Ana sighed heavily as she looked at the clock that read 7:45pm; Jose was late, again. She grew more tired with each passing day of the effort she continuously put into their marriage where he contributed none. It's true their union was nothing more than convenience, a friendship born into a façade of romance to appease others and keep appearances, to allow her best friend to stay close, but was it worth the sacrifices now? She was no longer sure. With no ounce of appetite left, she cleared the table and placed the untouched dinner into the refrigerator for tomorrow's lunch. On the bright side, that will afford her an extra twenty minutes of sleep in the morning. After a shower and two glasses of Merlot, Ana decided it was time to turn in, deserting her well-worn place on the chaise lounge for her side of the large queen size bed. Drifting into a restless sleep she wondered if she would ever know anything other than the emptiness that now seems ever-present.
Startled awake around midnight she opens her eyes to Jose stumbling into the room. The smell of whiskey and someone else linger on his breath. How has she ever let their relationship fall this far? With each fiber of her being she wishes that she could turn back the hands of time. "I just want to know what love is," she thinks, "real, impassioned, can't-live-without-you love. Instead I settled for what and who I felt obligated to, now five years into a dead end marriage I want nothing more than a divorce and a fresh start." Acknowledging these feelings inwardly is one thing, but acting on them is entirely different. Ana knows without a doubt that tomorrow will come and she will go about her daily routine, because the risk of exposing Jose's secrets is too much weight to bear. Surely the weight of these secrets will eventually crush her, but for now, she'd smile and pretend her husband loved her, and she him. She'd pretend they married for love instead of his citizenship. She'd pretend that he is not out all hours of every night at clubs because he's too much afraid of not being accepted by his own family for who he loves… so Ana remains a dirty little secret too, except she is exposed to the elements, left to rot alone in the harshness of Mother Nature, unprotected by the love of her husband and so-called life-partner. She will stay for the love of her best friend, confidant, and partner; because he is the only family she knows anymore.
Across town, Christian slips out of bed to draw a clean breath of air into his lungs. It's been weeks since he's felt comfortable in his own skin, never mind in his own apartment. Closing the bedroom door behind him, he catches sight of her blonde hair strewn across the pillow. "Obligation," he thinks sourly, "That is all this relationship is. The better part of fifteen fucking years wasted in secrecy and shame. I've had it." Tomorrow, Christian will put divorce papers in place. Elena has had control over his life long enough. It is time he takes the reigns back. There is no longer a sense of obligation. Yes, she saved him from a life of drugs and violence, but she cornered him into a marriage for a mutually beneficial business partnership with blackmail and guilt, two things he no longer needed hanging over his head. "Time to cut the bitch loose." He thought as he sipped on his scotch while taking in the Seattle skyline from the balcony. This wasn't going to be easy, but if he threw enough money her way, he knew she'd give in eventually. It was going to be a mountain of a climb to overcome but he knew it was time. He could feel it in his bones. There has to be more to life than this empty feeling constantly engulfing him, suffocating him.
Three weeks have passed since the papers were presented to Elena. She's fallen deathly silent, no rebuttal, no uproar, just silence. She had refused to leave Escala until Christian purchased her a penthouse apartment across town and demanded for the prenup to be followed. Of course she did, that's all she was ever after anyway, the control, the sex, the power, and most importantly, the money. She has been granted full ownership of her beauty salons and the clubs as well as the Audi R8 and A4. There are no children to speak of because Elena was already ten years Christian's senior when they began their secret love affair when he was fifteen. Now sixteen years later, he is finally removing the iron claw she had wrapped firmly around his balls for so long, a vice so impossible to escape that he allowed her to convince him love was for fools and that it never existed in any form, especially for someone like him. He was about to prove her wrong.
"Flynn, I have never felt more alive, more relieved. It doesn't feel like I'm walking around with these anvils on my shoulders anymore. I'm finally shedding the excess shit from my life, starting with Elena. I've finally begun to understand that she was a poison in my life, to my life. She never had an interest in helping me, only in helping herself. I finally see that! Fuck. Why the fuck did it take me so long to see that? Why didn't you tell me? You're my fucking shrink, have been for years now, why didn't you fucking tell me what a disgusting excuse for a person she is?!" Christian shouts from his place on the black couch as his agitation gets the better of him during his weekly therapy session.
John Flynn looks back passively, surprised by Christian's outburst, and even more at his words. "Even if I had told you these things Christian, do you think you would have heard them? Could you have fathomed Elena not looking out for your best interest at any time prior to your discovery about her?"
Sullenly Christian responds, "No… I guess your right." Putting his head into his hands, he shakes his head back and forth, "Shit. For one of the countries most successful businessmen before the age of 25, I'm a fucking gullible dip shit when it comes to that fucking pedophile whore. How could I be so stupid? How could I be so blind? How the fuck couldn't I ever see that I wasn't special, that there were others, many others… I just don't understand how I never saw it John. I just don't understand."
Flynn leans forward in his chair toward Christian, placing his elbows on his knees and steepling his hands so his fingertips rest on his chin. "Elena was… is a master manipulator Christian. It has been her goal to have you dependant and trusting enough to never ask questions, to never doubt her word or actions. These things were accomplished by her telling you, and your believing, that she cared about you, that you shared something special, and that exact special secret was the thing that only she could understand and love about you. She made you believe that aside from her, you were unlovable. A monster not worth a second glance… but now you can see who the true monster is."
"I just… I've spent so much time believing her lies about my not being worthy of a love like my parents, that even their love is a farce, and after hearing her say how no one will ever understand me like she does day in and day out… I just… I… Damn it John. I don't even know who the fuck I am anymore! I don't have an identity separate from her. She has had total control over me for fucking years, even since I've been the Dominant in our relationship. I've never even looked at another woman; she was all I ever thought I needed. Who the fuck am I in this?... How do I find me?" His voice drops to just above a whisper as the final question falls from his mouth. That was the question, how could Christian Grey, the master of his own universe regain control of his life from Elena Grey, the pedophile manipulator who stole his life from under his nose? "Well, regardless, the first step is getting that bitch out of my life for good. I'll see you next week John." Without a chance for John to respond, Christian stands and exits the office.
Exiting to the street, Christian is greeted by Taylor, his head of security. "Taylor, Escala quickly for lunch then GEH please." Taylor nods from the front seat and begins the journey to Christian's penthouse apartment. As they pull into the garage, Taylor notices a new vehicle in one of their bays. A vehicle that is not authorized by him and should therefore be nowhere near the boss' parking spaces. He notices a woman in the diver's seat; hear head pushed back into the chair, with tears streaming down her cheeks. Pulling into the space assigned for the SUV, he asks Christian to stay put while he investigates what the girl is doing here.
Walking quickly to her door, he quietly knocks on her window, startling her. She rolls down the window, trying to wipe away and mask her obvious tears. "Miss… I'm sorry but you cannot park here. But is there anything I can help you with?"
"I'm just moving in, I only have a few things. I thought that once I got my belongings into the apartment I could easily move the car before anyone returned given that it is the middle of the day… I guess I was wrong." She replies with a small sad smile and shrug of her shoulders.
Taylor's heart hurt for the woman. She looked so frail and helpless in the old beat-up Beetle she was driving. "It's a classic car, shame to see it in such a poor condition" Taylor thought to himself. "I'll tell you what," he says to the woman, "I'm going to let you keep your car here for as long as you need this afternoon. Here's my card, if you need anything feel free to call me. I work in the building. The names Taylor. And you are?"
"Ana… Ana Rodriguez... I... I mean, I guess now I'm back to Ana Steele." Again he watches as her eyes well up and Taylor finds his stomach sinking to a new pit developing near his shoes. He knows that feeling all too well, the rug pulled from under you. He could only hope that this beautiful woman would find someone to call her own and show her love like he has come to share with Gail.
Taylor hears the car door open and close behind him and turns to inform Christian of the reason behind her presence. Christian is typing furiously on his phone and doesn't seem the least bit phased by the woman's presence in the first place. Taylor see's Christian into the elevator and proceeds to the service lift for himself.
Christian looks up as the door comes to a halt before closing, revealing a woman carrying a large cardboard box, dressed in dark blue yoga pants with a gray henna design on the right hip, a gray slouchy cashmere off the shoulder sweater, and a pair of matching converse. Her long brown hair gathered into a low and messy bun at the nape of her neck. The blue of her eyes in sharp contrast to the red now spread across the area from two weeks of tears since Jose left.
He catches himself staring open mouthed at the woman in front of him. Even with her in obvious distress, he has an urge to be close to her, to comfort this woman. Christian Grey does not do feelings. Feelings showcase weakness and weakness invites failure. No. Christian Grey was a stone-faced island, a force in solitude. If he learnt anything from his time wasted with Elena it was to never trust anyone, especially a woman. But against all of his better judgment, he finds himself breathing in her scent, jasmine and vanilla.
She clears her throat and asks with more conviction in her voice, "Excuse me Sir-" Christian's breath catches in his throat at her choice of words and attends sharply to her words. "Are you going to push the button for 16? I can't very well to it with my hands full of this box."
"Oh shit. She was talking that entire time?" He asks himself, mental chastising his inability to focus today. "Sure," he says in response to her, shrugging his shoulders by way of apology before reaching out to push the button for her floor. "I'm Christian, and you are?"
"New to the building," she huffs quickly. Her refusal to make eye contact is a means of protecting what little pride she has left. The past two weeks have consisted of Ana's life crumbling down around her. Although the life she built with Jose was built on a foundation of lies, it was the only life she had come to know. He was her only family besides her stepfather Ray who passed away last year from a massive heart attack. Even if the man standing next to her was intoxicating in every sense of the word, she couldn't allow herself to be broken by a man again. Ana gave Jose everything he asked for, in exchange for security and companionship, and she did so gladly, but his betrayal of all those things was too much for her to bear. Half of her felt incredibly happy that Jose was finally owning the man he was, standing up for his own happiness in love, but the other half selfishly wanted a bolt of lighting to strike him just enough to have him feel the pain that tore through her as he walked out the door. As the door to the elevator opens, Ana negotiates the weight of the box in her arms once more before exiting.
Christian desperate to find out her name places his hand on the door and calls out, "Please, can I just know your name?"
"Ana Rodri…" A heavy sigh laden with tears escapes her throat as she drops the box from her arms to the blue carpet below her feet, "Ana Steele."
As she bends to pick the spilled contents she breathes in his masculine scent causing her heart rate to spike and sending desire coursing through her veins. What is this foreign feeling and why is it only this man who has ever ignited it in her? He finishes helping her place various picture frames and books into the box before acknowledging its contents.
"So you're a reader huh? Old world romance?" Ana nods in response, still clearing the tears from her face and desperately trying to rid her system of the sudden desire for Christian. Christian hasn't the slightest idea what he is doing other than following the impulses in the pit of his stomach. He needs to be close to her, to bring her comfort right now, and that is what he is going to do. Standing, he reaches out a hand to help her off her knees, as she places her hand in his an involuntary gasp breaks the silence between them. An electric-like current courses through each of their bodies, neither able to break the contact. After what feels simultaneously like an eternity and a mere moment the elevator chiming down the hall brings them both crashing back to reality. Ana takes in her nearness to him, a sheer breaths length apart, feeling his exhale hit her cheek, the sound of his heart pounding against his ribcage hits her eardrums with such velocity she feels faint. Her knees go weak and she slouches into him, his strong arms wrap around her petite frame, a mantra repeating in his mind, "Don't fuck this up, Grey. Don't you dare fuck this up."
"Which apartment is yours? I'd like to see you inside and make sure you're alright." Christian manages to choke out. He's experiencing shortness of breath and a hastened heart rate being in such close proximity to Ana. She points to the next door on the left and stands to open the door labeled C. He lifts the box and follows her inside the two bedroom, two bathroom apartment many floors below his own. Ana immediately searches out a glass and fills it with water. Christian busies himself placing the cardboard box on the kitchen island then sends a message to Taylor to have his assistant cancel his meetings for the day; he wouldn't be going into the office.
"Would you like anything? I don't have much yet, but I can offer you a glass of water or wine."
"Water is fine for now. Thank you." The apartment is much smaller compared to his but still holds a stunning view of the Space Needle off the deck. Judging from her car and the box's contents of tattered and well-worn books, it's easy to assume that the apartment came to her furnished. "How long have you been here?"
"Just a few days. Luckily, the previous tenants needed to move quickly and negotiated with me to leave their furniture and decorations in place. It happens to be a bit opulent for my taste, but it will work for the time being until I can begin decorating on my own."
Ana is certain his stare is bypassing the clothing and skin covering her chest making him privy to every feeling and desire coursing through her veins. Christian is mesmerized watching her move through the kitchen to find him a glass, fill it, and bring it to his seat at the island. He notices a pale band of skin on her left ring finger, that explains the last name slip earlier and her reason to move. "Seems we have quite a bit in common," he thinks to himself.
"Beg your pardon?" Ana says, sliding onto the barstool next to him.
"Shit. I said that out loud?" He asks, trying to hide his embarrassment and failing miserably as a faint blush makes its way to his cheeks. Christian Grey does not blush... or cancel meetings for that matter. What kind of magic does this woman weave?
"Yup, you did." She answers, taking solace in her glass of water to hide her smile.
"Oh. Well, I don't mean to sound too forward, and forgive me please if I overstep a line Ana. I just noticed the void in your tan on your left hand and well…" Her hands immediately snap to her lap, twisting over one another to hide any further assessments from his discerning gaze. His voice trails off but he lifts his hand to show the matching void by way of explanation. "It has been three weeks since I filed for divorce. I found out she wasn't who I thought she was, she'd been lying to me for a very long time, and was never faithful. I couldn't stand it anymore. So I left."
She places her hand into his to stop the nervous jump that has begun in his knee. Her touch instantly calmed his system, like the ocean waves lapping against the hull of his sailboat, The Grace. Ana gives a gentle squeeze then stands to pour them each a glass of white wine.
"I think a conversation such as this calls for something a little stronger than water." She explains with a smile then leads Christian over to the couch in the living room. They both settle onto the blue couch, Ana on the chaise lounge portion, her knees tucked into her chest lazily and Christian in the middle of the sofa, his ankle crossed over his knee facing her.
"We got married for all the wrong reasons. We were too young, only 21. He was my best friend in need of my help. He's been the only family I've known for a long time now… and I'm happy that he's finally found love but it sucks losing him." Her words leave him confused, he stays quite in hopes that she'll elaborate further.
"He's a photographer, pretty famous too now, has work in many of the galleries around Seattle and some in New York now too! When we were at University together he knew he needed to file for citizenship but there was a slim chance he would be granted it. Not wanting my best friend to be arrested deported, or anything of the sort, we decided to get married. We convinced everyone we knew that we began dating for a year then legally wed so no commentary could be used against us if there were ever an investigation. We had to cover all of our bases, you know?" Ana takes a large sip of her wine and a following breath to match. "But never was it for love. The love of a friend, yes… But I've never known the touch of a man. I've known my fair share of heartache and pain…. But never love…"
Another sip of wine follows as Christian stares intently at the woman folded into her before him. She's ravishing, absolutely beautiful; any man would be lucky to have her in his arms every night… Why would he have ever left her? Why couldn't her husband have loved her? "Thank God he didn't though," Christian thought, "otherwise she'd never be here with him." Her blue eyes met his gray and a shiver sped down his spine.
"How?" He asked, his voice just barely a whisper.
"How what? How did he leave? How did he not love me? How did I pick out this wine choice?" A smirk appears on her plump pink lips and Christian has all he can do to control his urge to lean over and brush his own against them, to taste the wine from her lips.
"How could he not love you?" The confusion evident on his face, he continues, "You would have been married for at least a few years, correct?"
"Five years as of two months ago. And he never could have loved me in the way a husband should love a wife, and as of last week he now has a husband."
His eyes shoot up in surprise as she drains the remainder of her glass and reaches for the bottle placed on the coffee table, refilling it to the brim.
"Oh. Well that would explain his unbelievable ability to resist a woman as captivating as you." Now it was Ana's turn to blush. She couldn't believe how forward he was or how much she wanted him to further push the envelope. She quickly drained more of her glass to hide her blush.
"Me? Captivating? Yeah, right." She scoffs as she realizes the drink is swiftly starting to take hold on her empty stomach resulting in her putting the glass on the coffee table. In an attempt to counteract the warmth in her stomach from the drink and in her chest from the man to her right she readjusts her position on the couch to better examine him. He's dressed in a soft gray v-neck t-shirt that fully defines his muscular arms, shoulders, and back. His jeans are dark washed and clean cut unlike his copper curls which splay widely in their own directions on his head. But it is the eyes that catch her breath in her throat, the deepest gray she'd ever seen. They are reminiscent of a storm brewing off the coast during the fishing trips Ray would take her on as a child, stirring a deep love and sorrow in her heart. Maybe that was part of the attraction she felt toward Christian, somehow he brought out a piece of her that's been long since shut down. The piece open to life, laughter, and love… But how is that even possible, she's only just met him. Not wanting to examine this any further, Ana impulsively decides to lean into him, fervently hoping he won't reject her.
As her shoulder makes contact with his side and she lays her head on his chest, Christian smiles at the realization that he didn't want her to move. She was in his "bubble" as his sister Mia always put it and he didn't want to lash out, pull away, or isolate; quite the opposite really, he wanted more from her… wanted her closer. It was like there was no where left to hide when this beacon of light was next to him, a sailor stranded at sea whose rescue had finally found him. He didn't know what had come over him in the past six hours, but he surely wasn't complaining.
"Ana…" Christian said nervously, his arm draped around her shoulders, twirling a piece of her hair that had fallen free from the bun.
"Mmm?" She responded, shifting her head to meet his gaze just in time to see him lick his lips. Desire pooled in her stomach as it crashed over him. Closing the distance between them, their lips met. He could taste the wine on her lips, and she relished the feeling of his strong hands on either side of her face, holding her gently yet possessively, as if to say, you are mine. And she had to admit, she felt like she was his, his to do with as he pleased. Tonight, Ana would give away her most precious gift, the one she was sure would never offer anyone. Spurred on by the passion in the moment, she climbed onto his lap and thrust her hands into his hair. His hands slid down to her waist and slowly discard her sweater to the side revealing her naked breasts. Both kicked off their shoes while never disentangling their lips. Ana fumbled with the hem of Christian's shirt and belt buckle before his lips found her jaw line and neck. A soft moan escaped her mouth, which only ignited his craving to be inside her. The fire tore through her body as his mouth lavished her breasts and her hips began to move on their own accord.
"Christian… Christian…." She leads and he pauses his sensual assault to meet her gaze.
"Yes?" He asks, a lopsided smile caressing his features.
Breathlessly she answers, "I've… I've never done this before…"
"Done what?" He sits back into the cushions, leaving Ana feeling bereft and cold, a stark contrast to the fire and passion of a moment ago.
"This… I've never made love to anyone before." Ana looks down, embarrassment reddening the contours of her face. As realization dawns, he puts his hands on her shoulders, slowly tracing her bare flesh, bringing goosebumps to the surface of every inch of exposed skin.
"I'll tell you a little secret." He says, "I'm gathering you've just never had sex?" She nods in agreement. "Well, while I've had sex, I've never made love. And I have never wanted anything more than that in this moment." He leans in and kisses her gently, a soft worship-filled kiss leaving her breathless. "I want to know what love is…. Ana, I want you to be the one to show me."
Overcome with emotion, Ana's eyes brim with tears because of joy for the first time in years. Christian stands with Ana in his arms as the sun begins to set on Seattle, her legs wrapped tightly around his waist and she points him in the direction of the master bedroom.
AN: This piece was submitted as a part of the FSOG Facebook Lyric Challenge. The song I received was "I Want To Know What Love Is" by Foreigner. I'm not sure if I will continue this or not, but I really like the storyline and want to see what you all think. So please let me know in a review or PM! If you're invested in seeing it continue then I'm on board!
There is a pinterest board up for this story. The link is in my author page.
Also, please forgive my first attempt at the 3rd person pov.
Lyrics to the song attached below.
I hope you enjoyed it - All my love, Bri
I gotta take a little time
A little time to think things over
I better read between the lines
In case I need it when I'm older
Now this mountain I must climb
Feels like a world upon my shoulders
And through the clouds I see love shine
It keeps me warm as life grows colder
In my life there's been heartache and pain
I don't know if I can face it again
Can't stop now, I've traveled so far
To change this lonely life
I wanna know what love is
I want you to show me
I wanna feel what love is
I know you can show me
I'm gonna take a little time
A little time to look around me
I've got nowhere left to hide
It looks like love has finally found me
In my life there's been heartache and pain
I don't know if I can face it again
I can't stop now; I've traveled so far
To change this lonely life
I wanna know what love is
I want you to show me
I wanna feel what love is
I know you can show me
I wanna know what love is
I want you to show me
And I wanna feel, I want to feel what love is
And I know, I know you can show me
Let's talk about love
(I wanna know what love is) the love that you feel inside
(I want you to show me) I'm feeling so much love
(I wanna feel what love is) no, you just cannot hide
(I know you can show me) yeah.
I wanna know what love is, let's talk about love
(I want you to show me) I wanna feel it too
(I wanna feel what love is) I wanna feel it too
And I know, and I know, I know you can show me
Show me what is real, woah (woah), yeah I know
(I wanna know what love is) hey I wanna know what love
(I want you to show me), I wanna know, I wanna know, want know
(I wanna feel what love is), hey I wanna feel, love
I know you can show me, yeah.