Author's Notes: I own nothing but my own writing made up in my own fictional world. Thanks for all the reviews on my last story if I didn't message you I'm sorry. Sooo I wasn't planning on writing this but Tuesday was one episode where it was important for Joss to be dead (even though I have a feeling John's gonna be back next week). We all know I ship Caresse but just this once I'm sorta following the show.
"Sorry I've been away." John wispered after 20 minutes of trying and failing to control his emotions. "I know you wouldn't want this for me, you're probabaly disappointed in me." John took a deep breath touching her headstone it seemed like just yesterday she was taken from him. "I just... I couldn't do this without you." John looked up at the sky and imagined his angel smiling down at him even though he knew she'd be mad at the decision he made. "I saved Finch though and I even managed to stay alive a little longer even though I wish..." Shaking his head he reminded himself again he couldn't go down that path, she would definitely hate him if he harmed himself in any way. "I don't know what to do anymore, it seemed pointless saving people when the best person I know is gone." Tears gathered in his eyes as he tried again to reign in his emotions as regret after regret filled his mind. Clearing his throat he forced his mind to something less heartbreaking he didn't want his goodbye to be depressing. "I'm gonna miss Bear the most." He smiled at thoughts of his dog that he left behind with Finch and Shaw he knew they would need Bear and he could take care of himself once he figured out where he was headed. "I can't stay here anymore but I came hoping you'd somehow point me in the right direction. Where do I go now?" John asked the headstone as he traced her name wishing he had just one more chance to touch her again. Why did he waste some much time denying himself the comfort of her?
John wasn't sure how long he sat there touching her name but broke out of his stupor when he heard footsteps approaching him. "Hey Mr. Baddass I haven't seen you around in awhile I was beginning to think you forgot about us." Taylor Carter spoke sitting next to John. "Hey T... I had to get away for awhile and clear my mind how have you been?" John asked he texted and talked to the young man while he was in Colorado but this was the first time he seen him since her funeral. "I've been better then before, I wish I could've gone with you I can't wait to leave." "What college did you pick... and please don't say the military again I swear your mom would kill me if you do that." They both laughed at that no matter how much as she loved being a cop and being in the military Joss was strongly against Taylor follwing her eample when it wasn't what he wanted. "No I'm still waiting on some schools and then I have to decide if I'm staying in New York." Taylor said as he fiddled with the bouquet of flowers he brought with him. "Your mom wouldn't want you to stay for her." "I can't just leave her though." John knew excatly how the teen felt he only knew her for a couple of years he couldn't imagine how hard the decision to leave would affect her son. "How about neither of us make a choice and instead grab some food. We don't need to decide today." John said after several minutes standing and dusting his pants off before he held out a hand for Taylor. "Yeah and your place after for a beer?" That earned a real laugh out of John man her kid was too much like his mother.
Before walking back to his car he took one more look at her headstone. "OK Joss I heard you I'll stick around for alittle while longer wait for me ok?" As if on cue the wind picked up and the sky brighted up just a little. "We miss you too." "John hurry up I'm starving man!" Taylor yelled chuckling to himself John began walking again he knew his angel still was with him he still had a promise to fufill numbers or not and he would do everything in his power to keep Taylor safe. Yes he knew he told Harold it was pointless but Joss and Taylor were never just numbers to him they were his family and as a man he hadn't had a family in years they were his everything. He'd work out life later like he told Taylor no important decesion was needed to be made right now.