Selfish
The arena is very quiet as my fellow tributes and I attempt to get some sleep on the beach. Johanna and Finnick are keeping watch, while the rest of us are supposed to be resting. But I can't sleep.
My eyes are fixed on Peeta as he slumbers, it seems like he is sleeping peacefully, but any Hunger Games victor would know that there is no such thing as a peaceful night's sleep, after the things we have witnessed first-hand.
I gaze over the features of the blond boy lying beside me, wondering how I am going to manage to keep him safe. So far I haven't done a very good job. In fact, if it hadn't been for Finnick, Peeta would be dead right now. And that makes it even more difficult, because I have no idea how I am going to be able to kill Finnick, now that I owe him Peeta's life.
But Peeta has to come out of this alive. I need him to survive this.
I know that I should want to make it home to my family, just as I did only a year ago. But I don't want that this time.
I wouldn't be able to bear it.
I wouldn't be able to bear staying in this world without him.
I love him, I know that for sure now as I watch him sleeping. This boy who saved my life, in more ways than one, means the world to me and the thought of living without him brings tears to my eyes.
I know that there is no way I will cope if I am the one to make it out of the hell hole alive. Death is the better option for me, living after this would be so much worse.
I am going to die in this arena and I wouldn't have it any other way. I know that this decision is not fair on so many people; Prim, my mother, Gale, Madge.
And most of all it's not fair on Peeta. But I need him to live, even though it means losing my own life in the process.
My reasons are selfish. I know that they are selfish, but I don't care. I simply can't imagine a world where my boy with the bread doesn't exist. And I refuse to live without him.