A one shot when planned, now a two shot. I hope Ruth's private thoughts are in character. I rather thought that in series ten she'd become disillusioned with life at MI5.

Ruth heard her stomach growl loudly and hoped with all her heart that the other people sitting nearby, watching while Harry's career was torn to shreds couldn't hear it. She had barely eaten breakfast, too nervous about the result of the inquiry, which was going to be decided today. She had assumed it would take an hour or two, after all it had been going on a week already. Not all day. She looked at her watch and saw it was four thirty. It would be coming to an end soon, one way or the other. The panel wanted to get home to their wives and families, and would not want to drag this out into a second week.

Harry sat maybe five feet away from her but it was like he was on another planet. Not once today had he turned to look at her, even though he knew she was there. She wondered if it was for the benefit of the panel, to try and convince them that there was no personal relationship between them, or if he simply didn't want to look at the woman who had brought this about. Made his entire career come under question. Neither option made her feel better.

Every day of this informal trial she'd been here. Watching as every decision he'd made as section head for the last fifteen years came under question. She'd been in the room for an awful lot of those decisions, and knew (even if these diplomats didn't) that he had made impossible, and usually correct decisions. He was the best section head MI5 could have asked for, and he was being punished for one poor judgement call. As Adam had said years ago: If we got rid of every politician who messed up there wouldn't be any left. It seemed very true, and exceedingly unfair that Harry was being punished. She knew it wasn't just for the Albany affair. She wasn't naïve enough to believe that, even if that was what he was being accused of. His real crime was that he had lived too long and knew too much. He knew every dirty secret the British government had. They didn't want him to get any more information, and they wanted him out. It was that simple.

Is this what a lifetime dedicated to your country, sacrificing everything you had, believing that you were protecting the British people gave you in the end? Was it worth it? No, came the small, honest voice in the back of her head. It wasn't. Over the past few weeks she had realised how little she was valued at work. Harry valued her, she knew that as surely as she knew her own name, but not anyone else. She just… existed. Had been at Thames House so long that now she was almost seen as a permanent fixture. Her standard of work was still good (excellent were she being honest), but her heart wasn't in it. Without Harry in Thames House it had become glaringly obvious that her reasons for doing the job, for coming back when her life in Cyprus had fallen apart, had nothing to do with MI5 or the country. And an awful lot to do with Harry Pearce.

She sighed heavily, loud enough to catch Harry's attention. She could tell by the way his shoulders stiffened. She was becoming old and jaded, she thought with distaste. The wrong side of forty with little to show for her life except her MI5 career which she was quickly losing patience with. She was drawn back to the present out of her thoughts by an expectant hush which suddenly drew over the room. She listened eagerly..

"Mr Pearce, this tribunal has looked at all the evidence and come to a decision." Ruth bit her lip, hoping for the best. "Due to your previous experience and diligence in serving the country, we feel it would be unfair to remove you from your post. There was no damage resulting from the loss of Albany. It was fake technology, and your report on Miss Evershed's value to the security services certainly made for interesting reading." Ruth's head snapped up at that. She very badly wanted to read that report, but knew without even asking that Harry would never let her see it.

"It has been decided that if you are willing, you will be reinstated as head of section D, with Erin Watts as your section chief on Monday morning."

Ruth could see Harry relax, the stiffness in his body suddenly gone and she knew he was smiling. Slapped wrist it was then. The panel were dismissed and people were milling about, ready to go home within about a minute. For the first time he looked at Ruth, relief in his eyes, a smile at the corner of his lips. He'd been really worried she saw. "Ruth…"

"No," she said, her eyes flitting around the room. "Not here. I'm going home."

"Not back to the grid?" he asked surprised.

"No," she said her heart dropping. "I've spent enough time there recently."

"Ruth?" he asked quickly. She was saved from replying by Harry's phone ringing, no doubt someone congratulating him on his return from the brink of professional death. Ruth quickly left the building, hurrying into a waiting taxi. She gave her address and then closed her eyes in disappointment. It was only now the verdict had been given, that she realised what she'd been hoping for. She'd been hoping he'd be out of a job by the end of the day. She had hoped he'd be found guilty of negligence. Because if they didn't have his job or career to hide behind, and she wasn't too bothered about her own, their relationship might move forward. Without the lies and the secrecy getting in the way. God, what sort of a friend was she? Hoping he'd be kicked out after a lifetime of service. And he couldn't wait to get back to his office and reclaim his territory either. He'd probably be there all night, claiming what was his and finding out what everyone had been up to in his absence.

The car stopped outside her flat and Ruth wiped her face, feeling unexpected tears down her cheeks. "Are you all right love?" the cab driver asked kindly.

"Yes," she lied. She handed over the fare and then went home. Once inside she locked the door and got a bottle of already opened white wine from the fridge. And a massive bar of galaxy chocolate. She needed some comfort.

Maybe forty minutes later the buzzer for her flat rang. She pressed the button and wasn't all the surprised to hear Harry's voice. "It's me," he said quietly. "Let me up." For half a moment she considered not letting him in. But then the thought vanished because she knew she would never do that. "Come in," she said. Waiting about a minute she heard footsteps outside her door and opened it. Harry came in and took in the empty bottle of wine before he said anything.

"Forgive me for noticing, but you don't seem to thrilled that I've been cleared," he said, an icy edge to his voice.

"No," she agreed, the alcohol making her speak more honestly than she would normally. She sat down and nursed her glass, as Harry remained standing.

"Ruth, did you want me put in prison?" he asked. "Is that really what you wanted?"

"You weren't going to end up in prison Harry," she said certainly. "You know too much and could keep the government to ransom if you wanted to. I wanted you out of MI5."

"Why?" he asked, appalled at her lack of care about him. He might have expected this from anyone else, but never her. Which is why it cut him to the core to hear her apparent desire to get rid of him. It hurt. More than he'd admit.

"Because I've had enough," she said simply. She looked in his eyes. "I can't do it anymore. I can't dance around you at work. I don't want to hide behind urgent operations that could kill thousands of people. I just want you to tell me how you feel." Instead of looking at her, his eyes went to the wine bottle, to see how much she'd had to drink. It was empty. So she might be saying things she didn't mean. Or things she did mean, but would never normally say. "I'm not drunk," she said firmly. "It was half empty when I started."

He sighed and sat down next to her. Far away enough so there was no chance of touching, but still his proximity made her skin prickle with awareness. "What's brought this on?" he asked quietly.

"I've had a lot of time to think," she said. "This entire week I've been sitting in that room. And I wanted to be there for you, but listening to them rehash your career hasn't been exactly riveting. Especially when I already know most of it. So I've been free to think. I don't want to work for MI5 any more."

"You're leaving?" he asked surprised.

"No," she said. "I'm only there…" even with alcohol this was hard to say. "I'm only there because you are. When you weren't there for two months I had very little cause to love my work. I'm not on the grid for the good of the country, Harry. Not for the greater good and not to flaunt my talents. I'm there because of you."

He looked at her intensely and she blushed a vivid red. "I thought… maybe hoped that if you were sacked, we could move on from the to-ing and fro-ing. We could… maybe have more. I don't want to be your subordinate, I want to be your equal. We'll never be that at work. So yes, I hoped you'd be found guilty. I'm sorry." And she was sorry. To want him to be out of a job felt disloyal, but it was how she felt, and she couldn't change that.

Harry was speechless. Never had either of them been forthright with their feelings. What she'd just said was the clearest they had ever been in regards to each other. "Ruth…" he started, no idea what he was going to say after that.

"Harry, you don't give away state secrets for someone you don't have feelings for," she said quietly, ignoring the shiver that went over her when he said her name in that low tone. "At least, I hope you don't." She looked at him, her blue eyes almost daring him to lie.

"Nothing, no agent I have ever known would have made me give up a state secret, functioning or not. Except you. Of course it was because of my feelings for you, it wasn't because you're a brilliant analyst. Although you are," he added. "I couldn't lose you. If Lucas had killed you… I wouldn't have gotten past it, Ruth. I couldn't. Maybe it was selfish, to save you for that reason. I couldn't see you die when I could easily stop it. Even if it had meant prison time."

"Oh Harry," she said, shaking her head slightly. "I don't know what to do." He reached into his jacket pocket and handed her an envelope. She looked curiously. "It's my letter of resignation. I needed to see out the inquiry, it was only fair. That, and I wanted my pension. I deserve it after all. But I don't need the job. I do need you to stand by me. Which is why I haven't given it to the DG. I wanted to talk to you first. But it seems you've made your feelings known."

"All I want… Well, it's what I don't want," she said. "I don't want either of us to leave Thames House in a coffin. And I can see it happening. All agents die or are exiled. I should know," she added bitterly. "I've been in section D longer than anyone else, except you. I feel like we're pushing our luck. I don't want to get this close… to each other I mean, and then have one of us die. Have it snatched away from us. I don't want that."

"Neither do I," he said. "I think we've both given fair service to our country. I'm not telling you to leave Ruth, but after what you said earlier…"

"Yes," she agreed quietly. "I won't stay if you're not there."

He leaned close and gently planted a kiss on her cheek, his fingers stroking her hair lightly. "I love you Ruth," he whispered into her ear. She didn't respond straight away, because he hadn't moved his face. Instead feather light kisses were going across her jaw, warm and soft. With the confidence that showed he knew his feelings were returned without her having to say a word. She pulled away reluctantly and looked in his beautiful hazel eyes. She had always loved those eyes. And she loved him. So she gripped his hand tightly, smiled and spoke.

"I love you."

Part two has no plot at all, just a decent into smut! Hope you liked this short story.