CHAPTER ONE

Decode

'How can I decide what's right, When you're clouding up my mind? I can't win your losing fight, all the time'

I'm standing in the middle of a crowded room with the faint sound of holiday music barely registering in my ear. The lighting in the room is dim at best, and I wonder idley if someone intended to make this kind of atmosphere.

There's an arm placed complacemently around my waist. My skin is covered in goosebumps and it feels like it's on fire, but not because of the arm around me. No, it's because I feel eyes on me, across the room. I'm never wrong, I can always feel it all over me. Feel him all over me.

I look across the room as discreetly as I can, the dim lighting aiding me in subtlety. Sure enough, I see the eyes I'm expecting.

Piercing green eyes bore into mine.

Though I knew what I would see, my breath still hitches and my heart beats so fast it feels like everyone in the room will hear it over the noise. I know I should look away, and I'm desperate to, but I can't. His gaze locks me in place, and it feels like an eternity goes past while we stare at each other. I know in reality barely any time passes, because otherwise the person attached to my side would surely notice. I force myself to break the spell to glance over at Jacob, standing over a foot taller than me. He's happily talking to one of his colleagues, his laugh just a little louder than usual due to the alcohol consumed by everyone tonight.

I still feel the electricity running over my skin from his eyes, and I look up in his direction again. This time my gaze stays on him but it drops from his eyes to his mouth. It pulls up immediately into a smirk at my perusal, and I find it annoying and extremely sexy in equal measures. My mouth parts and I see those gorgeous green eyes drop to my mouth when I do so. His eyes darken, looking possessive, then I watch as he fucks me with his eyes. He does it slowly, intentionally, roaming my body from this tight red dress down to my highest heels. I don't know how I haven't exploded from the tension and feel of it yet, but I feel like I need to leave immediately if I want to stay sane.

I shake out of it, out of the electric spell I was under, and turn to Jacob. I'm lucky I don't seem to have missed any part of the conversation geared towards me that would have revealed my attention was elsewhere.

"Jake? I'm feeling a bit dizzy, I'm going to go and get a bit of fresh air", I say to him, trying to avoid eye contact. He excuses himself from his conversation and turns to face me full on, adding his other arm around my waist to wrap around me completely. I used to love the feel of it, but now I just feel wrong.

"What's wrong babe? Too many themed cocktails?" He smiles at me. I hold back from rolling my eyes.

"Yeah probably. You stay and talk, I'll be back in a minute", I reply.

"You sure babe? I could come with you? We could sneak off and make the most of this Christmas spirit" he says, his voice deepening. His hands fall down to my ass and squeeze it, while he bends enough to reach my neck and kiss me there, as much as he can in a room full of people. I push away, hoping he'll let it slide because he thinks I'm too drunk.

"Not tonight" I sigh, a fake smile on my face. "Sorry Jake, I do just want to have a minute quietly by myself. I'll see you in a bit?"

"Okay", he answers and he's already turned back to the party, charisma dripping from his pores. Everyone loves Jacob. I thought I might too, once, but now I can't even fathom it.

I walk out of the side doors of the theatre hall hired out by our company, and the minute the cool air hits me I feel clearer. There are bright lights on all round the side of the building and round the car park which bother me after the dim atmospheric lighting from inside. I close my eyes and lean back against a wall, feeling the bricks beneath my bare back. I really should have put my jacket on.

"What the fuck do you think you're doing?" A velvet voice breaks through the silence and immediately makes me shiver.

I look up to meet those deep green eyes again, even more perfect up close. They're just as possessive as they were before, but without the party lights dulling them I see the rich anger there too. I can't believe his nerve.

"Excuse me?" I scoff.

"Do you think I didn't see him sucking on your neck?" he presses, moving closer to me with his arms either side of my head, trapping me against the wall.

"Is my boyfriend not allowed to kiss me?" I ask tauntingly.

He steps closer still, gaze locked on my lips. I lick them subconsciously, and his eyes snap up to mine again.

"You're such an evil bitch," he spits but the corner of his mouth twitches, fighting a smirk.

It should offend me, but I can't feel anything but turned on right now, and my face splits into an evil grin. I shrug my shoulders nonchalantly and try to disguise my attraction.

"Bella" he sighs, scowling. "Does he know the things you want to do to me? What you fantasise about? Does he know where that pretty little mouth has been?" He smirks again.

"Fuck you, Masen" I spit out, even though I know his words have caused too much of a reaction in me already.

"Fuck me? Oh Bella" he laughs "Are you trying to kill me?" He says, his tone light but his eyes still smoldering with the need to possess. "And don't call me that." He growls.

I want to walk away and never look into those green eyes again, but I know there's no way I could. I'm addicted to him. I turn up to him and whisper in his ear "Call you what?"

"Don't. Call me Masen" He repeats angrily. His nostrils flare "Say it, baby." I almost ask him not to call me that, but I know I'd never be able to get those words out. I fucking love it when he calls me baby and he knows it.

"Edward" I say, giving in. I comes out so breathy that I internally kick myself, biting my lip. I watch his eyes follow the movement, turning almost black with lust. Within a second, his lips are on mine. His movement is forceful and dripping in sex as he parts my mouth and slides his tongue inside. The kiss is not gentle, we're both equally addicted and our teeth often clash together. My hands fist his hair hard, and he hisses because he knows I'm doing it because he loves it. I love it too, how could I not. I used to dream of running my hands through his hair, the hair that looks like he's freshly fucked and only adds to fantasies I've heard shared around the office. I tug on the bronze locks with all the passion I can muster. His hands go to cradle under my ass and he lifts me up, pinning me to the wall with my legs around his waist. The second his hands touch my body I feel that all too familiar electricity running between us and I bite back a moan. I feel him between my legs and he's positioned perfectly so that I can feel exactly how hard he is in exactly the right place.

"You feel that baby?" He murmurs to me then immediately returns to kissing me like he's in two minds whether to spur me on more with his words or just keep his mouth locked on mine where it belongs. We keep kissing, our pace still frantic and our hands still grasping; mine at his hair and his groping my ass. He knows I love how it feels when he does this, it's like I can feel the desperation pouring out of his rough fingertips.

I can tell exactly when he realises I'm only wearing a thong, as his hands discover all the bare skin. He lets out a huge groan that almost sounds like a growl and I moan in response to the beautiful sound.

"So. Fucking. Sexy" he whispers into my ear, biting down on the lobe. I know I'm so wet now, his passion turns me on like nothing else ever could. The stronger his grasp gets the more turned on I get. I feel like he probably could bruise me with the strength of his grip but I always want him to hold tighter and pull harder. I just can't get enough.

Edward clearly can't get enough either as he seems to decide it's not enough to hold my ass, and his huge hands reach around to the front of me where he pushes my dress up further to bunch around my waist. He runs his hand along my thong and I moan incredibly loudly. I should be embarrassed but I can't find it in myself to care.

"Put your hands on me Edward." I say, desperation of my own colouring my tone. I look into his eyes and I see his green has gone almost black with hunger. There's something else there too, almost an edge of pain. Edward Masen Cullen- an unbelievable talent when it comes to hiding his emotions and putting on a poker face. But I know how to read his eyes. I can see right through them just like he seems to be able to do with mine. Deep brown and vivid green always displaying everything we don't want them to but we can't help regardless. We don't voice out loud why we have that ability that no one else seems to share. We don't speak about the electric spark we feel when we touch each other or even look at each other. If I acknowledge it I feel like everything will collapse.

I don't have to wait for long, he doesn't hesitate as he probably should. I can't blame him, I don't remember any hesitation when I just begged him to touch me either. His hand goes underneath the scrap of material and one finger slips right inside me, deeper than I was expecting. I moan so loudly that for a second I expect someone to come and investigate. He's even rougher than usual; I don't know if that's because of the few drinks from the party or the possessiveness or if it's both, but I absolutely love it. So I beg him "More, Edward." I use his name on purpose, and he reacts with another passionate kiss and another finger slipped deep inside. He pulls back a little and I start to grind my hips against his fingers because I can't get enough. This undeniably unbelievably sexy man is enjoying doing this to me, regardless of our issues I will still never get tired of that fact. I look at his face, a face so perfect it's no wonder he's described as God-like. His jaw is tense with passion and it makes it look even better than usual. I can't resist leaning forward to kiss and lick along that delicious jaw line. I move down to his neck, sucking and licking the skin there while his fingers still slam in and out of me, hard. I'm moaning like a porn star in between kisses to his neck, unable to hold back.

"Oh god baby, that's it, you love me fucking you with my fingers don't you?"

"FUCK yes." I reply but it's stuttered, I'm getting so close and he knows it. He knows my body and he knows what his dirty talk does to me. He moves his hand so that his thumb can circle my clit as he finger fucks me and I know I'm going to come any minute.

"Come for me, baby." He orders and he moves to cover my mouth with a kiss to swallow the shout he knows would come if he didn't. I let go just as he knew I would, exploding and pushing all of my tension and noise into his body and into the kiss.

I finally start to come down from the unbelievable orgasm, slowing my kisses to eventually sigh against his neck. All too soon I feel his hands move out of me and pull my dress down. I know as soon as he does it that that means he doesn't want anything from me. God forbid Edward Masen Cullen not be the one in control and calling the shots for once. He drops me from around his waist and straightens up, standing much taller than my five foot two inches. Though I'm more impressive with my heels tonight, I still have nothing on his six foot three inches. He towers over me, leaning down with his hands back on the wall either side of me.

"I can't get enough of you, Bella" he says. "But you know that, don't you? You know exactly how to play me, don't you baby?" He spits out, venom lacing his last word.

"Fuck off Masen," I reply. "I don't recall forcing you to come outside. You followed me." He scoffs and finally moves his hands away from me.

"Well I don't recall a 'no' ever falling out of that mouth Bella!" He shouts. "You know why I did, you knew I would come. You fucking know what to do to make me crazy."

"I didn't force him to kiss me, Masen" I reply, my voice raising too but not as loud as him. His vivid green eyes twitch when I call him Masen.

"Bella you fucking knew what would happen tonight and so did I," he says. "You know there's too much tension between us to avoid this pull."

"And we've never even fucked. You love keeping me coming back for more don't you?" He continues. "And it's not as if that fucking dog would have kept his paws off you" he mutters under his breath maliciously.

"So as soon as I let you fuck me you'll be over this and can leave me alone?" I reply loudly and bitterly.

"I don't know baby, why don't you let me fuck you against the wall right now and we'll fucking see" he seethes.

I hate that the way he speaks to me turns me on so much. I feel anger bubbling in my veins regardless so I try to focus on that emotion and get myself out of this mess. It's not like I'm not always trying.

"We can't do this." I say unconvincingly. I go through so many emotions when I'm with Edward and I struggle to keep them under control. I suppose that's why evil and cocky always prevails with both of us, so we can hide anything deeper.

"I've heard that before baby," he says laced with equal smugness and anger, and with that he walks inside, leaving me alone again.