Author's Note: In celebration of Christmas this year I'm going to post a new one-shot each day counting down to Christmas. All of them will be unrelated. Some will be happy and fluffy, some angsty and some smutty. I'll rate and summarize each story at the beginning of the chapter. Hope you guys enjoy and are having a happy holiday season!

Rating: T
Summary: Dark memories from Tony's past surface when Abby asks him to be Santa Claus for the kids at the orphanage. Can Gibbs help him find the joy of Christmas again?

Santa Tony

"Please Tony," Abby begged. "Please, please, please!"

"No," Tony said.

Abby's bright smile turned to a devastated frown. If begging wasn't going to work maybe her sad face would.

"Come on, Abs, don't look at me like that."

"Like what?" Abby asked innocently.

"Don't play dumb with me," Tony said with a playful glare.

"I'm just really sad thinking about all those kids at the orphanage that aren't gonna get to sit on Santa's lap this year," Abby said with a sigh.

"Well, I'm sorry but you're gonna have to find someone else to play Santa," Tony said.

Abby turned her lower lip out and dropped her shoulders in defeat as she stared up at Tony with the most pathetic expression she could muster.

"I have to work," Tony said. "You know that. Maybe if you woulda asked me earlier I could've taken the day off and been your Santa Claus."

"If I can convince Gibbs will you do it?"

Tony let out a little snicker. There was no way Gibbs was going to give him a day off work. "Sure," he said, "if you can convince Gibbs then I'll do it."

Abby smiled brightly and threw her arms around Tony. "Thank you so much, Tony!"

"No problem, Abs."

"What?!" Tony asked in shock.

"I told Abby you could have the time off," Gibbs replied before taking another bite of his Chinese food.

"But I'm supposed to work," Tony said. "You're gonna be a man down. What if we get a case or something?"

"We'll manage," Gibbs said.

"But…but…what—I don't… how… why—" Tony stumbled over his words, unsure about how to respond. He scowled angrily. Since when was Gibbs all about holiday cheer? They hadn't even put up a Christmas tree at their house. In fact, their house was the only one on the block completely devoid of anything Christmassy.

"Your food's gettin' cold," Gibbs said with an amused smirk

Tony pushed the carton of cashew chicken back and flopped dramatically against the couch. His lover wasn't even taking any pity on him. One of his frat brothers had been a mall Santa one year for a little extra spending money and Tony had heard horror stories from his experience—puking, crying, peeing kids, greedy kids, kids that broke his heart with stories of their misfortune—there had been all kinds. There was also that incident from his childhood but Tony didn't even want to think about that.

"You sent Abby after me because you thought I'd say no, didn't you?" Gibbs asked.

Tony shrugged. "I tried to say no but she pulled that sad, pathetic face. Seemed like a good way to get her off my back. I didn't realize it was gonna backfire on me."

"I know you're dreading it but those kids are gonna remember this for the rest of their lives."

"Why don't you do it?" Tony asked. "You're more in the Santa age range."

"Excuse me?" Gibbs asked. "How old is Santa?"

"I dunno."

"Exactly. You've never met him."

"Met him? What're you talking about? There is no Santa!"

"I wouldn't let him hear you say that," Gibbs teased. "You're gonna find coal in your stocking."

"I don't have a stocking!" Tony replied incredulously.

"Cheer up, Tony. It could be worse."

Tony sighed heavily and closed his eyes. "I'm not so sure about that."

Gibbs put his food down and leaned back next to Tony. He pressed a kiss to Tony's cheek then rested his head against Tony's. "I love you."

"Love you too," Tony muttered.

"That was the least convincing 'love you' I've ever heard."

Tony turned towards Gibbs and nuzzled into the man's neck. "I love you too," he said.

"Are you ready?" Abby asked, beaming with excitement as she bounded into the bullpen. "It's almost time."

"No," Tony answered dully, "and what the hell are you wearing?"

"I'm your elf," Abby proclaimed.

"Hmpf."

"Tony, Santa Claus is holly and jolly! You're acting more like Scrooge. What's wrong with you?"

"I don't wanna do this," Tony muttered.

"I know that," Abby replied, "but you said you would if I got Gibbs to agree to it and I did. Now go put your Santa suit on!"

"Here?!" Tony asked.

"You didn't have any problem parading around in that ridiculous Travolta costume last Halloween."

"Ridiculous?!"

"DiNozzo, go put the damn suit on," Gibbs said.

"I hate you all," Tony grumped before disappearing down the hall.

"What's the matter with him, Gibbs?" Abby asked. "I know he's not thrilled about doing this but it seems like it's something more than that."

"I don't know, Abs," Gibbs said curiously. Tony had never been a big fan of Christmas but Gibbs agreed with Abby's assessment, he was acting extra Scrooge-ish this year. Something was definitely going on with him.

"You don't think he's gonna ruin Santa for the kids, do you?" Abby asked.

Gibbs looked towards the hall Tony had disappeared down moments ago and shook his head. "He'll be a good Santa," he said confidently with a wink.

It wasn't long before Tony was sulking back towards the bullpen all decked in his Santa suit.

"You look great!" Abby said with a smile.

"Ho, ho, ho," Tony said flatly.

Gibbs stood from his desk and took the wig and beard out of Tony's hand. "Just remember who you're doing this for, Tony," he said softly as he covered Tony's dark hair with the white haired wig. "Remember what this holiday means to those little kids." He tilted Tony's chin up so he could get the beard positioned and stuck on and looking as natural as possible.

Tony stood dejectedly, staring past Gibbs while the man helped his with the finishing touches of his disguise. Tim and Ziva sensed Tony's distress and spared him from the jokes they so easily could've made at his expense.

"Smile," Gibbs said as he finished up with Tony's beard.

"No," Tony said. "I'll smile for the kids but that's it."

Gibbs stilled his hands and stared deep into Tony's eyes. He wanted to grill him about what was going on but there wasn't time and the bullpen wasn't the place. It was obvious this was a conversation they needed to have in private. He rested his hand against Tony's face and rubbed his thumb affectionately across Tony's cheek.

"Can I go home after this?" Tony asked. He had to say something. Gibbs' piercing gaze and soothing touches was making him want to cry. What the hell was wrong with him?

"Yeah," Gibbs answered. "You gonna be there when I get home?"

"Where else would I be?"

"I dunno," Gibbs answered.

Tony turned away from Gibbs, unable to withstand the scrutiny any longer. "Let's get this over with, Abby."

Abby looked at Gibbs one last time and he just shrugged at her then she chased Tony over to the elevator.

Gibbs walked into the house he lived in with Tony carrying the pizza he'd picked up for their dinner. Abby had reported that Tony was in fact a wonderful Santa Claus to the children at the orphanage but despondent on the trip there and the drive home. He'd ridden with Abby and she'd dropped him off at home before returning to work.

Gibbs walked into the living room and found Tony wrapped up in his fleece Marine Corps blanket in front of the TV. The Santa suit was on the floor right inside the living room as if Tony had stripped out of it right away when he'd arrived home and not bothered to put anything else on.

"You're naked under that blanket, aren't ya?" Gibbs asked, testing his lover's mood.

Tony shrugged. "Boxers." He sounded just as unhappy as the last time Gibbs had seen him.

"Brought dinner," Gibbs said dropping the pizza box on the coffee table.

He picked the Santa suit up and grabbed a couple hangers out of the coat closet in the entryway so he could hang it up. After hanging it in the coat closet to go back to Abby the following day, Tony still hadn't made any effort to get a piece of pizza so Gibbs walked over to him, opened the box, pulled out a slice and handed it to him. Tony took it but just sat and stared at it.

"I'm gonna go change," Gibbs said. "Do you want me to bring you some clothes down?"

"No."

"'kay." Gibbs ran his hand through Tony's hair as he leaned down to kiss his forehead.

After changing into a pair of jeans and a long sleeve t-shirt layered with a short sleeve t-shirt, Gibbs returned to the living room and got to work building a fire. The old house could get drafty and with Tony barely dressed Gibbs didn't want him getting sick. When he was done with that he sat down on the couch next to Tony. There was one bite missing from the piece of pizza he'd handed him before going upstairs and it was now sitting on top of the pizza box.

Gibbs wrapped his arm around his lover and pulled him into his side.

Tony went willing and rested his head against Gibbs' shoulder. "I'm an ass," he said.

"You may be an ass sometimes but you're my ass and I love you," Gibbs replied before kissing the top of Tony's head. "You gonna tell me what's going on?"

"Nothin'," Tony lied.

Gibbs nudged the pizza box out of the way with his foot then turned into Tony and rested his feet on the coffee table. Tony willingly turned towards Gibbs and leaned heavily against his chest. Gibbs combed his fingers through Tony's hair and rubbed his back while he pressed kisses to the top of his head.

Tony squirmed around until the blanket was no longer separating them then pushed Gibbs' shirt up his chest and laid back against the man. He needed that skin to skin contact, the comforting touch and the strong, familiar scent. Gibbs tugged his shirts over his head then pulled the blanket around them both before once again wrapping his arms around Tony.

"Tell me what's bothering you, Tony," Gibbs requested as he brushed his thumb across Tony's cheek.

Tony lazily played with the hairs on Gibbs' now bare chest as he tried to figure out where to start. "There is no such thing as Santa, you little twerp. Get that through your head and leave me alone," Tony said.

Gibbs continued his soft strokes and gentle touches, waiting patiently for Tony to continue.

"That's what my dad said to me the Christmas after my mom died when I asked him to take me to see Santa Claus." Tony grew quiet again, letting the tension leave his body as Gibbs continued soothing him. "That was the day Christmas went from my favorite holiday to the one I hated the most."

"Not exactly the gentlest way to find out Santa's not real," Gibbs said.

"That was the beginning of Dad being so busy trying to hold things together that he didn't have time for me," Tony said. "It was probably dumb that I still believed in Santa anyways. I mean, I was eight years old. What eight year old still believes in Santa?"

"I would guess there're a lot of eight year olds that believe in Santa," Gibbs said gently, "but I don't think that's the point here."

"Sure it is," Tony said. "That's why I behaved like an ass today. I'm sure some shrink would tell you that the magic of Santa Claus was stolen from me so I didn't want any other kid to have it."

"Abby said you were the best Santa the orphanage has ever had," Gibbs said. "You're angry and you're hurt and that's understandable but you didn't steal the magic of Santa from the kids today. If anything you did the opposite, you helped 'em believe."

Tony grew quiet again, trying desperately to keep his composure when all he wanted to do was scream and cry and find some outlet for his pain, anger and rage. It did feel good to talk about it though, especially with Gibbs. Gibbs knew what it was like to lose his mom. He took a deep breath before continuing.

"Christmas was Mom's favorite time of the year. She used to go all out. The day after Thanksgiving we'd decorate the outside of the house." Tony laughed at the memory of his mom hanging lights in her designer snowsuit. "The first weekend in December we'd start decorating the inside of the house. She'd keep me home from school that Friday and we'd spend hours searching for the perfect tree. We'd spent the rest of the weekend decorating every room in the house."

"Once the house was decorated we'd start our movie watching marathons," he continued, "every Christmas movie worth watching. We'd wear our Christmas pajamas and eat caramel popcorn until we got stomach aches. Know what I was gonna ask Santa for that year my dad wouldn't take me?"

"Hmm?"

"I was gonna ask him for my mom back. I was sure he could do it. Santa Claus was next to Superman in his abilities; he could do anything. Then I found out it was all a lie. No Santa. Mom was gone. Dad was busy. I was all alone and Christmas was just a hoax. When I put on that Santa suit today, all I could think about was how I was lying to all those kids and how when they find out, they're gonna be just as messed up as I was… am."

"You didn't lie to those kids, Tony," Gibbs said. "Santa's a magical figure for little kids to believe in and as they grow up, yeah, eventually they'll find out he's not real but that's just part of growing up. Most parents have enough common sense to break the news gently and except for a little disappointment the kid turns out fine. I know that's not how it worked out for you but all you did today is spread a little holiday cheer."

"Do you really think so?" Tony whispered.

"Yes, I really think so," Gibbs said. "Think about all the people in the world that love Christmas. I betcha ninety nine percent of them grew up believing in Santa and even after finding out he wasn't real they still love Christmas and still ended up letting their own children believe."

"Never thought about it that way," Tony admitted.

"Sometimes we need help seeing things from a different perspective," Gibbs said as he wrapped his arms tighter around Tony. "Do you think we can dig into that pizza now?" he asked when he felt Tony finally starting to relax in his arms.

"Yeah," Tony answered. He leaned up and grabbed the piece he'd already taken a bite out of and got another one for Gibbs then nestled back into his lover's chest, hoping Gibbs didn't mind if they stayed cuddled up. "Jethro?"

"Hmm?"

"Thank you. I love you."

"You're welcome," Gibbs said, "and I love you too."

End