All women are the same?
Part I. "Who and by whom was turned down"
The streets were vigorously rejoicing the hot summer. They were holding dump concrete walls and the thousand times patched up asphalt to melt under the merciless sun. Even the wind didn't feel like leaning out of the shade. He only showed signs of existing by waving gently yet green leaves. Cars were only adding some charm to the August urban landscape, exhaling clouds of asphalt-colored smoke. People waking in the park in two steps from the traffic area breathed deeply. They thought the unity with nature was fulfilled and they were receiving a year's fresh air supply. Schoolchildren, now spongers, were enjoying various sorts of ice-cream. They talked on all possible themes, even which they have never heard before, but avoiding everything connected with school. Kindergarten kids drove along the paths not paying attention to the heat. Sometimes they tried to feed the ducks in the pond with everything, except stuff they really eat. Little children also made constant attempts to persuade their mothers to buy something, it didn`t matter what – just to buy. Mum`s sat on benches and cooed with their children in the buggies interrupting their dreams. And the little ones answered with cries of discontent. Couples were exchanging glances with their hands in the pockets of the half thinking it was extremely romantic. But the every minute of the date they were ready to make a scene because the boyfriend gave a wrong glance on the long-legged blonde or a girlfriend`s gaze on the beefy sportsman. Female friends, who were having a walk without boyfriends, impressed with the length of their skirts. If to be fully sincere, they had not really skirts, but wide belts as a substitution. And this fact made the potential boyfriends follow them with eyes and made the potential grandmothers to watch them with reproach and typical stories "when I was young…" The birds, indigene representatives of the megalopolis fauna – pigeons and sparrows – were bathing in dust because of the absolute absence of puddles and showed their indignation – substitution was unfair. More clever birds were hiding in the tree branches, where the sun couldn`t get, and were also discussing unpleasantness of weather. In general, everyone was happy. Except the one unusual guy that was like a storm cloud in the bright sky. Well, was he really unusual? Nowadays there are more peculiar individuals than common, but this fellow was special in his own way. So, albino-boy was passing by the shady park without a temptation to hide there from the sun and that was the first strange thing. Pale skin, almost grey hair, red eyes – well, it wasn`t that stunning, nowadays it`s possible to come across a more astonishing individual. But the main reason of the gazes on him, with the exception of his attractive face, `cause we give the credit where credit is due, was sitting on guy`s head – little yellow poultry. Canary bird or, perhaps, a chicken – that wasn`t important, essential was the fact of this bird seat and behavior. This living creature was cheeping with amazement, ruffling up its feathers and tried to show itself to be a greater danger than a porcupine. It also was walking around the impressive bump on his master`s back of the head, not pleasured with a new neighbor. The guy himself was muttering something under his breath, emotionally gesticulating and paid absolutely no attention to the other inhabitants of the planet.
- Young man, be careful! - solidly built old woman wasn`t able to contain herself more. She was balancing on the edge of the road kerb with the help of two enormous bags. She was a typical specimen of women at the solid age. They can be met everywhere – in the trolleybuses, at the markets on the benches near the entrances of apartment houses and on the roomy homestead lands that are usually overgrown with the nettle that rises up to the waist. Such specimens of the society survive everywhere and in all conditions because of the iron nerves. They show their "vulnerability" when they need it.
And now this old woman, after the guy made no excuses and praised her with a long heavy gaze, she frowned bellicosely and stroke the brazen on his knee with the bag. She left with proudly raised head and repeating:
- Oh, these young people! They are dead to shame and have no conscience! Make up like a prim young lady, put on some barbaric stuff and contact lenses and consider themselves heaven knows what! Be old enough, tow-haired!
The guy, perhaps, would answer something, but he was too absorbed with his thoughts about the hard fortune unacknowledged geniuses. Only that strange canary bird was cheeping something atilt.
The guy only breathed hard and pulled out a hand from the pocket to stroke the little yellow creature. The bird calmed and seated itself on the fair hair and, perhaps, was going to build a nest there. And the albino was now near the three-storied apartment house that looked seedy but decent. He successfully passed the noisy groups of children that were feigning some war or, what is more probable, some computer game. He also passed young women that were having a quarrel with the worker of Housing-operational office and overcame the last and main obstacle – old women on the bench – he entered the house. After he has walked up two-tree stairs, he found himself on the landing with a couple of doors – on the right and on the left. He chose the second one and was going to knock, bet when fingers touched the door, it opened itself with mysterious squeak. The guest hasn`t paid much attention to this fact because of his own concern and entered the flat with a shout from the threshold:
- Braginski, take out your vodka! Hedervary has turned me down and beat me up again and only your straight alcohol can help me!
After the sound of hoarse baritone of the visitor faded, a scary girl figure slowly sailed into the hall. In a second a kitchen knife stuck into the door right near the guys face
- You, German scoundrel! You came to make a drunkard of Vanechka? – hissed the young lady with scary shining eyes and posed as a predatory infuriated cat ready to attack.
- Oh, what girls turned into now! – the guy raised his eyes to the ceiling and disappeared in the room on the right out of harm's way. He didn`t run away, he just averted incident. Belarus, as he heard, forgot about the knife and concealed in the Russia's study tenderly muttering something. Then there was a sound of falling furniture. It looked like the situation took its normal course and Russia proceeded to the holding the line behind the ramparts.
Prussia tousled his locks that has fallen on his forehead and sniffed scornfully starting to talk, no, not to himself, good God, no!, but to his pet:
- You know, Gilbird, I have hardly saved your yellow skin. I could be forgiven, but you would have been roasted as a chicken or send to the pet shop as a canary bird for sure.
- Witty, - answered somebody with a light laugh. Prussia stood paralyzed in fright and then caught the bird abruptly, brought it to the face and stared into the little black wondering eyes.
- You…speak? – touching his nose with the beak asked albino and squeezed the bird too violent. Canary started to cheap loudly announcing its right to have a lawyer.
- I have a possibility to express myself with human speech from the birth, - hemmed the mysterious voice after answering. – And don`t torture the living creature.
- So, it`s not you, - muttered Gilbert, having lost the interest to the half-conscious pet and put it back on his head. – Who is here?
- Your alter ego, isn`t it obvious? – again answered the unknown. Prussia leaned on the door and put the hand on the door handle. He began to examine the room carefully, screwing up red eyes. Well, visible opponent, even Natalia, was less scary than unknown creature.
- Really? – asked Gilbert with distrust slowly turning to have an opportunity to run away rapidly. But at the same moment the heavy dark wine red curtain stirred making Prussia stand still and look attentively.
- Fool, aren`t you surprised that your alter ego has a women`s voice? It`s me! And close the door, I`m also hiding, - muttered a girl with dark blond hair showing herself up. She smoothed tousled hair nonchalantly. As an explanation of her having being behind the curtain she was holding a watering can.
- Ukraine? – asked Beilschmidt being still flabbergasted, but cleared his throat and assumed a solemn air. – I realized it from the beginning that it was you. Great I can`t be deceived with such trickery!
- Sure, - Russia`s elder sister smiled sweetly and then slyly screwed up her eyes and turned her back, continuing the work. – So, you again came to make a drunkard of Vanechka?
- And you have to do the same, woman! – scoffed Beilschmidt and locked the door just to make sure. Who knows, when Arlovskaya would like to avenge.
- Oh, again Lizzie turned you down? – sympathetically smiled Olga, raising the violet leaf and watering the soil in a flowerpot. Ivan likes different plants, but never feels like taking care of them. What`s more, he is always out of time and forgets to do it, having a list of concerns.
- She hasn`t turned me down! It was I, who turned her down! – revolted Prussia throwing out his chest and prevented the next question immediately. – And I came to have some alcohol with Braginski just to celebrate the fact I made the final decision about this relations that lead nowhere.
- How poetical, - said Chernenko, drawling the words. – Let`s better think, how to get out from here. I don`t burn with the desire to spend my Saturday evening here, I have my own plans.
- Oh, we are in a hurry to have a date with some psek* or this time it`s a transoceanic bear prince that will be lectured by Russia the very next day? – spitefully asked Gilbert, because he remembered perfectly all the stories about Ukraine`s admirers (it was the main entertainment during long winter evenings in the company of soviet neighbors). – And we can try to get out…through the door?
- Oh, no I`m fed up with them! – unusually with difficulty, in a broken voice told the girl answering the first question and turned her face towards Prussia. – You probably have forgotten the obvious program of this event. If I don`t interfere, as I do today, the phase "catch me, if you can" has probably started. So, it means, Ivan will run away to Balts no less than in two hours. And I don`t want to lose time.
- Well, then we have another variant – window, - grinned albino being self-satisfied, sparkling with the realization of his unimaginable genius that wasn`t noticed by foolish Hungary. – It`s the ground floor.
- Well, it`s right, - hemmed Olga, demonstratively pointing with a delicate finger on the new way to the freedom. – But it seems to be blocked, because it doesn`t want to open.
After having raised his eyebrows skeptically, the guy stalked to the point of argues. He rubbed his hands and pulled the frame by the handle supported by the proud cheeping of the pet. The frame creaked like it was going to break, but kept unharmed and yielded. Beilschmidt made the same manipulations with the second part and turned his face towards his confederate in escape. He assumed a satisfied air and made an affected gesture showing it was a mere trifle.
- The wood became dump and has swollen.
- So that`s what means strong manly hands, - smiled Ukraine and bended her head on the shoulder. She picked up her handbag and came up to the windowsill, where Gilbert was already squatting. He was pleased with such simple compliment. He jumped down to the ground adroitly and shook off from the t-shirt non-existent specks of dust and raised his look to the girl, who stood in hesitation.
- Well, what has happened? –asked he gloomy, waiting for the regular women hysterics with shouts "I`m afraid!" according to the law of the genre. But Olga made a keen look on the ground leaning over the windowsill trying to figure out the distance.
- Is it really safe? I`ve lost my skill in jumping out the windows, - she bit her lip and threw her handbag neatly into Gilbert`s hands.
- Well, let it be so, I, as Great in all meanings of this word, will catch you, - Prussia put the caught handbag on the bench and advanced his arms expressing complete readiness.
- I don`t know. By the way, I`m wearing a sundress, - prattled Ukraine, nervously putting some dark blond locks behind the ear.
- Oh, in that case, jump yourself, - widely grinned the savior. But he didn`t get a punch or a curse in return, as he thought. Red cheeks of confused Olga and "fool" spoken in a low voice – it was the answer. If Prussia could be just a little less severe, he would be touched, as Antonio and Francis would do. But, all the same, a thought that not all girls are Hungary and it`s possible to think about the next lucky one to be praised with attention of the Great He flashed across his mind.
Russia`s sister sat on the windowsill with her legs dangling and then turned her back to the Gilbert, perhaps, having made a decision to follow the technique of Spiderman. It`s not clear how, but with one hand holding the window frame and the other one pulling her sundress lower, Ukraine managed to find the protuberance on the wall. Then, leaning on it only with toes of pumps, she adroitly jumped down. But she hasn`t managed to remain on her feet and squatted down. Beilschmidt made a delicate caught into his fist, because a big breast attracted too much attention, and offered his hand. She smiled gratefully, accepted help and stood up, taking her handbag.
- I think, it time to leave. Soon the phase "find me, if you can" will start and Vanya can decide to hide in the room we just got out, - Ukraine looked sideways on the open window, but assured herself that nobody will make up his mind to get into.
- Let`s go, - scoffed Gilbert despondently returning all the pathos of offended guy. But even Gilbird pulled a fair lock trying to say that it would be nice to pay some attention to the lady. Moreover, a lady like this. The bird was always worried about his master's private life and happiness. And here is such a chance and a girl, at least, with her appearance was just like his master likes. And he is ignoring such an opportunity!
And what`s about Prussia? From this very day he is embittered to the all womenfolk in general. All women are the same, all of them are not able to understand his Greatness and all of them are trying to harm him with sharp and blunt items.
*psek – (slang, pejorative) a Pole, Polack. A reference to the common Polish consonant cluster /prz/, as in Polish przy.