Shadow Snark an MLPFIM Fanfic
By Sharona Magliozzo
A tale about an original character in the universe of Equestria. Rated T for some language and suggestive themes.
The sun rose calmly over the hills outside Canterlot, and Shadow Snark rose with it. Shadow Snark was a black Pegasus with solid iron wings, blazing red eyes, a black cloak he always wore, a cutie mark showing a diagnosis for antisocial personality disorder, and a deadpan disposition. He had gotten up early enough to see Princess Luna fly off when the dawn came, ever since she was freed from the moon and reverted back to her true form. As he stared at her fine flanks as she flew off into the distance Shadow Snark decided that he should probably focus on some of his experiments while he was up since her flanks were about to disappear into the distance. Shadow Snark was the head scribe at Canterlot castle which meant he spent all day doing nothing but write letters to Princess Celestia's various contacts around Equestria.
The job was especially horrible when she needed to send something sexy.
In his down time he had experiments to keep himself busy, right now he was trying to create a flaming woodpecker. Shadow Snark took the chemical he had mixed up the previous day and was carefully about to pour it on a woodpecker he was keeping in a cage, making very sure not to spill more than a drop on it, when the door opened quickly and a voice rang out "Shadow Snark!" Shadow Snark then dropped the entire beaker on the woodpecker which combusted immediately. "Celestia damn it Shining Armor!" yelled Shadow Snark.
"Oh jeez sorry…" said Shining Armor
"It's fine." Said Shadow Snark
"I really am sorry I just-"
"It's fine. Now what was worth incinerating a woodpecker over?"
"Princess Celestia wanted to speak to you."
"And that isn't something you could put on some parchment and slip under a door?"
"By Celestia, you are antisocial."
Shadow Snark remained silent and merely trotted past Shining Armor so that he could do his job and get back to the sanctity of his experiments as soon as possible. He did of course realize the truth in Armors words, he was antisocial, but how could he not be? Ponies always insisted on mindless prattle when there was work to be done. Eventually he reached Celestia's throne room. "Hello my Princess, who do you need me to right for you?" he said with the utmost respect.
"Nothing" said Princess Celestia
"Then why did you call me down here?" asked Shadow Snark
"Because, I'm sending you away on a mission to Ponyville to learn about friendship."
"You're sending me to that backwater, semi racist, insane asylum to learn about friendship?"
"See that's why you're getting sent away. More importantly it has yielded great results with my top student Twilight Sparkle."
"Where am I supposed to stay?"
"You have family there."
"Only my cousin Shine Down! And he's… different."
"Stay there anyway, you need the attitude adjustment."
"How will I get there?"
"You're a Pegasus, fly!"
"Uh Iron wings? Remember? At best they just glide?"
"Then you get a carriage."
"Crap."
And so Shadow Snark boarded the carriage and headed off to Ponyville accepting that it was his fate to go there and likely kill himself over the overwhelming excitement and general idiocy that was sure to follow. He arrived around noon the next day outside his cousin's house and got off the carriage.
"Thanks" Shadow Snark said to the carriage pony
"Uhh tip?" said the carriage pony
"Oh sorry, comb your hair it looks like birds made a nest in it." Said Shadow Snark, "Sorry I didn't give you a tip in the first place, I've been a social recluse for the past few years and didn't know I was supposed to give them out."
"A tip is monetary compensation for extra work put into a job." Said the carriage horse
"Oh… sorry." Said Shadow Snark putting money in the tip box, and then walking away embarrassed.
As soon as the carriage left the door of the house slammed open and a chubby, bright yellow pony with a red mane, a cutie mark showing a disco ball, and wearing a satchel stepped out.
"COUSIN!" yelled the pony
"Hello Shine Down." Said Shadow Snark
"HOW ARE YOU! I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU IN YEARS! WHAT'S NEW?"
"I'm fine. Just down here to learn about friendship for Princess Celestia."
"FRIENDSHIP!? WHY I'M AN EXPERT IN FRIENDSHIP! STICK WITH ME AND YOU'LL HAVE FRIENDS IN NO TIME!"
A buzzing noise then came from an object attached to Shine Down's Satchel
"BUT, tragically I must go to work now. TRY GOING TO THAT TWILIGHT SPARKLE GIRL! SHE'S DOING YOUR EXACT SAME MISSION, SHE LIVES IN THAT BIG TREE LIBRARY THING DOWNTOWN! BYE!" said Shine Down and then bolted down the street in a beam of light.
"Uh yeah bye." Said Shadow Snark to no one in particular, then he sauntered down the street and into town. From the corner of his eye he spied a pink pony with balloons for a cutie mark, Celestia did say to make friends and this pony was rather cute so he went up to her and said, "hi I'm Shado-"
The pink pony then gasped and ran away. Shadow Snark stood agape for a moment then exclaimed "What the moon was that?" Before he received an answer a rainbow came out of the sky and knocked him into a puddle of mud.
"Crap this was my best hood." He said lying in the mud when a white unicorn with a purple mane approached him.
"Oh dear" she said, "You look simply dreadful."
"Thanks." Said Shadow Snark,"That makes my day much better."
"Allow me to apologize on Rainbow Dashes behalf, she has little self-control, I'm Rarity by the way."
"Nice to meet you, I'm Shadow Snark, Head Scribe of Canterlot Castle."
"CANTERLOT CASTLE!?" exclaimed Rarity, "Oh I've been most rude to someone in your regal position, come with me let's get you out of those clothes."
"Well aren't you forward." Said Shadow Snark
"Mm hilarious." Said Rarity sarcastically
"Just joking."
The two then went into Rarity's boutique where Shadow Snark went behind a curtain to take off his cloak.
"Hey thanks for giving me some clothes." Said Shadow Snark
"It's no problem at all darling, I've got the perfect cloak for you." Said Rarity
"I ah don't have any money, but I'll pay you back somehow."
"Don't worry about it we'll work out a payment plan, now come out and see your new outfit."
Shadow Snark stepped out from behind the curtain and saw his new outfit, it was a Black cloak, much like his old one, but devoid of patches. In addition there was a fedora with a red feather in it, four black leather boots, and dark sunglasses. He stood agape for a second, then said, "Wow."
"That's all you have to say!? Wow!?" said Rarity
"What else is there to say!? I can't possibly pay for this on a scribes salary."
"Well…" said Rarity sensually, "Perhaps there's other ways you can pay for it." And she leaned in close to him.
"I'd be willing to do… anything." Shadow Snark responded languidly
"Perfect" said Rarity, the she darted away from him and in her normal voice said, "Come by tomorrow to clean the windows, they're filthy, and I have some other odd jobs for you to do, now be on your way, I have things to do."
"Ahhh ok, well thanks for the clothes." Said Shadow Snark
He left the shop, horny and disappointed he walked toward the massive tree his cousin had directed him toward. As he was walking he saw the pink pony with the nice flanks across the street. He yelled a hearty "hello!" she then gasped and back flipped over a house. "Seriously what the moon?" He said.
Eventually he came to the massive tree library and went in.
"Hello!?" he yelled "is Miss Twilight Sparkle here?"
A purple unicorn with a purple and pink mane came trotting down the stairs.
"Twilight Sparkle?" said Shadow Snark
"That would be me." Said Twilight Sparkle
"I am Shadow Snark head scribe of Canterlot Castle, I have been sent here to learn about friendship."
"Wow that exact same thing happened to me."
"Then help me… please."
"With pleasure, I've made tons of progress here. There are some certain ponies you'll definitely need to…"
The pink pony with the nice flanks then burst through the door and said, "Twilight! There's someone new in town and…"
"Hey it's you again!" said Shadow Snark
The pink pony with the nice flanks then gasped and ran out the door.
"Seriously who is that?" asked Shadow Snark
"Thaaat's Pinky Pie, I think she's planning a surprise party to welcome you." Said Twilight Sparkle
"Oh crap I'm no good with ponies."
"It's ok I had to adjust too, but eventually I learned to embrace other ponies."
"You don't understand, look at my cutie mark"
She did and then said, "Is that a diagnosis for Antisocial Personality Disorder?"
"Yes, we thought it meant I was supposed to be a therapist… it did not."
"Yeah that's pretty bad, you just need a select group of friends to interact with, go home and I'll tell Pinky not to throw a huge party."
"Thank you." Said Shadow Snark, he then opened the door to leave when he was hit with the sound of multiple ponies yelling "SURPRISE!"
End chapter 1