Joe-ettes in the City
By Scarlett Hauser
Disclaimer: I do not own any of the G.I. Joe or Cobra characters, blah blah blah. Also since this is a parody of some of my favorite Sex and the City stories they get a disclaimer shout out too. The only things I own are the figments of my demented imagination. This is my first fanfiction piece so please be kind. Comments and constructive criticism can be sent to astrologer@astrologypath.com. Thank you and I hope you like!
Rated R for adult language and adult situations.
What if the female Joes replaced the sexy foursome of Sex and the City? Look out Manhattan!
(.and if anyone is suited portray SATC's Samantha character, it's the Baroness!)
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Five years after the G.I. Joe team disbanded many of the former teammates have settled in Manhattan with their new lives. Lady Jaye was now an accomplished actress doing theater on Broadway. Scarlett was a notable Broadway producer who always took an interest in including Lady Jaye in her up-and-coming hit plays (after all, Lady Jaye had introduced her to the business). Cover Girl was the editor-in-chief of a leading fashion magazine. Duke and Flint were highly sought after military consultants to the highest levels and were often begged to speak at seminars. Baroness had a prestigious PR firm that handled only the crème de la crème. Destro and Baroness were the only ex-Cobra to walk free because Destro threw enough money at all the right people to buy them immunity in exchange for their information and testimonies against Cobra Commander and all his affiliates and high-ranking officers. Destro and Baroness were savvy enough to foresee that Cobra was a sinking ship and decided to cash in their chips while they could still save themselves.
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ROADBLOCK'S CAFÉ
The four gal-pals gathered for their ritual female bonding lunch at their usual ultra chic café hangout, 'Roadblock's', which always consisted of sharing trials and tribulations of dating, and usually too much information as well. Scarlett, Lady Jaye and Cover Girl were already seated when the Baroness arrived fashionably late.
"Hello darlings," greeted the Baroness as she seated herself at their usual table, setting her purse down.
"Ooooh, excee-use me!" exclaimed Scarlett touching the Baroness' fancy new purse, "You bought the Hermes Birkin bag?"
"No," corrected the Baroness, "It was a gift from Destro." Destro was the Baroness' significant other, and Lady Jaye's distant cousin though neither of them liked to admit it. Nobody knew it but Destro funded many of Lady Jaye's plays under a dummy corporation. He had a secret small soft spot for his distant cousin and more importantly knew she could make him money.
"Oh my God!" exclaimed Cover Girl, "That's a $5,000 bag! He must love you!" Cover Girl was the eternal romantic optimist. For any regular guy this price tag would be absurd but for a man of Destro's resources, this was just a drop in the bucket.
"No he doesn't," the Baroness corrected Cover Girl.
"You don't know that," Cover Girl tried to reassure.
"Yes I do," the Baroness said matter-of-factly, "Take a look at the card." She whipped out the gift card that had accompanied the bag for the others to inspect. "A small token for my dream lady. Best, Destro."
"Ohhh, 'best' is the worst," grumbled Lady Jaye sympathetically.
"Yeah, even the Law Office of Rudatt will give you a 'Sincerely'," sighed Scarlett.
Roadblock himself came up to greet the ladies personally as usual. He was an old friend of Scarlett, Lady Jaye and Cover Girl who always enjoyed trying out new entrees on them. "Good afternoon ladies - and Baroness. The cuisine I have in store is guaranteed to impress!" Roadblock rhymed to them while tipping his chef's hat to them. Roadblock was the only man Baroness would ever tolerate this sort of mocking from, after all his cuisine was to die for and she respected the man for his fine culinary skills, though she'd never admit it. Roadblock nor any of the other ex- Joes couldn't figure out what the ex-Joe ladies saw in the Baroness, but figured she must have some hidden redeeming quality if they had anything to do with her. Baroness didn't care if she was found despicable by society; her connections and money ensured that they had to tolerate her. She would just say to her naysayers, "Darling, if you want to see the girl next door, then go next fucken' door!"
"Oh Roadblock, you spoil us!" giggled Cover Girl as the others expressed their anticipation and appreciation to Roadblock.
"I have to get back to your entrees now," Roadblock excused himself and rhymed to Lady Jaye and Scarlett, "Now you be sure to bring Duke and Flint over here soon. Unless being out in public with you beauties make them act a fool!"
"Will do," said Scarlett, "and thanks again Roadblock!" as he headed back for the kitchen.
"So what wrongdoing did Destro do to warrant spoiling you with such a lavish gift? We know he's not exactly the flowers type," questioned Lady Jaye suspiciously. Although she had a tendency to be quite cynical sometimes, she was usually right on the money.
"I caught that fucken' Destro out on a date with some chippie," growled the Baroness, "so I threw his drink in his fucken' face."
"Really? So did his face rust?" asked Scarlett, who couldn't contain her snickering at the idea.
"Bah!" grunted the Baroness swatting her overpriced purse at Scarlett, and then relented "But I hope it does, darling! Can we please change the subject now?"
"Yes! So Scarlett, what's the latest with Duke?" asked Cover Girl, hoping for some good news to keep inspiring her own quest to find true love.
"I think he's going to propose," Scarlett worried to her friends, "This morning when he was in the shower I picked up his littered clothes and was stuffing them in his duffle bag and that's when I saw the ring in there."
"What are you going to say?" asked Lady Jaye.
"I don't know. I really hadn't thought about it as a possibility until now," Scarlett pondered.
"Just say 'Yes'! Tell me, what did the ring look like?" Cover Girl dreamily asked, living vicariously through Scarlett's possible engagement, longing for her own.
"Well, that's the other thing. The ring was NOT good," explained Scarlett, now leaning in as if the walls had ears.
"What do you mean?" Lady Jaye asked nervously.
"Well, it had a gold band," Scarlett started to describe.
"Ugh!" exclaimed the Baroness in disgust, holding one hand up in dismay.
"with a pear-shaped diamond," Scarlett finished, sitting back in her chair.
"Eeeewwww!" exclaimed Cover Girl, horrified at her shattered momentary fantasy.
"I thought you liked gold? You wear it all the time," Lady Jaye questioned.
"I do, for fun. But this is my engagement ring, how could someone who seemingly knows me so well pick something so not me?" Scarlett lamented.
"Darling, don't be a fool! Wrong ring, wrong guy," cautioned the Baroness.
"No." Scarlett trailed off with concern that Baroness might be right.
"I picked out the ring," confessed Lady Jaye. Three pairs of evil eyes were on her now.
"Oh Jaye, how could you?" scolded the Baroness.
"I'm sorry! Duke asked for my help and I thought it was what you like. Look, it wasn't exactly my ideal situation, shopping for someone else's engagement ring when Flint wants to skip all that and go right for having a baby. I guess I didn't have my head on straight," apologized Lady Jaye.
"Oh honey, is he still on that baby kick?" asked Scarlett, her evil eye now turned to empathy.
"Yeah, he thinks it will be 'fun to have a baby around' as if my career didn't already consume all my time, now I'm supposed to give up sleep and having a life so he can have someone to play with?" Lady Jaye updated.
"But it could be fun. And you'll have a special bond with him," said an optimistic Cover Girl.
"Darling, there's nothing 'fun' about spit up and dirty diapers and losing beauty sleep," cautioned the Baroness, "You better set him straight immediately before he starts poking holes in his condoms."
"Tell me about it! And to add insult to injury he can't even be bothered to put a ring on my finger," added Lady Jaye, starting to get angry thinking about it, "Speaking of which, can we get back to Scarlett's?"
"Uh huh, sure now that you've stuck me with the bad ring!" teased Scarlett. "So ladies, how about this: 'I'm not ready to get married yet but I love you and I want to live with you.' How does that sound?"
"Like a 'No'," answered the Baroness. "Darling, you're not the marrying kind. You're strong and independent and successful in your own right. You don't need a man's last name to validate your existence. It's such a cliché, and THAT you are NOT. And besides, there's no room behind the 'White Picket Fence' for your shoe collection."
"Oh, I almost forgot about that," Lady Jaye chuckled, "You're going to have to haul those shoes to a secondary location to make room in your closet for Duke's things." Duke kept a much smaller apartment in the city because he spent so little time there between his work constantly calling him out of town and spending what little down time he did have with Scarlett. Scarlett's larger Park Avenue apartment would be the obvious choice for their living situation. The other three often wondered why Duke even bothered keeping his apartment at all and just move in with Scarlett since he spent all his time there anyway. But that was how Scarlett wanted it and Duke never pushed her.
"Stop it! You're going to scare her even more!" exclaimed Cover Girl. Too late. Scarlett was already sitting there paralyzed in fear of the idea of not just giving up her identity, but displacing her beloved shoe collection of about 100 pairs of Manolo Blahnik and Jimmy Choo shoes and the like. Not that she had to pay for most of them, which usually run $300-$700 per pair. The ex-Joe ladies often received freebies from top designers. Not in gratitude for fighting for their freedom mind you, but in the hopes that the pieces would get photographed as the ladies received their share of media attention. Cover Girl had coached the others how to pose for the camera so they wouldn't get caught in an unflattering photo.
"Just be nice," Cover Girl coaxed, "because later on down the road you might decide you want to marry him! Don't take too long though. After all, once you start getting around 40 men see you as desperate."
"Who's desperate?" asked Lady Jaye.
"Who's 40!" cried out the Baroness defensively, slamming her fist on the table. The Baroness' age was as big a mystery as the face under Cobra's mask. Everyone lost count of how many times she had celebrated her 35th birthday. The closest she ever came to revealing her age was admitting to the others that she was 'a couple years older' than them. She figured as long as she was fabulous and could keep up with the best of them, nobody needed to know, not even Destro.
"Now I just have to figure out when he's going to ask so I can get it over with," said Scarlett, trying to change the subject direction before it got ugly. She looked at Lady Jaye and asked accusingly, "Do you know when he's going to ask?"
"No, I'm completely out of that loop now," answered Lady Jaye shaking her head while holding both her palms up.
"Shit," grumbled Scarlett, realizing she was on her own with this problem now.
"Darlings I have to go now. My Destro has some more making up to do on 5th Avenue," as the Baroness excused herself.
"Well, send him our 'Best'," Lady Jaye couldn't resist teasing.
"Yeah, nothing but the 'Best'!" Cover Girl chimed in.
"I shall be sure to do my very 'Best'," growled the Baroness, rolling her eyes as she picked up her new trophy Birkin bag and stormed out on her new mission to raid all the best shops at Destro's expense. Making light of the situation secretly made the Baroness feel a little better, though she'd never admit it. Besides, the Baroness knew exactly how to hit a man where it hurts: in his wallet! The other three couldn't help but laugh knowing this.
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SCARLETT'S APARTMENT - 2 WEEKS LATER
Scarlett paced her terrace wondering why Duke hadn't proposed yet, not that she had an answer ready anyway. The anxiety was getting overwhelming. They had been out together many times since the ring discovery and certainly had many opportunities but no proposal yet. Had he changed his mind? Although at first she was reluctant to the idea of marriage, the more she thought about him changing his mind the more it started to worry her. What was she so afraid of in the first place? It certainly wasn't that she thought she could do better nor had any desire to; in fact Duke was quite a catch and was one of the few people that actually GOT her; understood her. They shared so much history and had a lot in common. She had already proven that she could not only make it on her own in a man's world but far exceed anybody's expectations including her own, so what was there left to prove? This was a quality that would scare most men off if they even bothered to take notice but Duke wasn't most men; rather than be intimidated he actually appreciated this in her. And not only did he make her happy, he made it seem effortless; like it just came natural to him. And she loved him. Through the years her father would occasionally remind her, "Anything worth having demands a bit of courage, Lass." Scarlett reflected on the wise old Irish man's words. His advice got her through some rough times. Perhaps this fear was a sign that Duke would be worth the gamble; maybe happiness wasn't to be handed on a silver platter but rewarded for being brave enough to take the chance. When she tried to imagine her life without Duke, and what a grim thought it was, she became more worried than ever that he didn't think the same. Scarlett was snapped out of her depressing trance by a knock on the door. It was Duke, dressed in a black Armani suit to take Scarlett to the grand opening of an art gallery featuring the works of the hottest up-and-coming artists. As usual the Baroness' PR firm was handling the event, which is how the group usually got into A-list parties as if their own status wasn't enough.
"My you clean up well," greeted Scarlett with a kiss. Not to be outdone by her lover, Scarlett was decked out in a barely-there-but-still-tasteful blue Dolce and Gabbana strappy dress, which complimented her piercing blue eyes and long red hair worn swept up with a few loose tendrils, and black Gucci stiletto heels. Duke was a tall well-built man, which afforded Scarlett the five-inch heel lift. She also knew how much he liked it when she wore shoes like that.
"All I have to say is 'Wow'," Duke admired as Scarlett did a 360 for him then asked her seductively, "So if I'm good will you model just the shoes for me?"
"Ha! We'll just see about that!" Scarlett taunted.
"Allrighty," said Duke, secretly hoping to have his wish granted later. "Shall we?" Duke opened the door for Scarlett and they left for the gala.
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GALLERY OPENING GALA
Scarlett was getting irritable. They had already been there for a few hours of cocktails and hors d'oeuvres and mingling so she was getting tired and her feet were starting to hurt. Lady Jaye was a no-show because she stayed home with a cold and Cover Girl was busy scouting the room for her next potential Mr. Right. Meanwhile, Baroness was in the next room keeping tabs on Mr. Wrong, aka Destro, making sure he didn't stray. Scarlett sighed; she hadn't realized how much this anxiety was wearing her down and her friends weren't around to help keep her distracted. She was ready to call it an evening and go home. She was then startled by a cold splash on her foot and let out a shriek "Fuck!" Someone had accidentally spilled her drink and unfortunately her shoe had gotten in the way of the cocktail hitting the floor.
"Oh this day just gets better and better," Scarlett grumbled to herself, lamenting over possibly adding ruined $400 designer shoes to her latest disasters.
"Here, let me get that for you," Duke offered as he tried to clean up the spill on Scarlett's shoe and around her so she wouldn't slip. "Babe, would you hand me some more napkins please?"
'Of course he's so damn eager to tend to my shoes, because he wants me to model them solo for him later!' Scarlett thought in frustration of his hidden agenda, "Here!" she snapped at him shoving the napkins at him while still staring off into space with her thoughts, "Can we finally leave now?" She stood there for a moment still holding the napkins then finally looked down to see why Duke hadn't taken them from her yet. Scarlett gasped to find a Tiffany two-carat princess cut diamond on a platinum band gleaming at her, offered by her dearest love of her life down on one knee.
"Oh my God, you," "It's not," "Oh, it's so beautiful!" Scarlett stammered. That stinker, he had switched the rings on her!
"Scarlett, we've been through a lot together, good and bad. We've come close to losing each other too many times and I would die if that ever happened because you are my life. You are my heart and soul and the reason I breathe every day. I couldn't imagine my life without you. I love you more than anything in this world and I'd be honored if you would join your life with mine forever and marry me," Duke was trying to maintain his composure but everyone within earshot could feel by his tone how nervous and choked up he was. Cover Girl was standing by, hand cupped over her mouth and holding her breath as she hoped her friend had come to her senses by now.
"Ye-ye-yeah!" Scarlett stuttered out enthusiastically with tears of joy and relief streaming down her cheeks. She had never been so sure of her answer in her life. She had also never been so caught off guard in her life. Quite an accomplishment on Duke's part considering her level in the martial arts! Duke gently slid the good ring on Scarlett's finger. They hugged and sealed the deal with a passionate kiss. The room clapped and cheered for the newly engaged couple. Photographers that were covering the gala snapped their photos for the society pages.
"YES!!!" Cover Girl squealed, practically jumping out of herself in excitement as she hugged Scarlett and Duke. She could breathe now, and keep believing.
"Yes dear, now we can leave," teased Duke.
"Wait a minute, I'll be right there," said Scarlett. First, she had to tell a special someone that surprisingly she actually was the marrying kind after all. She found the Versace clad Baroness enjoying a martini at the bar in the next room.
"Taking a break from Destro guard duty?" Scarlett joked as she snuck up on the Baroness.
"No, darling. I can see his chrome-dome from here," answered the Baroness, "Are you leaving already?"
"I have news," Scarlett said coyly.
"Oh? You and Duke broke up?" questioned the Baroness with enthusiasm. Baroness and Duke weren't exactly the best of friends.
"No, we're engaged!" Scarlett knew the Baroness was half-kidding.
"Fuck you," replied the Baroness to the good news as she took another sip of her martini while Scarlett stared at her waiting for her to relent, "Darling are you sure about this?"
"More than ever, and look!" said Scarlett, holding her hand up to proudly display her new decoration, "It's a really good ring!"
Baroness briefly glanced over at the ring and replied passively, "Hmmm, I've seen it."
"Huh?" Scarlett was confused.
"Well darling, SOMEBODY had to clue the poor fool in! If we ever had to battle against each other again I at least want to look at a nice piece of jewelry!" Baroness explained matter-of-factly. Leave it to the Baroness to try to cloak her good deed with a self-serving agenda. But Scarlett wasn't fooled.
"Thank you," said a smiling Scarlett, then as she got up to leave whispered to her, "and don't worry, your secret's safe with me." Baroness gave her a wink and Scarlett returned to her new fiancé so they could leave. Valet already had Duke's Hummer waiting for them out front. As she was helped into the vehicle she imagined poor Duke being subjected to the Baroness' haughty attitude and ordering him around in the jewelry shops, certainly a far worse hazing than all three of her brothers could inflict combined. 'Oh, to have been a fly on the wall! If that isn't love than I don't know what is,' Scarlett thought. 'I'll bet I can get a copy of the surveillance video of the shopping trip, maybe even get Flint to play it at the bachelor party!' Scarlett mused. But first things first, as Scarlett looked down at her stilettos to see that they weren't ruined after all, she had a wish to grant in honor of privately celebrating her new engagement.
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By Scarlett Hauser
Disclaimer: I do not own any of the G.I. Joe or Cobra characters, blah blah blah. Also since this is a parody of some of my favorite Sex and the City stories they get a disclaimer shout out too. The only things I own are the figments of my demented imagination. This is my first fanfiction piece so please be kind. Comments and constructive criticism can be sent to astrologer@astrologypath.com. Thank you and I hope you like!
Rated R for adult language and adult situations.
What if the female Joes replaced the sexy foursome of Sex and the City? Look out Manhattan!
(.and if anyone is suited portray SATC's Samantha character, it's the Baroness!)
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Five years after the G.I. Joe team disbanded many of the former teammates have settled in Manhattan with their new lives. Lady Jaye was now an accomplished actress doing theater on Broadway. Scarlett was a notable Broadway producer who always took an interest in including Lady Jaye in her up-and-coming hit plays (after all, Lady Jaye had introduced her to the business). Cover Girl was the editor-in-chief of a leading fashion magazine. Duke and Flint were highly sought after military consultants to the highest levels and were often begged to speak at seminars. Baroness had a prestigious PR firm that handled only the crème de la crème. Destro and Baroness were the only ex-Cobra to walk free because Destro threw enough money at all the right people to buy them immunity in exchange for their information and testimonies against Cobra Commander and all his affiliates and high-ranking officers. Destro and Baroness were savvy enough to foresee that Cobra was a sinking ship and decided to cash in their chips while they could still save themselves.
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ROADBLOCK'S CAFÉ
The four gal-pals gathered for their ritual female bonding lunch at their usual ultra chic café hangout, 'Roadblock's', which always consisted of sharing trials and tribulations of dating, and usually too much information as well. Scarlett, Lady Jaye and Cover Girl were already seated when the Baroness arrived fashionably late.
"Hello darlings," greeted the Baroness as she seated herself at their usual table, setting her purse down.
"Ooooh, excee-use me!" exclaimed Scarlett touching the Baroness' fancy new purse, "You bought the Hermes Birkin bag?"
"No," corrected the Baroness, "It was a gift from Destro." Destro was the Baroness' significant other, and Lady Jaye's distant cousin though neither of them liked to admit it. Nobody knew it but Destro funded many of Lady Jaye's plays under a dummy corporation. He had a secret small soft spot for his distant cousin and more importantly knew she could make him money.
"Oh my God!" exclaimed Cover Girl, "That's a $5,000 bag! He must love you!" Cover Girl was the eternal romantic optimist. For any regular guy this price tag would be absurd but for a man of Destro's resources, this was just a drop in the bucket.
"No he doesn't," the Baroness corrected Cover Girl.
"You don't know that," Cover Girl tried to reassure.
"Yes I do," the Baroness said matter-of-factly, "Take a look at the card." She whipped out the gift card that had accompanied the bag for the others to inspect. "A small token for my dream lady. Best, Destro."
"Ohhh, 'best' is the worst," grumbled Lady Jaye sympathetically.
"Yeah, even the Law Office of Rudatt will give you a 'Sincerely'," sighed Scarlett.
Roadblock himself came up to greet the ladies personally as usual. He was an old friend of Scarlett, Lady Jaye and Cover Girl who always enjoyed trying out new entrees on them. "Good afternoon ladies - and Baroness. The cuisine I have in store is guaranteed to impress!" Roadblock rhymed to them while tipping his chef's hat to them. Roadblock was the only man Baroness would ever tolerate this sort of mocking from, after all his cuisine was to die for and she respected the man for his fine culinary skills, though she'd never admit it. Roadblock nor any of the other ex- Joes couldn't figure out what the ex-Joe ladies saw in the Baroness, but figured she must have some hidden redeeming quality if they had anything to do with her. Baroness didn't care if she was found despicable by society; her connections and money ensured that they had to tolerate her. She would just say to her naysayers, "Darling, if you want to see the girl next door, then go next fucken' door!"
"Oh Roadblock, you spoil us!" giggled Cover Girl as the others expressed their anticipation and appreciation to Roadblock.
"I have to get back to your entrees now," Roadblock excused himself and rhymed to Lady Jaye and Scarlett, "Now you be sure to bring Duke and Flint over here soon. Unless being out in public with you beauties make them act a fool!"
"Will do," said Scarlett, "and thanks again Roadblock!" as he headed back for the kitchen.
"So what wrongdoing did Destro do to warrant spoiling you with such a lavish gift? We know he's not exactly the flowers type," questioned Lady Jaye suspiciously. Although she had a tendency to be quite cynical sometimes, she was usually right on the money.
"I caught that fucken' Destro out on a date with some chippie," growled the Baroness, "so I threw his drink in his fucken' face."
"Really? So did his face rust?" asked Scarlett, who couldn't contain her snickering at the idea.
"Bah!" grunted the Baroness swatting her overpriced purse at Scarlett, and then relented "But I hope it does, darling! Can we please change the subject now?"
"Yes! So Scarlett, what's the latest with Duke?" asked Cover Girl, hoping for some good news to keep inspiring her own quest to find true love.
"I think he's going to propose," Scarlett worried to her friends, "This morning when he was in the shower I picked up his littered clothes and was stuffing them in his duffle bag and that's when I saw the ring in there."
"What are you going to say?" asked Lady Jaye.
"I don't know. I really hadn't thought about it as a possibility until now," Scarlett pondered.
"Just say 'Yes'! Tell me, what did the ring look like?" Cover Girl dreamily asked, living vicariously through Scarlett's possible engagement, longing for her own.
"Well, that's the other thing. The ring was NOT good," explained Scarlett, now leaning in as if the walls had ears.
"What do you mean?" Lady Jaye asked nervously.
"Well, it had a gold band," Scarlett started to describe.
"Ugh!" exclaimed the Baroness in disgust, holding one hand up in dismay.
"with a pear-shaped diamond," Scarlett finished, sitting back in her chair.
"Eeeewwww!" exclaimed Cover Girl, horrified at her shattered momentary fantasy.
"I thought you liked gold? You wear it all the time," Lady Jaye questioned.
"I do, for fun. But this is my engagement ring, how could someone who seemingly knows me so well pick something so not me?" Scarlett lamented.
"Darling, don't be a fool! Wrong ring, wrong guy," cautioned the Baroness.
"No." Scarlett trailed off with concern that Baroness might be right.
"I picked out the ring," confessed Lady Jaye. Three pairs of evil eyes were on her now.
"Oh Jaye, how could you?" scolded the Baroness.
"I'm sorry! Duke asked for my help and I thought it was what you like. Look, it wasn't exactly my ideal situation, shopping for someone else's engagement ring when Flint wants to skip all that and go right for having a baby. I guess I didn't have my head on straight," apologized Lady Jaye.
"Oh honey, is he still on that baby kick?" asked Scarlett, her evil eye now turned to empathy.
"Yeah, he thinks it will be 'fun to have a baby around' as if my career didn't already consume all my time, now I'm supposed to give up sleep and having a life so he can have someone to play with?" Lady Jaye updated.
"But it could be fun. And you'll have a special bond with him," said an optimistic Cover Girl.
"Darling, there's nothing 'fun' about spit up and dirty diapers and losing beauty sleep," cautioned the Baroness, "You better set him straight immediately before he starts poking holes in his condoms."
"Tell me about it! And to add insult to injury he can't even be bothered to put a ring on my finger," added Lady Jaye, starting to get angry thinking about it, "Speaking of which, can we get back to Scarlett's?"
"Uh huh, sure now that you've stuck me with the bad ring!" teased Scarlett. "So ladies, how about this: 'I'm not ready to get married yet but I love you and I want to live with you.' How does that sound?"
"Like a 'No'," answered the Baroness. "Darling, you're not the marrying kind. You're strong and independent and successful in your own right. You don't need a man's last name to validate your existence. It's such a cliché, and THAT you are NOT. And besides, there's no room behind the 'White Picket Fence' for your shoe collection."
"Oh, I almost forgot about that," Lady Jaye chuckled, "You're going to have to haul those shoes to a secondary location to make room in your closet for Duke's things." Duke kept a much smaller apartment in the city because he spent so little time there between his work constantly calling him out of town and spending what little down time he did have with Scarlett. Scarlett's larger Park Avenue apartment would be the obvious choice for their living situation. The other three often wondered why Duke even bothered keeping his apartment at all and just move in with Scarlett since he spent all his time there anyway. But that was how Scarlett wanted it and Duke never pushed her.
"Stop it! You're going to scare her even more!" exclaimed Cover Girl. Too late. Scarlett was already sitting there paralyzed in fear of the idea of not just giving up her identity, but displacing her beloved shoe collection of about 100 pairs of Manolo Blahnik and Jimmy Choo shoes and the like. Not that she had to pay for most of them, which usually run $300-$700 per pair. The ex-Joe ladies often received freebies from top designers. Not in gratitude for fighting for their freedom mind you, but in the hopes that the pieces would get photographed as the ladies received their share of media attention. Cover Girl had coached the others how to pose for the camera so they wouldn't get caught in an unflattering photo.
"Just be nice," Cover Girl coaxed, "because later on down the road you might decide you want to marry him! Don't take too long though. After all, once you start getting around 40 men see you as desperate."
"Who's desperate?" asked Lady Jaye.
"Who's 40!" cried out the Baroness defensively, slamming her fist on the table. The Baroness' age was as big a mystery as the face under Cobra's mask. Everyone lost count of how many times she had celebrated her 35th birthday. The closest she ever came to revealing her age was admitting to the others that she was 'a couple years older' than them. She figured as long as she was fabulous and could keep up with the best of them, nobody needed to know, not even Destro.
"Now I just have to figure out when he's going to ask so I can get it over with," said Scarlett, trying to change the subject direction before it got ugly. She looked at Lady Jaye and asked accusingly, "Do you know when he's going to ask?"
"No, I'm completely out of that loop now," answered Lady Jaye shaking her head while holding both her palms up.
"Shit," grumbled Scarlett, realizing she was on her own with this problem now.
"Darlings I have to go now. My Destro has some more making up to do on 5th Avenue," as the Baroness excused herself.
"Well, send him our 'Best'," Lady Jaye couldn't resist teasing.
"Yeah, nothing but the 'Best'!" Cover Girl chimed in.
"I shall be sure to do my very 'Best'," growled the Baroness, rolling her eyes as she picked up her new trophy Birkin bag and stormed out on her new mission to raid all the best shops at Destro's expense. Making light of the situation secretly made the Baroness feel a little better, though she'd never admit it. Besides, the Baroness knew exactly how to hit a man where it hurts: in his wallet! The other three couldn't help but laugh knowing this.
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SCARLETT'S APARTMENT - 2 WEEKS LATER
Scarlett paced her terrace wondering why Duke hadn't proposed yet, not that she had an answer ready anyway. The anxiety was getting overwhelming. They had been out together many times since the ring discovery and certainly had many opportunities but no proposal yet. Had he changed his mind? Although at first she was reluctant to the idea of marriage, the more she thought about him changing his mind the more it started to worry her. What was she so afraid of in the first place? It certainly wasn't that she thought she could do better nor had any desire to; in fact Duke was quite a catch and was one of the few people that actually GOT her; understood her. They shared so much history and had a lot in common. She had already proven that she could not only make it on her own in a man's world but far exceed anybody's expectations including her own, so what was there left to prove? This was a quality that would scare most men off if they even bothered to take notice but Duke wasn't most men; rather than be intimidated he actually appreciated this in her. And not only did he make her happy, he made it seem effortless; like it just came natural to him. And she loved him. Through the years her father would occasionally remind her, "Anything worth having demands a bit of courage, Lass." Scarlett reflected on the wise old Irish man's words. His advice got her through some rough times. Perhaps this fear was a sign that Duke would be worth the gamble; maybe happiness wasn't to be handed on a silver platter but rewarded for being brave enough to take the chance. When she tried to imagine her life without Duke, and what a grim thought it was, she became more worried than ever that he didn't think the same. Scarlett was snapped out of her depressing trance by a knock on the door. It was Duke, dressed in a black Armani suit to take Scarlett to the grand opening of an art gallery featuring the works of the hottest up-and-coming artists. As usual the Baroness' PR firm was handling the event, which is how the group usually got into A-list parties as if their own status wasn't enough.
"My you clean up well," greeted Scarlett with a kiss. Not to be outdone by her lover, Scarlett was decked out in a barely-there-but-still-tasteful blue Dolce and Gabbana strappy dress, which complimented her piercing blue eyes and long red hair worn swept up with a few loose tendrils, and black Gucci stiletto heels. Duke was a tall well-built man, which afforded Scarlett the five-inch heel lift. She also knew how much he liked it when she wore shoes like that.
"All I have to say is 'Wow'," Duke admired as Scarlett did a 360 for him then asked her seductively, "So if I'm good will you model just the shoes for me?"
"Ha! We'll just see about that!" Scarlett taunted.
"Allrighty," said Duke, secretly hoping to have his wish granted later. "Shall we?" Duke opened the door for Scarlett and they left for the gala.
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GALLERY OPENING GALA
Scarlett was getting irritable. They had already been there for a few hours of cocktails and hors d'oeuvres and mingling so she was getting tired and her feet were starting to hurt. Lady Jaye was a no-show because she stayed home with a cold and Cover Girl was busy scouting the room for her next potential Mr. Right. Meanwhile, Baroness was in the next room keeping tabs on Mr. Wrong, aka Destro, making sure he didn't stray. Scarlett sighed; she hadn't realized how much this anxiety was wearing her down and her friends weren't around to help keep her distracted. She was ready to call it an evening and go home. She was then startled by a cold splash on her foot and let out a shriek "Fuck!" Someone had accidentally spilled her drink and unfortunately her shoe had gotten in the way of the cocktail hitting the floor.
"Oh this day just gets better and better," Scarlett grumbled to herself, lamenting over possibly adding ruined $400 designer shoes to her latest disasters.
"Here, let me get that for you," Duke offered as he tried to clean up the spill on Scarlett's shoe and around her so she wouldn't slip. "Babe, would you hand me some more napkins please?"
'Of course he's so damn eager to tend to my shoes, because he wants me to model them solo for him later!' Scarlett thought in frustration of his hidden agenda, "Here!" she snapped at him shoving the napkins at him while still staring off into space with her thoughts, "Can we finally leave now?" She stood there for a moment still holding the napkins then finally looked down to see why Duke hadn't taken them from her yet. Scarlett gasped to find a Tiffany two-carat princess cut diamond on a platinum band gleaming at her, offered by her dearest love of her life down on one knee.
"Oh my God, you," "It's not," "Oh, it's so beautiful!" Scarlett stammered. That stinker, he had switched the rings on her!
"Scarlett, we've been through a lot together, good and bad. We've come close to losing each other too many times and I would die if that ever happened because you are my life. You are my heart and soul and the reason I breathe every day. I couldn't imagine my life without you. I love you more than anything in this world and I'd be honored if you would join your life with mine forever and marry me," Duke was trying to maintain his composure but everyone within earshot could feel by his tone how nervous and choked up he was. Cover Girl was standing by, hand cupped over her mouth and holding her breath as she hoped her friend had come to her senses by now.
"Ye-ye-yeah!" Scarlett stuttered out enthusiastically with tears of joy and relief streaming down her cheeks. She had never been so sure of her answer in her life. She had also never been so caught off guard in her life. Quite an accomplishment on Duke's part considering her level in the martial arts! Duke gently slid the good ring on Scarlett's finger. They hugged and sealed the deal with a passionate kiss. The room clapped and cheered for the newly engaged couple. Photographers that were covering the gala snapped their photos for the society pages.
"YES!!!" Cover Girl squealed, practically jumping out of herself in excitement as she hugged Scarlett and Duke. She could breathe now, and keep believing.
"Yes dear, now we can leave," teased Duke.
"Wait a minute, I'll be right there," said Scarlett. First, she had to tell a special someone that surprisingly she actually was the marrying kind after all. She found the Versace clad Baroness enjoying a martini at the bar in the next room.
"Taking a break from Destro guard duty?" Scarlett joked as she snuck up on the Baroness.
"No, darling. I can see his chrome-dome from here," answered the Baroness, "Are you leaving already?"
"I have news," Scarlett said coyly.
"Oh? You and Duke broke up?" questioned the Baroness with enthusiasm. Baroness and Duke weren't exactly the best of friends.
"No, we're engaged!" Scarlett knew the Baroness was half-kidding.
"Fuck you," replied the Baroness to the good news as she took another sip of her martini while Scarlett stared at her waiting for her to relent, "Darling are you sure about this?"
"More than ever, and look!" said Scarlett, holding her hand up to proudly display her new decoration, "It's a really good ring!"
Baroness briefly glanced over at the ring and replied passively, "Hmmm, I've seen it."
"Huh?" Scarlett was confused.
"Well darling, SOMEBODY had to clue the poor fool in! If we ever had to battle against each other again I at least want to look at a nice piece of jewelry!" Baroness explained matter-of-factly. Leave it to the Baroness to try to cloak her good deed with a self-serving agenda. But Scarlett wasn't fooled.
"Thank you," said a smiling Scarlett, then as she got up to leave whispered to her, "and don't worry, your secret's safe with me." Baroness gave her a wink and Scarlett returned to her new fiancé so they could leave. Valet already had Duke's Hummer waiting for them out front. As she was helped into the vehicle she imagined poor Duke being subjected to the Baroness' haughty attitude and ordering him around in the jewelry shops, certainly a far worse hazing than all three of her brothers could inflict combined. 'Oh, to have been a fly on the wall! If that isn't love than I don't know what is,' Scarlett thought. 'I'll bet I can get a copy of the surveillance video of the shopping trip, maybe even get Flint to play it at the bachelor party!' Scarlett mused. But first things first, as Scarlett looked down at her stilettos to see that they weren't ruined after all, she had a wish to grant in honor of privately celebrating her new engagement.
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