Disclaimer: I don't own Monk. I don't own Sharona. I do owe thanks to Bob Wright for the inspiration for this story came from him
Monk walked into the kitchen. He was really hungry for some reason. Strange, he normally wasn't hungry until 12 o'clock. It was 11 o'clock. He tried with all he had in him but he couldn't hold back the urge to eat anymore. So, he went into the kitchen. He went into the kitchen right on time.
As he got there he saw Sharona hunched over the kitchen table with a note in front of her and a pen in hand. He could see that she was crying. Glancing over her shoulder he saw the words she had written and it chilled him to the core of his bones. Tentatively and gently he put a hand on the back of her shoulder. She looked up
"YA startled me," Sharona said
"Sharona- why would you be thinking about that? Y-you have so much to live for"
Sharona shook her head.
"Do I," she asked, "I was thinking about that you said the other day. You were right. The past couple of days I had a lot of time to think. This is the best solution"
Now Adrian's heart was pounding in his chest. This was no solution. Sharona was a young, beautiful and vibrant woman. She had so much to live for. She looked up to see that his eyes were pooling with tears.
"Are you crying," she asked him, "believe me I'm nothing to cry about"
"How can you say that," Monk said, "Y-you have so many people who love you"
"Really? Name one"
Monk turned his friend to face him so that she would have to look into his eyes.
"I love you," he told her, "I need you"
"Adrian… I'm not the same person that I used to be"
"That's okay," he said gently, "that doesn't mean I don't love you and that doesn't mean I don't need you. Benjy also needs you and loves you"
"He's better off without me. You even pointed that out the last time we argued"
"And that was so wrong of me to say," he told her, "and I would give anything to go back and erase that. I wish I could-"
"Don't you get it? You were right. I've become someone entirely… you… there are things you don't understand"
"I know. I want to understand them"
"I can't tell you"
"Yes," he said, "you can"
So she did. She told him everything. She told him about how she'd been hurting emotionally and felt like she hasn't been herself in months possibly years. She told him about her past. She told him about how she had adopted Benjy as an infant and now his biological mother was trying to get him back. She told him about how she probably was going to win.
"Now I'm going to lose Benjy," she said in between sobs
She told him about the accident she had been in years before. She had lost her memory for quite some time and now it was finally coming back but all she could remember was the accident. She could remember waking up with nightmares about it but there was a part of her that was missing.
"Sometimes when I look at pictures of the past I- I think I remember but the past is so different then today. Today's something I am so unsure of. I remember I used to be a strong confident person. I used to be able to handle myself so well. Now I'm just a shell of what I used to be. I'm not t- that person I was before"
She told him about how scared she had been in the past few weeks and how lonely she had been. She told him about how she couldn't focus on anything. She told him about how her past had affected her and what she remembered about it and finally she ended with those words.
"I KNOW I should have told you before. I know that I should have explained the situation sooner. You don't have to tell me that. You don't have to say what I know you're going to say because I know… I already know. I am already- I have been for the past long time"
As she spoke he listened intently to every one of her words. He didn't interrupt. He didn't even make a sound until she was done talking.
"You definitely should have told me sooner," he acknowledged, "because you've been holding so much in. Sharona, there is no way in hell I'm going to let anything bad happen to you. There is no way in hell I'm going to let you lose Benjy to his birth mother. The past is the past and we can't go back to the past but that's okay. You are who you are today and you are the most beautiful smartest most thoughtful most caring woman that I know"
"No I'm not," Sharona said, "she is"
"She… yes but so are you. Sharona who you were in your past is part of who you are now"
"Yes but I'm not the same person I used to be"
"That's understandable. You can't be the same person you were in the past. The past is the past but let me tell you something"
He looked directly into her eyes, "you are VERY much needed and you are very much loved"