Hellooo! Here's a Sherlolly OS (of course) based, as you can guess, on the song "Give your heart a break", by Demi Lovato. I absolutely love this song and a friend of mine asked me to write something with it (and as it was the only way for me to get what I was trying to negociate with her, I obliged). So... Yep. Give your heart a break, Sherlolly, let's gooo!
Disclaimer: All the credits to Moffat, Gatiss and Demi Lovato.
GIVE YOUR HEART A BREAK
Molly had always had a collection of break-up songs in her playlist and she listened to them each time she ended a relationship with a man. Music had always helped her to get over with her break-up. Hearing the lyrics of the songs, saying that the boy was just an idiot and that the girl was better off alone, made her feel better and comforted her. It wasn't her fault, it was the man's fault.
But it did not work this time. Not with Sherlock Holmes.
It all happened a week ago. When she came home she had tears running down her face. She took her computer, opened her iTunes library and clicked on the play button. "We are never ever getting back together" filled her ears. On the usual, she would have sung along with Taylor Swift, but not this time. She closed her eyes and tried to forget, but she couldn't. She only managed to cry a little more. Sitting on her sofa, cuddling a pillow, she cried the whole evening and the whole night, barely paying attention to the break-up songs playing in the background.
The day after, she had stopped crying, but she wasn't feeling any better. Not crying anymore felt worse and she felt the pain caused by her broken heart. Around ten in the morning, she began to cry again, for her eyes had certainly managed to create new tears she could cry. Her apartment was completely silent the whole day, for her computer had ran out of battery, and she couldn't manage to say a word.
On the second day she realized that she genuinely needed music. But not her old playlist filled with dumb and meaningless break-up songs. She needed something stronger. She searched for the perfect song on YouTube for hours and hours and she was ready to give up, going back to cuddling her pillow and crying, when the video she had chosen began to play.
And her eyes filled with tears again and she cried over the song. She just found the song. It made sense, she was the woman and he was the man in the song.
She downloaded it and listened to it night and day, day and night, all the time.
OoOoOoO
The song had not stopped playing for over three days yet Molly couldn't get bored of it. This song sounded like an incarnation of Sherlock and she couldn't get bored of Sherlock himself. She could be pissed at him, she could not stand him, she could want to slap him, she could want to make him leave when he was next to her, but she couldn't get bored of him because he was all she loved.
As soon as the last notes played, there was a brief silence and the first words of the song repeated again. Molly stayed focus this time, living again in her head her entire story with Sherlock.
The day I first met you
You told me you'd never fall in love.
She would always remember the first day she met him. She met the one who broke her heart on this day.
It was her first day of work in St Bart's Hospital. The other pathologists had already warned her about the Sherlock Holmes's case. The only consultant detective in the world – for he had invented this job – who didn't care about human beings and who solved crimes as an alternative to get high – though he did get high sometimes to help him in his cases – and whose brilliant mind prevented him from being a little bit nicer with people around him. She was told that he could turn up in the lab at any time because he needed the place for his creepy experiments.
Therefore, when the gates burst open, allowing the tall and thin silhouette to enter, she wasn't surprised. He called for 'Marvin' – she presumed it was how he thought the previous pathologist was called – and then he stared at Molly.
"Since when Marvin has an assistant?" he whispered to himself. "Oh! You're not an assistant, you're the new pathologist. Right. My name's Sherlock Holmes. We'll spend some time together, I need the lab for my experiments. I can't stay at home all the time. I presume my neighbours wouldn't appreciate me so much if I made the apartments explode. Especially since they don't like me so much already. They don't get that if you want to make science evolve, you have to take risks, whatever are the consequences."
Molly was amazed by how fast he could speak. He didn't stop to take a breath and he was barely moving his head – he only tilted it slightly sometimes. He had set his dark grey coat and his blue scarf on the coat hanger while he was talking and he reached for what seemed to be his place in the lab.
"Anyway, welcome here! It's a good place, though the canteen is clearly awful."
He opened his jacket, he sat and he remained silent for hours and hours. When he was finished with whatever he was doing, he grabbed his coat and his scarf, put his gloves on and went out from the lab... To come back a few seconds after.
"It was nice to meet you, Dr Molly Hooper."
He gave her a smile and went out for the second time.
Molly couldn't help but smile when this memory came to her mind. She clearly wasn't expecting Sherlock Holmes to be like that. She became captivated by the way he spoke, the way he moved, the way he focused, even the way he stretched. Besides, she could peacefully fantasize about his body when he stretched, given the tightness of his shirts.
She had tried several times to seduce him – but she was far too intimidated by him to succeed in being seductive – and little by little, she had understood that Sherlock wasn't interested in love. He used love for his cases, but he didn't want to love. He thought love was a disadvantage, a weakness, and he wanted rationalism, not sentimentalism.
She had thought it was vain to make him change his mind, she had thought he would never love someone for real – in a romantic way, at least, because he did love John Watson, after all – and that was when she had begun to look for a boyfriend she could be happy with.
Tears came back into her eyes when she thought that she would have been better off alone than with him. She had been too naïve, thinking that Sherlock could have changed. She could wish as hard as she could, he would never in a million years be her knight in shining armour.
But now that I get you
I know fear is what it really was.
However, there was a reason behind Sherlock's incapacity of loving someone. He was afraid of loving.
He used to protect himself behind emotional distance and coldness, he didn't show his feelings so that he would never do something he could regret and he would never be caught out of guard. Logic and rationalism helped him with that, when sentiments and love tried to divert him from the path he wanted to take.
But he had not always been like that at all and Molly had always been sure of that. She had always understood him and she had always known that he was trying to hide something behind his rude and emotionless behaviour. She had understood that he acted like that to protect his heart from being seriously hurt. And thanks to Eurus Holmes, the truth was revealed, allowing Sherlock's friends to get him better.
Losing his best friend when he was a kid was a traumatizing event, of course. Since then, he had decided to lock his heart so that no one could ever reach it and hurt him. He didn't want to reiterate. He wanted to be numb.
Now here we are,
So close, yet so far.
Haven't I passed the tests?
But when will you realize,
Baby, I'm not like the rest?
However, Sherlock had made the same mistake again. It wasn't a real mistake, but it definitely looked like one to him. He had opened his heart again, to John. He could act like he didn't care, he could bicker with John, he could mock him and be unpleasant with him, John was his best friend anyway.
And not only had he opened his heart to John, but he had also accepted that he could love in a romantic way. Love her.
Molly felt the tears rolling on her cheeks when she thought about the way he had said 'I love you' in this freaking cell. She had clearly heard the realization in his voice when he had said it for the second time.
Her hands were shaking, holding her wet tissue. He had said it like he meant it, just like she asked him to do. And he had meant it.
This 'I love you' had brought them together, but when Sherlock had wanted to take it back after two weeks of relationship, Molly's heart had shattered and she now felt like it could never be fixed again. Except by Sherlock himself.
They were close like never before, and they still were, in a way. Molly had reached Sherlock's inner feelings and she knew him by heart. She could read him like an open book. But Sherlock's cowardice had torn them apart.
"How can you do that to me?" she was already sobbing.
He took a deep breath, trying to look neutral. But he failed, he knew it and so did Molly. His eyes were moisturizing, his deep voice was trembling, his hands were shaking.
"It was stupid, Molly" he was trying to sound as cold as he could. "It didn't mean a single thing. We're not made for each other. You want romance, I want nothing, and I can't give you what you want. I'm not the one you think I am, and you should stop fantasizing about the person I am. It's not making you any good and it's diverting me from the path I have to take."
"You, bastard…" she whispered, sobbing. "Bastard!" she shouted. "You can't do that to me! You think I don't know you but I know exactly who you are, Sherlock Holmes. I know what you are, and you're not the clever and great detective that everybody thinks you are. You're a coward and you are afraid of yourself! That is what you are!"
She sniffed and pressed her eyelids.
"And I'm not like them. I don't have wrong beliefs about you. I'm not like them, and that's precisely why you're so scared."
Don't wanna break your heart,
Wanna give your heart a break.
I know you're scared it's wrong,
Like you might make a mistake.
There's just one life to live
And there's no time to wait, to wait.
So let me give your heart a break, give your heart a break
Let me give your heart a break, your heart a break
There's just so much you can take
Give your heart a break
Let me give your heart a break, your heart a break.
Oh yeah, yeah
The chorus made sense, just like the rest of the song. She grabbed another tissue and dried the tears under her swollen and red eyes. She looked awful, for sure, but she couldn't worry about the way she looked at the moment. She had a break-up and a broken heart to deal with.
She didn't want to break his heart, but he had broken hers. She wanted him to understand his own heart, she wanted him to be able to rule his heart without locking it up. Avoiding and running away from his true self was no solution to get over with his old wounds and scars. She wanted to teach him to love again properly. They could have managed to be happy. It would have been tough given Sherlock's behaviour and ego, but they could have been good together.
But Sherlock Holmes was Sherlock Holmes.
She jumped when she heard footsteps in the hallway. Footsteps that didn't belong to her cat for Toby was asleep, cuddling up to Molly's left thigh. She delicately grabbed her small ball of fluff into her hands and put him off her thigh to get up from the sofa.
She stopped in the middle of her living-room and listened to the steps that sounded familiar to her. Only one of Molly's acquaintances walked this way, according to the clatter of the heels of the shoes – probably dress shoes.
She held her breath when her eyes met her visitor's.
On Sunday you went home alone
There were tears in your eyes.
I called your cell phone, my love,
But you did not reply.
She wasn't ready to face him.
The first words he had said to her when he had broken up with her kept replaying in her head and she was brought back into Baker Street living room. Brought back to what she was trying to forget.
"I've spent the whole morning calling you!" Molly said to him as soon as she entered Sherlock's living room.
He had left her flat after they had spent the night together with no words. It shouldn't be too surprising, given Sherlock's usual attitude, but during the last two weeks, he had never forgotten to tell her when he was going back to Baker Street. He needed to kiss her goodbye before leaving.
He wasn't looking at her. He actually was avoiding to make eye contact with her. He was looking straight forward, his hands were joined and his legs were crossed. Only his right foot was moving. Molly stepped closer to him and she noticed that his pale blue eyes were slowly moisturizing.
"What's wrong, Sherlock?"
"Everything" he whispered, still not moving. "It's all wrong. It was a terrible mistake."
She forced herself to leave her thoughts but it was tough. Tougher than she had ever imagined, especially since she was facing the object of her thoughts.
"Please…" she murmured, sobbing silently. "Leave me alone. I think you've done enough damages."
She wasn't even bothering to ask him how he had managed to get her key. He was Sherlock Holmes anyway, and he always found a way to get whatever he wanted to get.
The world is ours. If we want it,
We can take it, if you just take my hand.
There's no turning back now.
Baby, try to understand!
"Sherlock…"
"Stop that, Molly."
"It's not going to be like that! We've not even tried. We can do better than that. We have a chance to be happy so please, don't spoil it."
"I know what I am doing, Molly. I'm doing it for your own good."
"No, you're not" she violently shook her head. "You're not. You're doing it because you're scared."
He closed his eyes and she knew that she was right.
"You can't give up now" she began to cry.
She stood still, facing him. His pale eyes were locked in hers. She couldn't say a word and neither could he.
Molly's heart was twisting and aching in her chest, her blood was boiling in her veins and she felt her pulse race. Her heart was beating hard and she could feel it in all her body. Her cheeks were suddenly heating and her mouth went dry. She had brutally stopped crying. He was right here, in front of her. She had expected for this the whole week and here he was, in the middle of her flat, his grey coat hanging open, his lips parted and his pupils dilated – surely from drug use.
Sherlock shifted uncomfortably when he noticed her reddened and swollen eyes. He took a step towards her and he couldn't help but smile when he noticed that she didn't make a move backwards to escape from him. She was probably angry, but she didn't want to run away from him. That was a good start.
"I'm so sorry, Molly..." he whispered.
Don't wanna to break your heart,
Wanna give your heart a break
"I know I broke your heart. Maybe you will never forgive me for that. But you have to know that it wasn't my purpose" he kept whispering. "I didn't understand what you wanted, I didn't understand that you just wanted to help me because I was, indeed, too scared."
I know you're scared that's wrong,
Like you might make a mistake.
She looked straight into his eyes. He wasn't lying. She knew him too well and she could be sure that he was being sincere.
He slowly and gently grabbed her hand and she felt her skin electrify under his touch. She had missed this physical contact between them. She had missed the sensation of his skin on hers and she couldn't wait to feel his face, his lips, his hair… She was being paradoxical: she wasn't ready to face him at first, and now, she already wanted more. Love was definitely too hard to understand.
She should be wiser and not be ready to forgive him. But here she was, she was weak when it came to Sherlock Holmes. She had him in her veins and she couldn't think properly when she was in front of him.
What's more, she was used to Sherlock. He often did mistakes but he usually didn't regret them. However, if by chance, he had regrets, he tried to fix his mistakes and that was precisely what he was trying to do, right here, right now.
"I know that, Sherlock" she whispered back.
"I was scared because- Well, first, I had to show my real feelings and I wasn't ready for it. Eurus forced me to do so to save you and I did it, but it wasn't the right way to do it and-"
"You'd have never made a move if she had not forced you" she snapped.
He sighed.
She had suddenly recovered some of her reason and she was now able to speak and move. She was sick of acting stupid and being ridiculous when Sherlock was around, just because he was who he was. She wanted to be stronger and she had to show him that he couldn't play with her whenever he wanted to. She withdrew her hand from his grasp, which didn't please him, given the sadness hinting into his eyes.
"It's too easy, Sherlock. You come here with your little speech that you must have practised and you try to make me believe that you have made your mind up and that you're now ready for us to be in a relationship, when I've been here for a week, crying and crying over you. You think the world is waiting at your knees and you think I am too, but I'm not!"
Yes, love was definitely confusing, heart-breaking, paradoxical, twisted. Nothing but simple.
Or maybe it was hormones and women.
"I was afraid of my feelings, I was afraid of yours and I didn't want to hurt you" he admitted with his throaty voice.
She raised a brow.
"I thought you would be hurt in the end because I knew this break-up would come, sooner or later. And I didn't want you to be too attached because I thought it'd be less hurting."
"I was attached. I've always been. Attached. Addicted. In love" she rambled, looking down.
There's just one life to live
And there's no time to wait, to wait.
"I love you" he suddenly dropped.
She chocked in a breath and stared at him.
"I love you. I can repeat it, if you want me to. I love you. That's the truth. I love you and I don't want to lose you."
He reached for her and cupped his face into his hands. He was too close, he was dangerously too close and his familiar perfume was making her lose her mind. His hot breath on her nose was making her mad.
She couldn't help but focus her attention on his lips.
"This week away from you had been horrible-"
"So was mine" she managed to murmur, still hypnotised by his mouth.
"And I don't want to live in Hell anymore. I love you, Molly. I know I'm far from being the perfect man you'd like me to be, but I can make some efforts for you to want me again."
He brought his face closer. His pink and well-defined lips were a few centimetres away from hers. She so wanted to close the very small gap between them.
"Please, take me back" he begged.
So let me give your heart a break, give your heart a break
Let me give your heart a break, your heart a break
There's just so much you can take
Give your heart a break
Let me give your heart a break, your heart a break.
Oh yeah, yeah
Of course she wanted to take him back. She loved him, for God's sake, she loved him so freaking much. She was crazy about him, she couldn't live without him. He was all she's ever wanted. He was Sherlock Holmes and that was enough for her.
She desperately wanted Sherlock Holmes. Nothing else.
Sherlock Holmes. With his obnoxious behaviour and his nasty remarks, with his perfect suits and shirts, with his magnificent blue and green eyes, with his unbearable mood swings. She wanted him so badly.
When your lips are on my lips,
Then our hearts beat as one.
But you slip out of my fingertips
Every time you run, whoa-oh-whoa-oh-oh!
Don't wanna break your heart
Wanna give your heart a break
I know you're scared it's wrong
Like you might make a mistake.
There's just one life to live
And there's no time to wait, to wait.
So let me give your heart a break...
"You sure?" she asked.
He nodded.
"You won't change your mind? You won't kiss me and say you love me, and split up the second after?"
"I promise I won't. I love you" he repeated.
'Cause you've been hurt before
I can see it in your eyes
You try to smile it away, some things you can't disguise
Don't wanna break your heart
Baby, I can ease the ache, the ache
So let me give your heart a break, give your heart a break
Let me give your heart a break, your heart a break
There's just so much you can take
Give your heart a break
Let me give your heart a break, your heart a break.
Oh yeah, yeah
"I promise I'll try to fix you, Sherlock. You might have grown up, you might not be this little boy anymore, you still need to be supervised and someone needs to teach you what you don't know."
He raised a brow, worry flashing through his eyes.
"Victor-"
"Please, don't…" he murmured.
He looked down and Molly grabbed her chin between her thumb and her index finger so that they could make eye contact.
"That's precisely what I'm talking about. You need to get over with the demons of your past and I'm going to help you with that because you can't manage to do it on your own" she softly said. "That's all you need to become a man, a real one. A man who's ready to live his adult life."
"I'm a man, Molly. I'm a grown-up."
"No, you're not. Not already" she sweetly smiled. "John has done his part of the job unconsciously, he has helped you to get better and to reopen yourself to the world. Now, it's my turn. And I'm going to do it consciously."
She let go of his chin and caressed his cheek.
"Because I love you" she whispered.
He tried to reach for her lips but she stopped him by putting her index on his mouth. He sighed against her finger. He desperately wanted to kiss those pink lips he had missed so much over the last week and he knew she wanted him to do so. So why did she feel the need to torture them?
"One last chance" she warned him. "That's all you will have, Sherlock Holmes."
"That's all I need, Molly Hooper."
The day I first met you
You told me you'd never fall in love.
That was what Sherlock has always pretended. He had made fun of Irene Adler when he had understood that she was in love with him. He had taken advantage on Molly's feelings for him. He thought he would live his whole life not loving anyone. He played with love.
Yet here he was.
Sherlock Holmes loved Molly Hooper.
Don't you think this song fits Sherlolly so well? For once I had to agree with my friend... And I know she'll be reading this and then, she's going to hit me which is going to hurt a lot.
Anyway... If you liked it, you can let me a review, which would be great because I love to read them. And also, tell me if you liked "The Final Problem"... I'm confused, I hear too much people saying that the episode sucked when I personaly loved it. I mean, Sherlock's emotional evolution was completely crazy and mindblowing... Bref... Thank you for reading, dear readers!