Hogwarts a History – First year book of spells, supplementary
Chapter 01 – Static
…
Heavy, that's what they were.
If there was one thing Hermione Granger loved it was a good book but given the size and 'weight' of the average book at Hogwarts she was beginning to think she'd need a wagon soon, or a mule.
Pondering the utility of mules, she peaked around the overlarge stack of books she was carrying. Given the size of the stack this was the only way for her to make sure she was still going in the right direction.
Of course, anyone who knows anything about proper lifting procedure can tell you just how dangerous this is but Hermione, bright girl that she was, had never been given that lecture, or read the appropriate literature, and thus continued along her way, pondering where she might obtain a mule.
That was until that damned invisible dust bunny showed up.
*trip*
"Aah!"
CRASH!
Shoving several books off her person Hermione sat with a sour expression, surrounded by her reading material, "definitely need that mule" she muttered, crawling to her feet, "or maybe an alpaca, that might work" she thought aloud as she began to collect her scattered books.
Through some miracle of fortune, or lazy contrivance of the writer, she made it the rest of the way to Gryffindor tower with no further mishaps. It took a moment to get through the portrait hole, as the fat lady had a hard time hearing her through the tipping tower of tomes.
Stepping gingerly through the opening she kept her stack from swaying too much as she walked down the short hall and entered the common room. Hearing a commotion of some sort she attempted to see what it was. This momentary distraction left her to be completely blindsided by, IT.
*ZAP*
"Gaaah!"
Her books once again went crashing to the floor as her muscles spasmed and her hair shot up like the bride of Frankenstein.
She heard someone laugh but never got a look at whom as they had already rejoined what she at first assumed to be some sort of melee. Chaos, complete and utter, ruled as 1st and 2nd years tore around the common room.
It took only a moment for her prolific mind to establish the rhyme to it all though she could not suss out a reason. She watched as several students accosted their fellows with what she instantly recognized as the same spell that she had just been on the wrong end of.
"Doh!"
The sound of a Homer Simpson drew her attention from the fracas to the ginger dimwit lying on the floor.
"Oy, who left these bloody books lying ere?" he grumbled loudly.
"Ehem."
"Huh, oh, iss just you" he said when he noticed her standing in the doorway, "Pick up yer books will ya. Ya raised in a bloody barn?"
Forcibly restraining her ire (with big heavy chains… and an unfortunately necessary ball-gag) she inquired of the ginger buffoon, "what 'exactly' is going on here?"
The redhead looked stupidly at his inquisitor, "What's what?"
[Restraining urge to throttle idiot… urge restrained, placed right next to ire]
"This!" she exclaimed, gesturing around at the mayhem that was the common room.
Catching a clue, after fumbling with it for a few seconds and almost dropping it, he picked himself up off the floor and said, "Ya never played 'gotcha'?"
"No" she said bluntly, "how do you play?"
He chuckled, "Like this" he said, whipping his wand in her direction, "exstatic."
"Gaaah!"
"Gotcha."
The fool had exactly three seconds to grin at his victory before his victim stopped twitching and leveled a most withering glare in his direction. Seeing her hand move he panicked and decided to exercise the better part of valor, albeit clumsily, and relocate his hindmost quarters, with discretion.
In other words, he turned tail and ran like a little whipped dog, praying to lose the angry bookworm before she could hurt him.
Giving an angry 'harrumph' Hermione proceeded to collect her scattered tomes, again. Depositing her stack on a small end table, which groaned ominously, she noticed Harry sitting in the chair doing his charms homework.
Finding it odd to see him not playing she inquired, "You're not playing with the others?"
"I was" he replied quietly.
Her feminine instincts detected the distress in his tone, she resolved to further broach the topic in a subtle and understanding manner, "What happened?".
Yeah, subtle like a brick to the head.
Harry didn't speak but simply pointed to the chair across from him, only then did Hermione notice the occupant.
Neville had certainly seen better days, she thought. His hair was standing up with a defiance to gravity that wouldn't have been expected from the timid boy and his eyes seemed to be stuck on their deer in the headlights setting. The cause of it all was made evident by the sporadic twitching and occasional discharge of stray volts.
"Oh honestly" she declared, "How many people zapped you?"
"Just… one" he managed to get out between spasms.
Hermione was properly aghast.
"Yeah, overdid it a little" Harry admitted, too ashamed to even look up, "they decided I shouldn't play after that."
Hermione was at a loss for words, "That's absolutely barbaric" never mind, she found some.
Adequately distracted by her own indignation she never noticed a presence sneaking up on her behind until…
*KERZAP*
"Gaaah!"
"Hehe, Gotcha. Uh, whatcha gonna do with tha… hey, ow, ooww, stop it, ow, hey, I said ow, ow, mercy, uncle, ow, I give, I give ow."
"Oh, I'm sorry, did you say something" she asked sweetly, holding the overlarge book she'd been using to bludgeon the fool to the floor.
"Gah, jeez, crazy bint…"
[Inappropriate response registered… commence attitude adjustment]
"Oops."
"WhaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaa…. mommy."
The entire room fell silent as the wailing cry of the emasculated Ronald Weasley trailed off to a pathetic whimper.
Hermione glanced around the suddenly quiet room.
Feeling the crushing gaze of her peers she merely shrugged and dislodged her reading material from the gingers crotch, "Oh honestly," she said imperiously, "It wasn't even the biggest book I had."
The only response to this declaration was a pathetic whimper from down by her feet.