All Hallow's Eve on the High Plains

by LauranceS

Walt has an INTERESTING Halloween.

All Hollows Eve on the High Plains

Roman mythology tells us that the goddess Athena sent white birds as a harbinger of approaching strangers. Little did I understand that after all these millennia she might have her eyes on the High Plains.

Every October a flock of Snowy Egrets pauses for just one day in the Durant city park on their way to the Gulf of Mexico. Those resplendent white birds stop to feast on the summer-fattened crayfish in Clearwater Creek. Luckily, for me, the windows of the Busy Bee look down on the creek allowing me to watch this one-day spectacle while I eat the usual. This year was different, tropical air from the Gulf of Mexico rolled north into the high plains and the snow-white messengers of Athena staged a two week sit in at our city park. The balmy weather was paradise for the egrets and genocide for the crayfish. I should have paid attention to this message from the ancient goddess but I did not.

At 10 PM Halloween night I was reviewing arrest reports in my office when I heard the sound of one ice cube clinking the bottom of a heavy glass followed by the popping of a cork. I had heard that sound many a night across a chessboard at the Durant home for assisted living. "Lucian you shouldn't be drinking that Pappy van Winkle until we are off duty."

"Duty hell, you're not paying me to be your dispatcher on this the last Halloween of the millennium. So I can't be held to the Absaroka County employee's code of conduct. But I promise that I will have no more than two before we are finished for the night."

"Two what? Two pints?"

"Walt, we are almost in the third millennium you should start to think in terms of the metric system."

"Ok, how about no more than 50 milliliters"

"Shit, how much is 50 sillyliters"

I could not help but chuckle. "Since you are as old as Moses, let's try a biblical measurement, two cubits or no more than three fingers."

"OK, four fingers, I can count to four that should work."

The phone rang rescuing us from one more discussion on the world's various measuring systems. Lucian hit the answer button on the speakerphone. "Absaroka County Sheriff's Department, Happy Halloween."

"Well a happy white man's pagan fall festival to you to Lucian."

"What's up Standing Bear?"

"I require the services of the sheriff's office. I need you to send someone by to arrest Pan the Roman god of lust and wine."

"Standing Bear, you want us to come over to the Red Pony and arrest a goat."

"A half man, half goat to be precise. I have a man here dressed as Pan the Roman god of lust and wine. He has accumulated a $200 bar tab, has no money, no ID, and no credit cards."

"Standing Bear can't you have him call somebody to pay his tab for him?"

"Pan has informed me that gods do not use telephones. This is a piece of information I did not possess before tonight."

"Shit, the gods don't use telephones. Well you learn something new every day. Can't he leave you a watch or something until he can pay his tab?"

"Pan tried to pay me with a Roman coin. He informs me that it is made of pure gold and is good anywhere in the empire. I have serious doubts about the gold content and it looks brand new."

"Anywhere in what empire?"

"The Roman Empire of course."

"Of course, how could I have not known that? Hell, Henry how did you let one guy rack up a $200 tab?"

"I have new waitress. Pan has a tongue long enough to make him the star of any heavy metal band. She did not demand he square his account when it reached $75. I am certain his freakishly long tongue has her thinking more like a groupie than a waitress. This allowed the god of wine and lust consume an entire case of very expensive imported Egyptian Red Ale before asking him to settle his tab."

"This guy has finished off 24 beers and he is still standing?"

"Pan is still standing and has informed me that our Egyptian Red Ale is better than the ale Moses used to make for the Pharaohs."

"So, your beer is better than Moses' home brew. Henry you should put that on the front of the Red Pony."

"I think that claiming to have God's favorite beer might run me a foul of the local ministers. I should like to avoid that."

"Yeah, you don't want to piss off the preachers."

"Lucian, this goat-man is not natural. He has these high shoes that look exactly like goat feet and I cannot figure out how he has his horns attached to his head. It looks like they are surgically implanted. I think Pan may have walked away from a mental hospital."

"Has goat-man caused any other trouble?"

"No, he just sticks out his foot long tongue and asks all the women if they have ever had sex with a god."

"How many takers has he had?"

"None so far but the night is young."

"OK, hang on Henry." Lucian leaned over so I could see him thru my office doorway. "Walt do you want to send Vic or the Ferg over to the Red Pony or do you want to handle this yourself?"

"The Ferg is on patrol 30 miles out of town. Send Vic, she is patrolling the Halloween dance at Durant High School. After dealing with you for all these years, dealing with one more horny old goat should be easy."

"Oh Walt, you cut me deeply. Are you sure, you don't want to go yourself? This could look good on your re-election campaign posters. I can see it now, a picture of you and the furry goat-guy and the caption could be "Longmire a sheriff so tough that even the gods of Olympus can't escape his long arm of the law."

"Yeah, and you would send that photo to the Inquirer. I can see the supermarket headlines know. "Longmire arrests goat-man. Longmire chases Bigfoot in the Bighorns. Longmire captures space aliens. What is Longmire hiding? Yeah, that would help my re-election chances."

"Ohhhhhh could be fun. I hear those Inquirer reporters will buy you drinks until you talk. How much Pappy van Winkle do you think they would buy me to rat you out on all the supernatural shit you are covering up?"

Henry's voice came from the speakerphone. "Hello, Hellllooooo, if you two are done discussing your future fame at the checkout aisle, I would like to know if anyone is going to come and pick up my Roman god?"

"I poked my head into the main office. "Lucian radio Vic and tell her she has to go and arrest the goat."

"Walt, you're right to send Vic. She would never end up on the front page of the Inquirer. The first time some reporter asks if her if her breasts are real or alien implants she would just Taser his ass." He reached over and keyed the microphone. "Ok Standing Bear, Vic will be over to pick up your drunken goat."

'Thanks, I will be waiting."

Lucian smiled at me. "Oh yeah, this could be the best entertainment of the night." He pressed the send button on our radio. "Absaroka base to Absaroka patrol two. Officer Moretti you are needed to apprehend a goat."

"This is Patrol two. Lucian, what do you really want? I am busy here at the high school playing fucking Elliot Ness."

"Eliot Ness, when did Al Capone arrive in Absaroka County?"

No Chicago gangsters, but we have plenty of underage bootleggers. Why does every teenager in Absaroka County think that the drinking age of 21 does not apply on Halloween night? Oh yeah, pass the word around the office, I have confiscated enough evidence for this year's Christmas party."

"Did you manage to arrest that 25 year old bootlegger Pappy Van Winkle?"

"Sorry, that particular criminal is far too high class a bootlegger to be hanging out with teenagers. Oh, tell Walt, I'm sorry none of the bootleggers I've caught were smuggling Rainier."

"Well officer Moretti, your time as a prohibition officer is over for the night. You have been assigned the duty of going over to the Red Pony and arresting a goat, well a half man half goat."

"Oh goody, I need to arrest some guy in goat costume. What's the crime?"

"No, not some guy in a goat costume, you are to arrest Pan the Roman god of lust and wine. He can't pay his bar tab."

"Shit, isn't an unpaid bar tab Henry's problem?"

"Well he is into to Henry for $200 has no money or ID. So, that makes him a vagrant and therefore our problem."

"Fuck, I went to college so that I could arrest penniless intoxicated species confused drunks who can't decide if they want be a man or a goat."

"Yes officer Moretti, this is exactly why you went to college and swore an oath to uphold the laws of our great democracy. You also promised to deal with all the bat-crap crazy citizens of Absaroka County, be they human or be they goat. God Bless America."

"Hey Lucian, I know you spent a lot of time up in the bighorns with only a herd of four legged friends for company. I'll bet that if Pan the god of lust and wine saw you, he would give you a big hug and shout out Dahahahaddy. So, screw you and the goat you rode in on, I am headed over to the Red Pony. Patrol two out."

Lucian rolled his chair to the middle of the office so he could see me. "Walt, I believe that Officer Victoria Moretti is creating a sexually hostile work environment. You need to discipline your deputy. You should make her do jumping Jacks as punishment that way I can watch her bounce up and down."

"Lucian you spent 4 years in Japanese prison camp and I survived the siege of Khe Sanh and you know that neither of us has the courage to discipline Victoria Moretti."

About an hour later, the front door of the office slammed open and the voice of Victoria Moretti bellowed up the stairs. "Move before I put my boot up your furry ass."

Then there was unknown voice with a musical tone. "Oh you must stop flirting with me. You know you want me. Baah, Bahaha."

"Put that tongue back in your mouth or I'll Taser it."

I heard the sound of someone falling up the stairs. "Vic do you need a hand?"

"No, I can get the god of wine and lust up the stairs."

I heard the sound of Vic's stun gun sparking up. "Viiiic are you OK?"

"Don't worry I was showing our god that I wasn't kidding. I haven't zapped him, yet."

A musical voice chimed in. "Oh my, a women who commands' Zeus's thunderbolt. You bring out the ram in me." Again, I heard the buzz of the stun gun. "Alright, alright, I am going. Baaaah."

A sound followed that I have not heard since Henry and I placed a calf in the second floor classroom of our high school history teacher. It was the sound of hooves on wooden stairs. As sheriff, I have seen many things on the high plains but this "man" was the strangest of God's creations. Pan slowly appeared as he came up the stairs. I saw his horns first as his furry head crested the top the stairs. Followed by a bearded face, ears that were almost pointed, naked chest, fur covered legs and finally a set of hooves in the place of feet. Luckily, for Pan his fur was so thick that it kept him from being arrested for indecent exposure. Vic escorted Pan across the office and into the holding cell. I have seen women and men and men dressed as women walk in high-heeled shoes but I have never seen anyone walk with the jerky gate of Pan. He really did walk like a goat.

Lucian spoke first. "Well officer Moretti, you are finally an official Wyoming sheriff's deputy and goat gaucho. How does it feel?"

"Well Lucian, I may be the first Absaroka county deputy to arrest one of your offspring but I am certain there are whole flocks of little furry Lucians roaming the Big Horns. Alright goat-boy into the cell." Vic shoved Pan the god of Lust and Wine into cell number one.

Pan leaned against the bars of his cell with arms hanging out. "Did that old codger call you Moretti? You wouldn't be the daughter of Loretta Moretti of Philadelphia, would you?"

Vic spun around and had look on her face that was a combination of curious and homicidal. "How do you know Loretta Moretti?"

Pan pressed his intoxicated face between the bars. "You are the spitting image of Loretta from 30 years ago."

Vic stepped closer to the cell. "How do you know Loretta Moretti?"

"Baaaah, Loretta Moretti was a true pagan. Why don't you take off your shirt so I can see if you inherited Loretta's best features?" Pan stuck out his tongue. "Baaaah!"

I should have seen it coming and tried to stop it. Vic whipped her stun gun out and tased Pan right on the tongue. I had never seen man or beast tased on their tongue before. Pan's tongue stuck straight out and vibrated like a plucked guitar string, his eyes rolled back in his head and while it started out slowly, he eventually went over like a tree.

"Dammit Vic, see if he's ok."

Vic pulled out her nightstick and poked Pan gently. "Oh, goat-boy, are you alive?"

Pan arched his back and then rolled over to face Vic. "You are fiery just like Loretta." Vic reached to poke him with her nightstick but Pan scooted back out of her reach. "Do I get a telephone call?"

Vic tried to poke Pan again but he was out of reach. I used my command voice, even though I knew Vic would probably ignore it. "Vic! Give the goat his phone call."

She scrunched her face up at me. "Alright."

I yelled at Pan. "Tell whoever, that if they bring ID, $200 for Henry Standing Bear and $50 for Drunken and Disorderly, you probably can be released tonight."

Vic turned her head towards Pan. "One more word about Loretta Moretti!" She buzzed the stun gun and put the phone on a chair next to the cell. "Goat-boy this phone only makes local calls so don't try calling Mount Olympus."

Pan reached for the phone while trying to stay out of reach of Vic. "Can someone give me the number of the Super 8 Motel on the highway?" Lucian gave Pan the number and he dialed it. "Connect me with room 38 please. Ego sum et in carcerem mittaris. Vos postulo CCC pupa." Pan paused and then shouted into the phone. "Ego verum scio capitonem merdosum sed veni, et educ me de." Pan slammed the receiver down. "Apollo should be here soon to get me out of here."

I looked at Vic. "Did you understand any of that?"

Vic looked at Pan. "I speak a couple of hundred words of Italian but I could only catch about every fourth word. Hey goat-boy, what dialect was that?"

"It was Latin not Italian."

"Latin, what are you some kind of furry Catholic monk?"

"Catholic, Baaaah. I am the god of lust and wine. Why would I want to hang around with a bunch of chaste party poopers? Although some of those Benedictine, monks make some damn good liqueurs. You mortals were a lot more fun in the old days when you partied with us Olympians. "

Vic smirked. "Yeah, well we mortals moved beyond partying with goats a long time ago."

"Oh, there are still some mortals who like to party with us gods."

"Yeah well, there's not going to be any more parties for Pan tonight. Booo whooo."

Pan stuck his long tongue out and licked his chin. "Apollo might get here in time that you could join us for one drink before closing at the Red Pony."

"You are just creepy gross. I do not party with goats or any other Olympians, got it."

"Oh damn, I thought you might be as much fun as Loretta. Now that woman could drink like a Corinthian temple virgin."

Lucian could not resist. He had to stir the pot. "You know Vic you won't find a tongue like that on any normal man maybe you should go with him."

Vic spun around and kicked Lucian in his artificial leg. "You old pervert. I am going to put termites in your room at the home. "

Lucian pulled his pants leg up and displayed his plastic and steel leg. "Ha, you can put all the termites you want in my room. Those little buggers can't eat anything on my fine government issue leg."

"Well you are right. I am certain that those poor termites could not find any hard wood anywhere at any time on your old carcass."

"Oh, Oh, Walt I told you she is creating a sexually hostile work environment. You need to discipline your deputy. Make her do Jumping Jacks, I want to watch."

Vic pulled out her stun gun and sparked it at Lucian. "I'll discipline your wrinkled old ass."

Pan had pulled himself back up to the bars. "Hey old guy, you should ask her to shock you on your good leg. The current should run up your good leg and down your steel leg. You might get and orgasm out of the deal. That is how they get samples from stud bulls." Pan stuck his tongue out again. "Baaaaaah."

I was faster this time. I grabbed Vic's arm and pried the stun gun out of her hand. "Nobody is getting zapped by anybody."

Pan started to jump up and down. "Jumping Jacks, Jumping Jacks. Order her to take her shirt off." Then Pan ran his tongue all over his eyebrows and I cringed. He released his grip on the cell bars in an attempt to clap his hands together and fell over backwards.

Vic started to move towards the cell. I held her tight. Luckily, the front door bell rang. "Damn, this is like running a kindergarten. Vic, Viiiic go and see who is at the front door. Lucian, you shut up or I'll drown your best friend Pappy van Winkle in the toilet and you in the cell shut up or I will give Vic her stun gun back."

"Oh Walt, you cannot drown Pappy for my crimes. This is America we don't punish family members for crimes committed by relatives."

"Luciannnnn!" I was seriously considering executing Pappy van Winkle by guzzling him myself.

Vic gave Lucian a one finger salute and headed down the stairs. Lucian blew Vic a kiss. I heard Vic slide the peephole cover on the front door to the side and she laughed. "Oh Walter, we have another Roman god."

"Ahhh damn it Vic, what the hell are you talking about?"

"We have a Caucasian male approximately six foot two inches tall, two hundred pounds, dark curly hair, big shoulders, skinny waste, great legs, dimples and wearing a very short toga with what is probably a crown of laurel leaves on his head. He is either one fucking hot Olympic gymnast or a god straight from Mount Olympus. Should I let him in?"

I ran my hand slowly down my face. "Ask who he is?" The execution of Pappy Van Winkle was sounding better and better.

I heard the door open. Vic's voice changed to a come-hither tone. "Can I help you?"

A bass voice with an Italian accent boomed up the stairwell. "I am Apollo, Apollo Artruso. I am here to secure the release of my friend Panteleone Pedroni."

Vic waved our visitor in. "Apollo your friend is upstairs." I watched as Apollo ascended the stairs. Vic lagged behind Apollo so that she could look up his short toga. After getting a good look she closed the gap with Apollo and asked, "So Apollo, isn't the weather a little chilly to be wearing a toga?"

"Chilly? Ah yes, cold. We Romans are a hardy people. We do not shrink from going out in the cold."

Vic gave her most predatory smile exposing her long canine tooth, "I see that you don't shrink in the cold."

Apollo crested the top of the stairs and strode my way. Vic's eyes never left Apollo. At the ancient Olympic Games, the male athletes would compete in the nude and unmarried women would watch from special stands. I glanced at Vic. I am certain that her facial expression was the same as those young women from two-thousand years ago. Apollo extended his hand. I took his hand and he had an Olympians grip. Apollo had gold flecks in his dark eyes.

"I am Apollo Artruso from Rome, the eternal city. My friend Panteleone Pedroni and I are visitors to your delightful town." He eyed Vic up and down as he said the word delightful. "I understand that my friend has violated some law? Is there anything that I can do to correct the situation?"

"Well Mr. Artruso, your friend has accumulated a large bar bill that he was unable to pay and he had no identification. So technically he is a vagrant."

Pan whinnied from cot in the cage. "I am not a vagrant. I am a god. Baaaaah."

Apollo barked at Pan. "INCLUDO "

Pan caught one of his horns in the bed sheet as he rolled off his cot and on to the floor. "Baaahaahah damn it." Pan shook himself loose. "CALLIDE, CALLIDE Apollo."

Apollo stared at Pan, it was obvious he was the shepherd and Pan was the goat.

"As I was saying, Pan will have to pay his bar bill, provide proper identification so that he can clear warrants and pay a fifty dollar fine for drunk and disorderly."

Apollo nodded. "Sheriff, I would like to apologize for my friend. Pantaleone is somewhat impulsive. We were going to get into our costumes and leave together to join in your town's festival. Pan completed dressing before me and he left our room without telling me where he was going. I searched for him but was unable to locate him."

"Your costumes are quite impressive."

"Pan and I are actors. We perform the plays of classical Rome. We are on a tour of your beautiful United States."

"Well your friend ended up at a local tavern named the Red Pony. He drank a large amount of alcohol and was unable to pay his bill."

"I am very sorry for my friend's actions. Pan will you agree to plead guilty?"

"Gods are not subject to human laws."

"Pan we are not on stage now. We must obey the local laws if we wish to join into the remaining festivities tonight."

"Blah Blah, things were better in the good old days when we gods could come and go as we pleased. OK, I will pay the fine. Hey Apollo, guess who the daughter of Aphrodite is. " Apollo looked at Vic and his expression changed. He was grasping for a memory but could not quite recall it. "This is Victoria Moretti the daughter of Loretta Moretti. Remember Halloween in Philadelphia?" Apollo looked at Vic and smiled. Many men looked at Vic and smile with desire but the expression on his face was different. His lips curled into a small smile of memory and pride.

Vic reached for her stun gun but the holster was empty. "One more word about my mother and I will spark your ass until your fur catches fire." She turned looked at Apollo. "One word from you pretty boy and you will get the same." I stepped aside. She stomped off into my office. I knew when to get the hell out of the way of Victoria Moretti.

I pointed Apollo towards Lucian's desk. "Well Mr. Artruso, if you have identification for Mr. Pedroni we can check him for outstanding warrants and as soon as he clears, both of you can be on your way."

"Certainly sheriff."

"Give your identification to Sheriff Connely so he can run a check for outstanding warrants." Apollo produced two passports one for himself and one for Pan. He handed them to Lucian. I followed Vic into my office and partially closed my door. "Well Vic you have arrested your first goat. I must admit that in my many years I have never accomplished that feat."

"Fuck You."

I could hear Lucian and Apollo reviewing the details of his and Pan's ID followed by the sound of Lucian arguing with the computer.

Apollo commiserated with Lucian about computers. "Law enforcement was simpler before modern technology. The Vigiles Urbani of the Roman Empire had only a wooden club, muscle and brains to keep order in your Earth's first city of one million people."

Lucian grumbled and hit the keys harder. "I wish I could brain this computer with a wooden club."

Apollo gave a deep laugh. "May I speak with my friend?"

"Ahhh, sure go ahead. We should be done with this in few minutes." Lucian focused on the screen while he waved Apollo towards the cage.

I could hear Apollo and Pan jabbering in Latin. Vic looked up at me.

"Why do all the fucking weirdoes come to Absaroka County?"

"They all come for the great view of the ocean."

Vic kicked my desk. The only reason she didn't kick me was the desk was in between.

I heard the printer running followed by Lucian hobbling toward my office.

Lucian handed me the computer printout and whispered. "Take a look at this bullshit."

I quick scanned the top of the page. "You have got to be kidding. Philadelphia wants these two for drunk and disorderly and indecent exposure from 1971. Who in the hell keeps misdemeanor warrants active for 29 years. The statute of limitations has long expired."

Lucian pointed to the center of the page. "They escaped from a Philadelphia precinct before they were arraigned, which explains why the warrants are still active. We will have to hold them until somebody in Philly says they don't want them."

"Damn, let's go and arrest Apollo."

Vic smiled showing her long canine teeth. "I get to strip search Apollo."

The lights in the building began to flicker and then went out. A deep base voice echoed from the darkness of the outer office.

"Victoria, tell your mother that Apollo thinks of her and smiles every time he sees a fountain."

Before we could get into the outer office, a blinding light flooded the room and the sound of Pan's voice echoed. "Victoria, I am sure your best assets are as fine as your mother's. BAAAAAAHHHH!" The room went silent and dark. Vic shined her Maglite into the outer office. The cage was closed and locked but no Pan and no Apollo. Vic headed down the stairs while I checked the closets. "Walt, the front door is still bolted from the inside. They must still be in the building."

I looked over at Lucian who had already retrieved his .38 revolver from his coat pocket. "Walt, I'll check the windows up here and the roof access. You go with Vic." I drew my .45 and headed down the stairs. Vic and I proceeded to clear the downstairs rooms one by one but there was no sign of our two Roman gods. Lucian yelled down the stairs. "Walt the windows and the roof hatch are all locked tight. There is no way they got out from up here. The power is out only in our building." Vic and I had checked all the other exits. "Vic take your patrol car and..." The power came back on. "Run a clockwise spiral search pattern from here. I'll walk a counterclockwise search.

"Shit that should be easy. We only have four city blocks."

I shouted up the stairs. "Lucian radio the Ferg. Tell him what's up and to get back to Durant and go over to the Super 8 and see if they show up there."

"Will do kemosahbee."

The last thing I needed five days before an election is the story getting out that two drunken Roman gods escaped from my jail. I walked the streets of Durant for about an hour but there was no sign of our fugitive Romans. Finally, I told Vic to check all the bars in town and Ferg to hang around the Super 8 for another hour before he returned to his regular patrol.

I went back to the office and found Lucian waiting for me at the top of the stairs. "No sign of our escaped Olympians?"

"Nope, I have no idea how in the hell they could have gotten out of the building so quickly."

Lucian raised one eyebrow and wrinkled up his brow. "Walt, do you want me to put a fugitive alert out with the highway patrol?" I hesitated. I have never let my re-election campaign influence my decisions as sheriff. That is when Lucian saved my integrity. "You know under Wyoming law an unpaid bill under five hundred dollars is a matter for the civil courts and not the concern of law enforcement. The only reason you had Vic pick him up was Henry thought he might have escaped from a mental hospital. We have no evidence that is true. Plus how often do we post an alert with the highway patrol for any misdemeanor?"

I closed my eyes and rolled my head back. "No, don't call the highway patrol."

"Walt one more thing, I called the Philadelphia PD and ask them to send me any details they had about these two desperados and they faxed me a copy of the original arrest report. Here it is."

I sat down and proceeded to read.

October 31, 1971

Arrest Report #1987605- 1971

Reporting Officer: Karl Otto Erben badge #78563

Offense: Drunk and Disorderly and Public Nudity

Suspects:

Apollo Artruso (identified using an Italian Passport)

Caucasian male, 28 years old, 6 feet 2inches tall, approx. 200 pounds, dark curly hair, athletic build, dark eyes with golf flecks in the iris.

Panteleone Pedroni (identified using an Italian Passport)

Caucasian male, 31 years old, 5 feet 5 inches tall, approx. 190 pounds, dark curly hair, potbelly, dark eyes, abnormally long tongue.

Unidentified female suspect possibly named Loretta.

Caucasian female, 25-30 years old, approx. 5 feet 5 inches tall, approx. 130 pounds, black shoulder length hair, large breasted, very curvaceous figure, dark eyes, one abnormally long canine tooth.

Essential Facts: At approximately 10:30 PM, I was on foot patrol on 5th avenue walking west toward the intersection with Penn Street. I sighted three individuals swimming in the fountain in front of the Cornwallis and Penn Insurance Corporation. There were one male in a fur goat costume, one naked male and one naked female swimming in the fountain. The naked male and the naked female were in a close embrace. The fur covered male was rubbing his crotch up against one of the angels that decorate the fountain. I radioed for a patrol car for assistance. I ordered all three suspects to get out of the fountain and kneel on the ground. Both of the male suspects attempted to flee but were too intoxicated to run and fell down. I cuffed both male suspects to a brass ring on the fountain. Patrol car #3479 arrived while I was cuffing the two male suspects. The naked female suspect grabbed her dress and shoes and ran north on Penn street. I told police officer Jeff Humphrey (badge #7892) to guard the two male suspects. I pursued the female suspect north on Penn street. I lost sight of the naked female when she ran west on 4th avenue. I ran a grid search centered on the intersection of Penn street and Fourth Avenue with a radius of the three surrounding city blocks. I did not locate the female suspect. The entire time that I was searching for the female suspect both of the male suspects yelled "Run Loretta! Run!"

Officer Humphrey identified the two male suspects Apollo Artruso and Panteleone Pedroni from Italian passports that he found in a toga.

Officer Erben transported the two male suspects to precinct #6 and placed them into a holding cell. The two suspects escaped from the holding cell during a power outage. A search of the precinct house and six surrounding city blocks yielded nothing.

When I finished reading, I looked the old sheriff in the eye. "Do you believe this?"

"I believe that Philadelphia patrolman Karl Otto Erben must have been a rookie. Any experienced policeman would have grabbed the large busted, curvaceous naked women first, gotten her name and phone number and let the naked guys escape."

I chuckled and appreciated that the old sheriff had a more practical view of police work than I did. "How about the escape?"

"After tonight I believe it and I can't wait to show this to Vic."

"Old man if you ever show this to Vic, I will take away your artificial leg and have you committed to the Alzheimer's wing up there at the home."

"Oh come on Walt. Can't an old man have any fun? Naked dark haired female suspect named Loretta with a long canine tooth, I know that report doesn't prove anything but it sure as hell sounds like Vic's mother."

"I don't care what you think you discovered. You will NEVER say anything to anybody about this report."

"Ok, Troop how do you want to write this up?"

"Just hold up on writing anything for now. I will do it later."

Ferg reported that there is no room number 38 at the Super 8 motel. The motel has only 36 rooms. The desk clerk stated that nobody matching Apollo or Pan's description had been staying at the motel. Vic patrolled all of Durant and saw nothing. She questioned about 20 people she ran into and none of them had seen anything. Apollo and Pan had vanished without a trace from our little hamlet on the high plains. I never did get around to writing up that report.

Three Months Later at the Red Pony:

I sat down on a barstool and Henry slid me a can of Rainier across the bar top. "Sorry, we weren't able to recover that two-hundred dollar tab from Pan. Here is the Roman coin that Pan and Apollo left behind. They never came back to claim it. It might be made out of gold but it probably is just gold plated lead." I slid the coin across the bar and Henry bent over and examined the image of the Roman emperor stamped on the coin.

"Emperor Julian II, I am not familiar with that emperor."

"Emperor Julian the Second died in 363 AD. He was the last pagan emperor of the Roman Empire. The last emperor to burn laurel leaves at the altar of Pan and Apollo."

"This is one intricate prop to have with a Halloween costume."

"Yeah prop." I hoped Henry did not notice that I was looking past him.

Henry started to polish a glass then his head tilted slightly to look me in the eye and his and mouth curved into the tiniest of smiles. "You never did tell me what happened to Pan the god of lust and wine."

I slowly looked from side to side. There was only one couple in the Red Pony and they were sitting at a table far out of hearing range. I proceeded to tell Henry the story of Pan and Apollo's escape and the details of the arrest in Philadelphia 29 years ago."

Henry put the glass on the shelf. Then his face changed to the same skeptical expression he had given me the Monday after Junior Prom when I told him that I had sex with two of the Durant High School cheerleaders the previous weekend. "Walter Longmire either you are telling me a White man's Halloween tail concocted to scare us primitive Cheyenne or you have been hanging out with those no good Navahos and have been dipping into their peyote stockpiles. Which is it?"

I just bent my head upward and stared at Henry. "All I can tell you is what I saw and heard."

Henry picked up the coin and examined both sides. "Maybe I will have this coin mounted and hang it behind the bar. No other bar in Wyoming has a bar tab paid by a Roman god. I do have one question. Vic was born the year after Pan and Apollo's arrest in Philadelphia, correct?"

"Yep, she was born first week of August the following year." Henry held up both closed fists and he began to unroll one finger for each month. "November –one month, December - two months ... July - nine months." He smiled like the cat that ate the canary.

"Shit Henry, don't you ever do that math in front of Vic or we will become a Halloween story about a sheriff and a Cheyenne who were beheaded by a deranged Roman demigoddess with tarnished gold flecks in her eyes."