GAH!
By Krabby Patties
A/N: I've got nothing but to tell you how much fun this storie is going to be. Ooh! I can't wait! And…I have nothing against people who practice voodoo (if you get all angry at me…). Oh and just to let you know…I had the idea of this storie in my mind WAY before they came up with that "Kole" episode. So don't go thinking that I can't make up my own ideas.
WARNING: This chapter contains drinking, death, and…/Throws up/…Terra…
o.O O.o o.O O.o o.O O.o
Chapter One: Ignorance is NOT Bliss
Now this is the tale of silly blonde and how she ruins everything. This blonde's name is Terra.
Terra had been frozen in her rocky tomb for about a year. These crazy people walked into the cave and found that crazy statue of Terra. So they decided to do some crazy voodoo magic and brought the freak back to life.
"Wow!" The ignorant blonde exclaimed. "You saved me!" She gave them all, man and women, kisses on their cheeks. "Golly gosh! This is great!" She smiled an annoying toothy grin. "Now I can be back on the team! I'm a Titan now! Now I get to go back to their big Tower with the video games and the food and the elevators and the rabid mice and the really, really big computer and the…"
Already the voodoo dudes had regretted bringing her back to life. They got sick and tired of her jabbering.
"…and the U-shaped couch and the air conditioning and the blue fuzzy stuff in the fridge and the roof and the phone and the Spice Girls CD and the vid—oof!"
The leader of the voodoo dudes and went up and punched her right in the gut. They all cheered as Terra wobbled back and forth trying to keep her balance.
"That's going to leave a mark." And she fell back like a quarter someone just flipped.
The voodoo dudes laughed and celebrated. One guy pulled like 100 six packs of beer out of nowhere. So they all decided to have a couple drinks.
Wrong.
Every one of them seriously drank like 6 packs of beer themselves. So as you can imagine they were seriously drunk. They pranced around shooting out random voodoo spells, destroying the cave. A young couple was making out on the floor and it looked as if it was soon to be serious. Another two people were throwing voodoo spells at each other to death.
■□■□■□■□■
Back over at the Titans Tower, the Titans who happen to occupy Titans Tower were sitting around in different places not really doing anything. Raven was sitting in her room eating a large carton of quadruple chocolate chunk ice cream. She randomly picked up steak knives that were sitting on the bed next to her using telekinesis and threw them at large picture of Terra on the wall. She hit a bull's eye everytime, her heart.
Cyborg was lying on the roof, counting all the UFOs he saw go by.
"Thaaaaaaat's number one!" Cyborg pointed to an object that floated in the sky. He threw his fist to the ground. "Dammit, that's a butterfly!"
Cyborg started pointing again. "Ooh! Ooh! I see one!" His fist hit the ground again. "Dammit, that's a flying squirrel."
Beast Boy was also in his room flipping through his favorite magazine which happened to contain lots of women wearing nothing but swimsuits. His mouth hung real low as he drooled all over the pages.
Robin and Starfire were sitting in the living room couch twiddling their thumbs. They occasionally glanced at each other. If they were caught staring at the other, they would blush and look away. There was a piercing silence in the room.
"So, um, Starfire…" Robin scooted over.
"Yes?" Starfire said eagerly. She scooted a little closer.
"…Um…Star…fire…" He scooted over some more.
"Yes. That is my name." Starfire scooted.
"Well…uh…" Some more scooting.
All five teens were interrupted when the alarm went off. Beast Boy screamed, hid his magazine and ran out of the room. Cyborg jumped up and ran down the stairs.
"Well I made good progress," Cyborg said to himself. "So how many UFO sighting do I have now?" He tapped a couple buttons on his arm and came to a screen titled 'UFO Sightings.' There was a big blue zero. "Oh."
Raven jumped up, dropping the ice cream on the floor and the knife she started to throw went haywire and stuck into her mirror.
Both Robin and Starfire inwardly groaned. Robin jumped up and rushed to the computer. Starfire joined him as the other Titans rushed in.
For some reason Cyborg jumped straight over the top of the couch. "What's the problem, Robbie?" He left a big dent in the floor as he joined the others looking up at the blinking screen.
Anger rose in Robin at this little nickname but he put it off. "There's a disturbance down in section 14."
"You don't mean…" Beast Boy started.
"Yeah. The Cave."
"Who is it?" Raven asked.
"Dunno. They're not in our computer."
Beast Boy leaned his arm on Robin's shoulder. "New baddie, eh?" Robin shrugged the arm off. "Definitely not a match for the…" Beast Boy pumped a fist in the air and stood heroically. "TEEN TITANS!"
As Beast Boy stood heroically, Robin announced that it was time to take their leave. All four Titans swung through Beast Boy like he was a swinging double door and headed off to the garage. Once Beast Boy realized they'd left he ran after them, almost tripping over himself.
Down in the garage Robin ordered for everyone to get in the T-Car. They drove out as far as they could until the road ended. Then they flew over to the cave.
Robin stood in front of the Titans. "You guys stay out here. I'm go—" A blast of multicolored energy burst through the rocky wall and zipped right by Robin's head. "Um yeah… Well, I'm going in to see who we're up against. Just shut up and don't say a word."
After all the Titans had nodded, Robin sneaked into the cave. He was amazed when he saw a bunch of weirdoes spinning, jumping, making out, fighting, and tripping. Then he noticed the empty beer cans. Robin walked back out of the cave smiling.
"Robin, why are you smiling?" Starfire asked sweetly.
"Yeah," Beast Boy said. "Who is it?"
"No big deal. Just a bunch crazy drunk people." Robin walked back to the entrance of the cave. "Come check it out."
"OOH!" went Cyborg's high-pitched squeal. "I love drunk people!" He rushed over and everybody followed.
So they walked in and avoided the voodoo magic that was shot at them. One weirdo came up to Raven and tried to kiss her but Beast Boy punched him hard in the face. Then all of a sudden it got out of control. The drunkees started screaming loudly and magic was being thrown more frequently and sporadic. Raven created a dome shield around the Titans to protect them from the rapid fire.
Then suddenly all the voodoo people doing what they were doing and fell to on their backs, one by one.
"What's going on?" Beast Boy asked as Raven lowered the shield.
Robin's eyes squinted at the bodies that lay on the floor. "I think they're going through the effects of alcohol poisoning."
"What's that mean?" Beast Boy asked stupidly.
"They're all dead," Raven answered bluntly.
Beast Boy threw his hands up in the air. "Jeez Raven! Why'dja hafta kill like 16.67 people?"
Raven just glared at him. "I didn't."
"It was the alcohol," Robin said. "They must have had too much."
"Won't we be blamed for these deaths? I mean, they all just died right in front of us. Will people think that's suspicious?" Cyborg asked.
Robin walked over to a body and kicked it softly. "No. I hope not. But once the scientists come in and discover the massive amounts of alcohol in their blood, they will realize we had nothing to do it."
Starfire hunched down next to a body. She daintily lifted up its wrist with her pointer finger and thumb and then dropped it as if it burnt her. "But what are we to do with so many bodies?"
"When the cops come they'll figure something out." Robin bent down and took a body's pulse. "Check to see if any one is alive or unconscious."
Everybody spread out and started checking for people's pulses. So far everybody there was dead. Beast Boy just randomly stopped and stared at something without moving at all.
Raven, Starfire, Robin, and Cyborg met in the middle of the cave.
"Alright, all my guys were all dead," Robin announced. "Any luck?"
"Negatory," responded Cyborg.
"No," responded Raven.
"Sadly my answer is also no," responded Starfire.
"Okay… What about you Beast Boy? …Beast Boy?" Robin looked around and found Beast Boy frozen in his spot. He walked over and the other Titans followed. "Hey Beast Boy what's—" Robin was cut short when he realized what Beast Boy was looking at.
"What is wrong?" Starfire asked the two boys. She got no answer. Then she spotted it. Raven and Cyborg had also spotted it.
There she was. There was blonde dork they all regretted becoming friends with. The freak they hated. The ugly butt named Terra.
Terra suddenly shot up and realized she was surrounded by some familiar people. "Well, hiya guys!"
No answer.
Terra stood up. "You guys must be so happy to see me that you can't say anything!" She pulled them all into a group hug and they didn't even blink.
She let go of them. "It's so nice to see you! I can see that you guys are thinking the same thing because of your blank faces! I was going to go to the Tower and ask to be back on the team, but like, here you are! So I'm guessing that means I'm on the team! Right Robin!" She dug her elbow into Robin stomach. Robin just nodded, his face still blank.
"Golly gosh! This is totally awesome!" She headed to the entrance of the cave but realized no one was following her. "Come on guys!" They didn't turn. So she headed back over to them. "Oh, you silly goose-es you!"
She some how grabbed all of them and dragged them all the way to the T-Car. She stuffed Cyborg in the driver's seat. "Drive back to the Tower okay?" Cyborg nodded slightly. She stuffed the rest of the Titans in the back seat and buckled herself into the passenger seat.
They all sat the in the car for a moment. Terra looked over at Cyborg. "Well, go on! Let's go back to the Tower!" Cyborg moved his head a little and started up the car and drove off. He stared straight off in to the distance and only his arms moved as he steered. Once they had reached the Tower, Terra jumped out and dragged the Titans into the common room.
"Wow this is great!" Terra spun around the room as if she were a ballerina high on drugs. "I can't believe you guys let me be a Titan again! I can't wait to fight another criminal!" She rushed over to the computer and sat in front of it. "I'll be ready as soon as the alarm goes off!"
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-₪- The Next Day -₪-
Terra was still staring intently at the screen and the Titans were still lying in a heap with the blank looks on their faces. Terra's eyes were bloodshot and dry. Her hair was limp and ugly. Drool was spilling out of her open mouth and creating a pool of saliva on the desk. She blinked a couple times and realized she was tired. She stood up.
"You know what I like to do when I'm tired?" she said to the Titans, whom she thought were listening. "I like to sing. Wanna hear me sing? I promise you'll enjoy it. I'm actually pretty good. I almost made it into my fifth grade choir… Well, here I go…"
She started singing. Nobody on the face of the earth would be able to tell what song it was. Her voice was horrible. Not your normal average everyday 'My pet skunk died!' horrible. But an advanced horrible. You thought Starfire sung badly? Well, you've got another thing coming. This was infinity times worse the Starfire. It sounded like a baby screaming, a car accident, and a dead donkey having an orgasm all at the same time.
All the Titans immediately snapped out of their trances and pried themselves off each other. Robin turned into leader mode.
"Okay everybody. That was the bomb alarm. Evacuate the building in an orderly manner. This is not a drill. This is a real emergency. Do not go out main doors. Raven, through Exit 6. Beast Boy, Exit 5. Cyborg, Exit 7. Get to the land across from here and wait for my instructions." Everybody started marching/running away. Except for Terra who stayed in the room, singing horribly, Robin who was still in leader mode and Starfire who wasn't quite sure what to do.
Starfire inched closer to Robin. "Umm…Robin…? I am not quite sure what to do. You had not given me instructions…"
Robin grabbed her hand and started running off. "I wanted you to stay close to me. I'd shoot myself if something happened to you."
Back with Terra, she had just finished serenading her song of horrendous-ness. She opened her eyes, which had closed dramatically because she was so into the song, and looked around. There was no human/alien/green person/half-robot/half-demon in sight. "Hey! Where did everybody go?"
She ran around the Tower looking for everybody. She called each of their names sweetly.
Over with the Titans, they were watching the Tower intently.
"Umm…why isn't it blowing up?" Beast Boy asked.
"Yeah," Cyborg agreed. "Wasn't that the bomb threat alarm? And didn't you say that it wasn't a drill?"
"Yeah…" Robin's forehead creased in thought. "I didn't set that alarm off so it wasn't a drill. Could it be a false alarm?" Robin kinda-sorta directed the question to Raven.
Raven was getting the gist of what he wasn't asking. She sighed. "Fine." She closed her eyes and started searching the Tower with her mind. But somehow…somehow she missed Terra. Her eyes opened. "I'm not sensing any massive amounts of explosive substance anywhere around the Tower."
"So is it safe to go back?" Robin asked.
"Yes."
Little did they know, it so was not safe…
So. The Titans walked inside the Tower. They were chatting nonchalantly about something normal teenagers usually don't talk about…
"So wait a minute Raven… Chickens can't get rabies!"
Raven sighed. "Yes, Beast Boy. You're the animal expert. You should know."
"So if I were to transform into a chicken and a rabid alligator bit me, I wouldn't get rabies?"
"Alligators don't get rabies either…" Robin said, annoyed.
"What? Is there like a list on the Internet that I can look up and find all the animals that don't get rabies?"
"No…" Cyborg said. "All you need to know is that only mammals can get rabies."
"Oh…"
They all continued down the hallway to the common room. Robin, Starfire, Raven, and Cyborg were extremely happy that they were off the rabies subject.
"Wait a minute…" Beast Boy said.
Everyone sighed. So much for no more annoying questions.
"Can koala bears get rabies?"
"Yes!" everyone said simultaneously.
"Why?" Beast Boy sounded like one of those annoying kids that ask 'why?' over and over again and make you want to shoot them.
"Because they're mammals." Robin said through clenched teeth.
"Ooooh…"
Finally! The interrogations were over!
…
Not.
"What's a mammal?"
Everybody stopped in their tracks. What did he just say?
"What's a mammal?" Beast Boy said a little more demanding.
Everyone gave Beast Boy glares. But Starfire decided to answer his question.
She held a finger up. "A mammal is any group of warm-bloodied vertebrate animals, including Homo sapiens, characterized by the presence of hair and by milk-producing glands in the females."
"Ooooooooh…"
…
"Can ostriches get rabies?"
They all sweatdropped and walked into the common room, ignoring Beast Boy's question all together.
But they all stopped short when they saw…her…
"I thought it was a dream…" Cyborg said shaking his head.
"I thought I saw seeing things…" Beast Boy said, his mouth hanging open.
"I thought she was a hallucination at the time of Grahsheeking…" Starfire pulled her hair over her shoulder and started searching through it… Must have something to do with this 'Grahsheeking' thing she was talking about.
Raven said nothing but was testing to see if they weren't in some alternate dimension and Robin's eyes searched the floor as he racked his brain for answers.
"Like, hiya guys!" was Terra's annoying squeal. "Where did you all run off to so quick?"
"Who are you?" Robin held his fists out in front of him.
"And why do you dress up as our deceased friend to taunt us?" Starfire asked.
"I'm not deceased! And I'm not dead either! I'm alive! It's me! Terra! Are you guys that stupid to not remember me from just yesterday?" Terra held her hands into the air.
Robin's eyes squinted. "Raven. Check her."
"Whatever." Raven closed her eyes and chanted mantra under her breath. She searched Terra's DNA to see if it matched the dead Terra's DNA. Her eyes widened when the results came in.
"Raven? What?" Beast Boy asked.
"That's her. That's the real Terra."
"Well, duh! Gosh guys." Terra folded her arms across her chest and shook her head. "I'm sorry but you're all really dumb-witted."
"But how are you alive?" Starfire asked.
"Oh yeah! I didn't tell you, did I? Well, these freaks did some magic on me and freed me from the rock!"
They all looked at Robin to see if they should believe this. All Robin did was look at the floor and nod.
"Alright! Now that I'm back on the team, let's go train!" Terra skipped to the doorway.
"Wait a minute…" Robin's fists were on his hips. "Who said you were back on the team?"
"You did, silly! Now come on!" She headed toward the door again.
"I never said anything."
Her voice was gradually growing higher and higher. "Yes you did!"
Yet Robin kept the same tone. "No I didn't."
"Yes you did!"
"No I didn't."
"Yes you did!"
"Well, whatever I said, I didn't mean it."
"But Robin!" Terra whined. "You did! I heard it with my mouth and ears! You said it!" She buckled down and started fake crying. Robin, Raven, Cyborg, and Beast Boy looked at her disgusted. But Starfire's face showed concern.
"You're never coming back on the team after what you did with Slade," Robin announced.
"But I have nowhere else to go!" Terra cried.
Starfire approached Robin. "Oh Robin. Look at her. May you please allow her to join the team? She does not have any other home!"
"No way." Robin sliced his hands though the air. "I have my mind set on this one. There is no way she is coming back on the team."
"But Robin!" Starfire whined. "If you do allow her to join the team, I'll…" She whispered something into Robin's ear that made him blush. Cyborg and Beast Boy giggled.
"Alright. Fine. She can join the team," Robin said still blushing.
"Oh thank you!" Terra leapt up and hugged and kissed Robin all over the face, making Starfire extremely jealous.
Little did Robin know that that was the worse mistake he would ever make in his life.
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-₪- Six Months Later -₪-
Terra had unofficially become Beast Boy. She did all the things Beast Boy used to do. She sneaked into Raven's room. She told stupid jokes and annoyed the hell out of everyone. She acted sooo stupid that she made Beast Boy look like a genius. She created a hungry obsession with octopus tentacles and cooked them all the time. She tried forcing everybody to eat them. She played pranks on everybody and for some reason they were mostly performed upon Starfire. Maybe it's because she knew Starfire wouldn't do anything about it.
Like one time, Robin decided to prank Terra back for all the embarrassing things she did to Starfire. He was going to record Terra doing her morning ritual of popping zits, hack into all the world's satellites, and send the recording to every TV on the planet.
-₪- Flashback -₪-
Robin stood at Terra's door, watching her pop her zits. He fumbled through his pockets in search of something. "Where is that damn camera?" In the last pocket he could search he finally found one of those little tiny recording cameras. He opened the side screen thing and pointed it at Terra. He was about to press record when Starfire suddenly appeared and took the camera away.
"Robin that is mean! …No matter how mean Terra is when she puts the paste of teeth in my hair as I slumber or when she cuts holes into my shirts where they do not belong as I take showers or when she calls me on the communicator pretending she is you and says mean things or when she eats all the cookies I bake for you or when says she has a very 'cool' gift for me but it is only paperclips or when she—"
Robin put a quieting finger to her lips. "That's reason enough."
Starfire shrugged. "I am guessing so."
"Good." He smiled widely and took the camera from Starfire. He pressed record.
Later that day Robin sent the recording to every TV and Terra became the laughing stock of the world. But Terra became cockier and thought everyone was laughing at her because she was funny. She still played pranks on everyone and acted as if things were normal.
-₪- End Flashback -₪-
So because Beast Boy had his place taken over, he hanged out with Raven more. He was still stupid but wasn't as annoying. He became manageable. Raven actually enjoyed the company and everyone could swear a secret relationship was going on between them. Raven still stayed emotionless, but when she was around Beast Boy she opened up.
Robin and Starfire were way closer then normal too. They flirted with each other more than normal and were also cuddling when they watched TV or a movie or something. They made more frequent trips to the roof and to the ice cream parlor alone. But everyone knew they still weren't dating because whenever relationships or kissing or love were mentioned, they blushed like crazy and stuttered.
Now Cyborg was starting to get a little bored with his life. He still gave tons of challenges to Beast Boy to video game tournaments and always won. But when Terra started hogging Beast Boy's usual controller, Cyborg let her win. He really didn't care if Terra won every…single…game because he didn't try. He just decided it was easier. For the most part though, Cyborg wasn't seen much because he was off with his car.
Terra's addition to the team didn't make things easier with villains at all. She thought she could take down every villain by herself and got in everyone's way. Sometimes Robin had to knock out Terra so they could defeat the criminals, because she told disgusting jokes to everybody and distracted the team.
In Terra's case, ignorance is NOT bliss. All they could think was that rock made her stupid or something.
And at the present moment Terra wasn't doing anything good for her reputation…
o.O O.o o.O O.o o.O O.o
A/N: Yessss! So how was that? Does it make you want to jump for joy and scream "RABiES!" at the top of your lungs? …….Didn't think so… Well anyway do you like how I make fun of Terra? Or should it be more gruesome?
So this is chapter one. Mostly an introduction obviously. Next chapter will actually get into the plot.
I'm still really stuck about whether I should make another certain main character have a horrible but funny death. But I know you guys would hate me if I did have he/she perish. But it would be pretty funny though. Send a review saying you want them to die or you want them to live PLEASE! But keep in mind. It might be your favorite character who is going to die…
Review. I don't think those who have read "Addiction" want me to tell the 'Submit a Review' storie do they? MPAL2! ((My pancakes are laughing too!)) Yeah…
Okay. Just to let you know I'm not going to have a certain day when I will post chapters. I'll just do it when I finish writing another chapter. That could take a couple days, or a couple weeks, or a couple months, or a couple years…who knows?
Can't wait till next chapter, can ya?
And I would like to mention that I have a friend named Robin. So guess what I call her… ROBBIE-POO! Yessss. Tis tru.
Disclaimer: Not. Teen Titans. I. Own. Do.
Later days! Until next chapter,
ЖЯдβБΨ ۹Ǻ†ŧỊ€ی™
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