At the bottom of everything
um this is totally a sequel of a fic I did back in the day – so you'll have to read that to understand it. It's called um, young and hopeless I believe. Jessface all requested it, so really this is for her. Generally I hate doing sequels, especially with one-shots, but I make very few exceptions. Like this one, so enjoy it damn it : Also because jess all requested it, go read her fics betch! Disclaimers ; why would I be writing fanfiction if I owned it? HONESTLY. (I am raising money to buy Axel though.)
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maybe if you took a look around you,
instead of in the mirror, this wouldn't
be happening.
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Hayner hates funerals they were sad depressing, but a good way to pick up girls, but today standing at the burial of another best friend. He can't help but despise funerals even more so then he did, because one burial after another burial, seeing there bodies again and again. First there was Olette, the smart girl who had the school at her feet, she had so many doors open to her – that were slammed as soon as the first shot hit her. Didn't he just talk to Olette a few days ago? Well, this just must be a nightmare – he'd wake up soon, he always did, his worse fears couldn't really be happening. Could they? Hayner shook his head that was silly, Roxas wasn't suicidal and Pence wouldn't kill anyone, he'd wake up and they'd laugh about it.
The next body is Pence, good ol' Pence, he was going to be a priest one day – he remembered always joking with Roxas. Pence is his conscious, so obviously he can't be dead – this was just a never ending dream. Olette and Pence weren't dead, that would be like the Destiny giants winning the World Series – impossible. There are only seventeen, they have their whole life ahead of them, and people who have a life can't die.
It was just not possible.
Then it Roxas, his partner in crime, and he remembered a few days ago how he had come to his door – how desperate he seemed. Hayner blew it off, surely Pence could take care of it – because hell that was his job after all – plus whatserherface was on the rebound, gosh she was pretty. Why didn't he just blow her off, she was just a stupid girl, a stupid fucking girl who's name he couldn't even fucking remember. He shook people's hands, hugged Roxas' parents and he went off, a tear not running down his face. Even though he was fully aware that there were several, he tried to stop but he couldn't stop. He just couldn't stop and he wasn't waking up, why the hell wasn't he waking up.
He's falling unto the ground because he can't handle it, he can't handle seeing another body – but he realizes there are no more. He's lost everyone he bothered to give a damn about; this was one hell of a nightmare. He gets up, and he walks – soon he's running and before he knows it he's falling. Head first straight into the sidewalk he can't breathe and he doesn't know what he should do. As he lays there remembering his best friends and missing them dearly. He cries because there's nothing he can do to bring them bring or make the pain go away. He cries because they are all dead and it's just him now, he has to live for all three of them. When all he wants is to drop dead, he thought about what each one would do in his place. He sat and he thought about it, and as he thought about that – he cried harder. They weren't here, and he was – so it didn't matter what they would do, because they aren't him.
That's the way they found him that night laying on the ground mumbling and crying all alone. A boy who has lost his father, is an orphan; a widower is that man who has lost his wife. But a boy who had known the immense unhappiness of losing a friend, by what name do we call him? Here, every language is silent and holds its peace in impotence.
He was never the same; he worked harder in school – for Olette, the girl with all the brains. The girl that tried to push him along when he was falling, the girl that was patient and lovely – the one that stuck with him no matter what. He got a cooler head, he was calm much like the boy who wouldn't hurt a fly. He was wise when he needed to be, but not like Pence was – that was the impossible dream. He was still reckless and adventurous, just like Roxas.
Nobody could ever replace them, he had other friends, but he wouldn't let them get close to him. He would go to the Usual Spot by himself, and think about them – sometimes he would cry, because he miss them so much. Sometimes he would smile, and he would always have sea-salt ice-cream with him.
He would always talk about them, mostly to the girls he went out with – sometimes to his friends, but it came down to the people who listened. He thought if he talked about them enough that somehow, they would come back and things would be the same. It never worked, but he always wished and hoped – always. He moved on with his life, but he never really grew on from that – not even when he had graduated from high school. He could never really get back to the big picture, he was too stuck on that what-could-have-beens. Part of it was guilt, the other part was that he was dead inside. By living like he knows they would have wanted him to, he lives – but really anyone can see it. He's dead, but he had to live for all three of them. It was hard being one person, yet living for three – yet Hayner did it, he did it because he was the only that really could. It was enough, just enough to keep him alive.
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