Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters or storylines from the Mass Effect Universe.
Author's Note: This was a little short piece that I thought of on my drive to work one morning and shared on the BSN site. With just a little re-editing, I thought I would share here. It takes place shortly after ME3 starts with Shepard and Williams on the Normandy.
The Lights on the Normandy's mess deck were dimmed and the dining area was empty except for the Commander. He was sitting quietly, drinking coffee and reading "A Farewell to Arms". Or trying to read, his mind kept going to her. Ash ... no. He didn't have the right to call her that anymore. Lieutenant Ashley M. Williams. Damn it, man. Get a grip.
Ashley had just finished showering after running for 60 on the treadmill because she couldn't sleep. She couldn't stop thinking of him. Skipper ... no. She didn't have the right to call him that anymore. Commander Piers V. Shepard. Damn it! Keep your head straight!
As he turned a page, Ash walked in and stopped short. There he was and alone. She hesitated. Should I leave? Do you even want me here? Stop it Ash. She walked over to the coffee and quietly poured herself a cup. She looked at him as he turned another page, not looking up or acknowledging her.
He had seen her come in and his heart stopped. Please don't leave. Stay. Talk to me. He watched her from the corner of his eye pour herself a cup and as she turned, he turned a page. Never mind that he hadn't read a word since she walked in.
Ash took a breath and then sat across from him. As she softly blew on the coffee, she kept her eyes on him, hoping that he would look up. Her wish was granted as he turned another page.
"You're up early," he said if only to break the silence.
Ash, not really knowing what to say asked, "Where did you find a real old-fashioned book?"
"It was a birthday gift from a friend," he responded almost awkwardly, "She-, uh … she has a knack for acquiring unique items."
"I see," Ash had to force a smile when he had said she. She had heard that he was seeing someone new. Did he love this other woman? Had he stopped loving her? She didn't want to put him on the defensive, but she also didn't want to lose him if there was even the slightest chance of hope. God, how she wanted to talk about their relationship, about how she still loved him ... but after what had happened on Horizon, she was afraid that he might turn her away. As Ash struggled with how she felt, what she wanted to say, Shepard placed the "Winnie the Pooh" bookmarker quickly between the pages and closed the book. He had hoped that she hadn't seen the bookmarker of the yellow bear dancing with the blond boy Christopher Robin.
Tali had seen the bookmarker at a flea market on Omega and thought the little boy looked like Shepard ... or at least what he might have looked like as a boy. So when she saw Kasumi's gift for him the week prior, well she thought it would be a perfect gift to complement Kasumi's.
"Ash, I'm really glad to see you. I hope that-"
"Shepard, I'm glad to see you too." She interrupted as she nervously pulled the book to her and absent-mindedly opened it up to his book marker. "I just want you to know that I prayed for you every day after Hori-"
"Me too," now was his time to cut her off as he pulled the book back to him, hoping that she hadn't noticed Winnie. "I have to go see Joker but maybe we can talk later?"
"I would love to." Ash responded, as she placed her hand on his arm. "Skipper …" No, Ash was never good at expressing herself, and now even poems failed at what she wanted to say. All she could do was let her name for him hang in the air between them as she looked up at him with her dark eyes, hoping that he could see her pain and her desire behind the small smile.
"Ash." Shepard's blue eyes revealed nothing as he smiled back. Inside he wanted to confess his love, beg forgiveness, admit he couldn't stop thinking about her. But he had lost that right when he had taken Miranda in his arms.
Shepard stood, tucked the book under his arm and as he walked away, Ash thought to herself, How do we fix this Shepard? How do we find us again? And how do I keep myself from teasing you about Winnie?