The Magic of Spyro
(By they way, this takes place right after the plane crash)
Jack Shephard and the rest of the survivors of Oceanic Flight 815 sat dejectedly around their campfire, bemoaning the fact that they would most likely never be rescued. It had been three days and no one had come looking for them or anything. It was about 2 in the afternoon, according to a watch that Michael found, when a strange noise coming from the forest interrupted their miserable ponderings.
"Hello there, Newbies!"
They all jumped up in alarm and hope and turned to see a rather large man with what looked to be a fake beard emerging from the trees. He was followed by a group of men and women, all looking pretty dirty yet excited to meet the new people.
"Who the heck are you?" James "Sawyer" Ford said, stalking warily up to the leader.
"I am..." the man looked significantly at the man behind him, a certain Ethan Rom. Ethan looked around, embarrassed, and started a drum roll. "Mr. Friendly! But you can call me Zeke."
The survivors just stared at him. "How the bloody heck did you get here?" Charlie Pace asked, confused.
"Why, we live here of course! And we'd like to welcome you to our humble home," Mr. Friendly said, gesturing to the beach. "Sorry I didn't come to see you sooner, but I was in the middle of level 52 of Spyro: Year of the Dragon on my new PSP."
Kate Houston gasped and stepped forward. "You mean you beat the original Spyro?"
Mr. Friendly nodded in triumph.
Sayid stepped up next to Kate, looking impressed. "And Spyro: Ripto's Rage?"
"Not only that," Mr. Friendly said conspiratorially. "But I even beat the flying levels!"
Kate and Sayid gasped even louder, and John Locke rushed forward. "How?!" he cried. "You must tell me! I've been stuck trying to earn my wings for 6 years!"
"Come on over to our hatch sometime and I'll show you. We're at hatch number 5, the Polecat." he said, happy to find a new student.
Jack looked at him. "What do you mean, you have a hatch?"
"Exactly what I said! There are 6 of them on the island, but we gave number 6 to this crazy French chick, Danielle, so we only have 5." Mr. Friendly explained.
"What about the other 4?" Sawyer asked.
"Well, hatch number 1, the Polar Bear, was destroyed when we were doing some construction," he turned around and glared at one of the Others, a guy whom we know as Henry Gale. Henry turned pink and looked at the ground. "And hatch number 2, the Pearl, is really small and only a monitoring station. We'll probably give you guys hatch number 3, the Swan, it's close to here and big. There is the problem of Desmond, though," he looked around, concerned. "Do you guys mind having a roommate?"
They all kind of stared until Hugo "Hurley" Reyes answered. "Dude, anything's better than the beach."
"That settles it then! We'd give you number 4, the Arachnid, but it freaks most people out," Mr. Friendly said.
"Why?"
"Because it's made of actual arachnids."
"Oh." There was a collective shudder.
"I have a question," Michael raised his hand to get the attention of Zeke. "How did you manage to get a brand new PlayStation Portable and the Spyro games that work on it if you live on a deserted island?"
The Others looked at each other and burst into laughter. "Whoever said this was deserted?"
"So, this isn't an island?" Michael said slowly.
Mr. Friendly sighed and put his arm around Michael's shoulders. "See, you gotta think outside the box. Have any of you ever heard of conspiracy theories?"
The majority of the group nodded there heads.
"Well, nothing here is actually…well, put it this way. Everything that happens is just a bunch of conspiracy theories thrown together by people who enjoy writing things called 'fanfiction'," Mr. Friendly struggled to make them understand.
"So, we're not really real?" a random guy in the crowd asked.
"No you're real, Scott," Mr. Friendly said.
"Um, I'm Scott," another voice said.
"Oh, sorry. I meant to say Steve," the leader apologized.
"But I'm not Steve either," the first random guy said.
"Yeah, I'm Steve," another random guy said.
"Then who are you?" Mr. Friendly asked, getting thoroughly annoyed and confused by now.
"Um, I'm the Frozen Yogurt Guy," he said.
"The Frozen Yogurt Guy?" Jack asked, his eyebrows raised.
"Oh, I remember! The Frogurt Guy!" Charlie called out.
"No one ever bothered to give me a name," he shrugged.
"That's exactly what I'm talking about!" exclaimed Mr. Friendly. "It's all part of some conspiracy theory some bored kid sitting at home came up with!"
"So pretty much what you're saying is we're not really real," the Frogurt Guy said.
"Um, yeah, pretty much," Mr. Friendly shrugged.
"Okay then," Claire said. They all looked around. "What do we do now?"
"Uh, you guys wanna play some DDR?" Ethan asked.
"What's DDR?" Charlie inquired. Everyone gasped and Kate screamed in horror.
"You don't know what DDR is?!" Sawyer screamed.
"Uh, no, should I?" Charlie was really scared.
"YES!"
"See, Charlie, you were too busy getting stoned and blaming your brother for all your problems to learn about this remarkable game," Mr. Friendly said in a consoling manner that was pretty much anything but consoling. "Not that he wasn't a dolt, of course."
"We'll teach you. DDR is Dance Dance Revolution, the greatest game PlayStation has ever come out with," Henry said helpfully.
"And so far, I'm reining champion!" Ethan cried. "I need some new competition! Who's in?"
Everyone cheered. Boone raised his hand. "Yes?" Mr. Friendly asked.
"How come all you have is PlayStation?"
"Uh…conspiracy theories?"
"Yeah, what's wrong with Xbox?" Shannon chimed in.
The Frogurt Guy snorted. "Xbox? Everything's wrong with Xbox. What about Nintendo? I know the new Nintendo Revolution is coming out soon."
"No, dude, they changed the name. It's now called Nintendo Wii," Hurley said.
Jack giggled. "That sounds so wrong on so many levels."
Charlie laughed nervously. "I take it my Atari 2600 isn't widely used, then?"
They all stared at him. "You poor, poor deprived man," Mr. Friendly said.
Claire gave him a look of pure pity. "You couldn't even get one of the later Segas, like a Dreamcast or even a Genesis?"
"I think he would settle for an Atari Jaguar," Steve (or Scott) said, causing lots of random bouts of laughter.
"Stop taking the mickey out of me!" Charlie cried indignantly.
Hurley walked up to him and stared at the front of his shirt. "Dude, I hate to break it to you, but I don't see a mickey anywhere."
"From now on, just call me master, my young Padawan," Sawyer said.
"Why doesn't it surprise me that you like Star Wars?" Jack said.
"Don't blame me. Blame the conspiracy theories."
"Are you going to be doing that every time someone asks you a question?" Kate asked, sighing.
Sawyer looked at her with an expression that said 'do you really want me to say it?' "Conspiracy theories!"
"Well, this is the start of something new," Sayid said.
"It feels so right to be here with you," Mr. Friendly said in a sing-song voice.
"Oh my gosh! "High School Musical"! That is the best movie Disney ever made!" Charlie screamed.
And they all ran off into the forest, singing the songs from "High School Musical": "And now looking in your eyes, I feel in my heeeeeeeeeeart, the start of something neeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeewwwwwwwwwwwwww…"
The End