Sebastian sat in the armchair that was standing in his living room, doing nothing but staring out of the window.
Three days, it had been three days since he last saw Kurt and fuck he missed him.
He missed his face, his voice, his laugh. He missed talking with Kurt, joking around with him. He missed watching movies with Kurt and joking about the poor acting of the actors. He even missed cuddling with Kurt.
He missed how Kurt could light up the entire room just by entering it. He missed how his heart would start to race in his chest when Kurt flashed him the tiniest of smiles. He missed how no matter what Kurt always managed to calm him down, even if he felt like he was ready to kill someone, just be telling him it'll be fine.
How was it even possible to miss everything about a person you used to hate? How was it possible that he would give up everything just to be with Kurt?
And how was it possible that he fucked up the one thing in life he loved the most?
Sebastian stood up from the chair and started to walk up and down the living room. Why did he went out with Kurt the other night? Why did he let himself got carried away? Why did he kiss Kurt? Why? Why did he continued kissing Kurt on the dance floor? And why the fuck he ended up actually sleeping with Kurt?
Not that it had been bad sex. God no, it was the most amazing thing he'd ever felt and not just because Kurt was good in bed. Maybe it was true that sex with the person you love was the best sex you could have.
After they did it they were lying side by side in Sebastian's bed. Kurt and Sebastian had looked at each other and it had taken every bit of Sebastian's willpower to not reach out and stroke at Kurt's cheekbone.
Also he nearly confessed his feelings to Kurt but he knew if he did, nothing would be the same anymore and so he kept himself from saying anything dumb. Well at least he thought he had kept himself from saying anything dumb because instead of confessing his feelings he told Kurt it was a nice fuck but nothing more.
He could see the anger in Kurt's eyes and he wanted nothing more than telling Kurt he lied, that he loved Kurt and that Kurt meant everything to him. But he didn't and instead of answering Kurt climbed out of the bed, threw his clothes on and left the apartment.
Sebastian didn't know why he was afraid of telling Kurt that he loved him. Fuck, he didn't even know why he fell in love with Kurt in the first place. He didn't do love.
But there was something about Kurt that Sebastian couldn't quite name without sounding cheesy. Sebastian didn't know why he never realized it before but Kurt was the most amazing person he had ever known. He was loving and caring and he had forgiven for what he had done in their senior year at school which he hadn't forgiven himself for yet.
He was funny and strong and he wouldn't let anyone insult him and get away with it. Also he was the most beautiful creäture Sebastian had ever seen and he wanted to kick his younger self for not noticing how stunning Kurt was even then.
They ran into each other at some coffee shop in New York and it was a little tense at first, but somehow they started to talk. They exchanged numbers and met up for coffee twice a week at least and Sebastian realized that Kurt was actually a person easy to be with.
They became not only close but best friends and when Kurt and Blaine broke up Sebastian would hold Kurt close and tell him that everything would be okay. Somewhere along this time Sebastian realized that he was feeling more than friendship for Kurt. He was shocked at first but eventually he accepted his feelings for Kurt and he was fine with just being friends with Kurt because that way he could be close to Kurt.
But even though Sebastian did love him, Kurt was still in love with Blaine anyways and on top of it all he had fucked up everything by sleeping with Kurt.
Kurt had tried to call him these past few days but Sebastian hadn't picked up his phone nor did he answer any of Kurt messages, too afraid of what Kurt wanted to tell him.
A sharp knock pulled him from his thought and he went to answer the door but as soon as he opened the door he regretted answering it. Outside his apartment there was standing a furious Kurt. Fuck, Kurt was as beautiful as Sebastian remembered and those eyes. They were a mix of blue and green all at once but they weren't shining with joy as they usually did but with pure anger. Kurt didn't wait for Sebastian to step away and let Kurt enter his apartment but pushed Sebastian aside and made his way into the living room.
Sebastian sighed softly and closed the door before he entered the living room as well. He just stood there, staring at Kurt and waited for Kurt to explain why he was here but Kurt didn't say anything.
Sebastian sighed again. "What do you want?" he asked, avoiding to lock eyes with Kurt and instead looking past Kurt and out of the window.
"What I want? WHAT I WANT? Sebastian are you kidding me? You know exactly what I want." shouted Kurt and threw his hands up in the air.
Sebastian flinched sightly at Kurt's loud voice but still didn't look at Kurt "No, I don't." he mumbled and crossed his arms in front of his chest.
He could feel Kurt staring at him and he saw Kurt rubbing at his forehead out of the corner of his eyes. "I am here to talk about the other night!"
Good, no. Why did Kurt want to talk about that? "I don't know what you mean."
Kurt gaped at him. "Wha – Sebastian! We had sex!" Kurt said in an even more high-pitched voice than he usually had.
Sebastian closed his eyes. He didn't want to talk about the other night. Even if he missed Kurt like crazy he couldn't bear it if Kurt rejected him. A tiny tear rolled down his cheek as he answered. "Yeah so? No big deal. "
He heard Kurt inhaling a sharp breath. "You don't mean that. You can't mean that." Kurt made a slight pause before he continued. "Please tell me you didn't mean that." There was so much pain in Kurt's voice that made Sebastian finally opened his eyes and looked at the man in front of him.
Kurt had his arms wrapped around himself in a tight embrace and there were tears shinning in his eyes and Sebastian was taken aback from Kurt's tears and god, Kurt was still the most gorgeous man Sebastian had seen, but why was he crying? Kurt had no need to cry. He wasn't the one who fell helplessly in love with your best friend and ex-enemy.
When Kurt spoke again his voice was barely more than a whisper "I just – I thought it meant something when we slept together, at least to me it did and it hurts to know that apparently I was just a good fuck to you. But I can deal with you having no feelings towards me, I do, it's just – we're still friends, aren't we?"
Kurt stood there, in the middle of Sebastian's living room and awaiting for an answer but Sebastian didn't quite know what he should say "I - " Sebastian started but he didn't know how to continue and he ended up saying nothing and just staring at Kurt again.
He saw Kurt letting his arms fall lifelessly to his sides. "All right" Kurt mumbled "I'll just go now." he said and started to walk towards the apartment door.
Fuck, what was Sebastian supposed to do? If he didn't do something now he knew he'd lose Kurt for good. Just as he was passing Sebastian, Sebastian grabbed his wrist and pulled Kurt close before he seated his lips over Kurt's in a passionate kiss.
Kurt tasted even better than Sebastian remembered and he could feel Kurt moving his lips lightly against his. Sebastian knew that it wasn't enough, that it wouldn't change things with Kurt and that he was still going to lose Kurt if he wasn't honest with himself.
When Sebastian started to pull away though, Kurt threw his arms around Sebastian's neck and prevented him from doing so. A noise of surprise escaped Sebastian's mouth and he slipped his arms around Kurt's waist to pull him even closer while their lips never stopped moving against each other.
Eventually they needed to pull away from each other to breathe again. Sebastian looked into Kurt's blue eyes, which were shinning with pure joy and happiness. He let his forehead sink against Kurt's, never breaking their eye contact and whispered the three words he was so afraid of.
"I love you."
The words hung between them, and Sebastian kept on staring into Kurt's beautiful eyes. He saw them light up and Kurt begun to smile, he actually smiled at Sebastian.
Sebastian was so confused. Why was Kurt smiling at him? Was it really that funny, that Sebastian had fallen in love with Kurt.
But then he felt a thumb stroking at his neck and Kurt, who was still smiling, stood up on his toes and kissed Sebastian again. Sebastian was even more confused now. Why was Kurt kissing him again? Did he want to make fun of Sebastian by kissing him? After a while Kurt pulled away again and was still smiling up at Sebastian.
"I love you, too." said Kurt softly and continued to stroked at Sebastian hairline. Sebastian was stunned "But I – I thought you were still in love with Blaine..." he mumbled and blushed slightly. Kurt frowned at him "Blaine? Why the hell you would think I was still in love with Blaine? Sebastian, we slept together! Didn't that gave you a clue about my feelings towards you?" asked Kurt and stared at Sebastian. As he didn't get an answer he sighted softly and took Sebastian's face in his hands.
"I love you, Sebastian and I have for a while now. I don't know how I could fall for you because let's face it, you are a real jerk sometimes but that doesn't change that you're an amazing person. You've changed so much these past few months and even though you don't let anybody but me see your soft side, it's still there. And I love you regardless of what other might think about you."
Kurt finished and a joy Sebastian couldn't describe was rushing through his body. It was like someone managed to make all the hurt from the past few days disappear and left him with nothing but pure happiness. He stared at Kurt, too stunned to say anything at the moment before he started to laugh. He lifted Kurt from the ground and spun them around. Kurt was laughing too, until Sebastian seated them on the coach and placed Kurt into his lap. He took a moment to just look at Kurt and stroked a thumb over Kurt's cheekbone before he leaned in and kissed Kurt softly.
"I love you." he whispered against Kurt's lips and enjoyed the feeling of actually saying it out loud. He could feel Kurt smile against his lips and kissing him back. "I love you too, you idiot." he mumbled before he kissed Sebastian again and while they continued kissing slowly on the coach Sebastian couldn't help but think loving someone and being loved back in return was indeed the most amazing feeling on earth.
A/N: so this is a little one shot that I posted on Tumblr a while ago. for those who started reading my other story 'Worth so much more' keep your heads up! My beta and I were both really busy with school stuff these past two month, therefore I wasn't able to get much writing done and she didn't really had time to edit my fic. But I promise there'll be an update at the beginning of the next week for the latest!
And I wanted to thanks for all the favs and reviews ! you are amazing guys 3