A/N: It recently came to my attention that this story suddenly became a mess of gibberish and nonsensical numbers. I noticed some of my recent attempts at posting new works also met the same problem. Hopefully this repost will fix things. Thanks for bearing with me!
"Breaks are sooo good. So is booze. Why do we not do this more often?" asked Moneypenny. She, Q, Tanner, and Alec were sitting around a collapsible table in Q's office. The day's big projects and assignments were finished or on standby, and the rest could be handled by smaller agents and Q employees. To celebrate, the gang broke out some beer and swapped funny stories. After a few drinks, Q leaned in and grinned at the others.
"Who wants to play cards while we wait for 007 to come back? I have several decks in my desk drawer. In fact, I know the perfect game." He quickly grabbed four boxes from his drawer. "A few days ago, I visited a small café down the street. As I was sitting down to drink my daily dose of caffeine, I noticed there were four American teenage girls—tourists—who were playing a card game. Two of them were teaching the others how to play it. To my surprise, it was called—you'll never guess—'James Bond.'"
"No fucking way!" exclaimed Tanner. Both Moneypenny and Alec started cracking up. (All of them were slightly tipsy at this point.)
"How do you play? Teach us now!" shouted Moneypenny between bursts of laughter.
Q smirked and explained the rules. They were simple; the goal of the game was to amass all of the cards with the same number per stack. If four people were playing with one deck, each person would receive three stacks of four random cards each, face-down. The remaining four would be lined up, face-up, in the middle. Jokers were not in play. Only one pile could be picked up at a time. Players would exchange cards, one by one, with the ones in the middle. If a player got four cards with the same number in one pile, they would have to say something random and nonsensical. Once a player got all four cards of all three numbers, they would have to shout "James Bond!" Whoever shouted it first would be the winner. More decks could be added; for example, with four people and two decks, each person would get three stacks of eight cards with eight in the middle, etc.
"Does everyone understand the rules? Good. Let's play."
Agent 007, also known as "Bond, James Bond," sighed as he strolled his way through the halls of Q Department. His most recent mission had been tiring, although this time he had (miraculously) only emerged with a few scratches and a singed eyebrow. James couldn't wait to return his equipment (this time only his gun was broken, which was a great improvement to previous missions), report to Mallory for debriefing, and then persuade Q to go home with him and get some much-needed sleep. As he approached Q's office, he heard screams, shouts, and laughter coming from inside.
Soundproofing must be off, the agent thought. However, the windows and door to the office were opaque, indicating some want of privacy.
James walked forward and pressed his ear to the door. He was definitely not expecting what he was hearing.
"The jellyfish has landed!" Moneypenny? What in the world is she—
"Damn, that was fast! Q, did you not shuffle properly?" That's Tanner's voice.
"Nope, I shuffled and bridged ten times, you saw me do it—hold on, a herd of meese!"
There was a flurry of slaps, exclamations, and expletives, and then—
"James Bond!" cried….Alec? Why is he shouting my name?!
The double-oh agent barged into the room and stopped at the ridiculous sight in front of him. Alec was laughing and swigging beer triumphantly as the other three MI6 employees were scrambling with playing cards and yelling gibberish as well as James' name. All of them were clearly drunk.
"What the hell is going on? And what on earth are you playing? Why is there are card game that involves my name?" James demanded.
"Ah, James, darling! I was waiting for you!" Q grinned, glasses slipping off the bridge of his nose. "We're playing James Bond! Isn't it oh-so flattering to have such a competitive and fun card game named after you? At least the Americans have done something right." Moneypenny and Alec giggled. (Tanner was sulking because he had lost the last three rounds.) James made a noncommittal noise of agreement as he eyed the inviting bottles of beer on the table. He wanted to go home, but the card game named in his honour interested him just a bit.
Q went over and pulled James (unsteadily) back to the table, giving him a sloppy kiss on the cheek while doing so.
"Let's teach you how to play, shall we?"