Ladies and Gentlemen! I know I know I am starting a new story! But this one isn't only mine for this one I have a lovely co-writer! So please be kind to me and Fumes43! She found this story that was a reply to the calendar challenge and we just couldn't let the idea go. So we decided to give it a try. Please tell us yea or nay?

Here is the original chalange as chalanged by Shpinxey:)

I wrote this challenge after seeing 'Calendar Girls' for the second time, and having written down some interesting lines that I thought could be related to Harry Potter. It was nearly midnight at the time, so please excuse any mistakes.

The Calendar Challenge:

I challenge anyone interested to write a Hogwarts version of Calendar Girls. It must include a nude calendar and the following characters and plot devices:

McGonagall, Hermione, Ginny, Trelawny, Sprout and Pomfrey must all feature in the calendar.

McGonagall must either be with, or have been with Dumbledore.

An international tea tray competition must be held.

These lines must feature:

"I had no idea broccoli could be so intriguing."

"Now, can anyone see my nipples?"

"That's easy to say when you've got your knickers on!"

"I'm (however many) years old. If I'm not gona get 'em out now, when am I?"

"We're going to need considerably bigger buns."

"Don't tell me, someone's grown a u shaped marrow!"

Feel free to adjust any words to make them more appropriate, but please keep the gist the same.

Extra points if you include:

"No matter what you think of the idea, you're looking at January!"

"Bra's off to avoid strap marks."

"Dumbledore didn't see me naked until the spring of '56." Said McGonagall. "What happened in the spring of '56?" asked (insert name). "There was a newt in the shower bucket at (insert place here)." replied McGonagall

"And the carrot?"

"And here is (insert name) to lead us through the world of rugs." She pauses to listen to the person next to her. "No, I stand corrected; it's on all forms of carpeting."

"Thank god," said Hermione, "I thought it might be boring."

"You're nude in the (insert paper) dear."

"One minute the dressing gown was on, the next it was just me and the hat!"

"10 grams of oregano. The only thing that'd be dangerous in is a quiche!"

"It's no big deal. We've all got the same bits, just in different sizes."

"I know for a fact that (insert name)'s coming from (insert place) with their collection of tea towels."

They must raise somewhere in the region of six hundred thousand galleons.

So people here is what he have so far, hope you enjoy!

Alexander looked at his boss's door a little fearfully. The French Minister of Magic had left a few seconds earlier. Experience told him that whenever the old coot left his boss was in a terrible mood. He was still debating with himself when she came out of her office. 'Good afternoon Minister.'

Hermione didn't even hear her assistant, she was so enraged at the French Minister! 'The bloody old bastard! Uptight? He calls me uptight! I'll Bloody show him uptight!' Hermione mumbled under her breath.

Alexander sat back down. He knew this pattern. Hermione was now heading home where her wife would more than likely get very lucky. He sighed Ginny sure was a lucky woman. He scribbled a quick note and tied it to one of the ever present owls. This way Ginny would know to get home if she wasn't already. Apparently she didn't mind the old coots visits. She seemed to even look forward to the visits! 'Go and find Ginny.'

Hermione was in her home office and she was still fuming. Every time, every time it was the same thing with François! He would say how everything the British did was uptight and that the French could not only do it better, but that they would do it with more style! And this time he had gone too far. 'I will find a way to throw that statement back in his face! But what to do?' Hermione sat back in her chair and glared at the opposite wall. The wall had some family picture's and a gift her girls had given her. They gave her one of those every year. A muggle calendar, it had started as a joke, but somehow it had morphed into tradition. This year's calendar was Jane through and through. Quidditch the whole way. Hermione's mood started lifting as she thought about her girls and some of their more silly traditions. Then it her, she knew exactly what she would do to get back at the old bastard! She leaned back her hands behind her head grinning like the cat that got the canary. 'Oh this is going to be so good!'

When the poor owl did finally find Ginny it nearly got knocked to the ground. Trying to deliver mail to a Quidditch player really was hazardous work! Luckily Ginny saw him at the last second and narrowly avoided a collision. 'Well hello there little one are you nuts?' Ginny stopped and waited for the owl to catch up and hop onto her outstretched arm. 'You must be pretty new. Its fine to wait until we are done.' Ginny scratched the owls head lightly then untied the note. 'I don't have anything with me, maybe next time. Now of you go.' The owl took off as Ginny glanced at the note then started to grin. Alexander? This can only mean one thing!

Hello Ginny

Hermione just had another visit from the French Minister. She is in a really bad mood. Advice you return home as soon as you can.

All the best

Alexander

Ginny headed for their trainer. 'Hey Gwenog I have to go, I am needed elsewhere.'

Gwenog Jones eyed her suspiciously, but then she shrugged. Ginny had always been one of her best players. Also on of the few that worked really hard in every practise no matter what. 'Get back here if you have time otherwise see you next practise.'

'Thanks will do.' With that done Ginny hotfooted it in direction home. There was one very pissed off Hermione to calm down! Oooh and how she loved Hermione that way! Oh yes she did.

Hermione was furiously scribbling notes. She already had a clear outline for her secret project! Now she needed a venue and a little help in getting the right people involved. So she was writing to Minerva McGonagall. She was sure that McGonagall would be more than willing to help. And with luck she would have help and a venue! She looked up when she heard her door open. 'I was wondering when you would show up.'

Ginny grinned as she slowly walked up to Hermione's desk. 'Oh have you now?'

Hermione put down her quill. 'Oh yes, very much so.'

'And why is that Minister?' Ginny tried to sound innocent, failing all the way.

'Because I need your hot hot body.' Hermione said huskily, and it was true she did, on so many different levels. 'I finally figured out how to flip that French bastard the bird.'

Ginny arched an eyebrow. 'You have?'

'Yes, and I need you to help me make a success of it!' Hermione said, this idea was so good she was getting all excited! And she knew without a doubt that Ginny could help her with that!

Ginny grinned. 'Whatever you need love, you know I always have your back.'

'Mhhh that's good to know, I didn't know how you would react to posing in a nude calendar, but as you seem to be game. I guess I really only have to send this letter and the ball will be rolling. I mean it is no big deal! We all have the same bits, just in different sizes!' Hermione husked trying to pull Ginny closer. She really really wanted to kiss Ginny! She had such a sexy mouth and could do such wonderful things with said mouth!

Ginny felt her mouth drop open. Did Hermione just say pose in a nude calendar as in she was going to pose in a nude calendar? As in a calendar without clothes? As in naked? And who was we? 'Wait...hold on...what?'

So i wanted to write something sweet and nice saying how Melktert is a great writer and I'm just taggig along but I'm not allowed... So here is the new and (not so) improved version "Let us know what you think :)"