Disclaimer: All characters belong to the fabulous Cassandra Clare and The Infernal Devices series!
Author's Note: This is my very first fanfic, so I am awfully nervous about posting! After I read Infernal Devices, I was on a mental breakdown. I so badly wanted to find out what happened to Jem and Tessa so I decided to write my own scenario! I didn't plan for this to be longer than 1 chapter, but if I get any requests for more then I'll continue it. Review your thoughts! :)
Jem and I were making our way to my London apartment, it was still late afternoon. I felt like I could have stayed on Blackfriars Bridge for the rest of the day, in his arms.
Jem. My Jem. Finally, after all these years of hopelessly wandering the globe, grieving the losses of Will and our children, having no company but Magnus, finally, after all this I have found him again. He looks more beautiful then I remember, with his roughly tousled charcoal hair that still contained flecks of silver from that damned drug. His eyes now dark, his face flooded with colour, his cheekbones were still prominent, his muscles more defined and larger than ever. I ached to feel those muscles.
My hair was falling freely around my shoulders, as it was the style these days, and blew in the wind as we walked towards the apartment building.
"This is where you live now?" Jem inquired from behind me as I toggled the door open. The setting sun was hitting him perfectly, so I couldn't have helped but take in a breath.
"For my stays in London, yes. It isn't much, its main purpose is just to house me for a few nights, since I've been travelling so much."
He nodded, and followed me through the apartment's door. It was an old, Victorian-styled place. It reminded me of the London institute a bit, with corridors that all looked the same, but I quickly shook that memory out of my head before it followed with another memory: Will.
Jem followed me as we came to my room and I opened the door. The apartment was all grey, except for the table and chairs that were all a musky brown. It was small, my apartment in New York was much grander, and Magnus had helped me choose it, which automatically meant it would be glamorous. That was where I spent most my time these days.
"It isn't much," I repeated as I walked in and closed the door behind Jem, "and there's only one bed-"
"I can barely remember the last time I saw you and Will, before I was a Silent Brother," he turned to look at me, before walking away and pulling out a chair to sit down in.
I drew out a chair, and sat opposite him, with my hands carefully laid on the table in front of me. I hoped he would take them into his, but I knew he'd hesitate. The kiss on the bridge, it was his impulse, all the emotion he had held in had come out. It was nothing more than a longing for human-like touch again. Nothing else. I thought about the last time I had talked to him, before I was captured, before the Silent brothers turned him, before Will found me.
"We were going to get married the next day, I remember, James," I breathed out his name, almost like a sigh, I remembered when he said he liked the sound of it on my lips. The thought sent pain stinging into my chest. His eyes had lit up at the sound of his proper name, and I knew he was thinking of Will. He was the only person who had ever called him that.
"Yes, and Will confessed to me he loved you and I sent him after you," he started shallowly breathing, nearly puffing out his words, "I do not understand how you stay so strong, after all this time. I want to learn how. I just can't stop thinking about him."
I could feel the creases on my forehead form at his words. The only wrinkles I would ever get.
"You mean... Will?" I choked out the name. Jem nodded.
"Without him, I won't truly ever be whole, though you make me feel like it. I want to be strong, Tessa, I want to forget," he put his face into his hands, and I could swear he looked as if he were crying, but he made no sound. I longed to reach out to him.
"Jem. Remember what Magnus always said, that forever-"
"Forever does not make loss forgettable, only bearable," he quoted and lifted his face up, his dark eyes matching mine, "I know that Tessa, I've heard it from him enough times. I wish there was a way to forget though... a way to bear it..." He trailed off and looked away from me. My heart was breaking. How could I help him? I had never had a parabatai before, nor a friendship like Will and Jem's. I could understand the loss of a loved one, but a brother? Sure, my brother had died right before my eyes, but he betrayed me. Though I loved him, he hurt me a lot. Jem never hurt Will, and Will never hurt Jem. They were connected. They were as one. I would never be able to understand their bond. I cared for them both with all my soul and my life, but my love for them was different to the love they had. I sighed.
"James, you couldn't really want to forget, could you? All the good times with him. You need those memories," I smiled weakly, hoping it would catch his gaze, and it did.
"I want to forget the years I was in the Silent City, the years we never spent together," his eyes were now locked with mine, but my eyes were filled with tears, whereas his were still dry, "when I was a Silent Brother, I didn't feel, I couldn't. When I visited you, I barely could remember our past, let alone Will. The Silent brothers said what I was doing was bad, trying to keep in touch with my humanity. I didn't listen. Then when they found the cure, I begged them not to give it to me, so I didn't have to face what I had done; abandon Will."
Silence fell. Our surroundings were almost as still as Jem's eyes. He wasn't blinking and his pupils were dilated. My eyes ached from the tears, but I did not break my stare from his. I could see why he wants to forget, I would too, he must regret not spending all that lost time with Will, not growing old together or having kids.
"James..." I managed.
"Tessa."
"We'll travel the world together, we'll learn to bear it together."
He abruptly stood up. I widened my eyes and let out a faint chuckle, but a heart aching pain stopped it in its tracks. He came over to me, and kneeled beside me in my chair.
Confused, I faced him, "What is it?"
"Let's go to New York first?" He said, "Visit the institute there? I told you I'd tell you another story about Herondales, Lightwoods and Fairchilds. That's where it starts. Let's go, together."
I didn't like this idea. How could I face the last of Will and my family's line? All that will be waiting in his path is death, and I will spend my eternity facing it.
"I don't think I can, Jem."
He took my hands in his large brawny ones, "Please. You have spent your days grieving the loss of Stephen and Celine, believing what you and Will created was gone. This can be our last adventure together, saving this boy. I owe it to them, Tessa, to Will too."
I hurriedly fell to my knees in front of him and flung my arms around his neck. He gently wrapped his arms around my waist, holding me closer so our foreheads collided. I nodded willingly.
"If you believe it was what Will would have wanted, then..." I trailed off, trying to remember the fragments of Chinese he had taught me. "Wo chi," I whispered. He laughed and it made me realize how much I missed that laugh, God, I missed that-
"Tessa, you just said 'I eat,'" he continued to laugh, and I felt myself turn a bright pink.
"Oh, my Mandarin must be pretty rusty," I giggled, and he smiled.
"Wo ai ni, Tessa," he whispered, I love you.
Before I could respond, his lips were against mine. It was hard and firm at first, but soon our lips parted, and our bodies fit together perfectly. I knew this kiss was different then all the others we had shared. Sadness, longing, hope, all bottled up into this one kiss. He was different now too, but in all the ways that mattered. He was wiser, healthier. All I could think of was him, how he's changed, but still my Jem. Soon, we were sprawled out on the floor together, kissing, embracing, our hearts beating as one. I could not wait to start our adventure.