For You
I glare out across the rubble that once was district twelve as tears begin to run down my cheeks. I have won the war and returned back to my home, so should be happy.
But how can I be?
The only thing that runs through my mind is how this all started; the moment my little sister's name was reaped. Prim is the reason I did all of this.
And now she's gone.
People keep telling me that she's in a better place, that she's looking down on me.
I scowl up at the atmosphere, hoping that she can see me now.
"If you can hear me Prim, I want you to know…" I call out into the sky. "I hate you for leaving me."
I let out a sob before I continue. "Because if you're not here, then what was the point? What was the fucking point?" I scream.
"Why did you do this to me, Prim? How could you do this to me?" I question. "You were never supposed to set foot in The Capitol. That was why I volunteered in the first place; to protect you. So you didn't have to go to that place."
"I started this thing for you!" I yell.
"For you." I repeat, glaring up at the clouds. "AND YOU LEFT ME!"
My voice is cracking as my emotions become out of control. "I thought you were safe. You were the one person I didn't have to worry about."
I collapse to the floor as my tears consume me. 'The one person I didn't have to worry about.' This phrase sets off a spark within me as I remember the day Prim's name was called out at the reaping. I was so worried about the amount of times mine and Gale's names were entered, I didn't even think about Prim.
The same thing happened during the war. I was so concerned about Peeta, Gale, Finnick and so many more, I never even considered the possibility that Prim would enter the warzone.
I should have known.
The signs were there. Prim was helping my mother out and District 13 were training her up as a doctor. I should have figured out that it was a least an option that my sister would be asked to assist in the battle. Why didn't I see it coming? Why didn't I make her promise me that she wouldn't get involved in the war?
I started the rebellion. It's my fault that she's dead.
"I'm sorry, Prim." I whisper out, praying that she can hear me. "I'm so, so sorry."
I continue to cry in silence, not bothering to drag myself up off of the floor.
I may have won the war, but if this is what winning feels like, I don't want to win.
What does it matter if the world is now a better place, if my little sister isn't here to see it?