A/N: This will most likely be short random incidents I write about. Thanks for reading.
Disclaimer: I don't own TF2. Valve owns it. Though I hope I own these character names.
Cast: (Note all are RED)
Scout: Jacob
Soldier: Richard
Pyro: (Pyro wrote his name on paper before, but subsequently burned it before anyone could read it. Jacob saw one letter.) S. Thought to be Sam.
Demoman: Mitch
Heavy: Viktor
Engineer: Billy
Sniper: Adam
Medic: Gunther
Spy: Philip "Phil"
Teufort
Jacob the Scout was bored. The team was in the rec room, each at their own individual activity area. Richard the Soldier, Adam the Sniper, and Mitch the Demoman were sitting at a table playing a card game of some sort. Sam was lighting matches in the corner and whispering to himself inside his suit. Billy was working on a plan for a new weapon for himself that would probably give him the ability to fly or something. Phil was... Somewhere.
That left Viktor and Gunther who were sitting together on a couch, Viktor absent-mindedly nomming on a Sandvich and patting a Pocket-Medic while Gunther was cleaning his gloves.
"Ah, I'm bored!" Jacob exclaimed, tossing his baseball up at the ceiling. He caught it and threw it up again, this time missing the catch and it landing on Viktor's head.
"Who interrupts Soviet lunch time!?" The fat, bald Russian exclaimed, jumping up and dropping his Sandvich to the floor. The Pocket-Medic fell onto the couch, where Gunther seized it.
"Communists don't get lunch times!" Richard yelled, slapping his War Pig helmet. He needed glasses truly due to his poor aim with his rocket launcher, usually hitting far away from where he aimed, so he got the War Pig. The glasses now sat on top of the War Pig, and he was still wondering who took them.
"What you say?" Viktor turned to the Soldier, who ignored the Russian and continued to argue with the Scotsman and Adam about his cards.
"Mmm, mmm... Mmmph!" Sam took that time to raise his discovery: A match that was lit on fire next to a firework from his Pyrotechnic Tote.
"Sam! NO!" Billy yelled, reaching out and throwing his wrench at the Pyro's hand, intending to knocking the match away, but the firework was lit. To make things worse, the wrench struck Sam's hand and caused him to shake it in pain, his pyrovision showing that the wrench was a piece of candy. He reached down for it and tried to bite it through his mask.
All were now staring at the Pyromaniac, until Mitch muttered in a shaky voice, his drinking bottle surprisingly not to his lips, "There is something wrong wit' tha' thing..."
And then Billy's plans caught on fire.
With Sam in Pyroland and Billy's wrench in Sam's mouth, all Billy could do was try to beat the flames out as they burned up in front of his eyes, making him want to strangle the troubled man in a pyro suit.
"I'm gonna kill that there pyro!" Billy yelled, jumping over the table and running towards the pyro.
Billy tackled Sam, and a slap fight ensued, with the pyro only fighting with one hand as he continued to try and chew on the engineer's wrench.
"MAGGOTS! You are pathetic!" Richard screamed, tossing his cards down and turning his chair to them. The two were still slapping at each other, and Billy's hardhat was now on the floor next to him.
"'Ey, I'm still bored over here!" Jacob interrupted, twirling his baseball bat around.
"Why don't you go play outside with the Medic, mate." Adam suggested, tipping his hat to the Medic when he looked over at him in a puzzled fashion, and then stood, carefully placing the Pocket Medic down on the table.
Outside
"So, uh... You like baseball?" Jacob asked the medic, who was whistling a soft tune as they stood outside the base.
"No, mein do not like baseball." Gunther answered, snapping his gloves against his skin.
"So, uh... What do ya like?" Jacob asked, tossing the ball against the wall of the base.
"I like ze classical tunes. Viktor always loved it vhen I sang to him when he came to the base. I also like zis game I call, "Time tag."
"Time tag?" Jacob asked doubtfully, raising an eyebrow at the German.
"Ve vill need four people for it, as it is best played with more than two." The Medic went on, turning to the door.
Two minutes later, the doctor strode out with Viktor and a slightly bruised Engineer in tow. The Engineer was still not happy, but had his wrench back, and was trying to grin at the young Bostonian.
"Okay, zis is how you play," Medic started, and then continued quickly, "One person is infected vith the "Boom-boom" disease. This disease will give the person a certain amount of time to transmit it to another person. A counter gives you five minutes to start vith before you lose. The counter keeps time, and the person who has ze disease vhen it reaches zero loses."
"Err... Boom-boom?" The Scout asked doubtfully once more, looking towards the other two.
"No fire?" The Engineer asked. Gunther shook his head.
"LET US BEGIN!" Viktor shouted, looking around for a place to hide.
"First, I must inject one of you with a strain of ze virus. It transmits by touch, and ze person vith ze virus has a green cloud around them, showing who is "it." Anyone can tag anyone at any time, so no lazing off!" Gunther finished, pulling out a syringe with a green liquid inside.
"Does it hurt?" Scout backed away a little, now regretting this.
"No at all, my leetle American friend." Without warning, Gunther jammed the needle into Jacob's arm and injected the serum. Needless to say, the three quickly ran away, the syringe dropping to the ground as Jacob began to feel a change inside him.
Jacob's arms felt heavy. When he looked at them, he saw he had the arms of Viktor. His legs were quick to follow, though he still felt as if he could run as fast as ever. His eyesight quickly increased to be as keen as could be. He could see all of his prey in the area, and he knew their every move, their plans, their spots. He was in control.
"RAAAA!" He shouted in a thick voice as he charged off in the direction of Viktor the Heavy.
Gunther's calculations had been wrong. The serum was still harmless due to respawn, but now he feared Jacob, and was surprised that it had mutated the young man to the size of two Heavies but with the speed of himself.
"RUN!" Viktor shouted to himself. His heavy body fought to keep up with his legs as he nearly fell over. The beast was nearing him, and he could not keep going.
"Tag, bitch!" Jacob shouted, suddenly his own size again. He was a good ten feet above the Heavy, and grabbed onto the top of the Teufort bridge, swinging up onto it where he looked down on the mutating Heavy.
Viktor's legs and arms shrunk. His head suddenly grew hair, and he felt as if he could run a mile and still have time to organize his Sandvich collection.
"Run, cowards!" He screamed, turning to run towards the Medic.
"Amazing, ze serum gives the taker a random transformation into a random class, but vhen transmitted, ze normal traits of the previous person come alive and move to them." Gunther said to himself out loud as he dove under Viktor's legs and ran toward the bridge, where Jacob was looking down from and laughing.
"This is better than baseball back home!" he said between laughs, rolling around on the top of the bridge's roof.
Gunther felt the hand touch him. He suddenly felt heavier, and his arms and legs grew fatter. His hair fell out, and he felt like his glasses were obsolete. He could see perfectly.
"Aha, yes! Zis is perfect!" He screamed as Viktor hurried away, hands in the air as he screamed about how sorry he was he had tagged his best friend.
"Aw, come on, y'all!" Billy piped up from his spot in the corner. A bush hid all but his head as he looked over and saw the medic charging at him. He ducked.
Gunther crashed through the bushes and landed directly onto the teleporter he had been constructing silently while the trio out there had been running aimlessly.
"What the hell just happened?" Jacob noticed the Medic was gone, and looked over at Billy, who smiled mischeviously.
Inside the RED Base
"Ah, good job getting those men out, soldier!" Richard saluted Adam, who tipped his hat and patted the stuffed Koala toy on the pocket of his leg.
"Alright, can we get this bloody show on the road, mates?" Mitch asked, putting his feet up on the table as he looked at his cards.
"Tag, bitch!" The four in the room heard as Jacob's voice floated in through the window.
"Maggot..." Richard muttered, squinting at his cards.
"Mmm-mmm..." Sam muttered to himself as he chatted with the balloonicorn in pyroland.
A whirring sound filled the room as a teleporter built by Billy began spinning, the red swirls coming off of it.
"Well, I'll be..." Adam looked over at the teleporter. There was absolutely no reason for the teleporter to be there, as they weren't in war.
"RAAAAA!" the voice reached the four before the Medic came charging out of the teleporter, slamming into the table and knocking over the chairs of Adam and Mitch.
"HOLY HELL!" Richard exclaimed, quickly jumping up and rolling away from the morphed medic. What the hell did that insane doctor do to himself now?
"Gentle-" Phil walked into the room at that exact moment. He saw the morphed Gunther and paused, the "m" frozen on his tongue as the room suddenly became quiet, Gunther waiting for the Spy to finish his sentence.
"-meeeeeeeeee" The Spy went on with the "e" as long as he could, trying to motion with his eyes for the three closest to the monster of a doctor to get away.
"MOVE, MAGGOTS!" Richard awoke them all, and left his helmet behind as he ran towards the window.
Sam the Pyro sat there, staring at the proud Medic, flexing his new muscles to Mitch and Adam, who just stared back. "Mmma, hummapa!" He wanted to see.
"Too much drunk for 'e..." Mitch passed out, partly from the drink, partly from being scared to death by Gunther.
"Now calm down mate..." Adam tried to coax the Medic into backing away, but he just stared at Phil as he continued his "e."
Outside the RED Base
"Well, now that couldn't have gone better, eh fellas?" Billy asked as he stepped out of the bushes.
"Engineer is credit to team!" Billy found himself crushed in a bear hug by Viktor, while Scout just stared through the upstairs window.
"Guys..." Jacob left the thought incomplete, as Richard came flying through the open window face forward.
"What in hell did you maggots do to that thing!?" Richard asked in outrage, his buzzed hair showing, as he pointed over at the Engineer and Heavy.
"YOU! SCOUT! COMMIE!" He ran over to them and started beating on the large man that was Viktor, who turned around and looked at the American. He immediately stopped and began backing away.
"WHA-WHAAAAA! WHY IS SOLDIER SO MEAN TO VIKTOR? VIKTOR DID NOTHING!" The Russian whined, pressing his large hands to his face to hide his tears.
"I don't believe it... You really are a maggot, commie!" Richard yelled in the large man's face, causing him to cry even more.
"'Ey now, why'd you have to go and do that?" Billy asked, patting the Russian on the back.
"I am on a team of commies! COMMIES!" Richard yelled to the world, turned away from all of the RED team.
Just then a loud thump signaled the arrival of Mitch the Demoman, who was looking dazed as he got up from the ground.
"Wha' the hell did you do ta him?" He asked the group, reaching for his bottle.
The sentence was answered as the rest of the team crashed through the front door, breaking the large metal gate from its hinges. Surprising them all, it wasn't Gunther who was infected anymore, rather Sam the Pyro, who had gotten skinnier in the middle area and seemed to be invincible no matter what happened to him.
"Run, mates!" Adam grabbed the ground, pulling himself away from the towering Pyro. In Pyroland, the Pyro reached down and handed the Australian child a lolipop, and then felt himself shrink, and the Sniper grow a large amount of muscles, oh, and the ability to breathe fire.
"FIYAAAAA!" Mitch screamed as the Australian sprayed him with fire, and he ran towards the water under the bridge.
"Come at me, you maggot!" Richard yelled, whipping out his shovel and charging the mutated Adam.
Just then the timing kicked in and the Sniper exploded into large pieces of himself, a green haze evaporating from them.
"Oh, look, ze time is up." Gunther remarked gleefully, tapping his fingers together and looking at the different parts of Adam.
"Time?" Richard asked, turning to the German. "Was this a game to you!?" he asked in an outraged voice, angry he had been chased from his simple card game to the outside, where he had been humiliated by his teammates.
"Actually, yes." Gunther smiled and turned to the broken door.
"William, mein friend, you will want to get on zat soon." Gunther suggested, referring to Billy by his full first name. He chose not to go by it on the simple grounds he didn't like being called "Will" or "William".
"Ah suppose." Billy remarked, opening his toolbox and walking over to the broken entrance door.
"'Ey Doc!" Scout shouted from his perch on the bridge's roof.
"Yes?" The Medic paused.
"Can we do that again soon?"
"NO!" Richard answered.
"Viktor liked game!" Viktor responded happily, digging through his pockets for his beloved Pocket Medic.
"Maybe when I find me drink!" Mitch yelled from below the bridge. He was swimming around, trying to find his bottle he had dropped when set on fire by Adam.
"That was fun." Billy was now setting the door back up, but it was obvious it would take time to fix.
"Mmmph, mmmph, habadmmm." Sam responded, licking a lolipop in his world. To the rest of the REDs, he was licking his axe through his mask.
"Ah, that game... Interesting..." Phil replied, brushing his suit off and fixing his fedora.
"I vould like to see the effects of the serum again." Medic responded, fixing his gloves.
"That was pre'y entertainin'." Adam replied. He was now sitting above them all, on the side of the balcony of the building, his Jarate jars next to him.
"Sweet!" Jacob yelled, jumping down from his perch to go inside. He needed a good Bonk! Soda.
As Mitch finally got back outside to continue his look for his bottle, he looked at Sam, who was rubbing his ax on his mask. "I still say there's somethin' wrong with tha' thing..."
A/N: Let me know how it was. Was it good, bood, somewhere in-between? Who's your favorite character? Did I keep the classes in character? Let me know, please, it's appreciated.