"Friend Of Mine"
Eve 6
Are you feelin that you're on the brink
Of spilling some red in the sink
It wasn't the easiest year
No I don't want you to go
Hermione stood staring into the mirror. She could still feel the pain from that night. In her hand she held a razor, the metal shining brightly. She could do it; no one would find her till morning. No one ever used this bathroom, especially in the middle of the night. She knew her parents would miss her, and Harry and Ron, but she couldn't register other's emotions anymore. No one knew; she had kept it a secret. For a month she had lived with it, the pain. The piercing grey eyes that she could feel on her back, the white blonder hair that seemed to mock her by itself, the way his body moved when he walked, like he had conquered the world.
She looked in the mirror; there were dark bags under her eyes which hadn't seen a moment of real sleep. After hours of reliving the pain, she would loose consciousness only to be shaken awake by a girl in the dormitory. Her hair was dull, she had stopped eating. Harry and Ron had forced her to eat, saying that she was going to work her self into a breakdown. Studying wasn't what was killing her, it was the pain.
Are the memories too hard to take
Rape is a word with a face
No I don't want you to go
You know I don't want you to go
He had pulled her into the Room of Requirement, the perfect room for what he had planned. Hermione had thought the school was a good place, how could it have let her go through that? Why hadn't it called Dumbledore or McGonagall, she had even pleaded silently for Snape to find her.
He hadn't left a mark on her body, except for the large marks from where he gripped her sides and pulled her onto him. No one had noticed the marks; she had kept them secret, blaming herself for what had happened.
She had bled so badly. He had laughed at her and through her discarded robes at her to staunch the blood. He left, but not before spitting on her.
She had cried for hours, alone in that room. Harry and Ron had thought she was sleeping or just angry at them. Her roommates had suspected late night and early morning studying before running off with the trouble makers of their year.
No one had found her, she thought they hadn't looked.
Friend of mine stay alive
Don't you leave me here
All alone in the world with a chronic tear
I will always be here, I will always be here
I will always be here for you
Ron lay in his bed, thinking of Hermione at the moment she was looking in the mirror. He had been falling in love with her; the way they always fought had always turned him on. She was quiet in their sixth year, not so bossy. Maybe she was quite because of Harry; she was worried about his feelings.
Maybe she had finally taken a liking to him, maybe she finally fancied him. He wished she had. She was so beautiful, but she'd changed in the last month, eating so little. He couldn't count the times that he almost had to physically force food into her mouth, Harry didn't know. Harry was loosing concentration a lot when he wasn't working on things for school. His grades were soaring over Hermione's lately, but he couldn't hold a long conversation.
Ron had no idea what to do about his friends. He cared for them so much, but he couldn't help them.
He couldn't live without them, especially Hermione. He often imagined himself with her in the future. He was scared that she didn't care about him like that; it scared him worse that he could lose her in the war. He loved her so much, but he'd rather have her as a friend then not at all.
We walked the promenade in the rain
With velcro shoes and an ice cream stain
You're the only one who understands
Remember the Blake said to make sure you wake
And help save your generation
Moaning Myrtle glided into the boys' dormitory, and Ron could see her silvery form clearly. He wondered if this was her normal practice, to spy on them while they were sleeping.
She laughed, she knew Ron was awake, "You better get to the bathroom, or I'll have a roommate," she said before gliding out again.
Ron sat up, surely she'd been joking. Who would do that to themselves? Why would they do that?
Maybe it was Hermione, Myrtle had been picking at him all year about her. Making rude comments, was that why she'd come to Ron, or was he the only one awake?
Hermione wouldn't do that, her grades are failing though. She can handle pressure, but it doesn't seem like it.
They had spent so much time together in the beginning of the year, walking around the lake forgetting the war. He had held her hand once, her small fingers intertwined with his. It had sent sparks through his body, sparks he hoped she too felt, but after that night, she became distance. He had thought she was mad at him for holding her hand and had gone to Hogsmeade with Harry, hoping to cheer him up. He had wanted Hermione to come with them, he couldn't stop thinking about her, but he couldn't find her. He'd looked in the library and the Great Hall and rooms, until he gave up, thinking Hermione didn't want to be found.
No I don't want you to go
You know we don't want you to go
Ron grabbed Harry's invisibility cloak before running to the bathroom. Even if it wasn't Hermione, he had to save whoever it was from making that mistake. He couldn't let anyone die when he had been warned about it. He wouldn't have been able to live with himself if he let someone kill themselves without trying to stop them.
Friend of mine stay alive
Don't you leave me here
All alone in the world with a chronic tear
I will always be here, I will always be here
I will always be here for you
He ran into the bathroom to see Hermione looking into the mirror. She hadn't even heard the door open. He could see the razor in her hands. He threw the cloak from his body and ran to her, making sure to pull the shiny razor from her fingers. He threw the razor across the bathroom floor before pulling her into a hug.
She burst into tears, someone had saved her. Someone loved her enough to stop her from killing herself. She couldn't see who it was but she could smell them. It was Ron, he always smelled so masculine, and the cologne he wore always made her want to fall into his arms.
She couldn't stop crying. It was the first time she cried since the night a month ago. She hadn't cried once, she'd felt the pain, but she had kept the tears back.
"Hermione, what's wrong?" he asked soothingly. He sounded so concerned, like his voice wasn't filled with sounds or came from his vocal cords, but filled with love and came from his heart.
"Malfoy," she said through sobs. She didn't want to say the word, she hadn't even thought it. She had blamed herself for what happened. It was her fault he had the chance to pull her into the room. She didn't fight back hard enough to stop him from tearing her robes off. She hadn't stopped him, it was her fault. "Rape."
Ron squeezed her harder. Why hadn't he realized it? He'd been so blind to her, but how could he know? That was something he never thought about, but of course it happened. He thought it was the sort of thing that happened to someone else; to someone you don't know, to your friend's sister's boyfriend's friend's girlfriend's cousin, not your best friend.
Why hadn't he been there for her? Why hadn't he stopped it? He should've been there to stop him for hurting her; he loved her so why hadn't he been able to stop it from happening? That was his job, as her friend, to protect her, but he hadn't.
Don't look back
The past is just that
We are We are We are We are
Awake
"Hermione," he said softly. He had no idea what to say to comfort her but he was going to try anyway. "It's over now and I swear it will never happen again." His words were so heartfelt, but they weren't helping to curb Hermione's pain. No words would ever end the pain, "I love you, Hermione."
She loved him too. She couldn't say it, why would he want her now? She was just like the Slytherin girls, a whore. She had given away something she could never get back, she had done it to herself and she didn't deserve Ron.
Ron squeezed her tighter, "I have you now, and I'm never going to let you go." He sounded so mature. He had changed; those two words and razor in her hand had changed him. He'd become the man that had been trying to break out for months. "You're the world to me," he said hoping she would understand how important she was. "I'd never be who I am without you. Think about all the times you helped me before a test, and how many times you've gotten me out of a tight spot."
Friend of mine stay alive
Don't you leave me
Friend of mine stay alive
Don't you leave me
I will always be here
I will always be here
Hermione wanted to pull back, she felt so dirty. Ron had loved her and look what she had done, she had betrayed him. She had let Malfoy do what he wanted and became someone who didn't deserve him.
She pushed him away, but he wouldn't let her go. "No, I don't want to live," she said her words barely a whisper.
Ron's eyes were watering, she was so fragile. She was pushing with all her strength, but couldn't push him away. Is this how it had been for Malfoy? Had she been so weak when he had descended upon her?
"I'm not going to leave you," he said firmly.
Hermione's sobs grew louder; she was feeling the pain from the rape and from losing Ron. She had avoided it and him for so long, but she had lost him. He had finally worked up the courage to hold her hand and she had let Malfoy use her however he wanted. "I don't deserve you."
A tear slid down Ron's eye, "I don't deserve you." He was feeling her pain now. It was as if it was flowing out of her body into his. He could feel the emotional distress she was going through, the way she couldn't think straight, the way she felt out of control, the way she couldn't bare to go on anymore.
"Hermione," his voice was so soothing, like a mother's voice over the pain of a scraped knee. But this wasn't a scrapped knee, it was pain. He had fought her and won, Malfoy had conquered her. "Stay with me, don't leave," he said his words like ice on a hot day, a warm butterbeer in the dead of winter.
Friend of mine stay alive
Don't you leave me here
All alone in the world with a chronic tear
I will always be here, I will always be here
I will always be here for you
A/N: You've taken the time to read... so please review!