Please Don't Ask Me to Change
Taxi. They're in a taxi. They're both not there, mentally, though, and they both know it. Mentally, they're both in a place far away.
Sherlock has no desire to know what is going through John's mind, but the doctor breaks the silence first. Sherlock wants nothing to do with it.
"Remember-"
He cuts him off. "Yes."
John tries again. "Remember-"
"Yes," Sherlock interrupts.
"Remember what they told you. Don't try to be clever-"
"No," Sherlock mutters, staring at the window. At, because he's not seeing anything outside of it. He isn't seeing anything past the trial looming in the very near future.
"-and, please, just keep it simple and brief."
"God forbid the star witness at the trial should come across as intelligent."
"Intelligent, yes. Let's give smartarse a wide berth," John replies. He's serious. Sherlock can tell that he's serious.
He doesn't come across as a smartass, does he? He ponders that for a short moment before he deletes it.
"I'll just be myself."
"Are you listening to me?!" John's voice is almost angry.
Sherlock frowns and looks at the window. At, because now his mind is on this conversation, and he won't see past it for the moment.
All of his life, his childhood, his adolescence, his adulthood, people had always been at him. Trying to get him to change, trying to force him into change. Whether through vile actions or snide comments, through a passing snicker or voiced remark... No one really liked him. Of course, Sherlock hadn't cared what people thought. He still doesn't.
But, through the freak and weirdo and physcopath and strange and abnormal and-
There was John.
John didn't, John doesn't... try to change him. John just... accepts it. And it's...
... Nice.
John never had a problem with Sherlock being himself. It was a change. It was... different. But it was nice. It is nice. Being able to have one person who-
It has to be the atmosphere, Sherlock reasons. Because, in a normal moment, John would never say that. John would never say "Are you listening?!" when Sherlock said he would be himself. He would say something like... "If you weren't yourself, I'd be worried" or something as equally... accepting?
Because John had accepted him, John still accepts him, and Sherlock really, really hopes that John never asks him to change.
I know what John meant when he said "Are you listening?", but, at the same time, I felt it was a bit... insensitive.
Sherlock through a lot in Reichenbach. I was watching it tonight, and started picking up on this stuff... This from John. The trial. Getting detained for contempt. ["I can't just turn it on and off like a tap..."] The neighbors [and the neighbors]. Sally's little remarks affecting him. The scream. Lestrade's insensitive [albeit meant to be joking] remarks ["I always feel like screaming when you into a room..."] The arrest [and the police being unnecessarily rough when they took him out of the flat]. Becoming a fugitive. Kitty Riley and her actor boyfriend, Richard Brook. Upsetting John ["Friends protect people."] Not to mention the obvious ending...
I started feeling bad for him, you know? Even more so than for the obvious reasons. And this scene stuck out at me from the beginning of watching this tonight, and this was produced. I hope you enjoy and your feedback is appreciated. Thank you.