Disclaimer: I don't own Ultra Maniac
A/N: This story…err…chapter, takes place after Nina says goodbye to Tsujiai at the lookout point in the Anime.
Chapter One: Tsujiai's Thoughts
I once believed that I'm just going to screw my life over with complications caused by relationships with the opposite sex.
So I tried avoiding it.
Perhaps not avoid, but attempted not to make any reckless and rash decisions on feelings. I knew that finding someone attractive did not equal attraction, nor does enjoying someone's company. And when a time comes that I realized that I did feel something more, I didn't make such a big deal over that small crush and I never sought to let it grow. Instead, I waited until it just wilted away until I was back to my normal practical self.
But this time, it didn't.
I couldn't help it, not that I tried. It just came without warning to tell you the truth. One minute I was letting her borrow manga, then the next thing I was feeling jealous and confused and all uncontrollable inside watching her dance with Zorro. And mind you, I don't like to feel many different emotions at a time. It drives me nuts (yes, there are things that drives me nuts), even though it never shows. I was always the silent type. Silent, sarcastic, logical, and rude at times. I hate to be involve in things that are troublesome.
Like falling in love.
So the more I spent time with her, the more I realized that she was taking my heart, piece by piece. At first it was the magic that interested me, but then it was her personality that played the big role of my attraction for her. Her cute little voice, her endless enthusiasm, her high spirit, her restlessness, her determination…it was all of herself that drew me closer to the decision that I've never been so sure in my life.
I, Tsujiai Hiroki, am in love with Nina Sakura.
There. Clear as ever.
But there's something wrong with it, no matter how simple the idea might be.
What's wrong is that she's gone. The only girl that I ever developed feelings for was gone into another world and was to be married off to a prince that she doesn't even love.
It's me that she loves…or she likes…or…she has feelings for me in some sort ok? And I believe that there could be a future between us if only she could stay here in the human world.
But she can't.
Ever since she revealed to us that she was going to leave as soon as she found all the holy stones, I knew it. That's why I never told her initially about my feelings for her. It would only crush my heart to know that there could definitely be something more. I only told her about my feelings when she told me that she lov- I mean, likes me in the dark vortex, where I honestly thought we were going to die. So I thought that if we were going to die, I might as well tell her, right?
And now I wonder what's the point even if I told her. She wouldn't be able to do anything about it. She would still be married to Prince Charming and I would be left alone here, or in another case, we'd all just die and be sucked into the bottomless pit and hell of the dark vortex. But even if we lived, she'd still leave. We'd be forever separated between two worlds.
And let me tell you. It was, and is hurting me like hell. It was crushing my insides into dust that it was all that I could feel. I couldn't even shed tears. I just stood there on the look-out point, staring at the sky blankly while our memories together flashed before my eyes.
Our goodbye was short and casual, as if we were going to part for just a day. I told her that I'll never forget her, and gave her a picture of us five. It hurt me with every second of those last moments with her. And I told myself that the pain would be minimized if she left as soon as she could. I didn't want her farewell to be unbearable, so I just acted relaxed, yet upset all at the same time.
A part of me imagined the moment to be similar to those romantic movies, where she would dramatically tell me that she would love me forever even if we were going to be apart, then the screen would fade out as we share a passionate kiss. But I was glad that she didn't. It would make our separation even worse and hurtful than it already was. I would only crush the already crushed bit of heart even more to see her cry. I never want to be the reason of her sadness. I never want that sweet smile of hers to disappear because of me…
My, my, I'm so poetic.
To think that after she gets married, all of our memories would be erased. All of the pain that I feel and would feel would just disappear. It's great isn't it?
No it's not. I'd rather take the pain. I'd rather be left alone in depression from her absence. I'd welcome the hurting and the brokenness that I had to endure, because I'd rather have it all than have it be taken away along with the happiest memories of my life.
Boy, was I right. I'm just going to screw my life over with complications cause by relationships with the opposite sex.
A/N: I was hoping I could make a story that would go on until Tsujiai and Nina got together. I don't know. I'll think about it first.
And also, I know that most people want Nina and Yuta to be together. Personally I think that Nina and Tsujiai should be together (and they are, so there's nothing we can do about it) but I just LOVE Yuta. So it kindda sucks the way that he ends up without anyone. The whole "kawaii" thing at the end of the anime was just a feeble attempt to not disappoint those who love Yuta.
Please review, and I welcome any comments, although I would prefer not insults…