I wrote a little parody of Silly Love Songs and was overwhelmed by how many people loved it. Then I searched and realised there weren't many types of this fic. So I decided to write a new story, basically rewritting season 2 episodes as I watch them. I watch them at different times, so it won't be in Chronological order. Hence, the first one being Duets. I love Finchel and Quick. but this features everyone.

BTW, It's very sarcastic and in no way is mentioned to be serious. Just fun. T+ for language.

Disclaimer: Don't own it, obviously.

Choir room.

Mr Shue: Sorry I'm late. I have been with Principle Figgins. I know I am in no way responsible for him but I had to hear the news first. Puck has been sent to Jail!

Quinn (wearing a T-Shirt with the slogan 'I have been independent for 6 days.') Puck?

Finn: Err, the guy who you had a baby with?

Quinn: Flinn! I don't care about men. I am independent, I must focus on myself! (Writes this on her hand as a reminder).

Finn: It's Finn actually but fine! Let's see how that works out for you. Anyways, we need his bad boy stage presence.

Artie: WTF did you just say? I didn't know bad boy stage presence is something we got marked on at Sectionals? FYI, if this is the case lets not do a Patrick Swayzee Number.

Mr Shue: Look here is our new member Sam. Guys he is basically a blonde version of Finn, so like Finn, he quit Glee after 41 seconds due to overwhelming peer pressure. But I'm sure the similarities end there. It's not like he's dumb or... ok, well it's not like he's on the football team…. Oh wait. Ok, well he's not going end up dating the cheerleader and being cheated on…. oh I need to stop starting these sentences.. They make me die inside.

Sam: Hi, I'm Sam. I talk in rhyme and have dyslexia. But don't worry, none of this will be relevant later on. I am going to pretend to be all geeky but I'll probably be a complete douche by next week.

Kurt: So, exactly like Finn then.

Artie: PREACH!

Mr Shue turns to the board and the word DUETS appears. This makes no sense as he has not picked up a pen.

Kurt (whispers to Mercedes) I hope Sam is not gay.

Mercedes: I'm sure he's not, don't worry. Are you wearing a skirt?

Kurt: I'm special Mercedes! I can wear what I want. I wish someone would understand me. If Sam is gay then I won't be the only person in school is gay! This just won't do!

Mercedes: tater tot?

(Kurt shakes his head, disgusted)

Sam goes to sit on the front row.

Mr Shue :Er, Sam. Please make your way to the back with other minor members of the group.

Sam: But I'm going to be Quinn's boyfriend.

Shue: Oh my mistake! Finn, move up please.

END SCENE.

Finn: Hey Kurt.

Kurt: Hello Finn

(Pause)

Finn: I don't get it, why did we pause?

Kurt: To remind everyone that we are in an area of the school that is not the corridor or the choir room.

Finn: Is that why you are wearing a hat that looks like it belongs to a lunch lady?

Kurt: No Finn, it's because I'm special.

Finn: Oh right, so anyways. I know one pays any interest in the songs we sing, but still. You must not perform with Sam because the whole school will sneak into the choir and see it. Then they will kill him because they think he's gay. Then Quinn will have no one to cheat on with, when she inevitably realises she is still in love with me.

Kurt. You haven't spoke to her for six months and she thought you were an exchange student yesterday. This seems unlikely.

Finn: But not impossible. Let's make that clear. (pauses to allow message to sink in) Anyways, because you are gay you cannot sing a gay song with Sam, because he will think your gay and then everyone will call Glee club gay.

Kurt: I'm probably being paranoid Finn, but do you somehow have a problem with me being gay? (shakes head) Forget it, I must be imagining it.

Finn: No, I have a problem with everyone else thinking your gay.

Kurt: Hmm, not the best excuse there, but don't worry you learnt this lesson last time when you dressed up in a shower curtain? So this surely can't be repeated.

Finn: Yes, but like all life lessons. I have now forgotten. Don't worry, I will treat you like shit but I have an excellent song to make it up to you in a months time.

Kurt: Well that seems fair. Hey, why don't you and Rachel eat in here? It might make a change from spending all your time in her bedroom.

Finn: I would but Rachel follows a very specific diet. She is vegan but can eat Pizza from the bowling alley when trying to make me her boyfriend.

Kurt: WOW, tough ride. Is that why when you came back to school you both looked so thin and we could see your cheek bones? And everyone said you had aged ten years?

Finn nods sadly.

END SCENE

Finn and Rachel are in the choir room. They sing Don't Go Breaking my Heart. Outside, students are fainting from how adorable it is.

Finn: We are so amazing! With my sub-average vocals and our expert circling of each other we will eliminate the competition. It is so hard being amazing.

Drummer: If I may interrupt…

(Finn and Rachel turns to each other in horror. Rachel makes the sign of the cross.)

I wouldn't worry so much. It is very similar if not identical to Borderline. It is also less interesting because we are no longer on the edge of our seats wondering if you're going to kiss.

Finn: Dude, you know you can't contribute to the club in any way!

Drummer: Well perhaps if you didn't just expect me to take over your drumming each time you want to have eye sex with your girlfriend, I'd like you more. I think you're a jackass!

Brad: I agree. I do not get paid for Rachel to fluff my hair. Sure, I spend my days praying someone will show up in the empty choir room at clearly designated class times but still.

Rachel and Finn ignore them and go to sit on the back step. They begin making out

Brad: Fuck this! Brad walks out.

Rachel: Finn, I haven't learnt an important lesson for two weeks. That's it! My lesson is going to learn is to let others win. We must throw the competition for Sam's sake.

Finn: Awesome!

Drummer: Well don't throw it, why not actually compete? I'm pretty sure no one likes you anyways? Plus Sam and Quinn's duet will probably beat yours.

Finn: Shut it. Rachel, I love inspiring you. I am such a leader. Come here. Finn and Rachel make out.

Drummer throws sticks at Finn's head. Finn yelps in pain and drummer runs off, joined by the rest of the band.

END SCENE

Mike and Tina in the library.

Mike: We're Asian, Asian, Asian, Asian.

Tina: Totally.

END SCENE.

Sam in shower .Kurt walks in innocently, with a camera.

Sam: Get out of the shower room! This is totally inappropriate.

Kurt: Please! It is very difficult to find you! You spend 90% of your time showering and the other 10% in rarely used astronomy classes.

Sam: Err hello, how else will I show off my abs?

Kurt: Point well made. Anyway, there is little point in continuing this conversation. We have established what a caring person you are, creating an excellent contrast to Finn, and we've shown off your body. Job done!

END SCENE.

Quinn and Sam in a rarely used astronomy room. Quinn is naturally concerned that she is not in the choir room and starts looking for the piano man. Sam calms her down by showing her his guitar.

Sam: Look we need to get it on. I have little purpose without a love triangle and Finn and Rachel will be completely happy if you don't somehow have a boyfriend to cheat on.

Quinn: How dare you? I'm totally independent! I had such a horrible year pretending to be drunk, cheating on my boyfriend, lying to everyone and being a bitch. But now look at me, I'm a totally different person. Note to self, beat Rachel up.

Sam: Well that doesn't seem very nice. I thought you were a totally different person?

Quinn: Yes I am. I no longer wear maternity clothes. I'm hot again.

Sam: Look is this going to happen or not? Because if not, Mike and Tina are interested in forming a love triangle plot with me. Girl likes her abs and Mike wants to sing 3-4 lines of a group number.

Quinn: Oh Sam (flutters her eyelashes) I am totally in llllove with you.

Sam leans in to kiss her.

Quinn slaps him.

Quinn: How dare you? I'm independent.

Sam: Man, this so isn't worth a duet at Sectionals. (rolls eyes)

END SCENE.

Sam and Finn in gym. Sam is working out so he can take another shower. Finn enters, pretending to be mildly angry.

Finn: WOAH! WTF! You kissed Quinn!

Sam: Yes I know, why are you saying it so loudly?

Finn: So people listening can interpret this as long lost feelings of love resurfacing. They will then use this as evidence to support the fact of me being in love with her in a few months time.

Sam: Do you love her?

Finn: Fuck no! She's crazy. My girlfriend is really short and talks a lot but I'm in love with her.

Sam: Why do you always start the sentence with a negative? Why not just say you love her? Or better yet, don't say it altogether, because no one asked you?

Finn; Because I love Rachel and must remind everyone. Yet I point out her flaws to ensure she has low enough self-esteem to cheat on me.

Sam: Good plan.

Finn: So get Quinn to make out with you okay? Because if Rachel doesn't learn her life lesson we can't do all the awesome coupley things we have planned, like tackle hugs and fist bumping.

Sam: Fine! I better get two Beiber songs eventually to make up for this.

END SCENE

Choir room. Finn and Rachel have performed 'Born Again.' They fist bump.

Quinn: I am so Christian that I want to punch you.

Mr Shue: I agree with your threats Quinn, in fact I encourage bullying in my classroom. Finn and Rachel, where on earth did you find those totally random costumes?

Finn: In the mystery costume cupboard Shue. Hey, guess what? There were a bunch of old Rocky Horror Costumes in our exact size there!

Rachel: Yes, isn't the musical coming up soon too?

Mr Shue pauses thoughtfully and takes out his notebook. The students turn to each other in anticipation. Finn squeezes Rachel's leg excitedly. Mercedes closes the lids of her tater tots and is on the edge of her seat.

Mr Shue: Guys, I've been thinking...

(Sam starts making a list of revealing outfits to show off his abs)

Mr Shue: Do you think Emma still loves me? Because otherwise there is literally no point in teaching Glee anymore. Why won't she love me? (starts to cry. Class sighs in frustration)

Finn: Err, Mr Shue. Why not get everyone to cast their vote for the competition? That will cheer you up?

Mr Shue: Totally. Now guys, make sure you all vote for yourselves so Rachel and Finn's are the only votes that truly count.

Rachel: I would just like to say I am so glad I have learnt a valuable and important lesson by throwing the competition.

Drummer coughs loudly and mutters 'would have lost anyways' under his breath.

Sam: Err, guys. May I point out, Rachel and Finn could have just pulled out of the competition rather than coming up with an elloborate and unecessary scheme? Mr Shue had no problem with Artie doing this.

(silence. Bale of hay tumbles across the choir room).

Finn: I knew I didn't like this guy.

END SCENE.

Kurt and Rachel singing duet in the choir room. Finn smiles happily at Rachel. He then takes out his notebook out and reads it. The list written is entitled 'Questions to ask Rachel When We Stop Making Out.'

1. Can I touch your boobs again?

2. Why are your dads never home?

He pauses thoughtfully and then writes neatly, adding to the list.

3. Why the fuck are you wearing a sailors outfit?

END SCENE.

Ha! That's it! If you like, please review! Also welcoming requests for what ep to do next. I will do Comeback on Wednesday, but may fit in another before then. REVIEW!