This story is loosely based off of The Perks of Being a Wallflower. I own nothing that isn't mine.
June 9, 1976
Dear Friend,
I'm writing because they say you can help me, that you won't judge, no matter how awful the things I'm going to tell you about may or may not be. I don't really know. But then again, I don't really know anything anymore. I'm not putting in a return address because I don't want you to contact me. And believe me, you don't want to contact me. I'm a mess, that's all I've ever been, and that's all I ever will be.
I guess I blame my family for me turning out the way I have. My mother is an absolute witch, literally and figuratively. She's hell-bent on pureblood supremacy, and she believes anyone who isn't pureblooded (and inbred) doesn't deserve to live. My father just goes along with it. I used to be like them, until I went to school and was sorted into Gryffindor, or the wrong house as my mother put it. I met some friends, and they made me realize how twisted my beliefs were. My younger brother isn't so lucky, though. He's the good one in the family, the one that stays silent and always does as he's told. He's going to get himself killed one day because of it, I know it. But that's the curse of the Noble and Most Ancient House of Black, I guess. Everyone follows tradition and no one questions it, well, except for the ones that do. But they get burned off the family tree and everyone acts like they never existed.
I think that's what's going to happen to my cousin Andromeda. She's the middle child in her family. Her older sister Bellatrix is the perfect pureblood. She's married to a Lestrange, another pureblood family, and has joined up with the Dark Lord. My parents were so proud. Andromeda's younger sister, Narcissa, is engaged to a Malfoy, a pureblood who is following the Dark Lord. According to my parents, she can do no wrong. But Andromeda's different. She's in love with a Muggle-born (I refuse to use the term mudblood. It's degrading and insulting and altogether horrible) named Tonks and shuns the ideas of pureblood supremacism. I worry about her.
Anyway, I have two best friends and one sort of friend and one mortal enemy. My friends and I call ourselves the Marauders. We even made the Marauder's Map which shows Hogwarts and what everyone is doing at every minute of every day. I'd like to take credit for it, but we all know my friend Remus did most of the work. But you don't know who that is. Anyway, James Potter is my best friend, and surprisingly my parents actually approve of him. After all, he's a pureblood from a decent family, even though they'll soon be labeled as blood-traitors at the rate they're going. We met on the Hogwarts Express during our first year, and I can still remember everything that happened.
"Mind if I sit here?" I had asked, sliding the door to the compartment open. "Everywhere else is full."
He looked up at me and shrugged. "I don't care," he said. "Do whatever you want."
"I'm Sirius Black."
"James Potter."
Anyway, several insults later, we were inseparable.
Befriending Remus Lupin was a little harder, though. For starters, he was a halfblood and I was still on the pureblood supremacist bandwagon, so I didn't want anything to do with him. But James and I had to share a room with him, Peter Pettigrew, and Frank Longbottom, but we'll get to them later. Anyway, to be perfectly honest, I hated the little brat at first. He was such a know-it-all and I wanted nothing more than to punch him in the face. But I wouldn't do that because he always looked really sick and I thought that if I hit him, he might fall down and not get back up. But James was convinced it was his God-given duty to fix everyone, with the exception of Snivellus, but I'll get to him in a minute, so we started hanging out with this Lupin guy, and he actually ended up being pretty cool (as well as a badass werewolf), and the rest is history. Peter Pettigrew just kind of started following us around. I despise that kid. He's such a wannabe. But none of us have the heart to tell him to leave us alone.
And that brings me to Severus Snape, or as we call him, Snivellus. He has this freak obsession with Lily Evans, the girl James is madly in love with even if he doesn't know it yet. Not to mention his preoccupation with the Dark Arts. But... that's really all I have against him. I mean, James is really the one with the grudge, not me. But if I don't go along with it, I won't have any friends. I'll still have my hordes of screaming girls, but that's not really the same. I'd never admit it, but I need James and Remus. If I didn't have them, I'd completely lose my mind. But then again, I don't exactly have far to go in that respect.
But anyway, like I mentioned, I'm a Gryffindor, and I'm about to start my sixth year along with my friends. It'll be weird, though. These two guy we looked up to, Fabian and Gideon Prewett, they graduated last year. I don't know what school's going to be like with them gone. It was weird enough when Dromeda left. And then Molly Prewett and Arthur Weasley are going to graduate this year. It's just odd to think about, I guess. But anyway, Remus, James, and I are probably going to send our Head of House, McGonagall, to an early grave. I still remember when we were called into her office for the umpteenth time last year.
"Why is it when something happens, it is always you three?" she had demanded. The prank we'd pulled was great, too. James levitated Snivellus and took his trousers off all with the flick of a wand. But then he called Evans a mudblood (did I mention how much I despise that term?) and she didn't speak to him since.
"Frankly Professor," Remus sighed. He was always polite calling people 'sir' and 'ma'am' and 'professor.' He was even respectful to that pathetic excuse for a teacher, Slughorn. "I've been asking myself that same question for years."
Merlin it's a miracle I ever befriended that guy. It was a good thing, though. He needed us, still does. He was in a really bad place with a really bad condition, and we were able to help him. I can't tell you what we did because there's rumors that the Ministry is intercepting owls, but he needed it. He needed us. And as much as I hate to say it, we need him. He's our voice of reason, and Merlin only knows where we'd be without him.
And then he was in an even worse place last year. His mother, who had really been the only one of his parents to really be supportive of him given his, er, furry little problem, passed away. It wasn't sudden, she'd been sick for a really long time, and truth be told I think he was a little relieved that it had happened, but still. His father was never exactly, I dunno, warm toward him given the circumstances, and I worry about him. Merlin it's a twisted world we live in, isn't it? I'm the one with the batshit insane parents, and I'm worried about his father.
But I've always been a worrier, even though I don't seem like it. Hell, I worry about my brother all the time. It's not his fault our parents have all but brainwashed him. But I stand up to them, why can't he? But then I always have to remind myself that he isn't like me. He's an observer. He's seen how I'm treated and is probably scared that it'll happen to him. I think he's brave though, somewhere deep down. He's just been manipulated. And I'm scared to death he's been so manipulated and his thoughts so warped that he's never going to see reason, that he's going to end up in an early grave. But you can never tell him I said that, understand? We kind of have a silent understanding that we're going to act like we hate each other even though deep down we love each other. And I do mean deep, DEEP down. Well, I should probably stop writing now. Mother's yelling about Merlin-only-knows what. She probably found out about what I did to Kreacher. But that's for another letter.
Yours Truly,
Sirius