Journeys of Self-Discovery
By Misha
Disclaimer- I don't own anything to do with "Veronica Mars", I really wish I did, but I don't. It belongs to Rob Thomas and the UPN. I'm not making any money off of this, so please don't sue me.
Author's Notes- This is another AU ficlet. This one is a Duncan/Veronica piece (I do like them) set right after Lilly's murder. It was just a weird thought that popped into my mind and wanted to be written. It's also a truly weird title, but it was the only thing that worked, believe it or not. Well, that's all enjoy.
Summery- In the aftermath of Lilly's murder, Duncan and Veronica run away from Neptune...
Pairing- Duncan/Veronica.
Spoilers- Nothing and everything. It's an AU, but there are some spoilers, so I'll say the whole first season, sort of.
Rating- PG-13
I. Escape
He showed up at her door one night. It was the first time she'd seen him since Lilly's funeral. He was standing on her porch, as the rain poured down on him.
"Duncan." She said, just staring at him. "What are you doing here?"
"Come with me." He said, not really answering her question.
"What?" She asked in disbelief.
"Come away with me." He repeated. "Veronica, lets leave all this and just go away."
She couldn't be hearing it right. Duncan couldn't be standing on her front porch, asking her to run away with him.
"Duncan?" She asked, wondering if this was a dream.
She was sure it had to be. After all, hadn't she begged God for something to take her away from this nightmare?
"Please." He begged, just looking at her. "I need you, baby, and there's nothing here for us."
Veronica stood for a moment and turned around to look behind her, at the boxes of stuff piled around the room. She thought of the tiny apartment they had to move into, of all the fighting between her mom and dad, of the way people in school treated her now.
Then she turned back and looked at Duncan.
Duncan who had broken up with her without a word, who had abandoned her to everyone else's cruelty, but who was finally here, willing to take her away from it all.
"Give me five minutes." Veronica told him quietly, making her decision. Duncan would take her away and they'd live happily ever after.
Duncan sat in the car he had just bought, driving towards Mexico.
He had ditched his car and bought some wreck, at Veronica's suggestion.
She was sleeping in the seat next to him.
Some part of him wondered what in the Hell he was doing. But he just knew he couldn't stay in Neptune, couldn't stay in that house. He had to leave and he didn't want to go alone.
She's your sister. Some little voice in his head pointed out, but he ignored it.
He was going to pretend that he'd never heard his mother's words, "Your father and Lianne Mars have been having an affair your entire life, Duncan. So, of course, Lianne's daughter is your father's. I don't need blood tests to know that."
There was no test, no proof. They had different last names, their birth certificates named different men as their fathers and he was going to leave it like that.
Besides, Veronica Mars and Duncan Kane weren't going to exist anymore, anyway, so what did it matter if they might have been siblings?
They no longer existed.
As they crossed the border, they produced the new passports they had bought.
Veronica was enough of a cop's daughter to have a few ideas of how to disappear. Besides, both she and Duncan already had fake IDs with other people's names on them, so it wasn't that hard to get new passports.
They crossed into Mexico and became new people. Kyle Levinson and Julie Matthews, both 21.
They made their plans, knowing they couldn't stay here, that they'd' have to get away.
They ditched the car, Duncan had bought, and kept a low profile as they figured out where to go next. Duncan had enough money to keep them going for a while, having emptied his accounts and taken cash advances on all his credit cards, but they'd have to keep a low profile.
The only thing they did that might stand out was that they got married.
Duncan insisted upon it, he said he wanted to marry her before they made love for the first time. It was a sentiment that had reminded her why she was doing it, why she loved Duncan enough to leave everything else, such as it was, behind.
So, she married him. Though, they hadn't married as Duncan Kane and Veronica Mars, that wasn't possible, but they were married none the less.
Veronica actually preferred that they had married under other names, though she'd never say that out loud.
Duncan Kane and Veronica Mars were supposed to have a lavish ceremony, with all their loved ones their and Lilly as Maid of Honour. Julie Matthews and Kyle Levinson, had had a quick stop at a justice of the peace. A far cry, from the wedding Lilly and Veronica had spent hours dreaming up.
Still, no matter the name, she still felt married to Duncan in every way. Later, she stood in the motel room and wondered what they were doing.
She thought of her parents, who must be frantic, and the Kanes, who had already lost Lilly, and she almost picked up the phone to let them know that they were okay.
Then she looked at the sleeping Duncan and thought about whatever it was that had torn them apart, Duncan still wouldn't tell her, only that he'd been wrong.
She thought of what was waiting for her in Neptune, all the scorn and the broken life. She thought of going to a place where they'd never been tainted by tragedy and her hand froze on the phone.
She felt bad for all that they left behind, but she couldn't bear the idea of being Veronica Mars again.
II. A New Life
Four years after leaving Neptune, Veronica had a new life.
She and Duncan had settled in Greece, a little fishing town. They had stood out at first, of course, but in time they'd come to make new friends.
Veronica, or Julie, told people that she and Duncan, rather Kyle, were trying to build a new life. She never talked about your old life, just said that there was nothing there for them anymore.
People accepted it and in time, accepted the quiet married American couple into their lives.
They didn't have a lot of friends, kind of kept to themselves, but when you're running away, you have to do that. Still, they were happy with their life, so different than the life they had left behind.
Sometimes, it felt like they were playing house--playing at some make-belief life that Duncan and Veronica could never have, but that Julie and Kyle could.
She made him breakfast every morning and watched him set off to work, he was a fisherman these days. A far cry from his old life, but he seemed to like it, and she liked her life too.
After, seeing Duncan off, she went and woke up the other member of their family. Fifteen month-old Rose, their daughter, the symbol of their new life.
Duncan loved coming home in the evenings and watching Veronica, he still couldn't think of her as Julie, play with Rose.
He loved the knowledge that they were his.
His wife, his daughter, and that no one or nothing could take them away from him. Except, perhaps, the truth.
It was the thing that Duncan kept running from, what made him run so hard. He knew that Veronica thought they were running away from how their life had fallen apart after Lilly and that was certainly true, but there were other reasons.
Like the fact that here, there was no doubt, no possible flukes of DNA that could tear his life apart. Veronica Mars might be Duncan Kane's half-sister, but Julie Matthews was Kyle Levinson's wife and he preferred to keep it that way.
"I love you." He whispered into his wife's hair at night, as she lay in his arms.
She smiled sleepily up at him. "I love you." She whispered. "Duncan?"
"Yeah, baby?" He asked, not bothering to correct her mistake.
Veronica was better than him at using the other names, the other lives, but she still slipped every one in a while. Always in moments like this, when they lay in each other's arms.
"I think I'm having another baby." She told him, her smile lighting up her whole face.
Duncan's face lit up, as well, at his joy over the news. He leaned over and kissed his wife deeply. Another child, another symbol of the life they had created.
Life was good.
A week after telling Duncan that she was expecting again, Veronica stood in her kitchen, feeding Rose.
Her mind was wandering to the coming baby and what they would name him or her.
They had wanted to call Rose "Lilly", of course, but they had thought that might lead someone to find them. So they'd settled for another flower name.
She paused at thought, once again, wondering if it was time to go home. It had been four years, surely it was time to stop running?
Duncan always told her he was happier here, with the life they had created for themselves, but some part of Veronica longed to go home. She wondered what life in Neptune was like now, four years later.
She wondered what had happened to her parents, especially her dad. She still felt so guilty for leaving him, hated the fact that she'd abandoned him.
But when Duncan had shown up, it had seemed easier to go than to stay. Not that she regretted her life with Duncan, not for a moment. She just wished that she could have had it all.
The doorbell rang then, jarring her out of her thoughts.
She took Rose out of her highchair and carried her to the door.
Veronica opened it and then froze, for on the other side, was her father.
They had been found at last.
III. Return
The flight back to Neptune was a pretty silent one. Most of what needed to be said had already been said.
Keith Mars hadn't given them a lot of choice about going back. "It's time." He had said simply.
Duncan knew that Veronica had wanted to home, but he was still so afraid.
He liked the life he and Veronica had built for themselves and he wasn't sure he wanted to go back. If he went back, he might not be able to live in denial and he might lose everything. Because after all, he was probably never supposed to have it in the first place.
Keith had obviously seen his fear, because he took him aside, while Veronica was tending to Rose, and handed him a folder.
Duncan looked at it and his heart lifted at what he saw--conclusive proof that Veronica wasn't his sister. He had looked at Keith and Keith had nodded and the two had made a silent pact that it would never be mentioned again.
With that knowledge, Duncan was ready to go home and face everything he had run away from. They couldn't take Veronica or Rose away from him, no matter what his mother might want, so he had no reason to run. Not anymore.
So, ten hours after Keith found them, they boarded a plane home. Veronica and Rose slept most of the way and Duncan watched them, wondering what was awaiting them now that they had to go back to being Duncan and Veronica.
Veronica awoke up an hour or so before they reached Neptune.
"I need to fill you in on a few things." Keith told her and Duncan quietly. "Things aren't exactly as you two might remember them."
"Oh?" Veronica asked, not entirely surprised. She hadn't stayed the same, so why would Neptune?
"Your mom left, sweetheart, the day after you did." Keith told her.
Veronica wasn't surprised, her mom had wanted to go even before Veronica had run away and with Veronica gone, what was keeping her, really?
"Honey, I got married again." Keith told her gently.
Veronica didn't know how to feel. She knew that it had been four years and she'd be surprised if her father hadn't gone on with his life, but it still hurt.
She just nodded and listened as Keith filled them in on everything else that had happened since they'd been gone.
Logan was dead, he'd killed himself about a year after they had disappeared, right after his mother killed herself. The Kanes were divorced, Lilly's death and Duncan's disappearance had torn them apart, and Jake had left town.
It seemed, nothing had remained the same.
Not that Veronica had really expected it to.
Duncan's mother met their plane when it landed in Neptune and Celeste looked much older than Veronica remembered, but that wasn't the only change.
She hugged Duncan fiercely, but then she hugged Veronica, though only briefly, and her face melted at the sight of baby Rose. She took the baby from Veronica and held her tight, then looked up at Keith.
"Thank you so much for bringing them home, Keith."
"No problem, Celeste." Keith told her.
Veronica just stared in amazement, wondering if anything was going to be the way she remembered.
Duncan was in as much shock about the changes as Veronica.
His mother had changed, she seemed softer. They kept the conversation casual throughout dinner and mostly Celeste cooed over little Rose.
His mother seemed to delight in being a grandmother and Duncan felt a bit guilty for depriving her of her own surviving child and of any knowledge of her only (for now) grandchild.
It was odd being home, though, the changes in his mother, aside. Nothing was the same, but maybe that was to be expected, after all he'd been away a long time.
Now, he was back, but it wasn't the same, just like he wasn't the same.
Later, that night, he looked at Veronica as they stood in one of the guest rooms in his mother's new house. She'd sold the old one years ago, too many painful memories.
"It's not the same." She told him quietly. "Is it?"
"No." Duncan agreed, taking her into his arms.
"We ran away from who we are." Veronica said. "And even though we're ourselves again, we're not. Not really. We can take those names back, but we'll never be those people again."
"Do you mind?" Duncan asked her.
Veronica shook her head. "No. I mean, I think I'm glad. I think I was always afraid that coming back would take us back to that place we were when we left and I never wanted that."
"Me either." Duncan agreed, thinking how truly dark that place had been.
"But, that didn't happen." Veronica said quietly. "It's true, you can't go home again, not really, and I think I'm glad."
Duncan knew he was.
He'd left Neptune for a reason and he might be back, but only because it was different.
He held his wife, though not legally, in his arms and knew he'd never regret the choice they'd made. He was home now, but it was in leaving home that he'd been able to keep the only thing that really mattered to him.
The End