Hi everyone! I had just my ipod on and this song came… and then I got this idea. Enjoy!
Disclaimer: I don't own Big Time Rush
…...
[b]James POV[/b]
It was a rainy Saturday evening. Normal people would be out and make crazy parties. Not me. I could have gone out with the others, but I just wasn't in the mood.
You may ask why.
So I give you an answer.
It's because of HIM. Kendall Knight. My ex. Yes, we were together.
It was almost a year ago when we started dating. I've been a bit shy at first. I wasn't used to someone being interested in me. However, Kendall showed me I could trust him, he made me fall for him. His gorgeous green eyes and his handsome appearance made me feel like I had butterflies in my belly. I told him every single secret I had. When I cried he was there for me and we sat there like an eternity and talked and he comforted me. He made me feel better.
The first two months after starting the band 'BIG TIME RUSH' with our friends Logan and Carlos he was still like that. Loving and caring. Rather staying home with me and watching some movie on TV than going out and get drunk and so on. But we got pretty famous…and that was bad for his brain. He started to loose the ground beneath his feet and tried to gain more and more fans. He liked having groupies and so on follow him around. Getting everything he wanted. He went out almost every evening – he still does – and came home drunk. I accepted it somehow. I still loved him, after all. Even after insulting me I didn't push him away. He was my hero; saved me from being lonely and sad. I wanted him to be happy and have all he needed. When he had a hangover, I was there for him and made him breakfast, stroked through his hair softly to sooth the headache. It went well for some time.
I always thought he was thorough gay. That's what he had said some time ago. But he started flirting with girls in bikinis, I even caught him making out with some of them. He told me it was because he was drunk…and I forgave him. Every single time.
Last week he broke up with me. Out of the blue. I saw him with some other girl. I of course hid my pain…he won't see me cry anymore.
So today they all went out to have some fun. Logan and Carlos wanted me to tag along to get me distracted, but I refused. I'm a good actor. But my two best friends knew me too well. I told them everything was okay and I needed just some time on my own.
Now I went through the halls of Rocque Records. I was heading for the room we always practised dancing. There was a piano… I wanted to sing all of a sudden. No one would hear me anyway.
I sat down in front of the instrument. My mom had taught me how to play it. I didn't have to think long to know what I'd like to sing…
[i]Seems like just yesterday,
You were a part of me
I used to stand so tall,
I used to be so strong
Your arms around me tight,
Everything it felt so right
Unbreakable, like nothing could go wrong
Now I can't breath,
No, I can't sleep
I'm barely hanging on
Here I am, once again
I'm torn into pieces
Can't deny it, can't pretend
Just thought you were the one
Broken up, deep inside
But you won't get to see the tears I cry
Behind these hazel eyes[/i]
My fingers pressed the keys softly while I sang the song that cried out the message my heart held.
[i]I told you everything
Opened up and let you in
You made me feel alright
For once in my life
Now all that's left of me
Is what I pretend to be
So together, but so broken up inside
Cause I can't breath
No, I can't sleep
I'm barely hanging on
Here I am, once again
I'm torn into pieces
Can't deny it, can't pretend
Just thought you were the one
Broken up, deep inside
But you won't get to see the tears I cry
Behind these hazel eyes[/i]
Silent tears fell from my eyes at the memories. I've always known that something's gonna get wrong. I've known I would lose him.
[i]Swallow me, then spit me out
For hating you I blame myself
Seeing you, it kills me now
No, I don't cry on the outside anymore…
Anymore…
Here I am, once again
I'm torn into pieces
Can't deny it, can't pretend
Just thought you were the one
Broken up, deep inside
But you won't get to see the tears I cry
Behind these hazel eyes…[/i]
After finishing the song, I wiped my eyes. Letting my feelings out helped me somehow… I stood up and left the room, not noticing the green-eyed blond boy behind a wall crying silently.
END