The Perilous Journey of a Family
A/N: I know everyone is doing this, but I thought I'd go ahead and add my story to the pile. I don't know about everyone else, but I really adored both the premiere and "Proof." That last scene at Rossi's with Reid walking in and them all clinking glasses together like a family made me cry, and I couldn't have loved it more. Also, MAJOR props to AJ Cook and MGG for those JJ/Reid fighting scenes. I was absolutely floored at how fantastic they were, because that's exactly what it looks like when seriously close friends have a serious fight. They were both furious, but you could also sense the immense pain they were in. Excellent! Anyway, hope you enjoy this little piece!
"I have no trouble with my enemies. I can take care of my enemies in a fight. But my friends, my goddamned friends, they're the ones who keep me walking the floor at nights!" ~ Warren G. Harding
Full to the brim and suffering from what some would call a food coma, the BAU family started to clean up what was left behind from Rossi's cooking lesson. Reid laughed heartily at a joke Garcia made at Rossi's expense, realizing he hadn't laughed for a solid week at least. He found it felt good, if a little foreign. He caught Emily's gaze as he grabbed a bag of trash to take outside; he smiled at her and she returned it fully, the words between them not needing to be spoken just yet. As furious as he had been, as hurt as he still felt at the entire thing, he still reveled in the fact that she stood there before him in the flesh with that familiar smirkish smile, a friend, a family member he had thought lost to all of them forever. He lifted the bag and made his way out to Rossi's front yard. He heard the door open just as he closed it, heavy footsteps following behind him. He turned to see Morgan there, carrying a second bag of trash, a thoughtful gleam in his eye.
"Hey kid," he said, depositing his bag into the can by Rossi's garage. "You okay?"
Seeing no point in avoiding, Reid met his friend's gaze.
"Better," he admitted sheepishly, knowing that Morgan, along with the rest of the team, had witnessed his and JJ's final confrontation.
"We're all glad you came," Morgan said sincerely, surveying his surrogate little brother up and down. "Wouldn't have been a family affair without you…we had a glass poured for you and everything."
"I'm glad I came too," Reid said, running a hand through his hair. "Emily is ever persuasive."
"She is that," Morgan chuckled, waiting for what he knew Reid would say next.
"I don't know if…" Reid began.
"Everything will ever be the same again?" Morgan asked. "It won't, but not in the way you're thinking. It will take some time for normality to come, but we've emerged stronger from this. Families fight."
"But you handled it better than I did," Reid protested. "I was…I don't even know what I was. I didn't even recognize myself."
"I didn't deal well with it at first either," Morgan replied. "I'm still not totally recovered, and it's a process for all of us. But it'll be okay, kid."
Reid was about to respond when the front door opened and JJ appeared. Silence befell the trio as Morgan playfully swiped at Reid's head, then rested a hand on JJ's shoulder before going inside and leaving the pair alone. Reid looked at JJ for a split second, the words he'd practically spat at her swirling in his memory.
"I came to your house for 10 weeks crying…"
"I know, but I had no choice. I couldn't…"
"You wouldn't…"
"I'm sorry…"
"What if I'd started using Dilaudid again? Would you have let me?"
"You didn't!"
"No, but I thought about it."
"Spence…"
"It's too late, okay?"
Reid felt's JJ's piercing gaze upon and forced himself to look up her.
"I was looking for you," she said simply, a flash of irritation in her eyes. He knew that she had taken his appearance at dinner as a sign that he wanted to talk, and yet he found himself choking on the words.
"I figured," Reid said, noticing Hotch's face in the window, looking at them briefly with concern before disappearing.
It was quiet between them for a few moments, neither knowing what to say or how to broach such a volatile subject. Reid's eyes flickered up to the sky for a moment, flashing back to walking to the abduction site with JJ, both exchanging snipe after snipe.
"Well it's funny how Emily was buried six feet under and ended up in Paris…"
"Instead of dealing with it he's acting out..."
If someone had told him mere weeks ago that Emily was alive and he would eventually be standing outside Rossi's massive mansion trying to make amends after a fight with JJ, he never would have believed them. Fights happened, and he could get angry just as much as anyone, but he couldn't remember ever even arguing with JJ, let alone the heated, biting remarks they'd shared over the past few days.
"We've never fought before," he finally said, shoving his hands into his pockets, guarded, but still not looking away.
"Nope," she said shortly, clearly expecting him to go on.
"I was hurt, and I felt betrayed," he continued. "And I feel that in some sense, I had a right to be. But I shouldn't have…"
"Threatened me with your using Dilaudid again?" JJ questioned, a hand resting on her hip. "No, you damn well shouldn't have. Way to scare the living hell out of me, Spence."
He felt relieved when she used his nickname, finding the courage to try and spit out what he wanted to say.
"I shouldn't have," he agreed. "And rationally, I knew it wasn't your fault, that really you couldn't have told me. But emotionally I wasn't ready to admit that. Emily helped me see a little straighter."
JJ nodded, a gesture encouraging him to continue, the firm frown lines on her face softening ever so slightly.
"I was just so damned vulnerable in front of you," he said. "And part of me couldn't handle that. This whole thing is just so messed up. And even though I realize it wasn't your fault, or Emily's, or Hotch's, I think some of the feelings going around were inevitable." He sighed, wishing that none of this had ever happened, that Doyle had never escaped from prison and tried to rip Emily's life from her, from them, that Strauss hadn't tried to splinter their family by forcing JJ to take the promotion to the Pentagon. Life's circumstance had tried to shatter their team into seven obliterated pieces of glass, strewn into separate corners. He knew however, that wishing away the past was no way to look toward the future. "But I know that keeping that secret must have been agonizing. You're…you're stronger than you realize."
"It was so hard," she said, voice shaking a bit, tears reddening her eyes. "I hated watching you and Morgan and Garcia suffer like that. Rossi was upset too, but I think he had an inkling…"
"And I made it worse by coming over all the time…"
"No you didn't," JJ protested emphatically. "You had every right to come see me. You being willing to break down like that in front of me showed me just how upset you were, and I wanted to tell you a thousand times, because it broke my heart to see you like that. Knowing I had the words to comfort you and not being able to use them drove me crazy. But we had to protect Emily, had to protect the rest of you from Doyle."
"I know," Reid breathed softly, feeling the tears prick at his own eyes. "I'm sorry I acted like a petulant teenager, my anger just always seems to come out that way. We all had to suffer through different aspects of this, it seems."
"I expected you to be angry," she said, resting a gentle hand on his arm. "I understand why you were so hurt, and I know you needed time to process. But I just wanted to make you realize that I didn't hurt you willingly, didn't betray you because I wanted to. I would never do that….I just had no choice."
"I'm sorry for all the things I said, JJ," Reid whispered desperately. "I truly am, because you didn't deserve it. I understand if…"
"We'll be fine," she assured him, squeezing his arm. "Trust me on that. Although if we don't get back inside the others might think we've gotten into a fist fight."
At this mental image Reid broke out into a full grin, almost doubling over in laughter. He felt warmth flood his veins again, a feeling of sweet relief overtaking him.
"You might be able to take me in hand to hand combat," he said, noting the twinkle in her eyes. "What with all the kicking skills you learned from playing soccer."
"You're taller though," JJ mused. "Way taller. Next time we argue we should try it out," she teased. "The team can take bets. I've been meaning to tell you though, I think all those days at the shooting gallery made you a better shot than me. You didn't even blink when Declan's mother started shooting. And you weren't exactly standing close to her."
Reid stepped toward her with a slight hesitance, wanting to embrace her but not sure if she was quite ready to accept. Noticing what he was doing, JJ stepped forward and wrapped her arms around him.
"Give me a hug you idiot," she said, a tinge of amused exasperation in her voice.
"I'm not an idiot," Reid said, returning her embrace full-force. "I have an IQ of 187, an eidetic memory, and…"
"Spence, just shut up," JJ said with a roll of her eyes.
They stood there like that for a moment, and out of the corner of his eye Reid could see Garcia standing by the window, not so subtly clapping her hands in delight at her friends' reunion. They two broke apart just as the door swung open again, revealing Emily's face.
"You two had better get in here before Morgan eats all the Tiramisu," she said, barely able to stifle her laughter. "Rossi made it from scratch as a surprise." She left the door open for them and they followed her inside.
"Hey JJ?" Reid asked, stopping for a moment inside the doorway.
"Yeah?" she asked, tilting her head in curiosity.
"Wanna do brunch this weekend?" he asked. "Maybe bring Henry along?"
JJ smiled broadly as she pushed Reid toward the dining room. "Brunch it is," she said. "But no more of those Star Trek toys for Henry. He's already got a dozen and now every time we go to the toy store he asks for one."
Reid smirked in satisfaction at the idea that he had made a mini Trekkie of his godson, and felt truly happy for the first time since Emily's "death" as they walked back into the kitchen to find Rossi bodily guarding the Tiramisu from Morgan and Garcia teasingly asking Emily if she'd met any hot Parisians while she'd been in hiding, while Hotch looked on, a rare smile on his face.
They all still had a journey to go on to fully recover from everything that had happened, Reid knew that much for certain, but this was his family, and he was home.