Consequences of a Misunderstanding Chapter 1, a criminal minds fanfic

Disclaimer: I don't own Criminal Minds

A/N: Okay so my muse was being stubborn and didn't want to work on "Lean on Me" tonight so instead I started this three part story that is filled with a healthy dose of angst, but as the old saying goes...'Everything turns out okay. If it isn't okay then it isn't over' so don't worry, it will all work itself out. Anyways I hope you like it and the next part should be up by this weekend. :) Please review and alert too! P.S. the song is Dare you to move by Switchfoot.

Part One

"Just two more pushes JJ" Dr. Lee said as she coached her third mom in the delivery room tonight. "Why do so many young women get pregnant and then decide to give birth alone?" she wondered.The whole reason they allowed people into the delivery room was to support the mom while she was going through what was quite possibly the most painful experience that she would ever go through in her life, only to recive something so pure and beautiful in return for her suffering.

"1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10. Good JJ, now breathe. Good, okay last one. Ready?" Dr. Lee asked as the petite young blonde on the bed in front of her. When she saw the weak, but stiff nod of her paitent's head, she tossed one quick sympathy glance over at Nurse Johnson who'd had the unfortuante luck of getting chosen for the coaching position. She just hoped JJ didn't break the older woman's fingers with this last push.

"Okay PUSH JJ! Big push!"

A scream that sounded more like a battle cry erupted from the tiny FBI agent on the bed who was about to become a new mommy. This girl could definitely take care of herself and she wanted to make sure the whole hospital knew about it. As a tiny, but then strong cry escaped into the room everyone grew quiet, especially the now extremely tired and sweaty woman who'd just given birth. "Congraduations JJ. You have a healthy baby boy. Ten fingers, ten toes. Would you like to hold him for a second?"

"Yes" JJ said tearfully happy as her son was placed on her chest while Dr. Lee and the nurses finished cleaning her up. "Hi baby...I'm you're mommy."

"Welcome to the planet... Welcome to existence..."

She'd been back in her room for an hour now and as happy as she was with her son she was still sad that she felt she had to do this alone. Why couldn't she have the same story as all the other families on this hall who had just had a baby. Each room with two people in it, one coaching and one birthing. Why didn't things ever work out for her like that?

A lone tear escaped down her cheek, but she swiped it away angrily as she looked down at her sleeping son. "Please don't be mad with me little one." she pleaded with the now sleeping infant, "I thought I was doing what was best for you, but know I realize I was just scared and selfish. I'm sorry I never told you're daddy about you so he could be here to meet you today..." she paused in her apology speech for a second and sat up a little more in her hospital bed when one of the nurses popped her head in the door.

"Miss Jareau there's someone here to see you, a Miss Penelope Garcia. Do you want us to let her in?"

"Please" JJ answered and the nurse left the room to inform the nurses station to let Garcia through. "Here goes nothing baby" JJ quietly told the tiny infant in her arms as she heard the familiar clanking of her best friend's heels come down the hallway before entering her room.

"What the hell JJ!" Garcia practically yelled at her friend, "I get home from work today to find a message on my answering machine from you telling me you had the baby and that everything was fine. Why didn't you call me?"

"I'm sorry Penelope. I just didn't know what to do, okay? I started freaking out when my water broke at home this afternoon and then I realized that I was all alone and it just felt like the walls were closing in on me" JJ began as her eyes welled up with tears and she saw her best friend soften a little, "I'm just lucky that my neighbor was home in the apartment next door and she came running when she heard me scream once the contractions started."

"Oh little momma." Penelope started, practically crying herself, "I'm sorry this turned out like this, but he's beautiful. I take it this means his daddy doesn't know, he's a...well daddy?"

"No, I've been telling myself every day for the past two weeks to just pick up the phone and tell him, but I can't do it. I mean I felt so used and dirty when he ignored me all those weeks after we slept together. I mean it was probably the best sex I've ever had in my life and somehow it just didn't turn out the way sex like that is supposed to end. Instead of "I love you"'s and falling asleep together it was hurriedly pulling up his jeans and leaving my office without saying anything to me. I just can't understand how a person could be so cold, Pen. And then he just left on his 'sabbatical' or whatever for six months like nothing ever happened and then..."

"And by then you were on maternity leave." Penelope finished for her friend. JJ was right, how could someone be so cold to someone who had been so obviously pregnant. What kind of profiler was he if he couldn't see the signs when JJ started running for the bathroom every five minutes once the morning sickness started and then obviously showing after only two months because of her tiny size?

"Are you going to tell him sometime though JJ? I know he's been terrible, but shouldn't he find out from you instead of someone else on the team?" Garcia started. She really believed that he at least deserved to know he was a father, even though he'd had his head up his ass for the past ten months.

"I..umm...wrote him a letter, Pen." JJ said oddly shy-like as she pointed to the enveloped letter on the roll away table, "Could you leave it on his desk in the morning?"

"Sure sweetheart. Now what are we going to call this little guy?" Penelope said as she pointed to the now awake baby who was starting to strech his little arms.

"I was thinking about Austen. Austen Oliver Jareau. Do you think it's okay?" JJ asked as the baby began to fuss a little.

"I think it's perfect Jayje. Now I'll go and let you feed this little monster." Garcia said as she took JJ's letter and put it in her purse, "I'll come back during my lunch break tomorrow, okay? Do you want me to bring you anything?"

"Some fruit would be nice." JJ said as she positioned the baby so he could breast feed.

"Sure thing little momma. I'll see you and Austen tomorrow." Garcia said as she closed the door leaving JJ to retreat back to her thoughts as her new son happily enjoyed his dinner.

"Where can you run to escape from yourself?...Where you gonna go?"

The nightmares always started again in the fall. Always. They were what had caused him to give up on sleeping at 4am and get dressed before heading into work early. He knew he'd be the first one there, getting there around 5am, but he always liked the quiet. Liked his personal space.

A little known fact about him was that he hardly ever drank coffee, only on the really 'bad ones' where he needed to stay awake and stay focused, but for some reason this morning he'd felt like he needed a cup. Or maybe two. When the night guard, Steve, had waved him on through the gate he'd looked at his cup of coffee and sighed as if the appearance of the coffee meant a bad day was coming for even him, the night guard.

When he got to his office he didn't flip the lights on, just the small desk lamp that sat next to his computer. His desk was already full of case files the new Media Analyst had left for him the night before. Agent St. John was a good Media Anaylst, but she certainly wasn't JJ and she certainly didn't have the same calming effect with the victim's and their families that JJ had. Why couldn't he tell JJ that? Why had he left her that night after they'd slept together without a word?

A thick white envelope stood out in the middle of his desk next to all the brown case files that littered it and the bright orange sticky note that was pretty obviously from Garcia read "Just helping out a friend by delivering this. You should read it."

What was going on? Was this something about why JJ wasn't working with them anymore? He'd come back from his sabbatical early after he realized that nothing could get JJ and that night off his mind and that's when he'd learned that she was gone for a few months and that Agent St. John would be taking her place, effective immediately. Hotch had been vauge as to why JJ was gone claiming it was a "personal matter" and that she'd asked him to keep it between them and he had to respect that. He knew JJ and Hotch were pretty decent friends and if she'd needed a break from the evil that they saw every day then so be it. Everyone needed a break once in a while.

Siging he reached for the letter and removed the orange sticky note and suprisingly found his name written in a very familiar handwriting on the front. The hand writing that was most definitely JJ's. But why was she writing him this letter instead of calling? Why him and not Hotch?

Intrigued he open the letter and took out the folded two page note that was written on printer paper and started reading.

"The tension is here...Tension is here..."

Dear Dave,

I talked to a very close friend of mine today and she helped me see that you desrve to know why I'm missing from work and why I left without saying anything.

I have to be honest and tell you that when you left me in my office that night after we slept together I felt disgusting and hurt and betrayed. You never even said a word to me as you got dressed and quickly walked out of my office door like nothing ever happened. Why? Were you ashamed of me? Of what we'd just done?

The next few weeks were the hardest though. My life was changing and the one person I needed to talk to about it was suddenly avoiding me at every turn. Did sleeping with me really disgust you that much? So much that you couldn't even look at me for the next two months afterwards? I think I cried myself to sleep every night those two months and Garcia and Hotch had to practically take care of me because I was too upset to even function.

Then as if it wasn't a bad enough situation I get to work almost three months after that night in my office and find out from Reid that you've gone on sabatical for six months. Did seeing me really bother you that much? I would've transfered out if that was really the problem, all you had to do was ask. The Hoover building has been asking me to transfer there for months and I've finally told them I'm going to take them up on it. I can't be on the same team with someone who doesn't want to even be in the same room with me.

Derek told me that Agent St. John was a Strauss placement and that she offendend the Charleston Cheif of Police on her first case. I guess that's what you get from a newbie. She'll learn more of how it works the longer she stays, you shouldn't worry about it too much, though I know Hotch is. Reid told me that she, Emily, and Garcia got into it on the first case too over how to talk to one of the victim's and I can't say that I'm surprised after learning the details of the case. Garcia told me last week that they were offering her a transfer to the Hoover building as well, you should be careful she might just take it.

You're probably wondering why I'm writing you this now after almost ten months. And you should know that I'm only telling you this because on some level you deserve to know, so here it goes.

I got pregnant that night Dave. I don't know if you knew, even though I don't know how you could've missed it with all the bathroom trips I made and all the briefings that Emily gave because I couldn't keep my breakfast down, or if you just didn't want to know. I know for a fact that I was showing when you suddenly stopped showing up to work so you should've known by then at least.

You should know that you have a son. I'm going to call him Austen after my grandfather. Austen Oliver Jareau. He was born last night just after 6pm and he's healthy with all ten fingers and toes and a small bit of dark hair.

I'm going to leave it up to you on if you want to be in his life, but don't expect me to be anything more than civil to you after what you made me feel about myself for the past ten months. I'm not trash and I don't appreaciate being treated like it or made to feel like it.

We're at George Washington Memorial in room 415 if you want to come see us, they're letting me keep him in the room with me instead of the nursery, but it's your call.

I hope you make the right decision and decide to be there for him despite what has happened between us. I sincerely think we can put our differences aside for our son.

-JJ

"Everybody's watching you now...Everybody waits for you now...What happens next?...What happens next?..."

The letter slips from his hand as he starts to wipe the fresh tears from his cheeks. He'd honestly never meant to hurt her, he'd been afraid that she'd be disgusted with him once she'd realized who she'd just slept with. And he'd been embarassed to talk to her those two months once he realized that she wasn't and never had been. So he'd left on his sabbatical to give them time apart to 'forget' each other, only he couldn't forget, and then she'd been gone by the time he got back. He'd never even considered that she was on maternity leave or that she'd gotten pregnant from that night. How selfish had he been? How could he not have noticed all the signs of her pregnancy?

He knew what he had to do now, he had to apologize to her. Make her see that he never meant to hurt her and that he was sorry. And he needed to be there for his son.

Switching off the desk light he'd just turned on he slipped his coat back on and grabbed his keys and the tear stained letter before heading out the door and practically running to his SUV. He had to get his family back.

"I dare you to move...I dare you to lift yourself up off the floor...I dare you to move..."