"What were you trying to ask me at the strip club?"
"Oh, how much does it cost to get them off my lap."

Sheldon just came home from a wonderful evening with his favorite celebrity that suddenly turned into a very disturbing night. He returned to his apartment after midnight, tired and desperate to go to bed. He never expected James Earl Jones to be – as Penny would say – party animal. The ice cream and karaoke was fun for the theoretical physicist, but then things got little tense. They were swinging meters from the ground in small basket, visiting strip club and, at the end of the day, sweaty sauna where microbes were almost dripping from the white walls.

He went to take a shower immediately. Those dirty places are surely going to give him nightmares. When he was leading to his room, he met Leonard returning to bed with a cup of tea.
"What are you doing up so late?"
"I was hanging out with the voice of Darth Vader." Sheldon smiled at his little friend.
"Really? They drove you from the police station just few minutes ago?" Leonard was mocking him using sarcasm, but, as always, Sheldon didn´t notice.
"No! I was actually spending my whole day with him. And I have even taken care of our Comic Con issue! I bet you didn´t got the ticket illegally, you are to chicken – like for that." Leonard quickly blinked during his honest comment. "James Earl Jones will take us to Comic Con with him! Imagine it, my little friend, we will experience the glory of biggest comic event with Star Wars legend!"
"That´s great! I bet you had fun. Which places have you visited in order to convince him?"
"Actually he offered it by himself, but before the Comic Con discussion, I have sung karaoke, shared ice cream and went to strip club for the first time in my life. That was the least enjoyable part of the night, if I do not count the visit of dirty public sauna." He shook up as if he was trying to get rid of some insect on his body.
"What? You went to strip club?"
"Yes and it was an experience I beg my eidetic mind to forget. Goodnight." He closed door behind him and left his shocked roommate in the hall alone.

In bedroom, he finally got a time to himself – for thinking of course. The shower seemed not enough for things he had to go through. His mind was still re-playing events at the strip club. He hated that place.

Sweaty bodies, easy ladies and annoying music. Smell of alcohol, laugh of drunken men – all the things he was trying to avoid in his life. He was sitting on a padded chair next to his new friend James, who was completely ignoring him. The voice of Darth Vader had his eyes fixed on a stage with high pole and a young girl dressed only in tiny lingerie. Sheldon´s eyes were wandering around the place, avoiding almost naked females around him - until one of them stepped right in front of his view.
"Not enjoying the show, boy?" she asked in seductive voice and put her hands on his knees. He sank deeper into the chair, trying to get out of her reach.
"No, I´m not, thank you for asking." He answered and secretly hoped she´ll leave him alone. Strong perfume was bothering his nose olfactory cells and her black hair seemed so fake he would bet his doctorate on that the girl was wearing a wig. It looked cheap and lousy – just as the club.
"Maybe I should put on a better show just for you boy." The girl smiled and dropped to her knees, her hands still on his legs. He began to feel really uncomfortable.
"Sorry, I have to decline. And by the way, I am a man with a doctor title, so I would be grateful for some more respect." Sheldon quickly blinked, he was feeling a twitch in his eyelids. But the girl took his sentences wrong.
"I see. You must work really hard as a doctor. Let me make you feel better." With that, she stood up and theoretical physicist felt relieved, assuming she was about to leave. Wrong.

The girl dropped her bottom right on his crotch. He squealed a little and started to panic. Someone was trying to touch him. Someone was violating his comfort zone. Someone other than his girlfriend was trying to touch him - in way mommies and daddies do.
"What on earth are you doing?" his voice was a little pitchy. No surprise, the black-haired girl was scaring the crap out of him.
"I am making you happy." She grinned and turned face – to face to him. Sheldon was tugging his head out of reach of her breath. The germs! The bacteria! Everywhere, all over his clothes and body!
"This is certainly not lifting my mood. My girlfriend can do these things better than you." After the last sentence, he realized and revised his words and ended up covering his silly-speaking mouth with hands.

"Oh, you have a girlfriend." She laughed at his words.
"Yes, I do. But I guess my sentence came out wrong, I meant to say that her knowledge contains a lot of informations about nervous system. She is also a doctor you know." He couldn´t help but smile proudly. "And that is the reason why she can feel me a lot of better, so I kind of misunderstanding what are you trying to pull here."
"If you have a girlfriend, what are you doing at strip club? Good nerdy doctor like you enjoying yourself behind her back?"
"I am definitely not enjoying myself - I think you can tell by my facial expression. My relationship is perfectly functioning."
"Let me ask you again, why are you here then? Some girls would consider your behavior as cheating." She was still settled on his legs and gave up her fight for arousing him – even her strongest movements and proved tricks did not work on this man.
"I came here with my new friend. He insisted a strip club visit. To be honest, I just want to get out of here." Sheldon shook uncomfortably in his seat again and turned his face to James Earl Jones sitting next to him, drinking some liquid from green glass. In desperate tone of voice, he spoke out his question. "How much does it cost to get them off my lap?"

Now, when he was looking back on that situation, it was one of the worst experiences of his life. He hoped no one from university or his small group of friends saw him there, because he would surely be in trouble. He told Leonard, but his friend will know not to blabber about this embarrassing experience. What was bothering him the most? Not germs either ruined sleeping routine – the words black-haired stripper girl told him – about his behavior. Did he just really … cheat on Amy?