"Can I come over? I miss you."
Santana couldn't help but smile at the confession even though she knew the other girl couldn't see it. "Of course, baby. You can always come over, you know that. I miss you too."
"Rach and Kurt have the graveyard shift tonight, right?" Dani asked wanting to make sure she'd be alone with her girlfriend.
The Latina's eyebrows furrowed in confusion as a result of the question. "Wanky. Yeah they do."
Dani laughed at the girl's dirty mind. "No not like that Santana, geeze. I'll just see you when I get there you dork."
"Okay fine," Santana dragged out the last word. "See you soon." She hung up and went back to reading her magazine.
Here I am waiting
I'll have to leave soon
Why am I holding on?
Santana heard a knock on the door and jumped up. She knew who it was otherwise she would've yelled for them to leave her to enjoy her night off work. She reached the door and turned the knob just as she heard another knock coming from the other side. "Damn, impatient much?" She said after opening the door to see her girlfriend waiting there.
"Sorry I just can't help it if I miss my beautiful girlfriend." Dani said putting emphasis on 'beautiful' as she stepped forward wrapping her arms around the taller girl's neck.
"You're such a suck up," Santana teased, "What do you want?"
The blonde leaned up and pecked Santana's lips. "I want to spend time with you. Can we watch a movie?"
"As long as I gets me my Dani cuddles we can." She turned and led the shorter girl to the couch after shutting the door.
"You're so adorable." Dani replied and went to pick out a movie.
The darker Latina shook her head and immediately protested. "I'm Santana Lopez, I don't do adorable."
"Oh really? Then what do you call this necklace around my neck that you have the other half to?" Dani said referring to the half a heart necklace she had been given for Christmas.
Santana's eyes widened at the sass coming from her girlfriend. "U-uh…" she hesitated giving the lighter girl a chance to jump in.
Dani pulled her gaze from the movie now in her hands to look at the girl sitting on the couch. "That's what I thought. You can be adorable."
We knew this day would come
We knew it all along
How did it come so fast?
They decided to watch Pitch Perfect, a movie they'd both seen many times before. It was Santana's favorite because of the quiet yet sassy Asian girl who reminded her of Tina back in Lima, and Dani's because of her deep rooted passion for music. The two were curled up on the couch; Santana lying with her back against the couch and the shorter girl lying against her. Her head rested on the top of Dani's as they watched the Riff-off scene. Dani usually sang along, she knew every word and loved proving it to her girlfriend every time they watched together. But tonight not a note was leaving her lips.
"Hey Dani?" Santana lifted her head slightly so the girl could turn around but she didn't move.
"Yeah?"
The darker Latina placed her hand softly on the side of her face and coaxed her to meet her gaze. "Look at me," she said in a gentle tone. Dani finally turned in the girl's arms and looked up at her. She didn't say a word and waited for Santana to talk. There was a brief instant of silence before she continued. "Are you okay?"
"Yeah why wouldn't I be?" Dani smiled as big as she could but her smile didn't quite reach her eyes, and Santana noticed.
She ignored the answer and pressed on searching her caramel brown eyes. "What's wrong? You know you can talk to me, right?"
Dani sighed knowing that she couldn't keep it from her for much longer. Santana could read her. She knew her front to back, back to front. "I got an offer for a record deal this morning," she trailed off not wanting to finish the thought.
"Baby, that's great! You've always wanted to be an artist!" Santana's voice bounced with excitement. "I mean I'm sure Kurt will be sad you're leaving the band but that's awesome! I knew you could do it!" She was about to continue when she saw the girl not celebrating with her, not even smiling. Instead of seeing a mirror of her own joy in Dani's face she saw tears threatening to spill out. "Babe what's wrong? I thought you wanted this."
"No, no I do want this," Dani said shaking her head. "It's what I've always dreamed of doing," she trailed off again not knowing how to say it.
"But?"
"But…the record deal is in LA…" she said softly and dropped her eyes to the girl's neck. "I'd have to fly out to LA by the end of the week."
This is our last night but it's late
And I'm trying not to sleep
Cause I know, when I wake, I will have to slip away
And when the daylight comes I'll have to go
But tonight I'm gonna hold you so close
Cause in the daylight we'll be on our own
But tonight I need to hold you so close
Dani sat next to Santana with her legs crossed under her. She had poured all the details out for the past hour and so far she'd been able to keep her emotions at bay. Keeping the tears from falling was exhausting, almost as exhausting as if she were to let herself cry. But she could feel her eyes getting heavier as she sat in silence next to the darker Latina. The girl still hadn't said a word since Dani had finished explaining everything.
The lighter Latina pulled the blanket over her legs and leaned against the headboard. She was thankful they had decided to talk in Santana's bedroom because the loft was getting colder as the sun dipped lower under the horizon.
Santana watched out of the corner of her eye as her girlfriend shifted under the blanket. She had no words to reply to the information she had just been given. It was all so much at once, but she knew she would worry Dani if she didn't say something soon. "Can we just…not think about it until tomorrow? I'm really tired," she trailed off finally raising her head to look at the girl next to her.
"I am too, honestly," Dani replied softly and moved herself down to lay on the bed.
The brunette did the same and turned to face Dani. She saw that the girl was facing the other direction and tapped her on the shoulder. "Lay with me?" She asked swallowing her pride.
Dani rolled over to see Santana looking at her with sad eyes masked with an unsure smile. "Of course, San," she replied with a kind smile and allowed the girl to pull her in close. She rested her head on Santana's chest and listened to her heart beat.
Here I am staring at your perfection
In my arms, so beautiful
The sky is getting bright, the stars are burning out
Somebody slow it down
This is way too hard, cause I know
When the sun comes up, I will leave
This is my last glance that will soon be memory
They had been lying pressed together for what felt like hours but Santana still couldn't sleep. Too much was going through her mind. She wondered what would happen, what she could do, how much it would hurt…but it all faded into the background when she looked down past the mess of blonde hair.
Dani's roots were starting to grow out so Santana could see the dark hair that mixed with the bleach blonde. She moved her gaze further down to the girl's eyes. Although they were shut, she could picture the gorgeous brown eyes swirled with caramel. She looked so peaceful when she slept. Santana then looked down to the lips she had come to love kissing. They were always soft and made her feel loved in the most unique way. She shifted slowly under the girl's weight in order to see her better. She couldn't help but stare at the girl she had fallen so quickly in love with.
She loved everything about Dani. Even the things she didn't like, she loved. Her imperfections made her absolutely perfect to Santana. She could watch her sleep like this every day and never get tired of her beauty. She felt the lighter Latina move and pulled her in closer, bringing her out of her thoughts. Dani snuggled her head right into Santana's neck and fell back into her deep sleep. After a few minutes the dark-haired girl felt herself drifting off to sleep, the warm breath on her neck soothing her worries.
And when the daylight comes I'll have to go
But tonight I'm gonna hold you so close
Cause in the daylight we'll be on our own
But tonight I need to hold you so close
I never want it to stop
Because I don't wanna start all over
Start all over
I was afraid of the dark
But now it's all that I want
All that I want, all that I want
Dani opened her eyes gradually as she adjusted to the light coming from the half risen sun. She glanced over at the clock on the bedside table and saw that it read 5:17. 5:17 in the morning? What am I doing up? Dani thought to herself. She lifted her head and saw Santana's lying just above hers on the pillow. She snuggled in closer to the girl's body and pressed a soft kiss to her neck.
She was still tired and wanted to fall back asleep but her mind wouldn't let her. Thoughts were bouncing through her head as she curled in closer to Santana. Had the girl been awake she would've held her tightly and brushed her fingers through her blonde hair until she relaxed. Knowing she didn't want to wake Santana up she decided to get a drink of water instead.
After prying herself from the darker Latina's arms, she walked quietly to the kitchen and grabbed a glass from one of the cabinets. Her mind was still racing but now was more focused on one thing rather than the others. She hadn't been in a very good place when she met Santana. Her family had just kicked her out and she was scared, terrified almost, to tell anyone that she was gay. She didn't want to start any relationship after what happened in the basement that day. She was scared that it would turn out the same way; the girl running in fear and her being left with the broken heart. In coming to New York she knew she couldn't handle trusting anyone like she had trusted in the past. She put on a confident front so that no one bothered her and hid behind her walls. She lifted the water-filled glass to her lips and let her thoughts run on. Santana, she gave Dani space and time to become comfortable with trusting someone. She didn't rush anything in their friendship and when it grew to be more than that, she didn't rush that either. She had been gentle…caring…loving. Dani had gotten so used to trusting her that it felt impossible to let her go. Her routine included Santana in it so frequently that she couldn't imagine living any other way. She didn't want to start all over again. Santana had made it so easy and so fun to start a new life. And now she was going to have to do it on her own, without Santana.
Dani shook her head and downed the rest of the water. She needed to go back to sleep before her thoughts went too far. She wanted to savor this time with the girl who taught her how to love again. She needed to feel safe for just a little bit longer.
And when the daylight comes I'll have to go
But tonight I'm gonna hold you so close
Cause in the daylight we'll be on our own
But tonight I need to hold you so close
"I could come with you, Dani." Santana's words had a slight edge to them.
The blonde turned away and leaned against the counter. "No you can't, Santana. You've built a life here. Who am I to force you to start all over across the country?" Her voice rose as the frustration inside her boiled. She didn't want to leave Santana. In fact, it was the last thing she wanted to do; but she wanted the girl to be happy and she knew that being here, in New York with her friends, did that for her.
The dark-haired girl placed her hand on Dani's shoulder trying to get her to look her in the eye. "You're my girlfriend. You're the person I go to when someone pisses me off." As the soft-spoken words fell from her lips, the blonde slowly turned around. "You're my blanket on cold nights. You're my bodyguard when things get out of hand. You're my comfort when I'm upset. You're my…my everything." The last word barely slipped out just under her breath but loud enough for the other girl to hear it.
"Do you think this is easy for me? You're my everything, too." Dani shut her eyes trying to keep the tears from falling and hugged her torso with crossed arms. "I have to choose between the woman I love and the dream I've spent my whole life trying to reach. Do you know how hard that is? I spent all fucking day yesterday going back and forth between taking the deal or not." Her words shot out as she forced the tears into frustration once again.
"I'm not giving you a choice, Danielle." Santana could feel her temper rising and watched the girl cringe at the mention of her full name. "You're going to LA. You're not allowed to let me be what holds you back from your dream. I'm not letting that happen." She crossed her arms over her stomach and leaned against the counter, her gaze narrowing as it met Dani's.
"You don't get to make that decision for me. I can't just leave you." Her façade melted as she choked out the last sentence. "I can't leave you." She repeated, tears rolling down her cheeks.
Santana's anger immediately disappeared at the sight of her girlfriend crying. She closed the space between them and pulled her into a hug. "It's okay, D," she said rubbing small circles on the girl's back as she cried into her shoulder. "It'll be okay." They stood there without a word from either girl until Dani finally mustered up the strength to pull away.
"How's it going to be okay?" Dani mumbled, her voice cracking as more tears fell. She watched the girl before her open then close her mouth several times trying to find the words to answer. "Exactly…" she trailed off and started to walk towards the bedroom.
Santana watched Dani walk back into the room they had shared for the past few months. How was it going to be okay? She stood there while her mind raced trying to find an answer. Minutes passed and she didn't move. She was determined to find a way to be with the woman she had fallen so hard for while she lived out her dream. And that's when it dawned on her. Maybe loving someone isn't about being with them constantly. Maybe it isn't about being by their side and spending energy on them. Maybe loving someone is about wanting their happiness more than wanting yours. Maybe it's about seeing their smile and just the sight of it heals you. It wasn't going to happen. They weren't going to be okay. She needed Dani to be happy if she had any hope of being happy. And the only way that was going to happen was if she was living her dream.
And when the daylight comes I'll have to go
But tonight I'm gonna hold you so close
Cause in the daylight we'll be on our own
But tonight I need to hold you so close
Santana slowly pushed open the bedroom door. She felt her heart shatter when she saw Dani sitting on the edge of the bed sobbing into her hands. She took soft steps forward and kneeled in front of the blonde. She didn't react so Santana cupped her face with her hands and brought her head up to lock their gaze. "Listen to me, okay?" She paused until Dani nodded slightly. "I love you. I want nothing more than to be with you because you make me so happy." Her words didn't falter once as she spoke, her eyes never leaving the one's before her. "But I want you to be happy, too. And before you say you are happy, keep listening. I want you to be happy doing the thing you've always loved. Music inspires you and I can tell it's helped make you the amazing person you are today. I can't imagine you being happy knowing you had the opportunity to do this and turned it down." By this time Dani's hands covered the darker pair that was still on her cheeks as tears rolled down silently. "So I'm making you go. You're going to call them back and tell them you can be in LA by the end of the week."
Dani shook her head with the tiniest movement and shut her eyes willing the tears to stop before she completely broke down again. "I-I can't, San," she whimpered. She continued with her eyes still shut, "You do make me happy, happier than I've been in a long time. But you're right…I can't let this chance go." She slowly opened her eyes and was met with Santana's gaze. "I love you too but I have to go."
The Latina nodded with a bittersweet feeling in her heart. She was glad the girl had finally agreed to go live out her dream, but sad that meant she would have to leave. She moved her thumbs to brush away Dani's tears then ran her hands down to grab the other girl's. She stood up and pulled the shorter girl to her feet as well. "I'll wait for you, Dani. Just because we'll live 2,000 miles apart doesn't mean I'll love you any less. I can always fly and visit! And when you go on tour or whatever I can take off work to help you and see what it's all like!" She said, the light returning to her eyes.
"No, Santana. If you aren't giving me a choice, I'm not giving you one either. I'm not going to hold you back just like you say you don't want to do that to me. Go live your life, S." She squeezed the darker girl's hands before dropping them and turning towards the bedroom door. "If we're really meant to be then we'll find a way back." She hesitated not wanting the words to leave her mouth, "We're over." She slammed her eyes shut stopping the tears temporarily. The blonde urged herself to keep moving in the direction of the door but could only manage a small step before she felt herself being tugged backward.
She spun in the process and felt Santana's lips crash against hers. They moved in perfect timing together like they always had. She felt the taller girl's hands snake around her waist effectively pulling her closer. She allowed one hand to move to Santana's cheek while the other curled around her neck to deepen the kiss. Finally, Santana pulled away, knowing that she had to let the girl go now before she had enough time to regret her decision.
"Now…" she whispered just loud enough for Dani to hear her, "now we're over." She watched as the shorter girl's face washed over with understanding.
Dani then turned back toward the door and walked through it for the last time for a while. She fought not to glance back at Santana but her heart won and she flashed a sad smile over her shoulder that the girl threw right back. After she heard the door to the apartment shut behind her she put her hand over the necklace she still wore and held it against her heart.
Santana didn't want to see her leave. She wanted to pull her back into her arms where she knew the girl was safe. But she had to let her go. She raised her hand from her lap and held it against the necklace she wore. "You'll always have the other half to my heart," she thought, "just like I have the other half to yours." All she had left to do, as the tears started to fall once more, was hope she would see the person she loves again one day.
Thank you guys so much for the comments on this omg I didn't expect them. I know this was really sad and I cried writing it but I've written happier Dantana that I'll post and if you guys have any ideas/prompts message me here or on tumblr (stay-strong-smile-forever) I can't tell you how much all the comments and likes mean to me, thank youuuuuu:)