Some Unhelpful Remarks and a warning.
Everything in this story is inaccurate. Everything in this story is also very silly and will most likely cause the reader to end up dead under their desks from the sheer dumbness radiating from this rather twisted recollection. If you are allergic to stupidity, randomness and insanity, please move to somewhere else. If you don't heed this warning now, and suffer severe head trauma later, I forbid you to sue me. I also forbid you to flame me.
Everything from here on is therefore your problem... good luck.
Usually recollections of the Bleach are full of angsty love stories and dramatic fighting scenes. However, if you read enough of them here's what you come up with in the end:
Person 1 is the new kid in the class/plot/etc...
Person 2 spends his/her time trying to convince him/her -self that he/she doesn't like person 1
Person 2 fails.
Person 1 likes person 2
Person 1&2 get into extremely awkward situations while extremely large crowds are watching.
Person 2 like person 1 back.
The end.
Hatred. Pure Hatred.
Trust me(or rather don't trust me, many people who have trusted me over the years have ended up dead), this story is totally deprived of any love scenes and dramatic fights that involve people coming back to life after they have been through the equivalent of being shot through the chest a few times, run over by a tank, and detonated by an extremely large hand grenade, after soaking in a vat of gasoline for a good day, or two. (OR, for you people who know the plot already, a nice big cero.)
This fic, is a series of very bad things happening to many different people in turn simply for your enjoyment. Soon, war is going to be a sport, video taped, shot, and played on TV. Why? 'cause people ALWAYS like to watch (read about) other people get(ting) hurt.
This, is not that bad.
It's pretty close though.
Let's start.
Chapter 1: Insanity in Las Hueco Mundo
In Las Noches, there are three different types of insanity, a) insane-genius insanity b) insane-masochist/unnecessary violence insanity and c) the insanity that deprives from drinking too much tea, and eating too many biscuits.
Szayel Aporro Grantz, is the only being in all dimensions that agrees with himself that being a guy, and having pink hair is perfectly fine.
One day, or night,( for it was always night in Las Noches- which means 'The Nights',) Szayel blew up his lab, for maybe the thirtieth time that day(night). He peeled himself off the wall, straightened his lab coat(I might add that it wasn't really a lab coat anymore, it was just blackened remains of what used to be one) and continued whatever he was doing in the middle of the hallway.
And he was still smiling.
Szayel was an mildly insane genius who regularly practiced cannibalism, wore a pair of lens-less glasses, and looked like a badly malformed peacock in his second form. Again, he was a genius, and he was mildly insane, don't forget that.
Grimmjow Jaegerjaques stomped around Las Noches, he was angry, as usual. He wasn't angry at anyone or anything in particular, just angry. As usual. This type of anger originates from a mixture of annoyance, name calling, cursing, extreme idiocy, and a hangover. What a hell of a hangover...
Halibel passed by him,
"Who looked at you the wrong way this time?"
Grimmjow replied not-graciously (looks like this : #$*($^$%^ etc...).
Halibel shook her head and headed down to one of the many kitchens to find some red meat. (for those who don't know, she's like a shark)
It's never good to be angry at everything and everybody, because you can't just go out and beat up everyone and everything. Especially in Las Noches. If you attacked an Espada, you got beat up and thrown out a window, if you attacked the wall, and Espada would come and beat you up, than throw you out the window, if you attacked a normal arrancar, they would create enough commotion to get an Espada there to beat you up and toss you out a window.
Grimmjow was Espada number six, so only five other people in Las Noches could throw him out a window. He still didn't like falling, or more specifically, he didn't like landing. For falling isn't painful, landing is, the only reason falling is scary is because you are thinking about landing, which you know will be painful. The only reason that Grimmjow knew this is because he was thrown out windows with a depressing regularity.
So if you were angry and needed to exhaust yourself doing something, you could either swim with sharks, stomp around or try to fly. Two of which would get you killed.
Grimmjow was an example insanity "b)" He was extremely violent and sadistic. He had random impulses to killing things. He was an expert on how to cause pain and practiced it often. He was scared of water, enjoyed fish, and took immediate liking to balls of yarn. He hated laser pointers and wore makeup. He was also profoundly stupid.
Are you still alive?
No? fine.
Yes? Great! Keep reading.
Grimmjow stomped into the Szayel's lab. Or rather, he stomped into the hallway outside Szayel's lab where everything from the lab was lying overturned. Szayel was having fun pouring different color liquids over a strangely colored something. That something was moving. That something stood up, screamed for a while, ran into a wall and died testily.
"What," said Grimmjow,"the hell was that?"
"That, was a failed experiment" admitted Szayel, "I'm trying to recreate an experiment conducted long ago that involves paper clips, Seltzer water and a flashlight."
"and that's what happened?"
"well... there are many different ways to combined the three."
"yeah?"
"mm hmm."
"What does it do"
"noone knows"
"why?"
"noone's survived it yet."
"what happened?"
"oh, the usual. You look silly for a while. Then you die."
"What makes you think you can do it?"
"I'm perfect"
"...damn you"
Grimmjow stomped away.
Now, you might be wondering where was insanity "c)" for those who don't know, that's Aizen, and he's pretty much insane. I came to the conclusion after sitting in a coffee house (with free internet) for two hours watching my brother trying to do something in his laptop. The people there acted about as sane as an emu on acid. Especially the people who drank tea.
Here's his story:
Once upon a time, there was a really nice guy named Sosuke Aizen. Well, he was really nice, he was a charming, fatherly person who you would just love to meet. Oh, he also hates you, and me, and basically everyone who opposes his plan of killing them. Even if you were okay with being killed, he still hated you, and would kill you.
One day, Aizen went ahead and faked his death, and made his vice-captain hysterical with sadness and remorse and guilt etc... he also played a mean joke on her and succeeded in getting her to attempt to kill one of her dearest friends.
Well he killed her anyway so it doesn't matter anymore.
This has absolutely nothing to do with tea and biscuits at all. Perhaps he wouldn't have killed all of his loyal subordinates to test the strength of one of his many enemies who would probably eventually kill him, or try to destroy the soul society with a three person army, fail miserably, cause a lot of emotional nonsense and then manage to leave with some dignity, if he didn't eat so many biscuits and drink so much tea.
Perhaps this is bad for your sanity.
we'll try again later.