There You'll Be
Disclaimer: Nope, nothing's changed since the last time I posted - they're still not mine. I'm just playing with them.
A/N: Yeah, I know; it's been a while since I've posted anything. Between a broken arm, which led to having a cast for three (count them THREE) whole months, the internship in another country, writer's block, and now finally started the process of re-validate my degree, I haven't got much time to write. But this was a plot bunny that I've had on mind for a while. Basically, every time I heard this song I would have this scene flash in my mind, so, finally I wrote it. I should probably have finished the other stuff I have going on but ... well, you know how it is with plot bunnies. About my other stuff: the long forgotten, Long Overdue (the SGA fic) it's about two/three chapters from being done. I have been working on it on and off but I don't want to post anything until everything is done so there won't be any long pauses any more; the next fic (chronologically speaking) of the 'Te' universe, the one after 'Aliens in the City', which is the crossover with Bones and will be a re-make of SG1 in Atlantis, and which I'll hopefully finish this time, I've thought about but I haven't really started. I think part of the problem there, besides the ones I've already mentioned is that I've become very disillusioned with Bones - which is also the reason why the last installment in the 'Points' universe 'Turning Point' hasn't even been started. I do have one CM fic done and one half way done. I might post the one that's done later today and I'll try the one that's almost done, a one shot, as soon as I can. Well, I think that''s it for news on the fic front. About this particular fic, it is the last one, chronologically speaking, in the 'Te' Universe. I have at least one more story to write in that universe, the one in Atlantis, but like I said, the idea for it wouldn't leave alone and I had to write it. It's not something I usually write because I try to stay away from character deaths but I do realize that we all die at one point or another and I think when it's like this, well, it's not as sad as it could be. So, be warmed it is a character death fic, it is angsty but still, I think it's a nice, fitting end to this Universe. I hope you enjoy! Please, let me know what you think!
Keeping her eyes fixed on the rider-less horse that followed behind the horse-drawn limber and caisson that pulled his casket, was the only way she could put one foot in front of the other and keep on going. Their children had wanted her to follow behind in a car since the distance between the entrance and what would be his final resting place was considerable and, at her age, walking anywhere wasn't exactly easy. But she had promised him a long time ago that she would follow him wherever he went, be it heaven or hell (and during their years in SG1, she'd followed him to both places and he always led her back home); it was a promise she hadn't broken in the almost six decades they'd known each other and it wasn't one she intended to break for the first time that day. Neither age nor worrying children were going to keep her from following him under her own power this one last time.
Finally, after what had seemed an interminably long walk, they arrived. Usually, the honor guard that walked along the casket and then served as pallbearers was comprised of younger officers but that wasn't the case here. Not only had he achieved the highest rank possible in the Air Force but those that had wanted to participate had enough power and influence on their own that they had been allowed to plan the funeral to suit them but more importantly, they had been able to plan what they knew he would have wanted.
His honor guard, thus, included his two best friends, who had insisted they be included even though they were civilians and old enough to have needed a car for transport themselves, the two officers he had worked the closest with over the years (though, they too could have used that car) and the younger generation, which was represented by his son and godson/son in law, both wearing their dress blues.
The family and friends followed the pallbearers after they lifted the casket from the caisson and took it down the path to his assigned plot. As the pallbearers set the casket down, the family and friends walked to one side and stood together, eschewing the seats that had been provided for them.
A few moments later, as the pallbearers stood at attention across the casket, fighter jets performed an aerial flyover in the missing man formation. The noise the jets made as they flew over broke over the solemn silence that had settled over the participants as they all looked up and saw the symbolic formation. It was perhaps the most apt honor he would receive, given his ability to fly just about anything.
When I think back on these times And the dreams we left behind I'll be glad 'cause I was blessed to get To have you in my life
A three volley salute executed by a seven member squad of the Old Guard standing off to one side, followed as the pallbearers held the flag taut over his casket. Though it was expected, the noise from the volley salute made almost everyone present, military and civilian alike, wince slightly. The only ones not wincing were the honor guard, who kept the flag taut over the casket, and his widow, who held the hand salute throughout the volley and who, despite her advanced age and wearing a black dress instead of a uniform, was still able to achieve and maintain the pose of a perfect soldier.
Once the volley salute was done, all the military attendees stood at attention as a lone bugler played Taps.
Despite his high rank and post and the honors due to him because of them, the service and funeral themselves were very low key. In life, he hadn't been one to stand on ceremony nor had he cared for the pomp and pageantry that often went hand in hand with his position and his family was happy that aside from a small note in the news, his passing hadn't really attracted much attention. The one thing they had wanted was to be able to mourn him in private and they could only be glad that their wishes had been respected.
Most of those who had served with him had wanted to come to pay their last respects but knowing how private the family was, they had sent their respects in the form of flower arrangements and heart felt messages; giving his family their privacy was the least they could do for the man who had never asked more of them than he had asked of himself. Only those that had known him the longest, that had served with him since his first years at the SGC and those he considered family, along with his immediate family, were present; making the actual number of mourners at the funeral relatively small.
When I look back on these days I'll look and see your face You were right there for me
As proud as his wife was of the honors he was receiving and as grateful as she was for the outpouring of support, she wasn't really paying much attention to anything. She still hadn't quite accepted the fact that he was gone; despite the evidence of it all around her, she just couldn't grasp the reality of it. After all the close calls they'd had while in SG1, all the times they stared death in the face and somehow cheated it – after all they had been through, it didn't seem possible that he was really gone. She just could not wrap her brain around it, couldn't assimilate the fact that one day he was there and the next, he wasn't.
All the time she spent dreading this moment and this wasn't how she'd thought it would be; it all seemed so … anti-climatic, somehow, so surreal. She kept waiting for the blinding white light that preceded Thor's arrival and his announcement that he'd fix it or for the SGC to call and say they'd found a sarcophagus or for them to say that it'd been a clone that died or to suggest they use the healing device or maybe she was just asleep and she would wake up at any moment and find out she'd once again fallen asleep over her laptop in her lab and all of this was a horrible nightmare.
Deep down, she knew all that was rubbish; she knew that they were burying her husband that day. What she didn't know was how she was going to go on. She'd spent more than half a century, more than half her life with him; he had been there for all the highs and lows, all the tears and laughs, every achievement and every embarrassment for most of her adult life. More than that, he was the one that gave her strength when her own faltered, his belief in her made it possible for her to have accomplished even her wildest dreams. He'd been her mentor, her best friend, her husband … her soul mate; how was she supposed to go on without him? She no longer remembered what her life had been like before him and she wasn't sure she knew how to live without him anymore.
The sudden silence after Taps ended and the snap of the flag being stretched taut breaking it a few moments later brought her back to the present and she turned her attention to watching the flag, that would be last honor her husband would receive from his country, being reverently folded by the men that had known him best in life. She watched as their son and godson started the folding and his two best friends continued it until finally, the man that he'd selected to take his place with the team handed the perfect triangle to the man he'd hand picked to replace him in HWS. With the same precise, measured movements that they'd all displayed, (and she wondered just how they'd learned them) the one carrying the flag turned and walked towards her.
In my dreams
I'll always see you soar above the sky
In my heart there will always be a place
For you for all my life
I'll keep a part of you with me
And everywhere I am there you'll be
When he was a couple of feet in front of her, he paused for the other five men to move away from the casket; her son came to stop on her right, her godson went to stand by his wife, her youngest daughter, and put his arm around her and the other three men joined their families. Once they were all in place, the flag carrier started walking again until he reached her. He stopped when he was a few inches from her and looked her in the eye for a moment before offering her the flag with all the gravity the moment demanded.
"On behalf of the President of the United States, the Department of the Air Force, and a grateful nation, this flag is offered in memory of the honorable and faithful service performed by your loved one," was the official Air Force condolence given with the flag but this was General Jack O'Neill's funeral and John Sheppard hesitated only a second before continuing; after all, the man had never been one to stand in protocol.
"The world may never know everything the general has done to keep us free and safe but the men and women that served with him will never forget. Meeting him changed my life; I wouldn't be where I am if not for him. It was an honor to know him and a privilege to serve with him. He was a great man and the world and all of us are lesser for his loss." General/Doctor Samantha Carter-O'Neill could see the sincerity in John's eyes and squeezed his hand lightly before bringing the flag to her chest.
"Thank you, John," she said softly; she was grateful it had been him who offered the flag and not some nameless, faceless bureaucrat, paper-pusher that hadn't really known Jack or their family. She briefly wondered just how many strings John had had to pull to get that duty because General or not, he was as retired as she was but the thought vanished almost as soon as it appeared. It didn't really matter; she was just thankful that they all still carried enough weight to be able put together a funeral Jack would actually appreciate and not roll his eyes at.
John tilted his head in acknowledgment before he turned to go join his team. As Sam's eyes tracked his progress, she remembered Jack's first opinion of the then-Major: cocky, laid back and irreverent and how when she finally met the newly promoted Lt. Colonel her first impression had been how much he reminder her of Jack. That impression had only been reinforced when she met the rest of his team, which had been almost like looking in the mirror. The personalities had been a little different but the relationships had been based on the same bedrock of loyalty, caring and absolute commitment to each other's well being; the bonds that united that team had been the same that united her team. When John reached his team, he immediately reached out to take Teyla's hand and Sam's eyes caught those of the Athosian woman; in them, Sam saw the sympathy the other woman felt for Sam and the awareness that one day it might very well be her standing in Sam's place. They'd learned a long time ago that the unique bond that Sam had shared with Jack was the same kind that Teyla shared with John and as such the younger woman was in the unique position of knowing just how much pain Sam was feeling.
After one last look at John's old team and their families, Sam closed her eyes, bowed her head and pulled the flag closer to her chest. As if that had been some sort of signal, the SGA team and the rest of the mourners slowly walked away from the grave site until only the extended SG1 family was left. While most of them looked at the family with kindness, none of them attempted to talk to them. They had already given their condolences back at the service and would be seeing them again at the O'Neill's place later on.
The family was silent, everyone lost in their own minds, for a few moments before the younger generation looked at each other and at once decided that maybe it was time to go and leave the old team alone to say their final good byes.
Well you showed me
How it feels to feel the sky
Within my reach
And I always will remember all
The strength you gave to me
Your love made me make it through
Oh, I owe so much to you
You were right there for me
"Mom," Grace, their oldest daughter, said softly as she gently touched Sam's shoulder. "We'll wait for you guys in the car." Sam turned to look at her daughter in surprise before nodding. With one final look at each other, the children all stepped forward to say their own good byes. Katie, the O'Neill's youngest daughter, took two steps closer to the casket that held her dad, her hand firmly enclosed in her husband's, JD, hand, their ten year old daughter clinging to her other hand and their seven year old son holding onto his dad.
"Daddy," Katie said, blinking back tears, "there's so much I want to say; some much I wished I had said – if we'd only had more time. But even if we had another fifty years, it still wouldn't be long enough; I don't think I'd ever be ready to tell you good bye. You … you taught me so much: that the only way to be happy was to be true to myself, that there wasn't anything I couldn't do if I wanted it badly enough and worked for it. And you showed me how to stand up for myself and to never let anyone tell me what I could or could not do – not even you. You and Mom showed us not only how to love but what it meant to love. You taught me how to be a good person just by being you and . . . I just … I can't imagine you not being there when I need you. I can't imagine you not knowing your newest grandchild," she gently rubbed her hand over her baby bump. "But I know that even if you're not next to me, you'll always be in here," she touched her chest, over her heart. "I'll always carry you with me wherever I go and I'll try to live my life in a way you'd be proud of. Goodbye, Daddy; I love you and I'll miss you."
She turned to talk to JD and saw how red his eyes were; that's when she realized that while she had lost her father, JD had lost the man he loved like a second father and knew he also needed to say his good byes. With a gentle squeeze of his hand, she let him know it was his turn to speak.
"Uncle Jack, sir," he said, smiling slightly, "I guess the family reunions are going to be really boring from now on, huh? I mean, who's going to entertain us with wacky jokes, tell unbelievable stories or pull intricate pranks if you're not there? I'll never forget the glee in your eyes at the look on dad's face when I announced I was going to join the Air Force; you looked like a kid that had pulled one over on his best friend. But for all your childish behavior I know my childhood wouldn't have been as stable if you and Aunt Sam hadn't been there because as much as I love my parents and as great as they are, they're not exactly normal – not that any of us really are," he paused before continuing. "You were my uncle, friend, mentor; there was nothing I couldn't tell you and nothing you wouldn't do for me and I want you to know that I'll take good care of your baby girl," he added, smiling down at Katie, "and of your grandchildren," he gently rubbed his son's shoulders, "And I promise you, they'll all know what a great man their grandfather was. Rest in peace, sir; I'll miss you."
After he finished speaking, both he and Katie leaned forward and laid down the two roses they were carrying on top of the casket. The two kids also laid down the roses they were carrying and said their goodbyes to their grandpa. Then, after a final goodbye, they all stepped aside and Jacob Carter O'Neill, Jack and Sam's only son, stepped forward with his fiancé.
"When other parents were nagging, yelling and lecturing their kids about their grades, school, responsibility and the future," he began, "you were cajoling and enticing me to go out and play football/basketball/hockey with you and when we couldn't go out and play, you challenged me to marathon video game championships. You understood and agreed school was important but you were adamant that I also learn that there was more to life than books, that life was there to live it and that I have fun while I lived it. And that's just what I did; though, I don't think anyone was more surprised than you when I decided that the way I wanted to live it was by joining the Air Force. But that didn't stop you from supporting me one hundred percent like you always have - once you were sure I knew what I was doing, that is. I don't know that I'll accomplish even a fraction of what you accomplished – I don't even know if it's possible but whatever good I do in my life, whatever mark I leave behind will be because of you. You showed me what it meant to be a good man – that it's not about the medals or the acclaim or commendations, but about behaving honorably, respectfully and loyally towards others. If I can be even half the man you were, I'll count my life well spent. You were the greatest father and role model a guy could ask for. I love you Dad and I'll miss you."
When he made to move forward, Jenna, his fiancé held him back and signaled she wanted to speak. He raised an eyebrow in surprise but motioned for her to go ahead.
"I just wanted to say thank you," she said, "for having and raising such a wonderful man. If the measure of a man is the legacy they leave behind, then no matter what else you did in life, your children are proof enough that you were an incredible man. Thank you for welcoming me to your family."
Jacob smiled at her and leaned down for a quick kiss before they stepped forward and laid their roses on top of the casket. They walked to the side and stood next to Katie and JD before Grace and her family came up to say their goodbyes.
'Cause I always saw in you
My light, my strength
And I want to thank you
Now for all the ways
You were right there for me
You were right there for me
For always
"Daddy," Grace said, voice breaking and eyes swimming, "I'm … I'm not sure what to say. They say I'm supposed to say goodbye but … but, darn it, Daddy, I don't want to say goodbye; I don't want you to go." She took a deep breath and a ghost of smile flirted across her lips. "And yes, I know I'm not five anymore … it's just … I can't imagine my life without you in it. You've always been there for as long as I can remember; I don't have a single memory that doesn't have you in it. You were there for all my firsts: my first step, first word, first tooth, first A, first boyfriend, prom, graduation, broken heart … you walked me down the aisle and were there when my first baby was born," she smiled down at eleven year old Charlie, who had his arm around her waist. "And my second," she smiled at six year old Jackie, who was snuggled in her daddy's arms. "But I still have tons of other firsts I don't want you to miss. And the fact that you're still out there, looking out for us or that I can carry you in my heart or that I just have to think of you if I need your advice – well, it's not enough. It's just not enough, Daddy. I want you here so that I can hug you, can lay my head on your shoulder if I need to, can laugh or cry with you. I just love you so much, Daddy and I'm going to miss you so, so much." When her voice broke down on the last word, she bit her lip and closed her eyes to regain her control. She was an O'Neill; she did not break down in public.
Of all the O'Neill children, Grace was the one that was taking his death the hardest. Jack would swear he loved all three of his children equally and that he didn't have favorites and while that was true as far as it went, he also couldn't deny that he and Grace shared a special bond; she had been the apple in her daddy's eye since the moment she'd been born. It might have been due to the fact that, except for her eyes which were exactly like Jack's, she was the spitting image of her mother and her personality was the perfect mix of both Jack and Sam. Jacob, on the other hand, looked just like Jack but had Sam's personality and physically, Katie was the perfect mix of Sam and Jack but personality wise, she was all Jack.
"It'll be okay," Aaron, Grace's husband said as he rubbed her back, trying to calm her down. "It'll be okay," he repeated in a whisper. While he waited for her to calm down, he decided to say his own goodbyes.
"Don't worry, sir," he began, "I'll take care of her and our kids. I'll make sure they're alright – I'll make sure the whole family is okay. You can rest easy, sir; they will be taken care of." It was as solemn a promise as any he'd ever made and he knew the general would understand and appreciate it. After all, the two men had been very much alike – and not just because they were both Air Force officers. "I know you hate clichés, but it truly was an honor knowing you."
"I'm okay now," Grace said a few moments later and after sharing a look with Aaron, they stepped forward and laid their roses on top of the casket. "Bye, Daddy; I love you," she whispered and choked down a sob. But she couldn't help but smile softly when Charlie leaned forward and laid his own rose as he whispered, "bye, grandpa; love you."
"Well done, buddy," Aaron told him as he ruffled his hair before leading his family to the side to wait with his sister and brother in law. As they stood next to the rest of the family, Lindsey, Daniel and Vala's youngest daughter, stepped forward.
"You lied to me, you know," she said in a light tone with a slight smile, which contrasted sharply with the tears dancing in her eyes. "You told me that you'd marry me when I was old enough but you forgot to mention how singularly possessive and jealous Aunt Sam is when it comes to you. Ah well, it's probably for the best; the age difference might have been a problem at some point. But you ruined me for other men, you know? You, Dad, Uncle T, John and Cam; how am I supposed to be interested in the boys I meet when I know what real men are like, what they're capable of? Not to mention that I refused to settle for anything less than real love; the kind you and Aunt Sam, Mom and Dad and John and Teyla shared. Yeah, growing up watching you guys definitely spoiled me and still, I'd rather be alone than settle for anything less than a fairy tale, never ending, not even time and space can kill it kind of love. I'm too much my mother's daughter to settle for anything but the best … and apparently, I'm also too much her daughter to avoid babbling." She stopped to take a deep breath and brush away the tear that had escaped her control; she had also inherited her mom's ability to put on a smile no matter how much she was hurting but sometimes her dad's emotionalism got the best of her. "It really is too bad you were one of a kind … and that your only son is as much a brother to me as my own brother. Oh, God, I'm going to miss you so much." She leaned forward to put her rose on top of all the others and added, "don't worry, I'll continue the pranks on JD and Jakey in your memory." With that she walked away and straight into Jacob's arms, since JD's arms were full with his wife and daughter.
She stayed there, furiously blinking back tears as Teal'c's and Cam's wives and children said their own goodbyes. When they were done, they all went to wait by the cars and left the second version of SG1 alone.
"Daniel," Vala said quietly after a few moment's of silence and exchanging a look with Cam. "We'll go wait by the cars with the kids, ok?" Daniel turned in surprise but at the understanding in her eyes, he just nodded. With a final squeeze of his arm, Vala left his side and walked towards the casket with Cam beside her.
"I want to thank you, General," she began in a soft voice, rarely heard from her, "for looking after my Daniel in the years before I met him. I know it wasn't easy and that you lost him a few times but, given his propensity for getting in trouble, you did a good job keeping him safe for me. I … I also appreciate your welcoming me into your family; I know you could have made things very hard for me. You were a great friend, kind, selfless, loyal … the kids are sure going to miss you – we're all going to miss you." She leaned forward and put down her rose. "Goodbye, General. And don't fret; I'll hide Daniel's rocks every now and then and do my best to annoy him at least once a week. Wouldn't want him to get too complacent, would we?" With a final nod, she walked away a couple of feet to give Cam privacy to say his own goodbyes.
"General, sir," Cam said as he walked up to the casket and stood at attention, "when I was shot down over Antarctica, I thought my life and, certainly, my career were over but then you showed up and offered me my dream assignment. It wasn't what I thought it was going to be and it didn't turn out to be what you thought it would but it did turn out to be the most important thing I've done in my life. You gave me a second chance and you welcome me into the family and I just hope you know how much that means to me and how much I appreciate it. Godspeed, General." After a final salute, he reached forward to put down the rose then he joined Vala and both started towards the cars.
In my dreams
I'll always see you soar
Above the sky
In my heart
There will always be a place
For you for all my life
Once they were alone, the three remaining originals members of SG1 started walking towards Jack's casket; they walked as one without talking or even looking at each other. It might have been close to half a century since they'd been out in the field together, but the bond, the link between them that had made them such a close unit and had allowed them to escape impossible situations had never gone away.
"O'Neill," Teal'c, uncharacteristically was the first one to break the somber silence, "was a great warrior – one of the best the Tauri has to offer. He accomplished everything he set out to do; he can rest in peace."
"You think so?" Daniel asked with a slight frown.
"You do not, Daniel Jackson?" Teal'c asked in response.
"Well, of course he accomplished everything he wanted to do," Daniel nodded. "He stopped the Goa'uld, the Replicators, was in charged when we stopped the Ori, when John and his team stopped the Wraith and I'm sure he was proud of that …"
"He wasn't proud of any of that," Sam contradicted, speaking up for the first time and had both her former team members look at her.
"He wasn't?" Daniel asked, surprised.
"No," Sam shook her head. "He was … satisfied that he did his duty and stopped all the threats to humanity. What he was really proud of was his family."
"Ah," Daniel nodded again. "I see what you mean and yes, that does sound like him." He added and as he thought about it, he realized he felt the same way. "But that wasn't really what I meant. I meant that … well, knowing him and after everything we went through over the years, do you guys think he was … satisfied going so … peacefully, like this? I just, I guess I always thought that he'd rather go out in a blaze of glory."
Sam looked at Daniel with a look of wide eye surprise, which Daniel mistook for shock and he winced at his perceived insensitivity. "Sam, I'm sorry," he started to apologize but she shook her head.
"No, Daniel," she said. "It's okay; it's just, I was thinking something along those lines earlier. As far as what Jack wanted … yeah, I'm sure there were moments when he'd have liked to have gone out in a blaze of glory years ago but mostly … he was happy," she turned to look at Daniel briefly before she turned her gaze back to the casket. "He was really happy with the way his life had turned out – he was happy with our family and he knew that if he'd died back then, we wouldn't have what we had. So, all in all, yes, I do think he would have been happy to go peacefully like he did. I'm just so thankful and grateful that he wasn't sick – that he didn't get Alzheimer's or dementia or any other debilitating illness."
"Oh, yes," Daniel agreed fervently. "Can you imagine how he'd reacted to something like that? He'd have hated it. Heck, he got impatient and frustrated with the normal limitations of age as it was. He couldn't understand or accept that it was something of a miracle that he was as mobile and clear-headed as he was when his 100th birthday had come and gone."
"Indeed," Teal'c agreed. "O'Neill had no patience for the fact that he was forced to 'slow down'"
"Do you think he ever realized that it's more than probable that the reason he remained as fit as he did was all those times in the sarcophagus that Ba'al forced on him?" Daniel asked.
"Yes," Sam answered. "The thought crossed his mind once or twice and he actually loved the irony that in torturing him and trying to kill him, Ba'al actually gave him a longer and healthier life."
Daniel nodded and grinned before silence fell over the three friends once more. And once again, it was Teal'c that broke it.
"O'Neill was a true friend – a brother; I shall greatly miss him and honor his memory," both Daniel and Sam knew that that was Teal'c's way of saying goodbye and both also knew it was one Jack would have appreciated.
"Jack was the brother I never had," it was Daniel's turn to say goodbye. "And like I imagine siblings the world over are, he was annoying, irritating, confounding, stubborn and more than a little difficult … but he was also loyal, kind, sensitive, funny, smarter than he let on and the one person you always wanted in your corner, especially when the odds were against you. There were more than a few times I'd have loved to throttle him but God, am I going to miss him! He was my best friend for more than half a century and I … I loved him." The end was said in a soft tone as he looked down at the rose he was holding. Taking a deep breath he looked up and met Teal'c's eyes before both men moved as one and laid down the roses they were holding on top of Jack's casket. Then, Daniel squeezed Sam's shoulder and Teal'c squeezed her arm and both turned and moved away towards the car leaving Sam to say her goodbyes to her husband and love of her life in private.
I'll keep a part
Of you with me
And everywhere I am
There you'll be
Sam was so focused on the casket in front of her that she didn't acknowledge the guys walking away. A few moments after they'd gone, she took a step and a half until she stood right next to the casket. With a tremulous smile, she reached out and laid a quivering hand on top of the casket.
"Jack," she whispered, "how am I supposed to do this? How am I supposed to go on without you? I know that sounds melodramatic and I know I've done it before; I lived almost a third of my life without you but that was … God, Jack that was so long ago! I barely remember it. When I think back on my life, except for my childhood and teenage years, everything I remember is somehow linked to you. And I like it like that. I like that you're so intertwined in my life I can no longer imagine it without you in it. Only, now you're gone and I don't know what to do. If you were here, you'd probably tell me to 'back up, soldier and get on with it.' But … I don't want to get on with it. I probably could but I don't want to learn how to do without you. I'm just … I'm tired, Jack – so tired." She paused and ran her fingers over the casket. "I wasn't tired before, not while you were here. It's funny; you might have been older than me but when you were here I still looked forward to the future but with you gone – it all just kind of seems … pointless somehow. I know I still have the kids and God knows, the grandkids are a marvel and I love them all but without you … I just feel as if my time here is over, you know? I wonder if this has anything to do with the whole 'bond thing' that Ancient told us about," for a moment the old fascinated by any scientific puzzle Sam came out but she went away almost as fast.
"I guess it doesn't really matter why," she shrugged. "It matters that I miss you, Jack. And I really don't know how to do this or even if I want to. You promised me forever, and I want it. I guess I'm getting greedy in my old age because I want forever with you, Jack; nothing else will do. You better be waiting for me, sir; 'cause I'm holding you to your promise. I mean to have forever with you. I love you, Jack; I love you so much."
And everywhere I am
There you'll be
There you'll be
A couple of days later, Jacob went to Sam's room to tell her dinner was ready. He knew something was wrong before he even took two steps into the room.
"Mom," he called in a strangled voice as he reached the bed and leaned forward to touch her. "Mom," he said again, his voice sounding remarkably like it had when he was ten years old. He felt for her pulse and wasn't at all surprised when he couldn't find it.
"Oh, Mom," he closed his eyes and took a deep breath. He felt as if someone had sucker punched him in the gut and squeezed his heart all at once. It struck him that he'd lost both his parents in less than a week and even if he was staring his fortieth birthday in the face, suddenly finding himself an orphan made him feel like that time he wandered away from his parents in the mall: completely and utterly lost and alone.
"Hey, is Mom awake?" Grace asked, her voice dying out when she got a good look at his face. "No, please no," he could tell she was about to lose it. She might be the oldest but that just meant she had the most time with them, the most memories and the most to miss.
"Oh, God," Katie said, as they came to stand next to Jacob by their mother's bed. "Oh, God," she said again before taking a deep breath. "But it's not really a surprise, is it?" She asked in a resigned voice; she realized that somewhere deep down, she'd been expecting just this. Jacob looked at her for a moment before shaking his head.
"No, it's not," he answered and put an arm around each of his sisters. "At least they're together now."
"Yeah," Grace said and sniffled. "Do you think they're …?"
"Together?" Jacob asked, sounding surprised. "Yes, of course. You don't?"
"Of course I do," she shook her head. "I meant, do you think they've ascended?"
"Wow, I don't know … I've never really thought about it," Katie answered, sounding surprised and unsure.
"I thought Dad said he wouldn't even consider ascension," Jacob pointed out.
"Yeah, but that was when he could be here with us," Grace argued. "What about now that he can't? That he's already gone? Don't you think that if he could, he'd do anything to be around and keep an eye on us?"
"When you put it that way …" Katie said slowly and thoughtfully. She turned to Jacob, who nodded.
"Yeah, I can see him doing that," he conceded. "But what about Mom?"
"Oh, he wouldn't do it if he didn't know he could get her to ascend too," Grace said firmly. Just then all three felt a gentle breeze caress their faces and with it, they felt, not happy – they'd just lost their parents, but at least at peace with the fact that they were gone.
"Oh, yeah," Jacob said with a bittersweet and yet, satisfied smile, "they're together."