speak to you." Cheesy music began to play as she put me on hold.
"Kudaketa-san?" A deep and raspy voice said.
"YES?" I just couldn't control my excitement! Something good was actually happening to me! ME!
"Well Kudaketa-san… How do I say this?" He said more to himself than me.
"Um…just say you're going to publish my book?" I suggested.
He snorted. "Oh, no no no. I wasn't here to tell you that we were going to publish you. No, I called to tell you how worthless this piece of shit you call a book is. It's WORTHLESS!" he screamed.
What was this thing I was feeling? I just couldn't understand. Was it hurt…? I can't remember.
Salty streams of tears fell from my eyes. But isn't that the meaning of pain? Torture…?
Sadness… I shouldn't feel this way. Shouldn't I be used to this?
Rejection… I'm holding onto a dream that will never come true. I should be used this! Everyday, everytime… It always happens! So why…? Why now?
Emptiness… No one's there to wipe my tears… To pick me up when I'm down… No one… There was never no one. Silence is the only companion of mine. But, on occasion, Pain and Agony like to give us a surprise visit. Like now for instance…
Worthless… Was that all my novels were? Are they all just a waste of my time? Am I chasing after a hopeless dream…? Or should I leave my writing with the fairytale endings?
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I left my apartment only wearing my black tank top, (black) rose-laced arm warmers, and a black skirt. Of course, I always wore my black knee-high laced up boots with buckles.
It was nighttime already so I didn't have to worry. No one would be out so late anyways.
I'm standing next to a bridge now. The bridge was old yet sturdy. Its paint old yet bright. I wish I could be like that. But I can't. No one ever supported my career as a novelist. My parents pretended not to care –and they still do- while my friends just brought me down. No one was there… No one…
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Flashback
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"You'll never make it!" Mother screamed. I cringed. She really had a set of lungs.
Blood trickled down my arm as a bruise formed upon my skin. Though the pain hurt so badly, I held back my tears. I wouldn't give them the satisfaction to see my in pain. No, I was too proud.
I was a fallen angel amongst God's purest angels. I was the black sheep. My 'family' and 'friends' were all pure. No, I was filthy. Disgusting. I don't deserve to bask in their glory.
I winced a little as I tried to stop the urge to scream. More bruises formed. Too late. I screamed. I cried. It all felt so good.
I could feel Mother's leering stare bore into my eyes… Into my soul… Like a raging fire, Mother will never burn out.
"Worthless…" Father muttered as I lay there bleeding. His hard coal eyes glared at me with…pity? No, it couldn't be. NO! He was…smiling…
With one final blow to my ribs, he left. Leaving me to my ponderings…
Worthless… Was that all I was? Yes, it has to be true.
"Worthless…" I mimicked my father. Yes… yes, it IS true. Worthless is I. And I am worthless…
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"Worthless…" I murmured…
I peered down at the water below me. I was sitting on the edge. It crashed and splashed against the sturdy rocks against it. White foam occasionally jumping into the air…
'It's now or never…' I thought. Either back away or come and stay. Decisions, decisions…
I took I final look at the sky. It was hazy. Shafts of moonlight shone through the opaque clouds. The moon itself seemed so close to Earth, as if you could touch it… Maybe one day… Maybe one day…
"My final breath…" I mused, smiling slightly. Hm… I just thought of a really good ending to my latest novel, Wisps of Darkness.
"I'm ready to take this fall. In this descent I am yours, and will be forever. With you, I would fall until eternity. And with you, I shall love you until forever decides to end. If you were the one to catch me, I think I'd fall forever…"
Reciting lines is fun. I think I might do this for awhile. It'll be like my own unwritten suicide note…
"And here I lay now. Broken without you. You've gone away and I feel so low. Pick me up and bring me with you. I forgive you for all the pain you caused. For you, I'd give up anything. Without you I'm broken. With you I'm in agony. But I'd rather love and get hurt than never love at all…"
I stood up now, facing the raging waters. So close… So near…
I felt myself falling. In this descent, I wish I could tell you how much I loved you, how much I cared. But you turned away from my heart, my love. Good bye… forever…
I felt the water splash as I fell in. The water was freezing. It felt as if ice cold daggers were piercing through me.
I was drowning. I could tell. I desperately wanted to try and save myself. I wanted to try and live. 'No,' I told myself. I won't let myself be hurt no longer. No one wants me in this world. So, in turn, I'll come back to God. I'll be in my own little Heaven.
I swallowed a great amount of water. I could almost choke. I shivered as the current pulled me away. So cold… My own little Heaven. You can find me by Paradise.
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They say your life flashes before you when you're about to die, but I see nothing. Just an empty abyss. Darkness… Nothing… I'll close my eyes. God, I'll see you soon…
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I moaned… 'Warm…' my mind was foggy. I couldn't think clear. The only thing I knew was that I felt warmth… But wasn't the river cold? Or am I in Heaven already? Or maybe I'm in Hell. It IS pretty hot down there too…
I stirred after five minutes. "Tyyyyyrrrrrrrddddddd (tired)…" I mumbled.
I rolled over. I didn't really expect to find another person there really. 'Hm… at least I know where the warmth is coming from…'
I turned face to face with man. A man with silver hair. I could make out his face really well since there was an open fire near us.
There was a man beside me. He had silver hair that seemed to defy gravity. It was also kind of spiked. He had a Konoha head protector slanted at an angle, covering his left eye. He had a black mask covering over half his face. The bottom half to be precise. So only about less than 25 percent of his face was shown. Yet, it gave him a mysterious aura.
He was ninja. I could tell. It was all in his attire. Along with his mask, he wore a black shirt that went ¾ down his arms and a green vest. He also wore gloves with what seemed to be metal on them.
But I had to leave. This is no place for me, wherever this place is. I just noticed my surroundings. Konoha's forest. Oh great. Lovely. I sure would find my apartment all right. Now I just need to find out which part of the forest I'm at…
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I was finally home. After hours of searching, I finally learned I was near the Monument. Luckily for me, that was near my home. But I'm tired now. Very tired…
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I suddenly woke up from my peaceful sleep. I looked at my room for quickly before I closed my eyes again. But something was wrong. I felt as if I was being watched. I looked around my room again and guess who I saw? The silver-haired ninja!
He stared at me while I stared at him. Then I noticed something. He had what looked like a crumpled up paper in his hands. I am in deep shit now.
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He gave me a stern look while I began my great escape. 'Slowly inch away, Chihei, slowly inch away…'
He must have caught onto my plan. He waved the paper in front of me. Deep. Shit. I read the words I wrote before. Uh-oh Spaghetti O's…
To my family and friends:
Hello. I think you're all happy now. I'm going to kill myself. I bet you're all planning a celebration now.
I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I've finally given up on that hopeless dream. You won. I raise my white flag. Like you said, 'Worthless…' whether you were describing my writing, or me I might never know. But I do know that you'll probably just push this at the back of your mind once you're done. It doesn't matter anyways.
Words cannot explain how you all make me feel. You always brought me down, broke my dreams… But I will never forgive you. You make me want to vomit inside. It's your fault I'm doing this. You've driven me into this. I can't take it anymore. Nothing can change my mind now.
This just couldn't work out. It could never be. I'm sorry I have to say this. But I'm going to set myself free.
If you were the one to cut me, I would bleed forever.
It wouldn't matter if I died right now, because without you, I'm already dead.
Kudaketa Chiheisen
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Again I say another good bye
Like a promising
Lullaby.
Sing me to sleep.
I pray within my dreams,
You'd be the one I keep
Because you're my dying star.
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AH!
This chapter sucked! Um…tell me what you guys think! (There will be some actual angst in the next chapter. +sigh+ I've lost my touch...)
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