Slice of Fantastica (Part I)

by frostyfreezyfreeze54

Sparky and Buster's dream comes true when Nickelodeon develops their animated sitcom. However, executive meddling might threaten their creative vision. Meanwhile, RK and KG's uncle, Carmine, returns and Wade wants to know what's really going on.

1. Slice of Fantastica (Part I) Script

Thank You, Heavenly

Theme Song: "Let It Roll" by Divide the Day

SEASON 3

EPISODE 3

Airdate: October 12, 2014

Title: Slice of Fantastica (Part I)

Segway Segment: Classic Music Videos ("Deep, Deep Trouble" by Bart Simpson)

Special Guest Stars: Peter Shin as Himself (for one line), Tara Strong as Cyma Zarghami, Tony Sirico as Uncle Carmine, Thomas W. Lynch as Himself, Ken Lipman as Himself

Satire/Social Commentary: Decline in children's television, Nickelodeon's animated direction, negative decisions by executives such as Cyma Zarghami and Russell Hicks

Written by Michael "frostyfrezyfreeze54" Anderson, animated by Rafael Santana, storyboarded by Tomas Greenberg, directed by Peter Shin

The scenes animated for The New York Diaries were made by both Santana and Greenberg, while Greenberg solely took care of the storyboards.

SCENE 1

The MacDougal Household

Interior Living Room

Seattle, Washington

(All five members of Testicular Sound Express are watching TV, and Sparky and Buster have big smiles. RK is chugging a can of Canada Dry ginger ale. None of them realize that the show is supposed to start.)

PETER SHIN: Jaylynn, start the show, we're on!

JAYLYNN: Oh, yeah, right. You know, it's pretty awesomesauce how you guys are getting your own show.

SPARKY: Isn't it? I can't stop smiling. If I tried, it would go right back to a smile.

RK: Hey, do you have some Pepsi, Sparko?

SPARKY: It's in the fridge where you got the Canada Dry.

RK: Oh yeah, right. (RK burps loudly, scratches his butt and walks like he's limping towards the kitchen)

WADE: I can't remember the last time RK has been such a freeloader. I think I should look into this.

BUSTER: Ah, Wade, you have to let RK be RK. These are the kinds of things where you just sit back, crack open a bottle of lemonade, and spit it out because you realize that it's pee. That's the natural way, Wade. That's the natural way.

WADE: So it WAS you that played that fake lemonade prank on me last week!

BUSTER: No, it was the air that did that. (Bleep) you, air. Pranking Wade and whatnot. (A worried Buster tries his best not to look at an angry Wade)

JAYLYNN: So do you have a schedule or something for when you're going to be working on the show?

SPARKY: Not yet, but we're going to be working in Burbank by the end of the month. Most cartoons tend to be animated overseas in Korea, but we're going to be doing everything here in America.

WADE: Like South Park.

SPARKY: Exactly, everything's domestic now. And that's a great thing. Except for abuse because obviously, no good can come from that.

(RK comes out of the kitchen with no pants on. Everybody is disgusted.)

RK: Man, Wild Cherry Pepsi is like sex in your mouth. Take whatever you want from that.

JAYLYNN: RK, why the (bleep) do you have no pants on?!

SPARKY: DUDE, IT'S MY HOUSE, WHAT THE HELL IS YOUR PROBLEM?!

WADE: Of course. He's starting to think that this house is his own because of his apparent over-dependency.

RK: Why would I possibly depend on any of you?

WADE: Because last night, you went to sleep at my house for no reason, and the morning after, I saw you and Anna sprawled across the couch with little clothing material on!

RK: We were playing freeze tag.

WADE: Anna had on a bra and panties...nothing else.

(long pause)

RK: It was Married...with Children freeze tag.

SPARKY: RK, if you want to stay over at my house, that's fine, but I don't want to see your genitalia squishing around like two cold peanut butter and jelly sandwiches.

BUSTER: Hey, RK is just expressing himself, let him be.

RK: Thank you Buster.

BUSTER: No problem. Just don't do that at my house. I like to do that too.

RK: So?

BUSTER: I don't know what's going to happen. Two boys with no pants on, that's like some twisted version of Brokeback Mountain that will get your hormones rumping and ba-dumping.

(long pause)

WADE: How can you have sex in your mouth?

SCENE 2

The Jennings Household

Interior Living Room

Seattle, Washington

(Wade is knocking on the door repeatedly)

WADE: RK, are you there?!

KG: Wade, go away, I was getting the biggest jinga pop right now and you RUINED IT! GO THE (BLEEP) AWAY, I'M GOING TO NEED 15 MORE MINUTES TO GET THIS GOOD AGAIN OR I'LL START TO PLOTZ!

(Wade slowly backs away, then runs off into RK)

RK: Oh, Wade, I thought you were serious when you said you weren't going to beat me again.

WADE: Please don't imply things that never happened. Anyway, what the hell is going on with your family? You've been freeloading off of Sparky, Jaylynn, and I for days, your brother's trying to get it jacked again, and when I went to your house the other day, there was an Italian man covering his knick knack patty wack with a pillow.

RK: Did he have a fake "BSK Pride" tattoo on his belly?

WADE: Yes, there was an ounce of fraudulence.

RK: That was my Uncle Carmine, you pervert!

(RK slaps Wade in the face)

WADE: I wasn't purposely looking at your uncle...

(RK slaps Wade in the face)

WADE: Will you please stop striking me with your hand?

RK: Hell no, because I'm not going to stand for your perverted imaginations about my uncle, you sex hound.

(Wade slaps RK in the face)

RK: Thank you. You see, whenever old Carmine comes over, we have the tendency to rape his personality.

WADE: You mean, ape?

RK: That's what I said, rape.

WADE: How bad is your hearing? You just said rape twice!

RK: I thought that was how you said it.

WADE: Let's not waste time with this shit anymore. So you guys basically act like Carmine whenever he comes to visit?

RK: Well, I haven't seen him in more than two years. But as far as I know, yeah. I remember when I was seven, he taught me how to shoot some stick. I gambled so many yahoos out of their money, they nicknamed me the Jennifer Tilly of Seattle. (chuckles)

WADE: What does "shoot some stick" mean?

RK: It means to play pool, what kind of planet are you on? Pluto? Because that planet's not around anymore, Wade.

WADE: Let me see if I got this straight. When you were younger, your poker-playing, alcoholic uncle with a fake tattoo taught you how to gamble?

RK: Yes.

WADE: Then last summer, you used his poker-playing abilities to win a bunch of money in Vegas?

RK: Yes.

WADE: And now any time he comes over, you two instinctively adopt his self-destructive personality?

RK: Yeah, if you want to be so negative about it.

WADE: By that logic, I think it's time to get your uncle out the house.

RK: Why? I love Carmine and this is the first time I've seen him in more than 24 months, kid!

WADE: But I hate what he's doing to you. I know I get annoyed by your regular personality most of the time, but you're still my best friend and I would rather have you the way you are than as your uncle.

RK: I feel so proud and disgusted at the same time. But what are you going to do? Carmine said he would stay for about two weeks, and I don't think you have the grapes to take him.

WADE: I created a time machine with my own two hands, some chemicals and some tools. I have all the capabilities to take on a 36-year-old man.

RK: Trust me, my uncle is a warrior at mind games. In fact, if you want the whole scoop, why don't you come to dinner tonight? You can bring Jaylynn with you.

WADE: Nah, I don't think Jaylynn will want to come.

(Just then, Jaylynn walks towards the boys)

JAYLYNN: Come to what?

RK: Of course, she just HAD to come at precisely this moment.

WADE: Dinner with RK, KG, their Uncle Carmine and myself tonight.

JAYLYNN: Oh, that should be an experience. I'm coming.

RK: Dammit.

JAYLYNN: What's the problem?

RK: Now we have to cook for five. It's a good thing you two aren't fat.

SCENE 3

The MacDougal Household

Exterior Sparky's Tree House

Seattle, Washington

(Sparky is once again working on scripts forThe New York Diaries while Buster continues to make storyboards. There's a phone line installed now.)

BUSTER: Sparky, do you think that our show is going to be something special?

SPARKY: What do you mean, dude?

BUSTER: I mean, change Nickelodeon. Like, make the executives tons of money and get a lot of positive attention?

SPARKY: Of course, man. We're going to do this because we know our vision and what we want to accomplish. The New York Diaries is going to be Nickelodeon's next big thing. Look at this script.

(Sparky slides over the script to Buster)

BUSTER: You based this off of the time you found out Columbus didn't discover America?

SPARKY: Yeah, that was a big moment for me. Writers draw from experience, that's how they evolve into the harder stuff.

BUSTER: Dear Dawkins, you remember way too much from this. In fact, you seem to remember EVERYTHING.

(Sparky stares at the camera in fear; the phone rings at that moment)

SPARKY: Gee, would you look at that? The phone's ringing.

(Sparky picks up the phone)

SPARKY: MacDougal residential tree house. Imaginality.

(Buster groans in annoyance and gets a disgusted look from Sparky)

CYMA ZARGHAMI: It's Cyma, Nickelodeon. You guys are hitting Burbank in one week. We start promoting The New York Diaries that same week and the premiere is six weeks after that. The quick wraparound production time will be very beneficial to the show.

SPARKY: Oh my God, really?! We'll be there ready to go!

CYMA ZARGHAMI: Alright, Russell and Sarah will meet you at the main gate! Bye!

SPARKY: Bye!

(Sparky hangs up)

SPARKY: YES, WE DID IT! WE WON, WE WON! LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, BACK IS THE INCREDIBLE!

BUSTER: What'd they say?

SPARKY: We're going to Hollywood in a week!

BUSTER: YEAH, WE DID IT!

(Sparky and Buster jump around while chanting "WE DID IT! WE DID IT!" and holding each other's hands; Bitch Clock just so happens to walk up the tree house at that moment with a phone and sees what Sparky and Buster are doing)

BITCH CLOCK: I don't want to interrupt this homoerotic display, but I just...wanted to know if you were in the mood for some pizza?

BUSTER: Sure. (glances at Sparky) That would be nice.

SPARKY: Yeah, that would be nice...B-Bitch Clock.

(Sparky and Buster are sweating and look worried)

SCENE 4

The Jennings Household

Interior Dining Room

Seattle, Washington

(RK, KG, Uncle Carmine, Wade, and Jaylynn are at dinner looking at the mashed potatoes)

RK: Um, KG, I don't think you were supposed to hand mash these.

KG: Yeah, two hours ago when I was making the potatoes, I couldn't be bothered with going out unless it had something to do with a shvitz. And then I realized I don't know what the (bleep) a shvitz is so I just decided to stay here.

UNCLE CARMINE: You guys need to know how to get your hands dirty when you mash these potatoes. You get YOUR hands dirty (pointing at RK), you get YOUR hands dirty (pointing at KG), we all get our hands dirty. Eh, everybody sit down, eat, eat, I want to tell you a story. It was a story of love, revenge, sex...mostly sex. But you guys are too young to hear about how I laid it on thick when it came to that Boston jazz player.

(under her breath) JAYLYNN: I really hope this guy isn't a stereotype.

UNCLE CARMINE: Hey! I heard that. The fact of the matter is, I'm far from a stereotype. Matter of fact, since you're so open-minded, red-haired girlie, let's all call each other stereotypes. My nephew Ryan here might as well be a stereotype of a homosexual.

RK: I'm bi.

UNCLE CARMINE: I know, but this girlie can't just assume things which is why I'm doing the same. And anyway, you can lay it on thick sometimes. Just saying.

(RK has an expression that says "Yeah, he's kinda right")

UNCLE CARMINE: What if I thought you were a lesbian? Just a big fat atheist lesbian who hasn't touched a single breast in her life?

JAYLYNN: You, um...got everything right but the atheist part.

UNCLE CARMINE: Ooh, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to offend.

(Wade raises his eyebrow)

WADE: Didn't you say your uncle was a misogynist?

RK: Yeah, why?

WADE: Because he's showing Jaylynn of all people respect.

RK: He's probably on those pills again.

JAYLYNN: How much money did you make from poker?

UNCLE CARMINE: What? You guys think I've retired?

KG: Yeah, didn't you say that?

UNCLE CARMINE: I don't remember. But as far as I'm concerned, I've made over $70,000,000 in the business. Poker is in my genes. Ever since the time those punks stole my jeans and I had to play them to get them back.

WADE: Just a minute, guys, I have to do some waste removal.

(Wade pushes his seat back and heads towards the bathroom)

RK: He's doing waste remo...oh God, he just had to say that.

(Wade is on the toilet)

WADE: I don't get it. Uncle Carmine is nothing like RK described. He seems like an affluent, charming man with street smarts. Unless...of course, I can't be that myopic! Carmine obviously acts that way around guests only. Behind closed doors, he's an absolute jackass. I know what I have to do now.

(A note is slid through the bottom of the door and Wade picks it up so he can read it)

WADE: "Wade, this is KG. If you have to jinga pop, please clean up after you're done. I cannot stress that enough."

SCENE 5

Nickelodeon Animation Studios

Exterior Entrance

Burbank, California

Sparky, Buster, Halley, and Diana are at the main gate of the studios, with Russell Hicks and Sarah Levy there to greet them.

HALLEY: I can't believe you guys have your own show on Nick, I'm so proud of both of you.

(Halley kisses Sparky on the cheek)

SPARKY: Aww, thanks Halley. It's amazing. A network struggling to stay afloat hires inexperienced children to work for them and develop a show that's ten times better than what these pandering adults can write about. It's the great American story!

(Halley laughs)

DIANA: You know, Buster, I always knew you had talent. Your storyboards were insane.

BUSTER: Why, thank you, Diana. Maybe later the four of us can hit that cool new coffee shop down the street. Or we can have a nice, frosty Mountain Dew like real conservatives.

SPARKY: What does Mountain Dew have to do with being Republican?

BUSTER: Mountain Dew is the great American drink!

DIANA: You know, I might be busy later attending the Tamale Festival. You know, it comes every year and this is my first chance to see the festivities live.

BUSTER: What are you talking about? The Tamale Festival isn't coming around again until next July.

DIANA: Well, you know. Things.

(long pause; Buster tries to open his mouth again but Diana blocks him with her hand)

DIANA: Don't ask.

(Diana walks away with an annoyed look while Sparky, Buster, and Halley stare at her bewildered; long pause)

HALLEY: Buster, I mean this in a non-hurtful way, but your girlfriend is...

BUSTER: Weird as (bleep), I know. And to think people have called me an idiot for years.

RUSSELL HICKS: What's up, guys?

BUSTER: What's going on, Big Time Rush?

RUSSELL HICKS: I told you to stop calling me that.

BUSTER: Can I still call you Rush?

RUSSELL HICKS: NO, YOU CANNOT!

SARAH LEVY: Russell, calm down, you'll get another aneurysm. Come on in, guys.

SPARKY: You think you'll be fine by yourself while we take the tour?

HALLEY: Well, I'll see if I can catch up with Diana.

SPARKY: OK, see you later.

(Sparky and Halley kiss, and then he follows Buster inside the studios. Inside, there are large pictures of Nickelodeon's current cartoons on the wall, which are SpongeBob SquarePants, The Fairly OddParents, Rabbids Invasion, Legend of Korra, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, Sanjay and Craig, and Breadwinners. Buster notices the Korra picture.)

BUSTER: I thought Legend of Korra was an Internet show now.

RUSSELL HICKS: Yeah, but it's still part of the Nickelodeon family...unfortunately.

BUSTER: What was that?

RUSSELL HICKS: Nothing.

BUSTER: Oh.

SARAH LEVY: Over here we have the FOP room where the show is written, storyboarded, and voice acted before it's taken to Frederator Studios in New Jersey.

SPARKY: I wonder why they keep repeating jokes.

BUSTER: I love that. It makes it funnier than the first time.

RUSSELL HICKS: This is where Sanjay and Craig is done. They're working on an episode where Craig is about to get spit on for the first time and Sanjay coaches him through it. It's a metaphor for sex.

(Buster has a blank look on his face and stands in place)

SPARKY: Buster? Buster, are you OK?!

BUSTER: It's stuff like this that makes me realize there's no Lord.

(The four continue on their trip, and arrive to the office of The New York Diaries)

SARAH LEVY: We're pulling out all the stops for your show. We feel like it's the future of Nickelodeon.

SPARKY: Uh huh, I knew it. We're going to turn this network's fortunes around!

BUSTER: A show about our adventures! And people said it would never happen.

SPARKY: Yeah, what idiots.

BUSTER: Wait. I was that idiot. You know what? I will now slap myself in the face for doubting us. Why did I doubt me?! Don't I realize I'm driving me crazy?! (Buster slaps himself in the face)

SPARKY: You're an interesting guy, Buster.

RUSSELL HICKS: Well, guys, here's your new office.

("Fancy" by Iggy Azalea featuring Charli XCX playing in the background as Sparky and Buster walk into the office, which is actually like an office with several stations for writing and storyboarding)

SPARKY: Whoa, we're getting the V.I.P. treatment.

BUSTER: So we're VIPs?

SPARKY: No, V.I.P.

BUSTER: Dammit, I wanted to be a VIP.

(Sparky gives Buster a bored stare, then looks around)

SPARKY: Hey, is that Ken Lipman?

SARAH LEVY: Yup, he's back with Thomas W. Lynch to help work on your show. They're directors.

SPARKY: That's awesome!

BUSTER: What do you know? We have the Alex Mack guys. Irony.

SCENE 6

The Saltalamacchia Household

Interior Living Room

Seattle, Washington

(Wade is watching TV)

VOICEOVER: Coming this winter to Nickelodeon: Ned's Declassified School Survival Guide: High School Edition.

WADE: After seven (bleep) years? Screw that.

(RK comes through the door)

RK: Wade, what were you telling me today about Uncle Carmine?

WADE: You mean, the fact that the personality he showed us the other night was just a facade? Well, yeah, exactly that.

RK: (blows raspberry) Are you joshing me? Carmine would never pretend to be something he's not.

WADE: You told me he was a surly misogynist with a superiority complex and a slovenly demeanor.

RK: I didn't say that. I said he was an asshole with a disrespect for females, he thinks he's better than a lot of people and he's kinda a lazy slob.

WADE: That's the same thing.

RK: Well, I don't always grasp Wade speak. Just seems like a kick in the groin to understand. Look, Uncle Carmine is...you know what? I think you're right. I don't remember Carmine being that relaxed. Maybe you should come down to dinner tonight to see if anything's odd.

WADE: No! I have a better idea.

(Next thing you know, RK and Wade are in the living room of the Jennings house.)

(holding up a webcam) WADE: Webcams.

RK: How did you do that?

WADE: Just go with it for once in your life. Now, with this decorative egg is a hole inside. I plant the webcam in to fill the hole.

(Wade then takes a ladder from the closet and props it up near the shelf in the dining room)

WADE: Climb the ladder, make ample enough shelf space, and place the egg on said shelf.

RK: So you're going to be spying on my family like a creep?

WADE: No, I just want to see if Carmine is only a different person when guests are around.

RK: Are you sure you're not just using that as an excuse to look at guys?

WADE: I'M HETEROSEXUAL WITH A GIRLFRIEND!

RK: I know, but to each his own. I remember my good friend Christopher back in the first grade. He always lied about the erections he got and that girls were breaking down his door to play hide and seek with him. Now he's dating someone named Jack.

(Wade widens his eyes)

RK: Yup, and it's short for Jackson so you probably understand my concern.

SCENE 7

Nickelodeon Animation Studios

Interior New York Diaries Office

Burbank, California

Sparky and Buster are at the front of their office about to give a speech to the crew of The New York Diaries.

BUSTER: Hey Sparky?

SPARKY: Yeah?

BUSTER: Don't we need a cast for the show to do the voices and stuff?

SPARKY: Already got some folks lined up. Cyma said to look for new, unknown talent because established names are hard to replace. You know, unless you're Tara Strong or Rob Paulsen in which case you don't really have anything else going on.

BUSTER: OK, well, what about our voice director?

SPARKY: Andrea Romano.

BUSTER: How much money does that woman need, she has too many jobs!

SPARKY: Hey, she's the best in the game today.

DUSTY HAWTHORNE: Hey guys, I'm working on a storyboard for one of your future episodes. Why did you call this speech?

SPARKY: Gentlemen, we're here today because Nickelodeon is no longer Nickelodeon. It has become home to some of the worst cartoons on television today. We went from stories about a pigeon man and baby adventures to stories about suicide and bad toilet humor and rape.

(murmuring among the men)

SPARKY: Yes, I'm not pointing fingers, but one show on this lot made an episode about rape. And the worst part is, they probably don't even know. So we're here to change that.

BUSTER: Yeah, we're the best cartoon in town! Who's ready to be the best?

MEN: WE ARE!

BUSTER: Who's ready to be the best?!

MEN: WE ARE!

BUSTER: WHAT TEAM?!

(Crickets chirping as the High School Musical reference gets no response from the crew)

SPARKY: Um, Buster, I don't think they saw those movies.

BUSTER: Ugh, to think you can't even get a good response for a Disney Channel Original Movie reference anymore.

SPARKY: What you just said was so dense, I don't even know where to start.

SCENE 8

The Saltalamacchia Household

Interior Living Room

Seattle, Washington

(Wade has a devious look as he checks his laptop when Jaylynn walks in)

JAYLYNN: What's the deal? You called me and told me to come here immediately?

WADE: Yeah, so you could watch the Jennings dinner.

JAYLYNN: Wait, what?

WADE: I put a tiny webcam in a decorative egg and now I can see RK, KG, and Uncle Carmine eat.

JAYLYNN: Don't you think that's a little gay?

WADE: It's not for that! RK and KG act just like Uncle Carmine whenever he visits. And it's in a very self-destructive fashion. But a couple nights ago, he was such a nice guy so I want to know what's really going on.

JAYLYNN: Are you kidding me? THIS is what you called me over here for? I was talking to the girl of my dreams, you know.

WADE: Yes, I know, you told me already, you're in love with Asil, it may or may not happen.

JAYLYNN: Well, obviously, I want it to happen. I just hope she swings that way.

WADE: You never found out her sexual orientation?!

JAYLYNN: No, of course not. I don't want her to find out that I have a crush on her, yet, and it would be kinda weird to ask a question like that.

WADE: I'm sure it'll work out. Things always do.

JAYLYNN: Easy for you to say with your super-hot girlfriend. Who you should've called over instead of me.

WADE: Adriana wasn't at the dinner the other night, you were. And I need someone to talk to.

JAYLYNN: Oh my God, Carmine has a shotgun for an arm there.

WADE: What are you talking about?

(Uncle Carmine repeatedly throws bread at RK)

WADE: Dude, what's Carmine doing?

At the Jennings'...

UNCLE CARMINE: I told you I DON'T LIKE THIS DAMN BREAD, I LIKE THE BREAD SLICES THAT COME OUT THE LOAF! PASSA VEE!

RK: Sorry, Carmine.

UNCLE CARMINE: You have to know how to (bleep) think when you do these things, you can't just flip your shit around, you have to listen to THE (BLEEP) HEART!

KG: You know, I hear that some white people got beat in the parking lot today because they said the n-word.

UNCLE CARMINE: These black people are pathetic. Pathetic-ass blacks, I tell ya. I beat the tar out of eight African-Americans at a time, and a ninth right before dinner. Then the sixth guy came back for me, and I set him down for dessert. Then I realized it was actually the fourth guy, but did it really (bleep) matter? He was black, I had to almost kill him.

WADE: OK, so he's a racist monster. I don't want to see any more of this schlock.

JAYLYNN: Hang on, this schlock might actually have something.

UNCLE CARMINE: Black people want to say "Fight the power!" and beat up police when they should be fighting the demons within themselves. As far as I'm concerned, I'll say the n-word whenever I want because I'm a real Mafioso G-Unit gangster, son. And if black people want to degrade themselves with such a vile and detestable racial slur, then I'll just lend a helping hand. At least I know I'm (bleep)ed up. But THESE guys? Why don't they put on their (bleep) pants, stop smoking that smelly weed and get a job?

(Wade has a shocked face that doesn't even move while Jaylynn doesn't know how to respond)

JAYLYNN: I don't have the social skills necessary to deal with this.

WADE: I'M GOING TO KILL THAT IGNORANT BASTARD!

(Wade goes after the laptop in a disgusted and delusional rage while Jaylynn tries to pull him away repeatedly. Wade constantly says "I'LL BEAT HIS ASS! I'LL BEAT HIS ASS! I'LL BEAT HIS ASS!")

WADE: I'LL BEAT HIS MOTHER(BLEEP)ING ASS! Wait a minute. Are you grabbing down there?!

(Wade looks at Jaylynn angrily, and then Jaylynn stares at the camera nervously)

SCENE 9

Nickelodeon Animation Studios

Interior New York Diaries Office

Burbank, California

("Halftime" by Nas playing in the background)

Sparky and Buster are working hard trying to get the first couple episodes of The New York Diaries ready for airing. Sparky works with Lipman and Lynch to help strengthen the scripts, Buster continues to work on the storyboards and offer Sparky advice, and then the voice acting comes in on the other side of the studio. Andrea Romano is constantly telling Buster's voice actor to speak clearly into the mic.

BUSTER: And make sure you get my hearty laugh! (Buster does a hearty laugh)

ANDREA ROMANO: You're such a colorful child.

In the office, Sparky and Buster are deciding with show composer Chris Porter what the theme song for The New York Diaries should be.

CHRIS PORTER: It's gotta be ill tight, it has to represent New York City.

SPARKY: Well, we have about five choices here, what do you think?

(The choices on the white board are "I'm Housin'" by EPMD, "Shadrach" by the Beastie Boys, "World War III" by the Jonas Brothers, "Invincible" by Adelitas Way, and "Cult of Personality" by Living Colour.)

CHRIS PORTER: I don't know about these, man, I don't know if they would hit. Wait, what's that one at the bottom that you crossed out?

(The one at the bottom is the theme song for Thank You, Heavenly, "Let It Roll")

BUSTER: We were thinking about that one, but we can't do it for...obvious reasons.

CHRIS PORTER: Yeah, I know what you mean. What about "The Symphony?"

SPARKY: What about it?

("Halftime" stops playing while Porter plays "The Symphony" by Marley Marl featuring Masta Ace, Craig G, Kool G. Rap, and Big Daddy Kane over the opening sequence. It shows Sparky and Buster traveling on the Manhattan-bound L train. They get off at Broadway Junction and meet RK, Wade, and Jaylynn. Surrounded by a bunch of cops, Testicular Sound Express is escorted to the A train while the other riders look confused. When they get on, Sparky smiles back at the camera and the train takes off. The credits are "Created by Sparky MacDougal, developed by Sparky MacDougal and Buster Newman, executive produced by Ken Lipman & Thomas W. Lynch.")

BUSTER: Yeah, that could work.

SCENE 10

Nickelodeon Animation Studios

Interior New York Diaries Office

Burbank, California

(Russell and Sarah walk into the office with a flashlight, and take a look at one of the scripts for an upcoming episode of The New York Diaries. They swipe it, along with another finished script.)

RUSSELL HICKS: I feel bad having to scam these kids.

SARAH LEVY: Look, you and I both know that Cyma will never accept this underground trash. This show doesn't fit in with the real Nickelodeon.

RUSSELL HICKS: Yeah, you're right. We give them a job and we have the right to interfere in the creative process if we want to. I'M THE CHIEF CREATIVE OFFICER, BITCH!

SARAH LEVY: Exactly. Let's go. Then again, I DID get TMNT on air and I don't want a black mark on my record.

RUSSELL HICKS: Yeah, but we all know the expectations aren't high here to begin with.

SARAH LEVY: Yeah, I mean, I have to shit out gold bricks at some point, right?

SCENE 11

Nickelodeon Animation Studios

Interior New York Diaries Office

Burbank, California

(Sparky and Buster are heading towards the office of The New York Diaries)

SPARKY: Hey, think of something pathetic, just off the top of your head.

BUSTER: Oh, that's easy, the Full House board on IMDB.

SPARKY: Really?

BUSTER: You've never seen it? It's just a bunch of losers who have been there for years talking about how much they hate a sitcom that ended over 15 years ago.

SPARKY: Man, they need help then.

BUSTER: You're telling ME.

(Buster opens up the door and sees a script with a Post-It on it)

BUSTER: What the hell? "Modified to fit executive specification?" Sparky, what do these words mean?

SPARKY: I think our script has changed! I don't remember writing this line! Or THIS line! What kind of lazy garbage IS this?

BUSTER: I think I know who decided to mess with our hard work. I bet they did something to Hicks and Levy too, I haven't seen those two in almost a day!

SPARKY: I bet it WAS Hicks and Levy that did this, Buster. They're trying to take away creative control from us!

BUSTER: What?! That's so insane, if I wasn't so shocked right now, I would probably be able to fathom the insanity of your previous statement!

(Sparky gives Buster a bored expression)

SPARKY: I don't...um...let's call Zarghami!

(Sparky takes out his phone and uses speed dial to call Cyma Zarghami's private line)

SPARKY: Yes, hello, Mrs. Zarghami, this is Sparky and I'm...(Zarghami hangs up) I don't get it. She just hung up.

BUSTER: Something weird is going on here.

SPARKY: You're telling ME. It'll probably take almost a week to rewrite this pandering slop. Then again, we don't have to do that when the original file is still on OUR computer.

BUSTER: A-ha. Stupid executives thought they had us done for, but we'll be doing the do. I want to spit on somebody, that's how pissed I am. Hey William, come over here so I can spit on ya!

TWO MINUTES LATER...

(Buster comes back clutching his arm with a black eye)

BUSTER: He's British and he's been in a couple pub fights. Wait a minute, he doesn't even work here!

SCENE 12

The Jennings Household

Interior Living Room

Seattle, Washington

(RK is sleeping on the couch when Wade comes in with a sledgehammer, breaking down the door)

WADE: WHERE IS HE?! WHERE'S THAT INSUFFERABLE RACIST MISFIT?!

RK: Holy shit, what IS that?

WADE: WHERE'S CARMINE?!

RK: You broke down the door. Ah, son of a bitch, do you know how much I liked that door? It complemented the walls, and...you're an asshole.

WADE: I WANT TO KNOW WHERE YOUR DERELICT UNCLE IS!

RK: Dude, will you stop shouting, have some common decency! Look, Uncle Carmine isn't here and he's not coming back so you don't have to whack him with that hammer.

WADE: Don't give me that crap, you don't have to protect your uncle. I heard all that BS he was spewing about African-Americans last night.

RK: You see, I think this is why spying on guys is wrong.

(Wade pulls RK with a look of bloodlust on his face)

WADE: LISTEN, YOU SON OF A BITCH! YOU SHOULD KNOW THAT YOUR UNCLE IS DOING WRONG AND HE'S AN IGNORANT BASTARD! AND IF YOU DON'T SEE THAT, YOU'RE NO REAL FRIEND!

(Wade leaves the house, while RK has a look of regret on his face)

SCENE 13

Nickelodeon Animation Studios

Interior New York Diaries Office

Burbank, California

(Sparky is almost done typing a new script, while Buster is looking out the window drinking a can of Coca-Cola)

BUSTER: Ah. Pepsi can eat the bozack, I love me some Coke.

SPARKY: I'm finished. Hey, shouldn't you be working on more storyboard panels?

BUSTER: No, I finished my work for the day early. And thank science for that. Sometimes it gets so stressful to have to draw and draw. It's like a comic book that at least 2,000,000 people are guaranteed to read every week. That's pressure.

SPARKY: You're telling me. I can't even tell if some jokes are funny or not. I mean, you don't want to force it.

BUSTER: What episode are you working on now?

SPARKY: The one where you and RK look for the true meaning of Christmas. And then you find out that Santa is an alcoholic and you won't get presents this year because of his condition, so you and RK have to deliver the presents FOR him.

BUSTER: I could think of three good reasons why that episode won't work.

("...To Be Loved" by Papa Roach playing on Buster's phone)

SPARKY: Isn't that the theme song for RAW?

BUSTER: They got rid of that song five years ago! When was the last time you watched WWE?

SPARKY: I think when Randy Orton had a crush on Triple H for helping him win the WWE Championship, right? That happened?

(Bored, Buster picks up his phone)

BUSTER: Talk to me, Newman's. Hey, what's going on, CZ? I mean, um...(clears throat) How are things this effervescent early afternoon, Ms. Zarghami? Wait, you're serious about this? But we...yes, we understand that...look, Ms. Zarghami, I don't think...fine. Yes, we understand certain things have to be done. Bye.

SPARKY: What happened?! Is our show being cancelled already?! Oh man, I KNEW we should have went to Cartoon Network or The Hub! It's just like what happened to The Modifyers, man!

BUSTER: Even worse. We just lost creative control. The executives are taking over.

("Big Time Theme Song" by Big Time Rush playing in the background as Sparky looks disappointed and Buster continues drinking his Coca-Cola in regret, not wanting it to go to waste)

SEGWAY SEGMENT

("I'm Not Going Out Like That" by Run-DMC playing in the background)

A stop-motion animated video plays where letters on a wooden table form "SEGWAY SEGMENT."

LITTLE GIRL: (giggles) The Segway Segment.

CLASSIC MUSIC VIDEOS

Artist: Bart Simpson (voiced by Nancy Cartwright)

Song: Deep, Deep Trouble

Album: The Simpsons Sing the Blues

Year: 1990

Label: Geffen

"Deep, Deep Trouble" was the second single released from The Simpsons Sing the Blues after "Do the Bartman." Both songs, of course, centered around the show's most popular character at the time, Bart. "Deep, Deep Trouble" was co-produced by John Boylan and DJ Jazzy Jeff, and co-written by Jeff and Simpsons creator Matt Groening. The video, directed by Gregg Vanzo, originally aired on March 7, 1991 alongside the Simpsons episode "Bart's Dog Gets an F."

(The video for "Deep, Deep Trouble" starts playing)

SCENE 14

Nickelodeon Animation Studios

Interior New York Diaries Office

Burbank, California

SPARKY: I don't get it. Why are we losing creative control? We were promised that!

BUSTER: Well, I don't know. She just said our ideas aren't pandering to the lowest common denominator and we don't fit in with what the other cartoons are trying to do.

SPARKY: But what about Legend of Korra?

BUSTER: It's on the Internet now. It never got respect from the executives anyway.

SPARKY: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles?

BUSTER: They don't give a (bleep) about the show, they're just in it for the toys.

SPARKY: Well, I hear Sanjay and Craig just needsimprovement.

BUSTER: Oh yeah, those old guys from the 90s were helping with the show and then they all died.

SPARKY: That never happened!

BUSTER: Well, I know they disappeared, I just wanted to make it seem like there was a legitimate explanation for it. Oh man, how are we going to get out of this? I have the feeling Diana and I were going to start bonding again because I was a big macho television creator jackass guy.

SPARKY: There's only one thing to do. We have to go back to New York and take back what's ours. Because I'll be damned if I let Nickelodeon screw over The New York Diaries.

THOMAS W. LYNCH: Word of advice: I don't think you two are going to win this round. If you beat Zarghami, I'll give you my house keys.

BUSTER: What makes you so sure, sports fan?

(sadly) SPARKY: I thought that was MY catchphrase.

KEN LIPMAN: There's a reason we only spent four years with Nick. They wanted another Alex Mack, we were tired and wanted to go home. We come back nine years later, everything's changed. These people are monsters. They purposely think kids want something simple because that copy-cut-paste crap is easy.

BUSTER: Wait, you guys saw Nickelodeon for what it was when it was respected AND popular...

THOMAS W. LYNCH: Yup.

BUSTER: Then you came back almost a decade later when it was in an even worse state...

KEN LIPMAN: Yeah.

BUSTER: And now you're working for the network again?

THOMAS W. LYNCH: Yeah, we think your cartoon could change things.

SPARKY: Yeah, but that kinda...

KEN LIPMAN: Look, are you going to poke holes in this situation or are you going to go to New York?

SCENE 15

The Jennings Household

Interior Living Room

Seattle, Washington

(Uncle Carmine is on the phone, looking anxious)

UNCLE CARMINE: Look, Victor, did you get the guys for the job? You're kidding me! YOU BASTARD, YOU KNEW THEY'RE THE BEST GUYS AND YOU FLAKED OUT ON ME AT THE LAST MINUTE! Come on now! (long pause; Carmine is rubbing his temple in annoyance) Fine. Screw it, I know other guys. Yeah, I know I don't know other guys, (bleep) off.

(Uncle Carmine hangs up and RK walks down the stairs)

RK: Uncle Carmine?

UNCLE CARMINE: What's up, Ry-dog?

(RK has a confused stare)

RK: Ewwww? OK, anyway, my friend has a serious problem with you.

UNCLE CARMINE: I'm pretty sure it's your black friend. Let me say I've been a bit stressed out loudly because one of my black friends Victor screwed up the heist.

RK: Heist?

UNCLE CARMINE: Yeah. I was going to go undercover with a bunch of other guys of varying ethnicities to steal something very valuable back, and bring it to our fold once more.

RK: You're a mobster, Carms?

UNCLE CARMINE: Not exactly. I'm with a bunch of guys who work our asses off to help other people make ends meet. And in return, we get some compensation for the re-compensation of the original compensation. But if they flake out and don't follow through, we break their legs. Or most likely murder them.

RK: That's what a mobster is.

UNCLE CARMINE: Boy, you're a sharp kid. You have that genre savvy sitcom knowledge. Look, Wade thinks I'm a racist punk, but I have black friends. I just let my temper grab a hold of me more so than it should. Don't worry, I like that kid. I think he's sharp. In fact, he, your other friend, and my two little nephews could be very instrumental in turning this ship around as it pertains to my heist.

RK: You're implying something! YOU'RE IMPLYING SOMETHING!

UNCLE CARMINE: Indeed I am, cupcake.

SCENE 16

Nickelodeon Headquarters

Interior Executives' Office

New York, New York

(Sparky and Buster are actually on their way as they head to the office using the elevator.)

SPARKY: You know, I feel bad having to cut the trip short for Halley and Diana.

BUSTER: Hey, they could have stayed in Burbank if they wanted to, but they chose to go home. Besides, it was for the best. Diana thought it would be hot if I dressed like a professional Olympic swimmer in a Speedo and a spray tan few nights ago.

SPARKY: Oh, no wonder you have those patches on your arms.

BUSTER: Yeah, I didn't do it right or something. I feel like cheese with vitiligo.

(The two get inside the elevator, and Buster presses the button for the top floor)

BUSTER: Man, I can't wait to get in Zarghami's face and give her the Macadamian nuts. And then I'll give her this bag of peanuts that I swiped from the airport gift shop when I was in a hurry to pay for it. See? (Buster holds up a bag of Planters Honey Roasted Peanuts)

SPARKY: Not so fast, Busts. We have to handle this delicately. Like mature, professional adults. Because if we don't, we'll get blacklisted and never...

("Take on the World" by Rowan Blanchard and Sabrina Carpenter playing in the elevator)

SPARKY: Oh, come on! I like the show, but this song is kinda girly.

BUSTER: I love it. Its soft, gentle sound appeals effortlessly to my mainstream sensibilities.

SPARKY: Why do I feel like I've heard that before?

BUSTER: I adapted it from a Family Guy episode that everyone thinks is a piece of crap.

SPARKY: Oh.

(The elevator opens, and Sparky and Buster walk through the executives' door with angry faces)

BUSTER: We're TLC, and this meeting's over!

SPARKY: Buster, there's no one here.

BUSTER: Dammit! I wanted to make an entrance! All dramatic and badass and whatnot.

CYMA ZARGHAMI: What do you boys need?

SPARKY: You know what we need. Why did you give creative control for The New York Diaries to the executives?

BUSTER: Like you!

CYMA ZARGHAMI: Look, boys, in this business...

BUSTER: NO, IN THIS (pounds fist on Zarghami's dick) BUSINESS, YOU DON'T JERK AROUND HARD-WORKING CONSERVATIVES! OK, he's liberal, but that has NOTHING to do with my rant yet I said it anyway.

CYMA ZARGHAMI: I wasn't even finished talking.

BUSTER: "But Mr. Krabs" (pounds fist again) NOTHING!

SPARKY: Buster, have a Snickers. You're not you when you're hungry.

(Sparky hands Buster a Snickers bar and he takes a bite)

SPARKY: Better?

BUSTER: Better. But seriously, Sparky and I put in a lot of hard work to bring quality back to Nickelodeon. Because without us, all you have is modern SpongeBob and a bunch of other cartoons that aren't Avatar spinoffs or TMNT reboots that I don't feel deserve a mention. YOU'RE lost in a sea of animation...DISPARITY.

CYMA ZARGHAMI: Don't you think I know that?! That's why I gave you two boneheaded kids a job!

BUSTER: I may be a little slow, but I am NOT (pounds fist a third time) a bonehead!

SPARKY: So you knew what you were doing when you hired us but you're still taking away our creative vision? What kind of sick game are you playing here, Cyma?

CYMA ZARGHAMI: Look, boys, in this business, you have two options: You either get down, or you're shot down. You two wanted too much, too fast. So we had to take it away. You stupid kids are in the fourth grade. What do you know about a cartoon that we don't? Huh? Haven't you ever heard of child labor laws? Lawsuits? We're doing you guys a favor. You play our game because you're just a pawn right now. When you get older and a little business-savvy, you'll understand. I know you will. But for right now, Nickelodeon deals with certain things because that's how I like them. I like dealing with certain things in a Cyma Zarghami way. Now are you going to get down, or you do you want to be shot down?

BUSTER: Neither. I don't want to work for you bastards, goodbye.

SPARKY: Yeah, we'll see you in court, Zarghami! You may take away our creativity, but without the show, you don't have jack!

CYMA ZARGHAMI: I may not have jack, but I have a contract.

(Sparky and Buster's smiles are quickly erased and they gulp in fear as their eyes widen)

CYMA ZARGHAMI: You guys are stuck in a three-year deal. Two years if we decide to cancel your lame duck show early. And if you try to get out, we'll make sure every network knows you have a nasty relationship with Nick and you won't work AGAIN.

BUSTER: Geez, what a bitch, don't take it THAT far.

SPARKY: Look, Zarghami, no one cares about Nickelodeon anymore. Your company has no respect.

CYMA ZARGHAMI: Yeah, don't believe everything you hear on the Internet, boys. This is the real world. And in the real world, we still put kids first. No matter what those loser cartoon reviewers with no lives think. So tell me, Sparky and Buster. Are you going to get down? Or do you want to be shot down?

(Sparky and Buster look at each other nervously. The next thing you see is them with enraged faces at a press conference for the series premiere of The New York Diaries.)

SPARKY: All those scripts...altered. All that work no longer means a thing.

(long pause)

BUSTER: We should've went to (bleep) Cartoon Network.

SCENE 17

The Jennings Household

Interior Living Room

Seattle, Washington

Uncle Carmine is dressed in a black skull cap, a black long-sleeved shirt, black pants, and black boots. He's looking at his toolbox, seeing what he needs to pull off the heist.

UNCLE CARMINE: Guys, what the hell? We have to be down at the store in twenty minutes, let's go!

(RK and KG come down dressed just like Uncle Carmine, but RK has on gloves with no fingers)

KG: So why did you put on those gloves again?

RK: They make me feel sexy. Call me Master of Sex. That will be my codename.

KG: OK. My codename is Pingo, the Magic Penguin.

RK: NO, IT DOESN'T WORK LIKE THAT! There has to be a backstory with the codename.

KG: I like penguins.

UNCLE CARMINE: Your codename can be Alec Sulkin, Jr.

KG: Why?

UNCLE CARMINE: Because you're not that funny, but at least you're making an effort to get better.

KG: Oh, that makes sense.

RK: Yes, very nice.

(Jaylynn comes in dressed like the others, with eye black)

RK: Jaylynn, you're only supposed to wear eye black during the day.

JAYLYNN: Screw you, I didn't even want to do this at first but your uncle threatened me.

UNCLE CARMINE: Yeah, if you didn't do it, I would have no choice but to kill you for having knowledge of it.

JAYLYNN: But YOU were the one who told me!

(Wade comes in with a handgun)

WADE: Why am I being reduced to this? Why are we ALL being reduced to this? Isn't anybody going to speak out against this nonsense?!

UNCLE CARMINE: Shut the (bleep) up and give me the gun.

WADE: Here.

(Wade throws the gun on the floor, and everybody gets scared for their lives)

WADE: Calm down, the safety's on. And Carmine, you're lucky because if it wasn't, YOU would get shot.

(Uncle Carmine is now driving RK's car with KG in the passenger's seat. RK, Wade, and Jaylynn are in the backseat.)

UNCLE CARMINE: Why don't I give you a little background information on what we're doing tonight?

WADE: Yeah, because that would have been nice to say earlier but at least you have the decency to give us the information now.

UNCLE CARMINE: I'm getting tired of your attitude.

WADE: What, you're going to mutilate me, Paulie Walnuts? Because there are witnesses.

RK: Yeah, Carmine, don't kill my best friend.

JAYLYNN: It's weird how nonchalant we're being about this whole thing.

UNCLE CARMINE: You see, a long time ago, some goons from Davy the Bear Groceries stole our prized possession. We use its powers to gain strength and go through our days.

WADE: And you're getting it back NOW? What kind of scattershot thinking is that?

UNCLE CARMINE: A week is a long time in mob years. And we're getting it back...tonight, or my name isn't Carmine DeAngelo.

JAYLYNN: I thought your last name was Jennings.

UNCLE CARMINE: It's hard to explain.

(Wade raises his eyebrow; the car reaches the store and the five get out)

KG: Dammit, I'm shaking. And I don't know if that's a good thing or not because I hear some people get jinga pop from these experiences.

RK: Let's get into it.

(The five run inside the store and people immediately take cover as Carmine fires shots into the air)

UNCLE CARMINE: That's right, bitches: Carmine DeAngelo...I mean, Jennings is back. I want my bear.

WADE: Wait...WHAT?!

UNCLE CARMINE: I lost my bear last week. It's a bear mascot made out of stone and it's the cornerstone of our mob.

STOREOWNER: SHUT UP, YOU STOLE IT FROM US FIRST!

UNCLE CARMINE: Yeah, whatever. We can have a war over this but I want my bear back. The mob can't survive without it.

(Police cars are immediately heard)

JAYLYNN: Holy shit, something's going down.

UNCLE CARMINE: I KNEW IT WAS YOU THAT CALLED THE FREAKING COPS, BLACKIE!

WADE: You bet your ass it was me. Because this ridiculous poppycock is...

(Uncle Carmine shoots Wade, or at least attempts to, but ends up careening off the walls and into a can of peas. The peas spill onto the floor and a guy slips on them. His basket flies out of his hands and into Carmine's face)

RK: Uncle Carmine, are you OK?

UNCLE CARMINE: I think so.

(Uncle Carmine shoots RK and then KG. He then shoots Jaylynn when she tries to run away, and then Wade. The police come to take Carmine away, but he shoots one of them and fails to hit the target. The policeman that was aimed at tries to shoot Carmine, but he fails when Carmine dodges. RK gets up with no wounds.)

RK: GOLDEN LOTUS CLAP!

(Everybody is shocked, and when RK does the clap, he closes his eyes and everybody falls on the floor, becoming blinded. RK runs away while everybody screams from lack of eyesight. RK jumps in his car when "Booyaka 619" by P.O.D. plays in the background and Rey Mysterio pops out of nowhere with a Slurpee.)

REY MYSTERIO: You forgot your straw.

(Rey puts the straw in the Slurpee and hands it off to RK)

RK: Wait, what the (bleep) is this? Oh yeah, it's an Unfabulous fantasy moment.

(A brief purple screen creates a segway into the next scene, which shows Carmine getting hit in the face with the basket)

RK: Uncle Carmine, are you OK?

UNCLE CARMINE: I think so.

(The police arrive on the scene, flashing guns at Carmine, RK, KG, Wade, and Jaylynn)

JAYLYNN: Crap, don't shoot me, I never even got to have sex.

POLICEMAN: Who called us here?

WADE: I did, officer. Arrest this rat bastard! On the charges of attempted burglary and taking unwilling accomplices!

KG: I was kinda willing.

RK: WADE!

UNCLE CARMINE: You know what? Take me away. But why don't you add first-degree murder to the charges?

STORE OWNER: You're confusing, Carmine!

WADE: Why would he need to add...

(Carmine fires a shot at Wade's head but misses)

WADE: WHAT THE (BLEEP), MAN?!

(The policemen throw Carmine down and beat him with nightsticks, even after he's become incapacitated. The next scene shows RK talking to Wade on the couch. Wade is bored and RK is upset.)

RK: I can't believe they arrested Carmine and beat him. Why the hell did you call the cops?!

WADE: He's a criminal! And did it ever occur to you that he's not really your uncle when he can't remember his last name, or the fact that you don't even have any Italian lineage?!

(Wade angrily stares at a confused RK, who stares at the camera in bewilderment)

SCENE 18

The MacDougal Household

Interior Living Room

Seattle, Washington

(There is a banner outside Sparky's house that says "New York Diaries Series Premiere Night." The whole gang is there. The WHOLE gang. Testicular Sound Express, the Masters of the Universe, Diana, Adriana, Anna, Sanna, Manny, Will, and KG are all in the house. Sparky and Buster are nervous and sweaty, sitting next to each other in the two big green chairs in the middle of the room.)

BUSTER: Sparky, I'm scared.

SPARKY: Don't worry, at least Cyma didn't ruin the pilot. If the kids get antsy and start attacking us, we hit the road, move to a new city, and change our names.

BUSTER: I LIKE that. What should we call ourselves?

SPARKY: I'll be Patrick, and you'll be Hank.

BUSTER: Dammit, I wanted to be Patrick.

(RK walks up to the two and puts his arms around them)

RK: Guys, I just want to say that I'm stoked to see myself on TV. If it rocks, I'm going to tell you "Good game, bruh!" and slap your asses. And if it sucks, I'm going to puke into an empty Capri Sun pouch. Don't worry, I'll find a way.

HALLEY: GUYS, I'M STARTING! I mean, IT'S starting!

(The kids rush to find a seat, and the opening sequence starts)

WADE: Audacious opening sequence.

25 MINUTES LATER

(The closing credits roll as "The Symphony" plays again. During the episode, Sparky and Buster were credited as co-writers, with Zarghami and Hicks as creative consultants. Everybody is in disbelief, shock, and/or disgust. Sparky and Buster look like they just saw a gruesome murder.)

RK: I couldn't find a way, but I have to show my absolute contempt for what I've seen here tonight.

SPARKY: They...they ruined it. They ruined THAT episode too.

BUSTER: What...was THAT?

DIANA: I feel like my eyes have been raped. And my ears.

JAYLYNN: I'm never going to sleep again.

KG: That wasn't very funny.

ANNA: Why do I feel like I heard nine fart jokes in six minutes?

ANJA: I'm going to hate you two for the rest of my life.

SPARKY AND BUSTER: WE GET IT!

(long pause)

MANNY: I liked it.

TO BE CONTINUED...

("Heed the Word of the Brother" by X-Clan playing in the end credits)

©2014 ANDERSON PRODUCTIONS