A day in my world with Hijikata Toshizou
I've never thought of bringing a "fictional character" into my world. After all, the idea seemed ludicrous. But for some reason I believed there were dimensions that characters in different fictional stories belonged in. Especially if they were based on real historical figures. Well it was just a thought, and I came upon the most random website the other day, detailing that possibility that dimensions can indeed be crossed over for a very short period and what to do if it did happen. At the end of the article the author warned against a few trivial things such as when the person returned to their own dimension they shall not bring anything other than food. I laughed at its craziness yet found the article extremely interesting. However, the webpage was gone when I tried to reread it, despite having been saved to my favourites.
So today, for some reason, I "plucked" him out of his world and into mine. I have no idea it was done but there he was, standing in the kitchen with a slightly confused look on his face. Hijikata Toshizou would be in my world for approximately one waking day. I sat him down and explained that just for today he's in Melbourne, Australia, some 150 years ahead of his time and when it's all over, it will just appear in his memory nothing but a weird, distant dream. He could "understand" and 'speak" English now, but the information was processed in Japanese to him. The barrier of the language had been conveniently removed. Hijikata propped his arm on the table in thought and was sort of face palming himself, a gesture that indicated thinking hard, which I found endearing.
"Um, do you want to, maybe, get out of here? Go to the city or something?" I suggested tentatively. "Yeah." He shrugged. He agreed! Now we could have a plan. The CBD (Central Business District) was easy to get to by train, and I could think of what to do on the way there. The alternative was to take Hijikata somewhere quieter or more…natural, like Mount Dandenong or one of the towns in the Yarra Ranges, but I was hesitant to test out my long-distance driving, especially with Hijikata around.
He watched me get ready: packing drinking water, tobacco for rolling cigarettes and grabbing my car keys. Then he followed me out to the car park.
"What are these things?" He pointed at the cars, "Are they…transport?"
"Well, it is a transport vehicle people use in the modern times, kind of like carriages where you are from. But instead of having horses transport people around, there is an engine in this vehicle to power it."
'so, there's no need for horses." He emphasised, as if trying to convince himself.
"No need for horses." I reassured him.
So, there we were, driving to the second nearest train station. It was a beautiful late summer day In Melbourne. The crisp, blue sky stretched on forever without a cloud in sight, and the sunlight was generous yet tender. During a red light, I rolled down the window, and light, warm winds brushed upon my shoulder and hair. I handed him a cigarette and light it for him with a lighter. His eyebrows shot up for a split second at seeing the lighter, but soon his expression become relaxed, as he puffed away on the cigarette. Smoking is a bad habit, this I know. But there's something about him smoking that is just so mesmerizing. I watched his face, his lips gently parting to blow out smoke. A pipe would be his preferred choice, but he would have adapted to rolled cigarettes since arriving at Hakodate. Both him and I were startled by the honking from the car behind me. I looked up to see the light has changed to green.
'shoot!" I snapped out of my trance and stepped hard on the accelerator in a panic. I glanced at him quickly, his expression one of mild annoyance, reminding me of when a younger Tetsu slipped and broke the teacups in front of him.
"I'm sorry Hijikata-san," He took the lighter and lit another cigarette. He was probably thinking, "I'd rather have horses." And he would soon discover that I did almost all my turns in a similar manner. "you can be rough as hell sometimes", I remembered my instructor's comment after one of the driving lessons, disbelief written all over his face because I certainly didn't look that way. And having Hijikata in the passenger seat meant I had to work harder to concentrate.
We drive on in silence.
Parking in the train station was a struggle, most of the place taken by 9-5 commuters early in the morning. And when I finally found an empty spot, it took me three attempts to squeeze in my car. Hijikata shot me an annoyed glance, and we jumped out and headed for the terminals. I handed him the Myki.
"What is that?" Hijikata gawked at the little green transport card, another flimsy modern-day item.
"It's a travel card, when you swipe it on the terminal you pay for the fare automatically and you can go into the station." To my relief, he quickly adapted to the myki usage. I guess being "bossed around" by me didn't help either. After all, he had been the vice commander of Shinsengumi. And according to the timeline, he would be elected as Assistant Army Minister of Ezo Republic by now. We sat on the bench to avoid the relentless mid-day sun. There are a handful of people on the platform in the shade, all of whom are Caucasian.
'so many "foreigners". "I heard Hijikata's murmur. He and his group would be dealing with the Western colonels quite a lot, I thought, and Hakodate being a popular harbour and all, non-Asian faces would be a common sight, but I guess where non-Asians were the majority is a different story. Then the train came.
We easily found seats on an 11 am train on a weekday. The patrons look like the usual bunch. An elderly couple sat two rows us, arms linking and making sporadic conversation. Next to the door sat a young university student in hoodie and shorts, textbooks on his laps but staring deep into his phone. Behind us are three girls in their late teens, probably fresh out of school are having a giggle, their pleasant, high-pitched voices ringing in the half-empty cartridge. I caught him goggling at the elderly couple and gently nudged him to stop, the sensation of touching him almost made me jump. Then it came Box Hill station and a swarm of East Asian passengers. As the train edged in the city direction, the patronage become increasingly multi-cultural.
"Can you smoke here?" Hijikata asked, getting out the lighter. The cartridge had become more crowded. "I don't think smoking will be allowed on the train." He grunted and turned to look at the passing scenery, visibly disappointed. "We will be in the city in 25 minutes, it won't be long." Outside the window, low, double-brick buildings peeked out of thick greens, the narrow streets lined with quaint pubs, miscellaneous shops and restaurants. Camberwell, Auburn and Glenferrie, the train trundled through what used to be my favourite areas when I was a university student myself. These carefree days seemed so far away. If only I had chosen differently...
I looked up only to find this Asian Australian girl sitting opposite me, smiling somehow knowingly. I almost panicked, but then felt the constant trembling of my right leg. My cheeks were hot, and probably red too. To make matters worse, I caught Hijikata looking too, the corners of his lips curled up in amusement at my reaction. I hung my head low in embarrassment. The city skyline rode into sight, and my first train ride with Hijikata was coming to an end.
Flinders Street on a week day was still busy. The steps to the station was scattered with groups of young people and those waiting for their friends. Hijikata was leaning against the wall, exhaling smoke and squinting at the bright sunshine. I stood close by as if guarding him against the women who walked past and couldn't help but look at him. Well I wouldn't blame them. He took forever to get through that cigarette, and I took the butt and binned it.
"it's so nice to finally to be able to smoke, the rule in your world is stupid." Hijikata whinged, "And, this crowd is even worse than Gion Matsuri!"
He was not wrong. We were strolling along Elizabeth Street, or more accurately, being pushed along it. Students and workers in suits walked past us and into us. If this was Gion Matsuri to Hijikata, we would be having this festival every day, I thought while trying to find this Japanese restaurant a work friend had told me about. It was the perfect middle ground between fast-food and formal-dining, and it would give Hijikata a taste of modern Japanese food. It will be somewhat familiar and still novelty to him. We turned into Little Collins Street and finally found the restaurant. 'dark, intimate décor", just as the website proclaimed. I chuckled to myself.
Hijikata was mildly surprised by the sushi train, but quickly got used to it. We went through plate after plate and it was mainly him eating. He must be hungry. Then we ordered udon noodles after we got enough of the sushi. I also got him some Sake, since this place had a pretty good selection. "You are not having any Sake?" Hijikata glanced at my water. "I'm driving you later and according to the rule you can't drink and drive." I said matter-of-factly. "it's probably necessary for people like you," Almost for the first time, he was agreeing with a modern-day rule! When the bill came, it was my whole weeks dinner's worth. I paid for it and we left.
We were making our way to Bourke Street where all the mainstream shops are. When we got to Bourke Street, he could have a cigarette and we could probably hop on a tram and get out of the city, I thought to myself. The concrete jungle of the modern times was probably not Hijikata's thing.
"Was that meal expensive?" Hijikata piped up as we turned the corner.
"Well… a little bit, but it was good though and well worth it." I turned to look at him," did you enjoy it?"
"Yeah it was good. A bit different, but I enjoyed it." He sounded happy, relaxed and there was tenderness in his voice.
"I'm glad you enjoyed it, this is the most important thing. Besides, it was a pleasure to have lunch with you, Hijikata-san." I said sincerely.
"Thank you." He glanced at me and quickly turned to look ahead. We found a spot where he could have a smoke. Then we ducked down to the department store to use their toilet. That part went smoothly (Thank Heavens), and we were having a look at the menswear department before I figured out how to get to Royal Botanical Gardens. I hadn't been there for over a year, but I had a feeling that Hijikata would appreciate such a place "Hey, Hijikata-san…" I was about to offer my suggestion and noticed he was standing a few steps behind me, eyeing an outfit on a mannequin.
The mannequin was wearing a crisp blue-checked shirt, with a navy blazer, light brown chinos and grey dress shoes. "You can try it on if you like," I said, "I reckon it would really suit you.". Hijikata hesitated briefly while I called out to the sales assistant folding shirts at a snail pace nearby, "Excuse me, can we try on this outfit please?"
The assistant was middle-aged, hair dyed an unnatural shade of blonde and wore makeup that was more like a mask. She shimmied over, and Hijikata crinkled his nose at the sight of her. "What size is your boyfriend after?"
She should thank her lucky stars that I wasn't drinking water, or I'd totally spitted it all over her. "He's not my boyfriend… actually he's my cousin visiting from Japan!" I corrected her, my voice shaking. She stared at me blankly. Having worked in retail myself, I soon figured out the approximately sizes and we scurried into the fitting rooms with items brought over reluctantly by the assistant. Hijikata emerged about 5 minutes later. Upon seeing him, my phone dropped.
Holy s*** he looked good. The navy colour really suited him, and it was refreshing to see him in something other than an army uniform or a white shirt (although he does look absolutely smokin" in these). If he walked down the street now, he would easily pass for one of those smartly dressed CBD professionals on their lunch breaks. He saw me looking and a faint smile formed on his lips. "Not bad is it?" He said smugly while appreciating himself in the mirror. Then he asked, "Is this outfit considered a bit formal in this country?" "Well a little bit, usually something you would wear to work or to a function." "Then tell me, what would a typical guy in your country wear when he's just relaxing, having drinks with some good company in his own home?"
I set out looking for the items. And when Hijikata put them on, he did look like an Aussie bloke having a barbie at his own backyard. Printed T-shirt, casual utility shorts and thongs, I could almost see him holding a pair of barbecue utensils or a beer in his hand. I was laughing, "if typical is what you are going for you've definitely nailed it." He looked at himself in the mirror and I could tell he was enjoying it too.
The sale assistant's heavily made-up face was set in a scowl when I hand over the items, despite me having put everything back on hangers in a most perfect manner. It was time to go, I decided, better off finishing our CBD trip on a high note.
'so, Hijikata-san… I'm thinking maybe we can go to the Royal Botanical Garden from here." I suggested.
I had the route all figured out. We would take the tram and get off within walking distance to the garden. I did that with a friend about a year ago but Hijikata shot down my suggestion right after I finished the "how to get there" part.
"No, sounds like a lot of trouble." He said after I presented him with the plan, "Besides, when we get back, we have to take that tram thing again and back to the city, don"t we?"
It seemed that Hijikata was cottoning on to the intricacies of getting around Melbourne and I could not argue with him on that. So, we headed to the riverside park past Flinders station instead, where we could bask in the generous afternoon sun in peace. Alongside the riverbank, rays of sunlight glistened on the surface of water. And we ended up sitting on the thick grass underneath a palm tree. There were people lying on the grass, basking freely in the generous warmth of the sun. A couple was having a picnic date nearby. Hijikata sprawled himself comfortably on the grass. I sat beside him and leaned against the tree trunk. I was no longer a nervous wreck next to him anymore. Instead, a wave of calmness settled on me.
"There are hardly days like this on the Island of Ezo." Hijikata murmured, for a moment I didn"t know if he was just talking to himself. He propped himself up, "this weather, the grass…reminds me a little of springtime in Hino"
"It must be beautiful." I said. Hijikata closed his eyes. I remembered how happy he was when he was finally able to be back there with his Shinsengumi teammates, drinking and laughing with friends and family back home. The warmth
Hijikata closed his eyes. "I might never be able to go back."
"Can"t you go back when the war's over? It will be over soon!" I said so genuinely that I almost believed it. I wanted to.
"No…." Hijikata's voice trailed off. He was falling asleep, his hand resting on his stomach. I got out my phone and started checking Facebook. The thought of taking a photo of the sleeping Hijikata crossed my mind. It would be posted on Facebook with the caption of "OMFG I'm in Alexandra Garden next to THE MAN OF MY DREAMS HOLY F*** IT's THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE". Yet the author warned against such behaviour for fear of causing irregularities between time and dimensions, which I wasn"t keen on. I was happy for today, possibly one of the best days of my life to leave no trace whatsoever. I put away my phone and lay beside him, stealing glances every now and then. The world around us, its colour and sound slowly faded away.
Hijikata woke up about two hours later, and we made our way back to the train station. It was peak hour and the carriage quickly filled up after we sat down. The guy standing over our seats was quite solid in build and due to the crowdedness, he was pushing over a bit. I ended up being squeezed right next to Hijikata. For some reason, he didn"t seem to mind it. Hijikata and I sat like this for the rest of the train ride, golden-yellow rays of sun wrapping around us like a thin blanket.
On the way home, I stopped over at a bottle shop. I told Hijikata that I was about to give him a taste of alcohol in the western world. I was walking around the bottle shop trying to decide what to buy with Hijikata tagging along, when this young, slightly pimply sales assistant popped up.
"Is there anything I can help you with today?" He chirped cheerfully. "We are just looking, I will let you know if we need help, thanks." I replied politely. The assistant looked at Hijikata. "Cool boots, man." He pointed to the army boots Hijikata was wearing. To him, Hijikata probably looked like an office worker who decided to wear interesting boots to spice up his outfit. "…Thanks." Hijikata said, appearing amused. We bought a bottle of Scotch whiskey and red wine, and my erratic driving was tolerated.
For dinner, I decided to cook up some pan-fried salmon, sweet potato mash and steamed vegetable with butter. And there were some puddings in the fridge for dessert. I poured Hijikata some whiskey with ice and put the news on. I left him to figure out why there would be people and images in the "TV box" and went about getting dinner ready. At the dinner table, Hijikata quickly learnt to use a knife and fork when he saw me do the same.
'dinner was not too bad." Hijikata commented while I was gathering up the cutlery. "Thanks, I'm glad you like it." I blushed, not daring to tell him that this is about the only thing I was capable of cooking. I could also make a Greek salad, but that was about it.
Outside it was the start of what would be a glorious sunset. "Let's go for a walk." I suggested to Hijikata after I loaded up the dishwasher. We walked to the main street and back. I showed him the shops, the skate park. We walked home as the street lights came on and shone like small diamonds among the silhouettes of trees in the deepening dusk. Loud screams of native parrots can be heard, calling out to their flock against the reddening sky. When we got back, the dining room was already painted in tender shades of amber, the kitchen window a patch of almost surreal crimson.
Hijikata and I sat by the dinner table and started drinking. He liked the whiskey but was not a big fan of the red wine. "It took me a while to start liking wine too." I nodded in agreement.
"You are already red in the face." Hijikata pointed out.
"Well my face might be red, but I can stay like this for a long time!" I bloated. I did feel tipsy though. Hijikata finished his drink and turned to fix his gaze on me.
"I just want to let you know…"
"huh?" I was still grinning like an idiot, and the muscles on my face hurt from all the smiling.
"Thank you for what you've done today." There was a hint of tenderness in his eyes, or was it something else? I must have been drunk.
"Of course, I did not choose to come to this world and I had my doubts. But this day has turned out to be better than I expected."
"…"
"I have not gone a day without thinking about these things for so long. The war, politics, how everything ended up the way they were. But I did forget about them for a little while." He looked into my eyes, and I felt my cheeks burn," And you are not that annoying."
"You probably found me really annoying at the start." I crossed my arms.
"Well… at the start I was thinking, what was I doing with this strange woman dressed in skimpy clothes and drives like a maniac?" He laughed, a short, hearty laugh. I loved the sound of his laughter. 'my clothes are fine!" I made a playful gesture with my fist, nudging him on the elbow. Then I got up to pour him another drink.
That's when I felt his arm wrapping around my waist and I landed on his laps. "Hijikata-san?" My mouth hung open in disbelief and his lips slammed into mine. I was in his arms, taking in his scent, tobacco, grass and a faint trace of gunpowder. He got up from his chair with me still attached to him, walked into my room. The door was closed behind me.
For years had imagined for many times how it would feel like to be this close to Hijikata Toshizou I thought about it so much, that I felt like I knew exactly what it would be like. No, I wouldn't be able to put it into words if you asked me, but I already knew every sensation, the way his skin feels, his scent when I bury my head into his chest, how it would feel like to hold him in my arms and love him. Like I'd done it hundreds of times. I closed my eyes and let myself fall apart.
Hijikata lit a cigarette, taking up most of my double bed. I curled up in the corner, watching smoke dance around the chiselled contours of his face. Covered in sweat, I felt as light as a feather, ready float away at any minute.
"I haven't slept with any woman for a long time, let alone a woman from the future. Can't believe it technically happened in a dream! "Hijikata said, exhaling smoke.
"Well, there you go." I propped my head up on my elbows. A smirked played out on his lips. "You are not bad by the way."
"What do you mean "not bad"? I'm awesome alright?" I feigned annoyance and gently squeezed him on the arm. We both laughed. I moved closer to him, and gently brushed a strand of dark hair off his face. my fingers traced his jawline and rested on his lips. Beautiful features, yet rough around the edges. I knew this face too well, and the person it belonged to. Passionate and stubborn, sharp, manipulative yet tender to those he cherished. I'd loved him from the first time I laid eyes on him, a rainy spring day in a city half a world away. Over the years I changed my country and name, fought for what I believed in, won some and lost some. I had never stopped loving him.
I leaned in to kiss him again after he put out the cigarette, and he pulled me close until we were facing each other. He was gazing into my eyes, or rather through them. He was gazing into something else, something far, far away. I gathered him into my arms, resting my head against his chest. And he let me. I held him in silence, my small body pressing against his tall frame.
"Just so you know..." He murmured sleepily.
"What's the matter, Hijikata-san?"
"I am not in this war to win…" He said, "but I guess you already know."
And just like that, I had no words. Sadness washed over me. It weighed on my body and solidified as a lump in my throat. My head was beginning to feel heavy and it felt like I drank more than I should have. I slipped into unconsciousness.
It was time to let him go.
I woke up, alone on my double bed. At some point in my slumber, I had kicked off the duvet and twisted myself up in a knot. My shoulders were cramping. But there was no hangover. My mind was clearer than ever.
I thought of Hijikata. He would wake up in his time and dimension, vaguely remembering a strange dream he had that night. Then it was another day, of meeting with colonels, strategic planning, fighting. Maybe he got a break every now and then, so he could fit in a bit of fishing, haiku writing or reminiscing. The dream would most likely be forgotten in a few days, there was simply too much going on.
Yet the empty glasses and half-full bottles on the dinner table, and the freshly washed dishes in the dishwasher were the unmistakable evidence of yesterday. And the faint smell of cigarette smoke that lingered in the air. It reminded me of him. It was one of the best days of my life. In my most beloved city with a man that I was deeply in love with, trying to do what little I could. And we had fun. I hugged myself tight, remembering the warmth of his arms, the sensations of being close to him. Then I got up, took a shower and started making my coffee and porridge. I decided that I would put away the glasses and bottles later.
It was going to be a good day.