The Past Can't be Replayed
I'm not going to lie to you all and say I'm doing great and this is a happy fiction because it's not.
Infact it's quite the opposite… If I haven't rated it mature for violence yet I should…
I hope it's moving
I hope it makes you feel
Read on and tell me what you think
A girl stood in the main room of her house. She stood in front of the dining room table sorting through her med's only half paying attention. She looked at the green table that sat on the south end of the main room. Why do we even have this? She wondered. It wasn't as if her family ever used it as anything more than a place to set random objects. The girl found the medication she was looking for and lifted it to her lips taking a sharp inhale. Then the next med a nasal spray. She heard her mother's laughter in the background.
"You sound like a druggie," her mom cackled. The girl just shrugged. She glanced around the table searching for her glasses. She found them and sat them on her face. The first thing she saw was her report card. Her heart seized as she saw it and her mind flashed back.
"Report card day?" her mother had asked as the girl came home waving it.
"Yep," she said. Her mom looked at it.
"Pretty good," the girl rolled her eyes. What else was she expecting? Good job you're the only one in your whole school who made A honor roll, no that might mean she did something right.
"Jim, Honey, your daughter brought home her report card!" Her mother yelled. The girl began to slip away. She didn't want to see this. She had just gotten to her room and picked up her new kitten when she heard the silence that meant he was reading the report card.
"GET OUT HERE!" her father roared. The girl slunk out holding her cat to her breast as if he could save her.
"Yes Daddy?" she asked looking at the floor.
"What is this?" he demanded waving the card in her face.
"My report card?"
"Don't be a smart ass," he yelled. She just glanced at her mother who was looking away. Her mother never did anything. "I meant your Spanish grade!"
"It's a 92.6?" she said and there was silence.
"I told you not to be a smart ass!" Alex felt tears beginning to burn in her eyes.
"I'm sorry," she said quietly.
"WHAT WAS THAT?"
"I'm sorry!" she wailed.
"I'm sending you to live with your Aunt!" her father yelled.
"What?" the girl asked looking confused.
"To get your Spanish up, if your to dumb to learn in school than you can go learn in the real world like I did!" he yelled.
The girl shook her head. She wasn't then she was now. Today was hard enough without the memories. She padded into the kitchen. Careful not to walk to loudly she didn't want to be yelled at. She reached into the fridge and grabbed a pudding, the only thing in there. Her father had eaten everything else. She wandered back into the main room ignoring the movie stand, the top of which was covered in medals and trophies, all hers. They didn't matter because she didn't have the highest point average, she wasn't the jumper, and it didn't matter. She sat with her mother staring blankly into space. Normally she never would have been up but she hadn't slept well. Her mother soon left for work and she walked over towards the computer and turned it on. She heard stirring in her parent's bedroom. She crossed her fingers, please don't wake up, she begged. Either she was to slow or God didn't care because 30 seconds later her father emerged from the bedroom. Alex buried her face in her book. She heard the heavy lumbering of her fathers footsteps.
"Turn that shit down!" he yelled at her. Quickly she put her headphones into the computer and hung them around her neck. God forbid she not be able to hear him. "Have you eaten?"
"Yes," she said.
"WHAT?" he roared.
"YES!" she called loud enough to be heard through the door.
"Don't yell at me!" he yelled at her. She flinched. She hated being yelled at. "What did you have to eat?"
"Pudding!"
"For breakfast? You need to eat better your getting fat!" he called at her. She looked down at herself. Her stomach was flat and toned with her in between season two pack. She poked her stomach she really did need to go work out. Her father walked through the main room. He sounded like a bear on rampage. He sat in the chair and turned on the Christian life channel.
"Get me some water," he ordered her. She stared at him in disbelief for a moment he was just IN THERE. She got up however and walked into the kitchen grabbing a Mason jar and filling it up from the tub (the sink was broken). She handed it to him and he inspected it.
"Why is there a cat hair?" he asked.
"Because we have 5 of them?" He glared at her.
"Because you keep leaving the door open and those nasty ass creatures are getting in my kitchen!" He bellowed. She walked away, outraged. SHE LET THEM INTO THE KITCHEN DID SHE! She fumed silently. HE was the one who left the door open! She thudded into her chair.
"Don't get pissy with me!" Alex stared at her computer. She wanted to fucking SCREAM! She was so angry she could feel her breath speeding up. It wasn't just today but it was EVERYDAY just like this.
"Get off that computer! I can't even tell if it's your head or the computer screen!" he bellowed at her.
"That's because you're stupid…" She muttered. Any one who knew her would have been shocked but she didn't care.
That girl wasn't any girl that girl was Me. Daughter to a vet and a bum. That was my typical Saturday but it was now Monday. I go to a private school and my mom works her but off so I can make it out when she never could, mostly because she married my father. This morning she let him drive me to school maybe that was the first step that I took onto fates dark path.
I ground my teeth together as I bolted into the school building. I ditched my backpack and ran down the stairs chucking my bag into the gym and dropping my instrument in front of the band room. I ran up the stairs so fast that my converse clad feet missed their grip on the wet stairs. I grabbed my bag and bolted for freshman hall, which of course was on the other side of the building. I grabbed my history book out of my locker and shoved my backpack in still packed. I bolted for history, which was of course in sophomore hall. I landed in my desk as the bell rand and rested my head on the table. I would swear to god on high that this happened every time my mom let my dad take the car, I was really starting to wish she hadn't paid for him to get his license back. We stood with the prayer that father read over the intercom and then my class recited the pledge; I was currently boycotting America so I said nothing. Mr. Balding my history teacher was yet again unsatisfied by the vigor with which "we" recited the pledge and thus forced us to repeat it several times. I saw his eyes land on me and I knew I was in trouble; the day it seemed was not going to be mine.
"Ms. Brown were you reciting the pledge," he asked me.
"No," I said with a sigh that I kept hidden it was a habit I'd learned from home my father liked to yell when I was disrespectful.
"Do you know the pledge?"
"Yes," I said. I held my hands held tight in place so I would not play with my skirt. I would not show fear to this man.
"Are you anti-American?"
"Not necessarily," I said because my belief on America was very complex.
"Are you Muslim?" he asked and I felt my breath hitch with anger. This man had NO right to insult their people like that.
"No," I spat the word at him.
"Sit," he said and I sat my eyes and heart burning with anger. Once again, I had managed to draw the attention of my entire class. "Now Bacon what did we read yesterday."
"13-4," she said making a face. Did I mention that he's a creep? He called Mia, Hamm because he calls us by our last name and you know Mia Hamm is a soccer player then he told her that it was a compliment and that he liked pork and then decided bacon was better, a little creepy right. I thought so to. I sighed as the bell rang and headed for homeroom. There I suffered through the twenty minutes of Mrs. Stay's attempts to corral us, Taylor's declarations about her father's money, Ann's attempt at being badass, and the boys pocking jabs at me. I bolted for the door. I grabbed my Latin books unpacked my bag and went to one of my favorite classes. I sighed as I looked at the board. Perfect tense of the io conjugations. I almost beat my head on the desk. One of the things in Latin I hated most was the IO conjugations and today that was all we were doing, lord save me. After that lovely head banging class I headed to English which was already one of my least favorite classes but when I walked in I saw we would be discussing the misuses of grammar in Poe's work. I almost stabbed myself to death right there.
"Can any one tell me why we are talking about the grammar of Mr. Poe?" Mrs. Stay asked. I raised my hand. "Yes," she said throwing me the discussion ball, what are we 2nd graders?
"Poe has an intriguing writing style that is highly verbose and wordy and quite different from how we speak today." I said chucking the ball at a boy across the room that always had crazy theories. I barely paid any attention to class, I loved Poe, I didn't care if his grammar wasn't spot on, and neither is mine as you can tell. After lunch, during which I had my tray flipped onto me by my ass hole science seating partner attacking our schools tallest and possibly favorite student, I survived: a misogynist theology class, an algebra test, a thorough reaming out by my band instructor, and a science class in which afore mentioned ass whole called me a bitch and I almost punched him but was halted by our other desk mate. After all, of that I headed into the locker room to change for basketball. I would have been happy because it's nice to beat the crap out of a basketball but today we had to run 20 suicides for the missed box-outs. I was in no uncertain terms highly annoyed by this seeing, as I had been unable to play in the game since I had been cut so they could play me next year.
I headed for the car after practice and only succeeded in slipping on the ice and ramming my leg into the car and landing on my ass. I got up chucked my bag into the back and landed on my seat while my mom laughed uproariously. I just sat there morose. I headed inside and booted up my computer. It wasn't long before my dad started hollering about how I spent too much time on the computer.
"She's doing her homework," my mom said and that was enough to start a fight. It wasn't enough that my dad strained my mother's pocket book but he always had to act righteous and all knowing. I could feel anger in my heart. I heard my dad yell at me to get off the computer and do something productive like clean the floors. I got up all I could hear was the roar in my ears of every insult he had ever hurled, every instruction.
"Don't get an attitude with me!" my father yelled.
"I'm not," I said pausing in front of the dining room table.
"Don't back talk me," he ordered but I could barely hear it all I could here was every hard word that he had ever sent at me. I just couldn't take it any more.
"SHUT UP!" I yelled.
"Excuse me," he said for once getting out of his chair.
"Go. To. Hell." I said anger filling me to the point that there was no room for the fear that usually possessed me.
"Shut up," he said.
"Leave me alone," I said my hand resting on the table.
"Go to you're room," he ordered.
"No dad I don't think I will," I said reaching over to the gun; he had left on the table from his hunting trip to be.
"Alex put the gun down," my mother shrieked.
"Put the fucking thing away and go to you're room," my dad said.
"No," I said leveling it and firing. The sound rocked the house but my untrained shot had gone true the bullet went straight through his heart and he landed on the ground with a thud. I just stood there and looked up.
"Guess it's up to my kids to break the curse," I said and my mom near fainted. Not a single generation up unto me in my fathers family had made it through without someone being convicted for murder. I knew I should worry I should do something, the cops were coming but I could only smile. The jack –ass was gone, I was free.
"Oh Honey I am so sorry," my mom said as the police came the neighbors must have heard the shots.
"No mom, it's okay," I said as they cuffed me. I went with them to the car.
"I'll call a lawyer," she said.
"Don't bother," I said after the police officer had read me the Miranda.
"Honey?"
"I killed the bastard, I couldn't take it anymore so I pulled out a gun and I shot the mother-fucker there's nothing a lawyer can do to change that." I said and the cop put me in the car. I got lucky; the police officer who arrested me was a girl who had been abused as a child she sent for a psychiatrist. He determined that it was self defense. Also that I was clinically insane, or had been driven so. Basically they told the judge that I was no threat to anyone who didn't torment me day in and day out and that a good round of therapy would turn me into a productive citizen. I got off with mandated therapy. There was press everywhere. The police tried to shoo them away and keep my head down but I would not. I looked into the camera's I was ashamed of nothing.
What really sucked was when they sent me back to school two weeks later. I had never been popular but now no one but Asha would speak to me. I could hear the whispers. I heard the word murderer repeated after me as I went. A few boys I had known for a few years were the only ones who would look me in the eye; little did they know that if I could kill anyone else it would be them. I was however contended now. There was food in the house without my father to eat it all. The best part of it all was the therapist.
"Well dear," she said at the end of our latest session, "is there anything you want to tell me about your father, you and him seem to have a lot of problems."
"Not anymore," I said and she raised her eyebrow, "I shot the bastard, why else do you think I'm here?" I asked with a laugh as I left. I finished out the year but it was hard. Even the girls on the soccer team who had been my friends wouldn't look at me anymore. Why only the soccer girls were my friends you wonder, because soccer takes different girls than volleyball or even basketball because it's all sweat, mud, and grass. It was with this resolve that I went to my mother; I knew there was a way to fix this.
"Mom, I am going to move to Europe," I announced.
"What?" she shot bolt upright.
"Every one sees me as a killer and I am but I'm not, it'll be easier for me if I go somewhere new!"
"You're to young!" My mother said.
"Mom you and I both know I'm more grown up than I have any right to be," I said looking at her. I had started staying home by myself in 1st grade because my dad wanted to go out with his friends I was in fifth grade when I spent my first night home alone my dad was supposed to be watching me but the night before he left me to sleep on a strangers couch while he played cards down stairs.
"Oh baby," she said and I took out a binder and handed it to her. In it was a green card, a credit card to a banking account I had set up, a passport, an I.D., school transcript papers, apartment papers, and a load of other stuff that was necessary when moving from one country to the next.
"I'm sorry mom but it's for the best," she hugged me and I bit my lip, part of me wanted to stay here in her warm, strong embrace, but I knew I had to leaver no matter how terrified I was.
"I know," she said.
"Thank you," I said.
"What about you're prescriptions?" I handed her pharmacy transcripts and a new patient sheet for a doctor in Germany. "And money?"
"I have an account I can find a job," I said.
"I'll send you money, if I'm not putting it into you're school and you're meds I can send it to you, the American dollar is still strong over there," she said and I nodded. That night she helped me pack. She boxed up all my clothes that I still wanted and said she would send them to me after she dropped me off at the airport. I was very grateful for her support. She dropped me off with my suitcase and my bag and I went through all the security. I handed the man at the counter my one-way ticket and I turned and waved goodbye to my mother, to my life and I was very proud to say that my eyes were dry.
I sat on the plane and picked up my German book I had a very basic understanding of the language but I should probably work on it. A girl my own age sat next to me and noticed me repeating the words to ingrain them in my head.
"Sprache sie Deustch?" she asked me.
"Nein," I said making a face at the book in front of me. She laughed.
"Would you like a little help?" she asked me in English.
"Yes if it wouldn't bee to much of a trouble," I said extremely grateful.
"It's nothing, I spend the school year in America now, but I grew up in Germany so I know how you feel about the language thing!"
"Wow, I wish I could have grown up in Germany," I said. Mostly I just wished I grew up as someone who wasn't I.
"America is pretty cool," she said.
"I don't think so," I said and she laughed.
"It might loose some appeal if you were born there," she said.
"No kidding," I said and we both laughed before settling down to this learning German business. We walked off the plane together talking.
"Is someone coming to get you?" she asked me and I shook my head and she raised her eyebrow.
"I'm moving here, by myself," I said.
"Even for college isn't it a little bit nerve racking to come here and not know anybody?" she said I almost laughed at her assumption that I was college age, it was a common one.
"I'm not in college," I said as we went to baggage checking.
"No?" she asked looking confused.
"High school," I said grabbing my bag.
"Wait, you are a minor moving by yourself to a new country?"
"Yea," I said.
"Are you a run away?"
"Not really, my mom saw me off." I said and we headed out I needed to hail a cab.
"She let you come here by yourself?" she was obviously thinking of claiming some international form of child abandonment or neglect.
"Things back home are really tricky," I said sitting on a bench and remembering the phrases about hailing and using cabs.
"Tricky?"
"I killed my dad, they sent me to therapy, and everyone things I'm a coldblooded killer because they never met the bastard tricky enough?" I asked her with an eyebrow raised she just stared at me.
"Woa," she said.
"I have to get a cab," I said stepping out to hail one. The cabby was nice enough to help me load my luggage.
"What's a pretty young thing from America doing coming all the way here?" he asked in heavily accented English.
"It's somewhere new," I said staring out the window at the world around me.
"I bet," he said with a laugh dropping me at my new home. I took my bags into the building. It was nice but small. I had a large window overlooking the small slightly rustic street. There was a main room, a small bedroom, a kitchenette, and a bathroom. I carefully put my clothes and toiletries away. I put my valuables and papers away in a safe I had brought from America. I tucked the key to that and a key to my house under my hoodie and into my shirt. I sighed and tossed a pillow and a blanket on the floor, welcome home. I told myself. I grabbed my wallet; I needed food and a few other things that I hadn't been able to bring with me.
I stepped out onto the street and I took a deep breath. I was in a small village type town and the air was clean smelling and tasting. I had never noticed the mucky air of my home city except when I was in places without it. I walked down the street with sunglasses on and my hood up it was a habit from back home. I caught sight of myself in a glass-fronted store and pushed the hood back I came here so I wouldn't have to hide. The sun however was bright on my sensitive eyes so I left my sunglasses on. I kept walking and I was stopped by a male voice.
"You look a little lost," he said in surprisingly lightly accented English.
"Just a little," she admitted.
"Would you like some help?"
"That would be amazing!" she said studying him, he was tall over 6 ft, and slender. Her had long black hair and wore skinny jeans and a large black hoodie, his nails were black. I couldn't see his eyes because he wore large dark sunglasses. He had several piercings, I like piercings…
"What are you looking for?" the man asked.
"A grocery store?" I said having a sneaking suspicion that I was making myself look like a moron.
"You are in the completely wrong part of town," he said with one of the most amazing laughs I had EVER heard.
"Figures," I muttered with my famous scowl.
"I'll show you the way," he said.
"My name is Alex by the way," I said as I turned and we headed in the other direction.
"Bill," he said and I smiled. I knew who he was the voice had made me think I knew but the laugh had sured it up. It sent shivers down my spine. I did not intend to let him know that I knew he was famous because I didn't care and it would throw a wrench in things.
"Do you live here?" I asked.
"Yea I moved a little bit ago," he said.
"Really?"
"I had a problem with a stalker," he said.
"That sucks, I know how you feel," I had had my taste of infamy and I hadn't liked it much.
"Really?"
"Yea, I had to leave home because of it to," I said.
"It kind of really sucks," Bill said.
"Yea it does," I agreed and it did but seeing him was making it suck a whole lot less.
"You got any one at home waiting for you?" he asked me.
"What do you mean?"
"I mean a lover, someone whose going to sleep every night wishing you were there with them," Bill's face was so wistful it almost broke my heart
"I wish," I said with a sigh, "I was never that important."
"It sucks doesn't it," he said.
"I bet there are lots of girls who would love you if you gave them a chance," I said and bit my tongue. I hadn't meant to say that.
"Really?" he said and I flushed.
"Yes, I think so," I said there was no point in backing out now.
"I always did believe in love at first sight," he said looking at me. I shivered because even though I couldn't see his eyes beneath his sunglasses I could feel their scrutiny; it wasn't as if he was inspecting my body but my soul, what did he see?
"Seems to good to be true," I said watching him.
"Life is like that, it sucks then it doesn't, one moment you wake up and you have you're dream but it's not everything you thought it would be," he said morosely.
"Cheer up," I said letting my hand reach for his. He twined his fingers into mine.
"Just for you," he said with a smile that made me shiver, I dug my nails into my thigh to relieve the pressure of the moment. I was very glad that he didn't notice because my tendancies toward self violence tended to put a damper on relationships.
"This is the place," Bill said interrupting my internal muttering.
"Oh," I said looking up I really hadn't been paying attention.
"How's you're German? The guy here speaks absolutely no English."
"It's a little less than none," I said unhappily.
"I'll help you out then," Bill said looking grateful for the reason to stay. We walked down the isles as I grabbed what I needed. I could see something stirring behind his gorgeous amber eyes. I wanted to ask what it was. More than that i wanted to touch is face and make him look at me. I wanted to look into his eyes and know what was there. I wanted him to pull me into his arms. I just had to shake my head. I had to stop this if I wanted to function. Did I want to function? Of course I did. What was going on, this wasn't what I was like. I wasn't irrational and impulsive… even when I shot my father I wasn't so out of it… what was this.
Love, love, love the word cycled in my head and I tried to fight it. That's when I remembered his words from earlier, 'I always believed in love at first sight." I felt my heart beating out of pace. Maybe this insane feeling wasn't just me?
"That should be all," I said once I had found everything on my mental list. Bill chattered away in German with the man at the counter as he rung up my food. I handed the guy the money silently as he and Bill continued the conversation. Bill helped me grab my bags.
"Where do you live?" he said as we headed out.
"Just down here," I said, I was glad that I wasn't far from most of the stores I would need. I felt a little embarrassed as we reached my little apartment, it wasn't even close to glorious. Bill didn't say anything for which I was immensely faithful. I put the food away as he leaned against the wall.
"Do you have a job?" he asked.
"Not yet, I just moved here today, I was going to go down to the tattoo parlor tomorrow…" I said quietly.
"You think you can get a job?"
"I'll find a job somewhere it just might not be a pleasant one... I can always get a warehouse job," I said. I rubbed my arms. I could feel the shifting of well worked and honed muscles. I could tell by the look on Bill's face that he thought that girls shouldn't work with heavy lifting, I could also tell that it was because he thought they shouldn't have to not because he thought they couldn't. If he would have said anything I probably would have kicked him out; I cannot stand sexism.
"I think you'll find a good one," he said with a grin, "I don't know how many people could refuse you anything you ask for." I flushed brightly.
"Thanks…" I muttered.
"There is no need to thank me," he said, "for speaking the truth!"
"You flatter me," I said with a laugh. I was never good at flirting and him flirting, assuming of course that that is what he was doing, was making me nervous.
"No, I tell you what is truth," he said and he stood up so he was no longer resting against the wall. I could feel my heart racing. He was so much taller than me. I would never have thought that he could have been intimidating but he towered some half a foot over me. I was at once both terrified and excited. I looked up into his face. His eyes were dark and stormy. He looked at me and I could tell suddenly that he saw through it all. I had the very uncomfortable feeling that I was standing there naked, like my soul was on display and he was examining it with a microscope. I shivered. I realized that I had my back against the wall and that he was standing directly in front of me. A small part of me, a very small but very loud part of me was panicking it wanted to run away far and fast and never come back.
I had always known that Bill was not what the TV made him out to be. This however was beyond my wildest expectations. This dark, brooding, dangerous, frightening man was not the happy boy I had become accustomed to… it sent shivers down my spine. He reached his hand out and rested it on my face. I did not move a single inch. I knew that he would not hurt me and yet I felt like an abused dog forced into a corner. I saw something then. Across his arm hidden by the ink were scars, they had faded over time but I could still almost make out the words that must have once been etched there. Leibe Mich, Rette Mich, these same sentiments I had once dug into my own skin. I looked up at him and I knew yet again he could see what I had seen in my eyes.
"Sometimes angels fall down," he said, his fingers trailing over the side of my face. "Some angel's don't cry." I nodded because the power of speech had long since fled from me. "We are just two damaged souls."
"Yes," I managed to get out. One of his hands slid my sleeves up my arms to reveal scars of my own. He pulled my arms up around his shoulders and suddenly I was holding him tight. He scared me, and he was so different but I felt then that I needed him. I felt like the world was falling away from me the way it had been for so long and he was holding me here steady on a little island of sanity. An island made of blood and pain and terror and held together by something that was very much like a dark and broken love.
I locked his arms around me. His lips pressed mine and I could feel that he was just as desperate as I was. Desperate for someone to make him feel okay, for someone to stop the world from coming undone at the seems, someone who was just as damaged as he was, someone who would never flee from what was behind those amber eyes, someone who needed him; that someone was me.
Nothing mattered to me in that moment. Nothing but him: here with me. I had no idea how I had ever made it without him. How had I made my way through such a crazy world without this light in the darkness, this island in storm fraught waters? I could tell he felt the same as he held me so tightly I could not breathe. I did not care. I would rather die than let him go. Here was a place where I was needed; here was someone who saw my pain and embraced it. The first person to ever need me, the first one to love me, the first who had ever cared… I felt lost in this feeling. I could feel the world beginning to slip away as my oxygen ran out but maybe it was better that way; better for us just to slip away.
Then his phone went off. We both broke apart breathing heavily. He dug in his pocket. He didn't let me go, he held me with one arm to him. I breathed steadily; breathing in the rich warmth of his skin and the sharp and spicy smell that filled my nose. He finally got his phone to his ear and he held it with his shoulder wrapping his other arm around me.
"What do you want?" he demanded obviously upset. I couldn't hear what was at the other end of the line. However Bill started to talk in rapid fire German so I stopped trying to understand and just relaxed where I was. I was trying very hard not to think of what was happening because I would panic. I had never been in a relationship and this one was dragging me in like quick sand. He snapped his phone shut and the sudden silence startled me.
"Are you alright?" I asked him. He looked upset.
"Come with me?" he asked and it was evident that he had to leave. I remembered the feeling of need that had consumed us as we kissed. I looked at him and I could see the same need now. That same fear of being alone that consumed me.
"Of course," I said and he broke into a relieved smile. His eyes were bright again as he let his hand slide down into mine and pulled me out the door leaving me just enough time to lock it behind me. He helped into his car which was by the shopping area where I had ran into him. I settled into the passenger seat and watched him. I had never driven before. I watched as he put in the key and turned it. His delicate but strong hands held the wheel with confidence as he maneuvered through the traffic, his nails were longer than mine and immaculately painted. I examined the bracelet he wore. It was a chain that had been woven upon itself into what resembled a Celtic knot.
He stopped his car in front of a large gate. He flashed his I.D. to a screen and the gates opened. I had to grin at that, major high-tech protection. He drove down the driveway and parked in a large and surprisingly clean garage. Suddenly my small apartment felt even smaller. The house I entered with him was no longer a house but a mansion. He wrapped an arm around my waist and I shrunk against him. I had never seen a house this size let alone stepped into one. I felt tiny. I wondered if Bill ever felt like that. He was just one person and there was so much he was expected to do.
"You're late!" a harried male voice echoed through the halls.
"Deal with it," Bill said. I looked at him his eyes were dark and cloudy. I had an intense desire to make her feel better but I had no idea how. I leaned my head against his chest for a quick second and he smiled down at me squeezing his arm for just a moment.
"Dude come on or Tom will have eaten all the food!" a much more friendly male voice answered.
"Are you hungry?" Bill asked me pulling me down corridors.
"Not really," I said, I was to confused to be hungry.
"Feel free to have what you want," he said pulling me into a room. It was a dining room. There was a long table laden with tons of food. The three boys closest to us looked around. I blushed. No one else bothered to look around. Tom smirked, Georg raised an eyebrow, and Gustav waved. Bill pulled me over and grabbed two plates. He piled his high, I will be the first to admit that I know almost nothing about German cuisine and my lost look must have goaded him because he handed me a fork so I could try some of his before I grabbed some.
"Thanks," I said quietly finding a potato dish that was delicious and grabbing some. He grabbed two Cokes from the fridge it looked like that was all there was and showed me to a seat at a table off to the side. Gustav and Georg joined us. I watched in silent amazement as the three boys shoveled food down their faces. I ate my food and drank my pop at a slightly more reasonable pace just watching them. Tom joined us carrying several two liters and more food. He gave one to each of the boys who proceeded to drink the whole thing. I was silent, it was simply INSANE. I finished my food and was trying to figure out what to do with my plate when Bill realized what I was thinking and picked it up for me. He motioned me to stay seated as he wandered away to take care of the plates. I stared at the table. I could feel the eyes of all three males on me.
"How long have you and Bill been together one of them asked, I wasn't sure which since I was looking at the table. I figured it wasn't Tom because his voice sounded more like Bill's and he would know the answer to that question. I pulled out my cell phone and looked at the clock.
"4 hours?" I said without looking up.
"Why did you come here?" said a voice that was obviously Tom's and it was not happy.
"Bill asked me to," I said glancing at him through the screen of my bangs. I wanted to ask him why he was being so rude.
"Do you know who he is?"
"His name is Bill," I said. I knew he wanted to know if I knew that Bill was famous but I didn't have to play along.
"Tom relax," Georg said.
"I'm Gustav," Gustav said helpfully. I sent him a grateful smile.
"I'm Georg and this grouch is Bill's big brother Tom."
"Bill can I talk to you," he said as Bill returned. Bill looked at me and I just looked at the desk. I wished I could send him a smile to say I was okay but I couldn't. He watched me for a moment then nodded to his brother. I was grateful, the last thing I needed was to drive a wedge between the two. Tom evidently thought I couldn't hear his conversation or he would have moved farther away, but I have really good ears.
"Bill don't you think this is a little fast," he said.
"You're one to talk about fast," Bill replied.
"I mean are you sure you are not rebounding," Tom said.
"Tom she's different," Bill said.
"Bill, that's what you said about Adison."
"Don't talk about her," I could hear anger and pain in his voice.
"I don't want you to be hurt like that ever again." I could hear pain in Tom's voice.
"She's not going to do that Tom," Bill shook his head and then he spoke and their was so much pain in his voice it broke my heart, "Adison was using me and I was just to blind to see it."
"How do you know she isn't?"
"I can't explain it to you Tom. I looked in her eyes and she was so scared. She is all alone in a country where she can't even speak the language! All she wanted was for one person to care about her."
"Then think Bill, are you rebounding? I know that you're looking for love I understand that, especially after Adison, but are you sure once you've gotten over Adison that you aren't going to leave this girl and leave her in pieces JUST like Adison did to you!"
"I would never do that to someone Tom!" Bill was angry.
"Bill can't you see why I'm worried. I know that she hurt you… I know that you need someone to love you but please I need to know that you are going to be okay!"
"I don't think you understand at all Tom. You've never been hurt like that, you never let someone get that close! You also have never let your heart be open you can't understand what it is like to hold someone and feel like everything will be okay! You have no idea what it feels like to hold someone who needs you when you need them just as bad. Tom don't talk to me about love when you wont let yourself feel it!" Tom froze as his brother's words sank through him. I glanced at the pair worried.
"Don't worry," Georg said, "Tom's just being an over protective big brother." He said but even his practiced smile wasn't perfect.
"Hey Sweet Heart you ready to go?" Bill said almost causing me to jump. His hands wear on my waist and his face as right beside mine. How had he moved so quietly?
"Yea," I said getting to my feet as he wound his arms around my waist.
"We're going to the studio," he announced and we left. "I'm sorry." He said as soon as we were pulling out of the drive. I forgot how uptight my brother can be.
"It's okay, it's good that he cares about you!" I said smiling at him.
"You could hear us couldn't you?"
"Yes," I said.
"Dammit." Bill said. "I didn't want you to know about her!"
"It doesn't matter Bill, I am not her! I could never destroy someone like that!"
"Tom forgets that because we are going deaf it doesn't mean the rest of the world is…"
"I have really good ears… it's been a useful skill, don't worry about it." I said. I didn't want him to be upset, in fact that was the very last thing I ever wanted. I watched his hands tighten in anger on the wheel. He pulled sharply into the lot at the studio and I flinched as we nearly hit a few cars. He cut the engine and I sat there. I felt scared in a way I hadn't been in almost a year. He looked so angry. I was waiting for the yelling, the cursing, and the rest of it. It was nearly inaudible as I said, "Please don't be angry."
"Oh God," he paled, "I'm not angry with you." He looked at me and his face crumpled into sorrow. He could see the fear on my face and there was nothing I could do about it. He had seen something that had told him about where I came from in who I was and I had no idea what that was, maybe it was the fact that he knew all to well how I felt.
"Please," I said curling my legs up to my chest. I really didn't want things to go this way.
"I'm not angry," he said then looked at me and saw I had not moved, "I promise." He held out his arms. Slowly, still waiting for him to say something I moved toward him. He was angry, I must have done something, I shouldn't have listened. What was he going to do? He wrapped his arm around me and pulled me unto his lap. It was slightly awkward in the small car but he cradled me to his chest like I was a small child. "I would never hurt you, no matter how angry I was, I would never do anything to hurt you."
"You promise?" I asked him.
"I swear on my grandmother's grave, I would never make you cry… I would never hurt you." He said stroking my hair. He opened the door and slid me off his lap and then stood up. He looked down at me as I hugged myself.
"Are you okay?" he asked me reaching out and rubbing my cheek.
"Yes," I said. Now I knew it, I looked in his eyes and there was nothing but concern. I believed him, he would never hurt me. I wondered then as anyone would, how had someone hurt him so badly? He led me inside and locked the door behind him.
"I'm sorry for scaring you." He said.
"It's not you're fault." I said as he rubbed my arms. I let him pull my hoodie over my head. He ran his hands over the scars. He was so gentle I barely realized what he was doing.
"I'm sorry," he said and he pulled me against him once again. I let myself relax, made myself relax. He wasn't going to hurt me, not unless I wanted him to.
"Don't be," I said and looked up at him. There was something in that moment that I felt in my soul. It was a feeling beyond words. It was at once healing and shattering. It was like all our pieces had been fitted together, like we were ying and yang. All of the broken parts of my heart were matched by his like two broken glasses put together to make one that was more amazing than either of the originals had ever been.
"I love you," he said to me.
"I love you," I said back and in that moment there was nothing beyond his amber eyes melting into mine. The pain that had imbued me, been me, for so long had been vanquished and replaced with something new. I had died inside but it was in a very, very good way. I found my hands tracing the scars up his arm my fingers sliding down where the met clothe. I found myself removing his shirt in order to follow the hypnotizing patterns of the scars. His delicate and graceful handwriting swirled over his skin. I had the sudden urge to write new words over this beautiful canvass. Write words of love and fulfillment to eclipse the words of pain. His fingers continued to trace up and down my arms with a surprising gentleness, the like of which I had never felt.
"It's not what you say," he said speaking into our moment his eyes contemplative, "it's how you say it."
"We are nothing but dreamers," I said, for we were, here in our stolen moment. Feeling a bliss that belonged to those who were not broken, to those who had never been torn apart.
"I fear that when we wake we will be alone." He said tracing the line of my jaw; his fingers like gossamer on my skin. I shook my head, this was all so strange.
"My heart fights me," I said. It was true, it wanted to be here just as much as it wanted to flee.
"It is an alien to love," he said placing his hand over my heart.
"It was searching for love," I said.
"The pain of love lasts for ever," he said and I let my hand settle over his heart. I could feel it pounding under his skin.
"Promise me," I said.
"I'd do anything," he said, "walk the dessert, climb the mountains," he said closing his eyes because there was so much raw emotion it was easier to feel than to see.
"For our love?"
"Let's make a pact tonight," he said his eyes opening and looking at me.
"So we can feel the pain of love, forever." I said. He pulled his shirt back on and tossed me my hoodie. I followed him silently. I knew we were going somewhere more private. We went in silence to my apartment and up the stairs. The door closed behind me and I watched him. I wondered now how I had ever believed his smiles and his laughter, how I had only been able to see a scratch of what lay beyond those laughing eyes. I let my sweatshirt fall to the ground and I reached above the cabinets for one of my most prized possessions. I picked up the long silver dagger. Bill took it from me and set it on the bedside table. I walked to him resting my arms around his neck and resting my head against his chest. His gentle fingers played with my hair.
"I'm a nightmare," he said looking at me.
"And I'm out of control," I said. He was the angel of my nightmare.
"We are lost in the darkness of the valley." He said. I found my fingers once again toying with the hem of his shirt. His skin was so beautiful, so perfect even covered in scars.
"Your heart is lonely," I said resting my head against his chest, I could feel his heart, it had synchronized itself to mine.
"Just like you." He said.
"Welcome to the world inside my wall." I told him.
"They're telling me it's beautiful," he said gesturing to the window out at the world.
"I will never know." I said.
"The world stops for you," he said cradling my face in his hands, "here in my arms."
"We are one," I said and it was true.
"Ying and yang," he said. We were so different and yet we were the two pieces of a perfectly warped puzzle.
"Perfect," I knew he could see the scars of cuts long healed. The only skin left clear of scars was my back. I turned around and Bill stepped closer to me. He wrapped his arms around me.
"I love you," he said.
"I need you," I said.
He ran his fingertips down my back and I shivered. His fingers met the band of my bra, he unclasped it, and it fell to the floor. He pushed my hair over my shoulders and buried his face in my neck. He kissed the skin once and stepped back. He grabbed the knife from a bedside table. I didn't move as it bit into my skin. Carefully he carved the words of the love he felt into my skin. Gently he held a towel to the skin so the blood did not run. When he had finished he kissed my skin and then he had wrote his name, claiming me as his, forever. Gently he helped me wrap up my torso so my back could heal cleanly and neatly. I watched him as he licked the blood off the blade. He set it gently on the bedside table.
I turned and wrapped my arms around his neck. He cupped my face in his hands not wanting to touch my back, though I showed no signs of pain because it did not hurt. He let his lips brush mine. He just cradled my face for a moment though. There were things that spoke to emotions deeper than kisses could express. Every moment with him was perfect. Every touch of his skin was like heaven to me. She felt like nothing could ever be wrong as long as I was with him. I knew he felt the same way. I felt like I was stealing the happy moments from someone else's life when I was with him. Even now with my back stinging, I smiled happily because he loved me. He accepted me the way I was and the pain, it was just an outlet, it let out the pain inside, the pain that Bill vanquished with his touch. His hand on my skin, the blade in my skin, it was beautiful, it was perfect. Once again he was taking my pain away. Gently he swept me off my feet and carried me to the bed. There he set me down and lay beside me.
I traced the scars on his skin. His eyes closed and his heart beat slow as my fingers traced his skin. I picked up the knife and he just watched me.
"I am yours," he told me.
"Forever," I said; it was both promise and claim. I let the blade bite his skin and he smiled at me. The words flowed from me as I tried to put in writing the need and love I had for him. Love, need, obsession, lust all of these lines are blurred together. Need and a dark love I could see this in his eyes, I could feel them in my heart. This was love beyond what words have ever spoken of. It was the love of two souls that never had a chance. A connection of two people who were never whole. His blood was warm on my fingers and I let it remain there. Blood was life essence. Blood was what gave us life. Blood kept our bodies going long after our souls and our hearts and everything that made us human had long since broken into pieces. Finally a carved slowly, with the utmost precision, my own name. He was mine. Never could someone take him away from me. I pulled the already bloody towel from the floor and rested it against his chest. I curled up against him only the towel between my skin and his.
"They've let us loose," he said running his hands over my shoulders and down my body to my hips.
"Like dog's off their chains for the very first time," I agreed.
"In dreams, in the storms, in all of it, I never thought I would find you." I smiled at his lapse in English grammar.
"Out of hate, out of need and out of love until death I looked for you," I told him. Out of hate for myself and the world; out of need for understanding; out of the never ending love I felt for him; for these reasons I had found him.
"Everyone is searching for themselves when they should be searching for someone." He said. It was true so many people ended up alone because they cared to much for the rest of the world. I pulled back and pulled the towel off his skin he hissed but the blood did not flow. He pulled me against him and now I could feel the heat of his skin sinking into mine.
"We don't want to be alone." Everyone saw us as outcasts as people haters but we didn't want to be alone.
"Du bist nicht alleine," he said and I knew that line. "Ich bin hier."
"In the here and now." I said.
"For the heart, for life, I would not leave you." He told me.
"I feel empty." I said and I did. I felt so empty inside. I felt like everything that had been me had been pulled away.
He pulled my hand to his heart, "Search for me," I closed my eyes. I could feel his steady heart beat. I could feel the heat of his body beside mine. I could smell the spicy sent that was all his. I could see those amber eyes searching mine through my eyelids. I looked back into them. I forced myself to face the pain and fear and longing and need that I had seen in them. Buried deep behind those eyes was the man who was by my side. He pulled my once again to his chest and I fitted my body against his. I could see his soul through my closed eyes. No longer did I wonder what he had seen in me. I longer felt empty. He was mine, he was here. Our souls mingled and mixed. Our souls fused into one.
"We are somewhere," I told him, "near the end of the beginning."
"Our first time in each other's arms," he said his amber eyes melting. There was NO WHERE I would rather be and I could see, I could feel, that he felt the same.
"I never could have thought that I would be here in you're arms."
"We are at a cross roads and it matters not where it leads us."
"Because we are together." He nodded and his long hair shifted in accordance.
"Who knows if we will be alive tomorrow."
"But we are here, now."
"Where did it all go wrong?"
"Long before we ever had a chance to change it." I said.
"It was as if all the stars had gone missing."
"Now we are here on the dark side of the sun." I said. The world had gone black and we had fled. Now we lay here in the darkness of happiness.
"Some believe this is only temporary." He said stroking my cheek.
"But for the moment all hearts stop beating."
"That is what we are for." He said running his hands through my hair.
"I am falling through the night."
"Take me with you."
"I need you."
"I'm yours."
"Something is breaking inside of me." I said. It didn't hurt, it wasn't bad. It was like a part of me that I didn't need was being chipped off.
"It'll be okay." He said.
"It's all ready perfect, I'm here in you're arms…"
"Hush, words cannot say what the heart can feel." I just nodded. That was beyond true. Words could never bring to the surface the feelings that moved inside my heart.
I awoke the next day. The sun filtered through the window. I felt warm and safe. It was not a feeling I was used to. His arms where warm around me. His face was buried in my hair. I didn't move, I didn't want to wake him up. He was a very busy man and I was pretty sure that as soon as he was up he would have things to do. I looked at him; he looked so peaceful. I wished I could let him sleep forever. Pain was erased from his face. I have no idea how long we lay there before his eyes began to open. I watched him in fascination.
It was my first day waking up like this… I never wanted to try one differently. As his eyes fluttered open he looked down at me.
"I was so scared that you were a dream." He said leaning down to kiss me.
"Then this is a dream I never want to wake up from." I said nuzzling my head against his shoulder.
"I agree." His fingers trailed down my body, gentle as butterflies, his touch as sweet and honey and as light as gossamer. He closed his eyes and we just lay there for a moment. All the sound in the world right then was the steady beating of our hearts and the gentle whisper of our breath.
"You have to go don't you?" I asked as he looked at the clock and groaned.
"I don't want to."
"I don't want you to."
"Then come with me."
"What will Tom think?"
"That is not your problem sweetheart." He said standing up. I watched as he stretched. He only winced slightly as the scratches on his chest cracked in a few spots. They did not bleed. He looked down at me where I still lay on the bed. He toyed with his tongue ring and I smirked. I pulled myself out of the bed. I walked down the hall to the bathroom and got in the shower. I could hear Bill walking behind me.
"Care to join me?" I asked.
"Only if you want me to." He said joining me. I had to admit that we got out of the shower and dressed and out of the house faster than we would have if we took turns. We walked down the street to a little coffee shop with Bill's arm around my waist. The old lady who worked the counter smiled at us. Bill got himself a coffee with around 4 shots of espresso and I ordered a mint chocolate coffee. We walked back down the street towards his car in silence.
"What do you have to do today?" I asked him.
"I have an interview to go to." He said.
"Like a job interview?" I asked feigning ignorance.
"Oh hell," he said. I raised my eyebrow… that was an abrupt reaction.
"Look there's something I forgot to tell you." He said rubbing his hair with one hand.
"Oh?"
"I'm famous," he said.
"I knew that."
"You did?"
"Mhmm…"
"God," he said.
"Please don't be upset. I didn't tell you because it doesn't matter. I didn't realize until we went to your house…"
"I'm not upset." He said shaking his head. "I just can't believe that you knew and you didn't say anything."
"It isn't important."
"Not even the crazy fans?"
"Not even them." I said with a smile.
"Really?"
"Yes, Bill, I love you. No matter what your world is like."
"Thank you." He said and he once again flashed his I.D. at the gate. He looked like he was close to tears but not tears of sadness. We got out of the car and he caught me around my waist. He pressed his lips to mine.
"I love you," I told him wrapping my arms around his neck.
"You. Are. The. Most. Amazing. Thing. That. Has. Ever. Happened. To. Me. And. I. Will. Never. Let. You. Go. " he said in between kisses. I was really beginning to feel giddy and light headed. "I love you with all my heart." He said bringing his lips to mine. I felt my back hit the wall of the garage. I didn't care, all I was focused on was the feeling of his body against mine.
"Meine Gott, MEINEM AUGEN!" (My God, My eyes!) a male voice hollered.
"Get a room!" another boy called.
"We were alone until you came in here," Bill said leaning away from me.
"Now we are here." Georg said.
"Common Alex let's go to my room, I have to change anyway." Bill said.
"Can I borrow you're sound proof head phones?" Georg called cackling.
"Get a life!" Bill yelled back with a smile on his face. I leaned against him. I was happy that he was smiling.
"Sound proof head phones?" I asked.
"I have the room next to my brother…"
"And?" I knew Tom's persona was a slut but that didn't mean he was, after all look at Bill and I.
"He is a whore…" he said.
"He get's paid?" I asked with a giggle.
"I think he might pay them…" Bill said with a smirk. I laughed. I gasped as I entered his room. I had only ever been in girls' rooms but I had always heard boys talking about how messy their rooms were. Bill's room was immaculate. It was also the most beautiful room I had ever seen. Large French doors opened onto a balcony. He must have had a corner room because along the other wall was an inlet with a large window that was padded so you could sit in it. His bed rested in the corner between the two. It was a king size four poster with scarlet hangings. The bed and all the other furniture where a rich mahogany as was the floor. I could see some wicked electronics on his desk. I could see two doors, my guess, one led to a bathroom and one led to what was probably a walk in closet.
"I hope you like it."
"It's amazing!" I felt suddenly strange. This was Bill's escape from the world. This was where Bill went when everything had been to much. I had never even spent the night in my apartment so it wasn't a huge deal but I realized that this was something almost no one got to see. This room was part of Bill's soul in a way. He walked to one door and threw it open. I was right, it was a walk in closet.
"There's makeup in the bathroom if you want to use some," he told me gesturing to the second door. I went through it. It was a beautifully designed room. The floor, sink, toilet, bath, everything like that was jet black. The walls were red. There were lots of mirrors and silver fixtures to brighten it up. I opened the small bag of what was obviously make up. I was surprised to find some Sugar Pill shadows. There were several bright colors that most people deemed "Not for guys." After double checking to make sure my hair was curling nicely (because I didn't have a clip to fix it) I started on my eyes. I lidded my eyes with a rich purple. Using a blending brush I pulled it out beyond my eye into a cat eye with black and down into the inner corner with silver. I lined my eyes with black and shaded under my eyes fading from silver to purple to black like the rest of my shadow. I grabbed Bill's hair spray and sprayed my curls to stop them from frizzing. I reached into my own pocket and pulled out a bright red lipstick. After that was done I stepped out of the bathroom. I pulled my sweatshirt off and looked in the mirror. My teeshirt was the same purple as my shadow and tight. My black jeans were torn with red under the tears. I wore simple black converse. I had no jewelry on, I had half a mind to ask Bill if I would borrow some.
"You look amazing," Bill said sliding his silver leather jacket over my shoulders. I grinned. It was my favorite, I had no idea how he would know that. He was dressed in what was my favorite of his styles in fitted boot cut black jeans that slung low across his hips. His belt was an amo belt and he wore a simple teeshirt that I realized with a squeal said "Alcatrez psycho ward"
"You look better!" I said.
"Sure," he said. He headed into the bathroom.
"Can you do something for me?" I asked him.
"What?" he asked.
"Leave your hair down."
"Why?"
"I like it that way, especially with your sun glasses and the leather jacket."
"Your wish is my command," he said with a bow that made me giggle. I hopped up on the sink counter next to him. I watched him flatten his hair. I watched as he applied is makeup. He did it with an assurance that came from years of practice.
"Can I?" I asked suddenly reaching toward the bad. I jerked my hand back and glared at it like it had betrayed me.
"Of course." He said looking at me with confusion. Gently I shaded in browns and ambers so dark they couldn't be seen and added a hint of gold to the edge of his long lashes. I smiled at him when I had finished the highlights brought out the amber in his eyes so they were just as bright as they were without the makeup.
"There," I said.
"You're amazing," he said.
"You are." I said. He kissed me and I slid closer to him. He smelled heavenly, I hadn't even noticed that he had put something on. He pulled back and sighed, there was sadness in his eyes.
"We have to go," he said running his fingers across my cheek and then stepping away. I jumped down from the counter and followed him out.
"Where are we going?" I asked.
"Television station."
"I've only ever been in a news one…" I said.
"This is more like a talk show."
"No Bill," I said sarcastically, "I thought you were going to be on the news for some crazy reason."
"I've never been interviewed on the news before."
"I would think not, famous people go on talk shows people get interviewed by the news when crazy things happen."
"What crazy thing happened to you?"
"Nothing important," I said closing my eyes. I didn't want to think about it. I opened my eyes when I had forced the memories down.
"I'm sorry," he said helping me into the car. There was silence as we pulled out of the city and onto the highway.
"Dear God," I said as he took a ramp onto the Autobahn and took off. I covered my eyes as the scenery flew past me. It was not terrifying if I could not see it. I knew it would be more than stupid to slow down so I decided I just was not going to look. I felt the car slow down as we turned I opened my eyes and fought down a gasp. There was a massive city before me. The largest city I had ever seen was Chicago and this was definitely bigger.
"What do you think?" Bill asked.
"The car ride or the city?" I asked as an answer.
"Both."
"I hate cars and this is freaking huge!" I said and he laughed. I stared out the window. I was working on pulling out my smiling, happy, hyper side. Bill was happy in public, he said he wanted a girl was spontaneous. His fans would expect someone who was laughing and happy. I could do that, I had always done that.
"What are you thinking about."
"I'm remembering what it's like to pretend to be happy."
"I'm sorry," he said resting a hand on mine.
"Don't be." I said. "You do it every day and so did I. I can do it again."
"You don't have to."
"It will be easier for all of us if I do." I said looking from the window to him with a crooked smile.
"What are you up to," he said with a devilish smile of his own and like that the masks were on. It was almost to easy. With cuts still fresh on my back I was laughing and talking like I was a 13 year old with her first boyfriend.
"This looks really nice," I said sarcastically as we pulled up. The building was completely unassuming.
"Doesn't it." he said with a smile. He wrapped an arm around my waist as we walked around the car and toward the building.
"It's like the fucking palace of Versailles," I said sarcastically and he laughed.
"Don't look now but there are cameras flashing," he whispered in my ear and I giggled. I could hear them clicking excitedly.
"Lovely," I said and he kissed me gently. We walked into the building and as the door closed I sighed. I was just glad the cameras had kept their distance. Bill showed me to the back stage area where we were met by the talk show host and a ton of crew members. I could see Tom glaring at me.
"Hey bro," Bill said giving Tom a quick man hug. I almost snickered because it was so stereotypical. Bill was attacked by a cast of crew and the interviewer of the day so I stood where I was.
"Alex." I looked up from examining my nails at the sound of Tom's voice.
"Tom?" He moved close enough that we could talk without being over heard for now.
"What do you want with my brother?" he said his facial expression relaxed and easy going even though his eyes burned with passion and probably anger.
"Love, Tom, I want Bill to love me. I want him to be happy. I want him to be able to go to sleep at night and not be alone. I don't want him to hurt anymore. His has been a lonely road and I just want to walk beside him." I said with a smile on my face. It was so odd how anyone in the room would assume we were friends.
"I don't trust you." He said his smile wavering for an instant.
"You love you brother, that's a good thing, you want him to be happy. I'm sorry you don't trust me. Yet you'll have to believe me when I say the last thing I have on my mind is making Bill sad."
"Is that so?"
` "I'm not blind. I can see what she, whoever she was, did to him. No one deserves to feel like that. Ever. Especially not Bill."
"I'll be watching you," he said with a smile.
"I should hope so," I said in return letting a laugh peal past my lips. He looked surprised I just chuckled and slid off to be embraced by Bill.
"You won't mind sitting backstage will you?" Bill asked his expression light and his face millimeters from mine. The camera men were going to go slap happy if they clicked any faster.
"You worry about me to much," I said smiling back at him.
"You deserve it." He said letting his lips caress mine.
"No, nothing is worth you being upset." I said biting back the 'especially not me' because it would upset him.
"As you wish my lady," he said grinning. I curtsied despite my lack of skirt. He jest grinned and spun me a few steps around the room in a dance. He smiled than and set me in a corner where I could see the screen and headed of for his interview with a warning not to talk to ANYONE until he was there with me.
I watched the interview. I needed to know what the public knew about me… who I was… how I acted… what the band thought of me.
As I watched my mind wandered into the future. I would complete school. It wouldn't take that long. Tom would hopefully learn to trust me. I would have been rather taken aback by Tom had he trusted me after that other girl had shattered Bill's heart.
So things would continue… Things always continued… Only now I knew that no matter what, I had Bill beside me.
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Authoress Note:
THE END
This story has been in the makings FOREVER! And ever and ever and ever and ever (As Collette would say)
Please review
People haven't been reviewing and it's frustrating for an author I don't know what people think so how on earth can I improve!
Sorry all my updating is taking so much time! I am ridiculously busy…
Review PLEASE *begs* then *threatens*