Heaven's Mirror by Allyn Yonge
Ranma is the God of Manly Virtues, and a complete pain in the rear. He's certainly not the favourite of Amaterasu as she makes pointedly clear to him. She thinks he needs a wife, and she's going to get him one. There is one that Ranma would like, but Verdhandi is way to good for him in everyone's opinion except his own. He's not even allowed off the Kami plane to pursue her. Well, there may be a way, and a quick trip to the Goddess Helpline offices has him taking a trip to earth to grant a wish. Once that's done he'll be free to go to see Verdhandi for a bit before going home. Unfortunately the wish is to Akane...
Tall and golden, like a living flame, she moved through the ancient forest with quicksilver grace, stopping underneath a tree that had been old when the Ainu people discovered agriculture. "Ame-no-Tokotaoki-Ran-Ma-no- Miketo-attend me!"
"Auntie Ama," the lithe figure dropped lightly from the top of an ancient pine, "How wonderful to see-" the welcoming smile faded as the tall, regal woman stared silently at him, golden eyes burning with tightly controlled fury. Under the force of that gaze his knee slowly bent, until he knelt with his forehead pressed to the ground in front of her sandalled foot.
"Ama-Tera-Suu-O-Mi-Kami, Daughter of Izanagi, Ruler of the Plain of Heaven, Sun Behind the Rock, Light of the World... I, Ame-no-Tokotaoki-Ran-Ma-no-Miketo, Son of... of" perhaps that relationship was better left unsaid
"God of Manly Virtue, great you, and beg your merciful indulgence to allow my unworthy self into your august and holy presence."
Silence, that stretched on and on, as if the Sun Goddess had not quite made up her mind whether she wanted his "Manly Virtue" medium-rare or extra-crispy.
"Very prettily done, Son of Su-sa-no-oh." She answered at last, and Ran-Ma winced. She only recalled his relationship to her brother when she was really pissed. If he were lucky, she might just incinerate him in a ball of fire.
Painful, but quick and he'd regenerate. Eventually. On the other hand, Auntie Ama, would cherish a grudge for years, carefully tending to it to make sure it grew up strong and healthy, taking it out every now and then to show it off to friends and relatives.
No one but complete psychotic with a death-wish,(or his father) wanted to get on her "To-Be-Fucked-with-a- Fireball-Before-Brunch" list.
"Thank you, Ama-Tera-Suu-O-Mi-Kami, Daughterof Izanagi, Ruler of the Plain of Heaven-"
"Are you going to recite all of my titles each time you speak to me?" she asked in a neutral tone.
"As your Magnificence wishes," he said carefully.
Despite his parentage, no one had ever accused him of having a death wish. His sanity, however, was still in question in many quarters.
" Your Magnificence wishes you to stand up. I'm tired of looking at the top of your head."
With the grace of a dancer he rose to his feet, and with a flourish of his cape, made a jaunty half-bow. She might decide at any instant he made a better charcoal briquette than a god, but at least he could go out with style.
"Do you know what this is," Ran-Ma started at the seeming non-sequitur as the sun goddess produced a sun- baked clay tablet, covered with cuneiform writing. "Or this?"
A beautifully woven tapestry was next, all green and red and blue, covered with a swirling script that seemed alive. "Or this perhaps?" A reed scroll followed, lined with stark angular lines that seemed to shiver with sullen brooding intensity.
"Complaints," the sun goddess answered for him.
"From Vishnu," she held up the reed scroll, "from Pwyll, Prince of Dyved in Annwuyn," she held out the tapestry, "from Gilgamesh in Ur ... " she glanced at the crumbling tablet. "There haven't been any worshipers in Ur since the fall of Sumeria. Do you have any idea what it takes to rouse the gods of Lost Ur from their slumber?"
Ran-Ma had an uneasy feeling he knew where this was heading.
"She looked so lonely-" he started to defend himself.
"Did I ask you a question?" The sun goddess flared in anger, forcing Ran-Ma back a step.
"Quetzalcoatl has been roaring and shedding feathers all over my floor since this morning, Artemis and Diana are throwing dice in the kitchen, to decide who gets your head over their mantel and who gets ... other parts," Ran-Ma turned a little green and his knees closed involuntarily, a fact Ama-Tera-Suu noted with a tiny, hidden, smile.
"In fact, about the only one I haven't heard from yet, are the Rapa Nui, and I expect the only reason I haven't had one of those stone Moai tracking dirt across my floor, is that they've been extinct for twelve thousand years!"
Ran-Ma decided this might not be the time to bring up the fact that he'd found some survivors of the lost race of Easter Island. Delightful creatures, very shy and friendly who often greeted strangers wearing nothing more than a flower and a smile. Unfortunately, there'd been a serious blossom shortage when he'd first found them so it had taken extensive... research... before he completely understood all their customs.
"You are a young god," Ama-Tera-Suu continued, glancing at him in an exasperated way that made him wonder if she could read his mind, "and everyone has tried to make allowances. But," she continued sternly, "you are the God- of-Manly-Virtues and it's time you realized that there are more virtues than fighting and fornicating," She stepped back, eyeing his beautiful masculine form with a knowing eye, "no matter how skilled you may be in their exercise."
Ran-Ma had the grace to blush.
"I think it is time you were married... "
"MARRIED!" If she'd said 'drawn-and-quartered' he couldn't have been more horrified. "I'm not... you can't... there isn't anyone... " he stuttered to a confused halt, realizing who he was talking too. She could have him married to a tree-stump if she wanted. And make him like it.
"There is no need to make a decision immediately," she continued, relenting slightly, and a little amused at his horrified reaction. "but as the God-of-Manly-Virtues it is especially important that you find balance in your realm of responsibility. As a single god, your Yang will become concentrated, rigid and destructive. Instead of strengthening Manly-Virtues in the mortal realm, you will produce grotesque distortions."
"I... I bow to your superior wisdom, Ama-Tera-Suu-O-Mi-Kami," he responded, mind racing to find some way to divert her from this dangerous line of thought. "With your surpassing wisdom as my guide and your beauty as my inspiration I feel certain I will be able to mend my ways."
Ama-Tera-Suu smiled benignly down on him and pinched his cheek with two delicate fingers, scorching his flesh to the bone. "Do not think to deceive me, little godling," she said in cool tones.
With supreme effort of will he remained on his feet, fighting off waves of blackness that washed over him, keeping his face expressionless.
"Your father already holds the place of 'Lord-of-Snakes-and-Storms'," her tone was still neutral, but her eyes held the promise of pain and death. "a second Impetuous-Male would be... redundant." With this not very veiled warning the Ruler of the Plain of Heaven, Light of the World vanished.
Holding himself erect for a moment more, after she vanished, Ran-Ma fought to repair the damage to his godly flesh. Slowly... slowly, the hole that had been seared in his face was filled with new bone and flesh. Hardest of all was quenching the smoldering ember of sun-fire that Ama-Tera-Suu had left behind in the wound, and the effort left him weak and shaking.
"Friend Ran-Ma," the gravely base rumbled across the small clearing like a distant thunderstorm, "it is good to see you."
"Hello, Andvari," The approaching figure had skin the colour of weathered mahogany and a bristling night-black beard that hung past his iron belt. "What mischief are you up to?"
"Mischief?" Eyes like chips of flint glinted merrily, "Can't I just come to visit a friend?"
"All of your friends are dead," Ran-Ma countered, feeling his strength returning slowly, "in Hel-gard, or both."
"Ah, friend Ran-Ma, you wound me." the Svartalfar smiled broadly, revealing a mouth full of blunt, yellow teeth.
"I was passing and heard what the beautiful Ama-Tera-Suu had to say. I thought I would offer my congratulations on your coming nuptials."'
"I ain't getting married," Ran-Ma muttered sullenly, the pain in his cheek and the knowledge that his humiliation had been witnessed made his tongue careless.
"I don't see how you can avoid it," the black-elf said sympathetically, "and there is no shame in being afraid of so senior a goddess."
"I ain't afraid of her," Ran-Ma retorted, "And I'm not gonna get married!"
"Ahhh... of course not."
Ran-Ma flushed at the soothing tone, as if he were a fractious child.
"I'm not gettin' married, an' she can't make me."
"No ... no, of course not,"the master of Stone-Lodge- Forge-Beneath-Copper-Mountain agreed, sympathetically, "no one can make you do anything you don't want to do."
Ran-Ma gave a jerky nod of agreement, knowing full well that the dwarfish master-smith was just trying to cheer him up. One of the things he liked best about the old rock-eater was his unfailing good humor. That and a capacity for lager that exceeded his own.
"Marriage will be good for you," Andvari rubbed his hooked nose with a blunt finger tip, grinning slyly at his young friend. "A wife will make sure you have a good breakfast each morning, keep you from drinking too much and getting into fights and make sure you don't stay out late at night."
The God-of-Manly-Virtues looked as if he'd bitten into something sour as the black-elf enumerated the treats in store for him.
"It pains me to see you so distressed," Andvari pulled a heavy brown bottle from a pocket of his leather apron and popped the cap off with a thick nail, black with soot from his forge. "drink, and forget your troubles for a while." He produced glasses from the same pocket and poured the full of a rich nutty lager.
"You're a good friend," Ran-Ma sighed, downing half his mug in a single gulp. "If you were a woman, I'd marry you."
"Ha!" The dwarvish-smith slapped Ran-Ma on the back, "perhaps I should ask Ama-Tera-Suu what kind of dowry she will accept." The black-elf convulsed in laughter as Ran-Ma sprayed a mouth-full of beer halfway across the clearing.
"Don't even think it," Ran-Ma shuddered. "Auntie Ama might decide to take you up on the offer."
"Then perhaps you'd better come up with some suggestions of your own," Andvari offered seriously. "otherwise who knows what you'll end up with? Some nagging shrew or some insipid bit of fluff who clings and cries and hasn't a bit of backbone." Andvari shuddered, burying his face in his mug.
"No," Ran-Ma appeared much struck by the thought, "no I wouldn't want that. Thank you for your advice."
"I am always glad to help a friend," Andvari smiled, an expression that gave him a vaguely vulpine look. "I'm always glad to help a friend."
"If you're looking for Lofn, she's gone to Innsbrook with Ull. Something about... new powder?"
"Why Freyja!" Cobalt-blue half-cape swirling, the slender, beautiful boy turned and bowed slightly in greeting, turning the commonplace courtesy into an erotic invitation.
"How could you even think I would have any interest in her, while I'm in the presence of the very essence of Beauty and Passion." He somehow managed to simultaneously imbue the words with both reverence and a smoky sensuality. "And may I say how beautiful you are looking today?" He flashed a smile and, despite eons of experience, the stately goddess of love and fertility felt her knees weaken. Sternly calling her knees (and other parts) to order, she planted herself firmly in front of the door to the Y.G.G.D.R.A.S.I.L system.
"Don't you 'Why Freyja' me, Ame-no-Tokotaoki- Ran-Ma-no-Mikoto. I'm not falling for any of your tricks."
"Tricks?" She only used his full name when she was serious. But, while she was a senior Mother Goddess and eons stronger than he was, she was also only a woman. He looked at her through innocent ice-blue eyes, framed by thick curly lashes. "You wound me Freyja-sama." He took one of her hands in his, gently as if holding a precious treasure, and pressed his lips to her palm. "You know I would never try to trick you."
Heat flashed up her arm as if she'd been branded and his low sensuous voice made her feel as if a cat (a large, lazy, self-satisfied Tom) was stropping itself across her bones.
Momentarily paralyzed by sensory overload she stood still as "Heavenly-Eternal-Wild-Horse-God" passed through theportal leading to the central computer and vanished.
Freyja shook off her paralysis as the God-of-Manly-Virtues vanished with a pop of displaced aether. A string of vile oaths spilled from her lips as she realized he'd done it to her again! Then she realized the unpredictable, egotistical and licentious god was loose in the central control system.
Not that he cared one whit about the terrible energies contained in the master control. No, it was all those unprotected, Tuatha De Danaan, Valkyrie, Dryad and other comely females who ran and maintained The System that interested him. Paling at the memory of the last time he'd gained access to the system (they'd lost half the world-force to unplanned pregnancies) she hurried to find Heimdall and give the alarm.
"Hello ,little one," the athletic male lounged negligently against one edge of her console. "What is your name?"
"Oh!" the tiny dryad squealed and jumped at the unexpected presence. "Ame-no-Tok-"
He pressed a finger to her lips and her whole body tingled at the contact. "Call me Ran-Ma, little one."
"Oh... but I couldn't-"
He smiled and she felt her insides go all warm and squishy. "But you can ... all my special friends do."
"A... all right... R... Ran-Ma. M... my name is Gna."She smiled tremulously, the expression highlighting her fox-like features.
"That's a pretty name," he decided to turn down his smile a notch, before the little dryad collapsed from heart-failure. "Now, what important work do they have you doing today?"
"It's nothing important Ame-no ... I mean Ran-Ma," she corrected, blushing as he winked at her. "I just keep track of traffic crossing the Biofrost Bridge between here and Mithgarthr."
"But that's a very important job, Gna-chan," she almost swooned as he added the affectionate ending and he swore silently to himself. If he didn't watch it, the silly little twit would go all to jelly before he could- "there are so many crossings. How do you keep track of it all?" A few moments later he knew much more than he ever cared to learn about scheduling algorithms, neural-net servers and fuzzy-logic predictors. More importantly, from watching her fingers fly across her key-board, he now had a level three administrative password to the system.
Ran-Ma cursed under his breath as a series of arcane runes scrolled across the monitor of the computer he had "appropriated" in an unused cubical. Earth?! How was he supposed to get to her there? Maybe he should just forget the whole thing.
"Having problems?"
"Andvari!" Ran-Ma's heart slammed into his throat at the unexpected voice.
"Hmmm... ,"The black-elf peered over Ran-Ma's shoulder. "Dear me. Earth? You're not thinking of going to Earth, are you?"
"And what if I am?" Ran-Ma said petulantly.
"You're restricted to the Kami-realm. You can't possibly go to Earth without permission." And they both knew how unlikely Ran-Ma was to be granted such permission. Kami-sama had muttered something about ice-skating in hell, the last time the subject had been broached.
"It's impossible for you to go to Earth," Andvari looked worriedly at his young friend. "and as for that one," he stabbed at a name on the screen with a blunt finger, "Put all such thoughts from your mind. She is not for you."
"You don't think she would be acceptable to Ama-Tera-Suu?" Ran-Ma asked, not sure which angered him more; being reminded that he was restricted to the Kami- realm, like a small child sent to his room, or being told there was a woman he couldn't have.
"Oh, she is more than acceptable. It is you-" Andvari broke off suddenly. "That is ... " he fumbled for the right words, black-elves being noted for their facility in forging steel, not words.
"I'm not good enough for her," Ran-Ma finished with an edge to his voice. "is that what you mean?"
"She is one of the highest ranked and most respected of the Aesir," Andvir said softly. "and you are ... " He trailed off, then continued more briskly. "I will leave first to make sure the corridor is clear." With that the old smith vanished through the door.
Damn. And double damn, Ran-Ma thought. How dare Andvari tell him he wasn't good enough to marry her. How dare he tell him he couldn't even go to Earth.
Conveniently he ignored the fact that Andvari hadn't actually said either thing.
He was a god, for Ultimate's sake. He wasn't going to go tamely to his fate. There was no reason why he shouldn't choose her for his bride.
Well, he thought reluctantly, perhaps there was one reason. He was good, (well, the best actually, he reluctantly conceded to himself with perfect masculine modesty) but even he might find it difficult to seduce Verdandi, if he couldn't even get close enough to talk to her. He let thoughts of the innocently-earthy goddess fade to the back of his mind as he bent his intellect to the immediate problem of getting to Earth. He'd never get permission to go if he asked directly.
Not after that affair with the little farm girl a few hundred years ago. What was her name? Jean ... or was it Joan ... something like that. Those stuffy old windbags in the Christian sector had been willing to let her die a virgin for Ultimate's sake. He'd done the poor little thing a favor and it hadn't made any real difference in the end. She'd still ended up a saint, while he had been forbidden to leave the Kami realm for a thousand years. Shaking his head at the injustice of it all (and ignoring the fact that he was in technical violation of his sentence already) he pondered how to get around his restrictions.
"Attention please. Attention please." The pleasant melodious voice brought him out of his revere. "Will the following Valkyrie report to the Goddess Relief Office for over-time assignments... " he worried at his problem of somehow getting a pass to Earth with half his mind, while the other half wondered if the voice's owner might like to have a cup of tea with him after work.
" ... needed for immediate assignment to Mithgarthr."
Poor thing, he thought as inspiration hit him. She'd have to wait for tea with him until he returned.
"I'm not really sure I should let you do this," the husky, blond Valkyrie said nervously. "Only authorized personnel are supposed to answer calls. I don't think-"
"You shouldn't think, darlin'," his voice flowed over her like melted chocolate. "it only gives you worry lines." Ran-Ma smoothed away an imaginary line, then let his finger trail down her cheek to brush lightly against her lip. "You look like you could use a little help, handling the over-time. And I've got a password , so that makes me authorized." He winked at her as he tapped commands into the system, then settled into the seat.
Lnn pressed a trembling hand to a cheek that felt as if it had been branded by his touch. Although he was a god, he did have a password, so it should be alright. But-
"I'll have to call and clear it with my supervisor," she said, reaching for a phone.
"You do that darlin'," Ran-Ma said, in the tones of I-Would-Never-Lie-to-You-Darling-Innocence that were one of the primary Manly-Virtues. A light blinked on the phone on his desk and he reached for it, before she could stop him.
"Goddess Relief Office ... "
"Dammit! This is the number they transferred me to. I just need-NO! Don't put me on hold ... " She slammed the phone back into the cradle in disgust, as the atonal beep-beep indicated she'd been cut off. Again. Glancing at a slip of paper with a number scrawled on it she angrily punched in the digits so forcefully that one of the plastic keys flew across the room.
"Goddess Relief Off-"
"Sorry!" she snarled, "Wrong number," slamming the phone back into the cradle. She hated dealing with this. It was Nabiki's fault for not mailing the payment on time. No, she forced herself to be honest, Kasumi had asked her to pay the gas-bill in person, once they'd missed the mail-by-date. But she'd kept putting it off ,until they cut off the gas.
Kasumi hadn't fussed, just given her that look, the one that made her feel about three inches tall, and asked her to please see about getting the gas turned on again. It was her fault, she knew. All she had to do was get on the train and take the envelope with the payment across town... a cold sweat broke out over her body and she felt a stabbing pain as one of her headaches started.
"Hello, I'm from-"The resonate masculine voice came suddenly behind her.
A Badger-Claw back-kick shut his mouth, and a double reverse-crescent kick slammed him against the wall.
"Who are you!" Akane demanded, panting slightly from the sudden surge of adrenalin. "What are you doing in my house?"
"I am Ame-no-Tokotaoki-Ran-Ma-no-Mikato, from the Goddess Relief Office-" Ran-Ma started smoothly, in no wise discommoded by an attack that would have hospitalized a mere-mortal. He brushed an imaginary wrinkle from his vermillion spider-silk shirt.
"Goddess?" Akane snorted. "you're not built like any goddess I've ever heard of." She didn't drop her guard, watching the obviously dangerous lunatic closely. "You're pretty enough, though." She eyed him up and down, taking in his carefully coiffured and perfumed hair, brightly coloured clothes and jeweled bracers.
Ran-Ma flushed slightly at the contempt he saw in her eyes, and the way she backed away a step. As if the God-of-Manly-Virtues would have designs on a scruffy little mouse of a girl. She looked like a boy with that short hair and in those baggy, mud coloured clothes.
"I am temporarily," he stressed the word, "helping out at the office. I'm here in answer to your call."
"You're from the gas company?"
"No," Ran-Ma was starting to get annoyed. "I'm here to grant you a wish-"
This is a joke, right? Did Nabiki put you up to this?" Akane relaxed slightly, realizing that this had to be a put-up job. She had no idea what Nabiki was up to, but then she never did. She'd just have to hope it wouldn't cost too much, or be too embarrassing.
"Look, I'm sorry-really, really sorry I missed the gas payment," she gestured to the much abused phone. "I'm trying to get it straightened out now. Just tell Nabiki-"
"A wish," Ran-Ma stressed. He had to grant this mortal's wish before the System would release him to return to the Kami plane. "Just tell me what you want." Of course, there was no rule on exactly when he had to return. Which would give him plenty of time to find Verdandi and make her his bride.
"Right," Akane snorted, "Like if I wished for a billion yen ... "
"Money is no prob-"
"Or world peace, or to end world hunger-"
"Well, strictly speaking we're only supposed to-"
"But why be small minded," Akane paced angrily back and forth, her voice rising with each word. "why not wish to be Empress of Japan-"
"Actually," sweat beaded his upper lip and he resisted an urge to wipe it off. "the Goddess Relief Office is only supposed to grant local wishes."
" -or Empress of the World!" Akane spread her arms dramatically wide, ignoring Ran-Ma.
Crap. The System would force him to grant any wish in his power, but he could imagine what they would do if he violated the space-time continuum to make this little mouse Empress of the World. They'd flayed his father alive and rolled him in salt, just for throwing a dead horse into Aunt Amaterasu's sewing room. (and killing one of her serving ladies, when a scissor had pierced her groin. Though, privately he'd always suspected the piercing had been done by an entirely different sort of tool. Daddy always had been a randy sort) which would be a child's prank compared to re-writing future history on this scale. Plus, he'd be filling out paper-work until two weeks after the heat-death of this universe. Which would be a real waste of Manly-Virtue.
"I don't think you'd be happy as Empress," he countered hastily. "All those cabinet meeting ... always worrying about war and assassination-"
"Can't you make me Empress?" she asked in a mock- sorrowful tone that made him decide to grant that wish, just to whip that smug look off her face. She didn't pause long enough for him to get a wish in edgewise.
"Well, I suppose I'll have to settle for a billion yen-"
"Certainly-"
"And getting the gas turned back on-"
"Not a prob-"
"And while you're at it, maybe you can do something about my headache!"
"Gladly," Anything. He'd grant all of them, just to be away from the annoying little shrew.
"But you know what I really, really want!" She stalked close, punching him in the chest with an index finger.
"YES!" he snapped. "That's what I've been telling you. Just tell me what you want-"
"What I want," she jabbed him in the chest, pushing him back a step. "Is for over-bred-"
Punch.
"Overdressed-"
"Hey!" Just because she was a dowdy little mouse who couldn't recognize Manly-Elegance when she saw it ...
"Lazy, good for nothing ... "
Punch.
He was getting really tired of her pretending he was a pin cushion. It didn't hurt of course, it was the principle of the thing.
"Pampered, rich-"
Punch.
"Over-SEXED-"
Punch.
He was not over-sexed, he was simply blessed with an abundance of Manly-Virtue.
"College boys ... " she said in a tone of voice normally associated with describing slimy bits of rot found under a rock, "that don't have anything better to do than play stupid jokes-"
"This isn't a joke!" he protested.
"Don't have any idea about the real world!" she continued, ignoring him as if her were part of the furniture.
"Don't care that some people have to worry about the gas bill-"
Punch.
"About that bill, I can help-"
Punch.
"Cram school, passing entrance exams-"
"Entrance exams are a speciality-"
Punch!
"What I wish for-"
Punch.
Here it comes-at last-he thought. One entrance exam coming up.
"I wish that an arrogant little piss-ant like you-,"
PUNCH!
"-knew what it was like to live in the real world, like me!"
Oh...
The Ultimate grabbed him, like a terrier grabs a rat.
Crap...
Glowing like burnished gold the God-of-Manly-Virtue rose into the air, his beautiful clothes billowing in a hurricane wind that affected only him.
GRANTED
Akane skipped back a half dozen paces, squinting her eyes against the golden light. Her ears rang, as an inhumanly piercing voice resonated in her bones. The light faded and she opened her eyes to see Ran-Ma settle gently to the ground. Strange. He looked... smaller than he had before. And were those-
Ran-Ma shook off the nausea that always came from dealing with the Ultimate, feeling weaker than normal and strangely off-balance. He pressed his hands to his aching temples, then jerked them away as if he'd been burned. He stared at the small, soft-alien-digits, then looked down at his chest which felt... heavy.
"Ahhhh... " the tiny sound passed his lips involuntarily as he ripped open his shirt. Breasts. As lovely a pair as he'd ever seen.
"AAAhhhh," His Manly-Virtue! He pulled open his pants ...
A shrill soprano scream started dogs barking in Hokkaido.
"NO! Don't put me on hold ... " A brass and string rendition of "Yesterday" came tinnily through the ear-piece.
"I hate it when they do that," Akane said sympathetically to the petite red-head, clenching the phone in a white-knuckled grip. "And they always have the worst music."
Ran-Ma ignored Akane, drumming his (well, technically "her") fingers on the wall while he waited.
"Hello! Yes. Yes... .listen there's been some kind of mix-what do you mean 'it's already logged in the system!' I'm the God-of-Manly-Virtue!" his shouted comment caused an interesting, but less than manly, ripple effect under his shirt. "
That's 'Manly' virtue. Not FE-manly. I want to speak to your supervisor... yes... yes... no. No, of course not. Of course I do. No, of course I don't-but... but... thanks," he slammed the phone down, "for nothin'!"
"This is all YOUR fault!" he snapped at the short, now taller than her by several inches, dark haired girl.
"MY fault!" Akane straightened from where she'd been leaning against the wall. "How is it MY fault that YOU broke into MY house -"
"YOU called the bloody Goddess Relief Office-"
"It was a wrong number, for goodness sake!"
"Then you made that stupid wish!"
"I thought it was a joke!" she protested.
"Do these look like a joke," he tore open his shirt.
"Don't you have any feminine modesty!" she jerked his shirt closed again.
"I'm NOT feminine!"
Akane stared at evidence to the contrary, causing Ran-Ma to flush angrily.
"Besides, I thought you were a god? Can't you just wish 'em away or something?"
"It doesn't work that way!"
"Why not?" Akane asked, not unreasonably.
"Because ... " a sudden thought came to him.
Narrowing his eyes, his brow furrowed in concentration. His body seemed to shimmer and flow, like a Polaroid picture developing. The tiny red-head grew, becoming taller and more muscular, until the original God-of-Manly-Virtue stood before her.
"There. That... that's better," he paled, swaying as if standing on the deck of a rolling ship.
Concerned, Akane jumped to catch him before he could hit the floor. His arms snapped around her like a striking serpent, pinning her arms to her sides, while warm godly lips pressed against hers. She opened her mouth to curse him, which proved to be a tactical blunder.
With an ease born from eons of practicing Manly-Virtue he took advantage of her opening, probing, caressing... seducing. He felt her body soften, becoming pliant-
"Way to go, sis. Didn't know you had it in you."
"My baby girl is getting married!"
He jerked away, the sudden shock almost causing him to loose control. His body shimmered, like a pool of water disturbed by a thrown pebble and he quickly stabilized his form with a force of will.
"PERVERT!" the sudden right cross caught him by surprise, sending him skidding across the floor, stopping only when he hit the wall.
"Did you remember to pay the gas bill?" Kasumi stepped over his prone body to fill the kettle with water.
"Welcome to the family son," Soun bent to grasp his hand, shaking it heartily. "You can be married Tuesday."
"Married!" two voices coursed, in stereo.
"To her!"
"To that!"
There was no discernible difference in the loathing in each voice.
"Dinner is going to be late," Kasumi announced. "the gas still isn't on."
Akane flushed at the non-accusation in her sisters tone. "I was trying to get it taken care of when-"
"Allow me, gentle flower," Kasumi blushed a delicate pink as Ran-Ma rose gracefully from the floor and taking her hand, kissed it. "I have a way with fire."
"It's not broken," Akane groused. "The gas has been turned off. You can't fix-"
A bright blue flame erupted under the kettle. "Such a sweet face should never be marred by worry lines." Ran-Ma said, smiling at Kasumi who lowered her head shyly, peeping at him from under her lashes.
"You son-of-a bitch," Akane yanked Ran-Ma around to face her, "take your hands off my sister."
"Akane!" Kasumi's voice had an uncommon edge to it. "Apologize to our guest at once."
"Yeah sis," Nabiki eyed Ran-Ma, mentally tallying the retail-value of his clothes and jewels, becoming almost orgasmic as the figures continued to rise. "apologize to the nice man."
"Do not shame me further, daughter," Soun pontificated. "You have obviously been hiding your... relationship... " he smiled benignly at Ran-Ma, more than satisfied at the fine manly figure he presented. "and you further compound your error by rudeness to a guest and harsh language in front of your sisters."
"Relationship!" Akane sputtered. "There's no relationship. This creep just came into the house and-"
Soun cut her off with an upraised hand and a stern look. "Apologize, daughter. At once."
"Apologize?" Akane grated, feeling the pressure swell behind her eyes and tears of rage start to fall down her cheeks. "I'm sorry you're a son-of-a bitch!" She spat at Ran-Ma, then spun to glare at her family. "Satisfied!" Without waiting for a reply she ran from the room, the slamming of a door signaling her departure from the house.
"HAAA!" The chi-shout was accompanied by the crashing of masonry and a cloud of dust.
"I could have taken care of the gas," muttering under her breath she dragged three more concrete blocks into position. "I could have-" angrily she dashed tears from her eyes and focused on the three block stack.
"HAAA!" Her fist drove through the stack, as if it were tissue. Head still throbbing she wrestled more concrete into a cleared space behind the doujou, next to the "wooden- man" she used to practice strikes and blocks.
"You'll break your hand if you try that many at once." the unexpected voice caused her to lose focus and her hand hit the stone with a crack of bone, and rebounded, leaving the concrete undamaged.
"What... what are you doing here?" She clenched her jaw against the pain, unwilling to let him see her cry.
"I'm stuck here," he said sourly, "Thanks to your wish."
"Don't blame me for your problems!" She swung at him, missing as he danced out of the way, to let her sprawl in the dirt.
"Temper, temper," his laughing tone enraged her further. "You wanted me to know how you lived," he shrugged, "so here I am."
"That doesn't make a bit of sense." She scrambled to her feet as a new thought made her frown fiercely. "You were a girl... weren't you?"
"Part of the way the Ultimate interpreted your wish. Walking a mile in your shoes, sort of thing."
"Or brassier, in your case." she snapped. "What kind of pervert are you?"
"I'm not a pervert!" Ran-Ma retorted hotly, taking a step toward her. This little mouse made him so angry!
"Oh?" Her disbelief was patent. "Then what were you doing kiss... trying to kiss me," she said hastily.
"Kissing," he corrected smoothly. "and you weren't fighting very hard." he watched her face cloud over with amusement, "but that's how I recharge."
"Huh?"
"I had to basically build myself a new body," he indicated his male self with a graceful gesture. "but I can't access the Ultimate directly from the mortal plane." He noted her blank look and elaborated. "It takes power, a lot of it, to create something from nothing, which was almost what I had to do to get my old body back." he frowned at the memory of being female for even a few moments. "But there are restrictions on using the Ultimate... " He drummed his fingers impatiently on his thigh as Akane struggled to understand what he was saying.
"Look," stupid, he didn't say, but Akane flushed at his tone. "You want a car to run, you've got to put gas in the tank... you want a lamp to light, you've got to plug it into the wall. The Ultimate is the power that runs the universe.
But I can't just plug directly into the Ultimate while I'm on the Mortal Plane, the power leakage alone would probably melt this island. When we're granting wishes," he answered her unspoken question. "there's special safe-guards already in place. But normally I can only tap the Ultimate indirectly, to recharge after a major working."
"What's that got to do with-"
"Kissing you?" Ran-Ma smiled, "That's how I restore my depleted energy. Every god has a different way to get energy while on the mortal plane, eating certain foods, performing rituals-"
"I'm not the damn energizer bunny," Akane snarled, finally understanding what the god was saying. "You need a recharge, go stick your head in a light socket!"
"Don't worry,"Ran-Ma frowned at the angry girl. "I think I can... restrain myself, when I'm around a little mouse like you." He glanced at the setting sun. "In the meantime, I've got some errands to run." He visualized Varandi and, conjuring a fire, stepped into it, fire and god vanishing.
"And good riddance," Akane muttered, sucking on her bruised knuckles.
"You should put some ice on that, before it swells," the hateful voice sounded in her head.
"You... you... you BOY!" she sputtered, having long since run out of things to call him. She kicked angrily at the ground, yelping as she bruised her toe, growling impotently, as his mocking laughter faded into the night.
Lofn: Norse goddess of Illicit Unions
Ull: Norse god of skiing and archery.
Verdandi: one of the Norns. Belldandy with Japanese pronunciation.
Note from Contributor:
As requested by Armichi.
I would've placed this is the crossover section, but upon reading the entirety of this incomplete fic, there isn't that much Ah my Goddess! character presence anyway (Only here in chapter 1). And If I did put this in the crossover section, there's an extremely small chance of someone reading this.