Happy Birthday to you

Happy birthday to you

Happy birthday dear John

Happy birthday to you

John shook his head, amusement twinkling in his eyes as Joss clapped her hands. His eyes went to the chocolate cake. When she invited him over to enjoy her takeout he had no idea that this was what she had up her sleeve. After they finished eating, she disappeared into the kitchen, darkening her home before calling him into the room with her where she held a candlelit cake and broke out into the Happy Birthday song.

He stared at her.

"What?" She asked. "Did you think I'd never find out? I was waiting for you to just admit it was your birthday, but then I realized I'd be waiting forever on you. So I decided to surprise you. Happy birthday." His eyes ran over the cake, and the flickering fire, before returning to the woman standing at his side. He couldn't believe her.

She waited with an expected look. "Well go on. Make a wish and blow out the candles." He kept staring. Arching a brow Joss leaned onto one hip. "I'm waiting."

Smirking John turned his attention to the chocolate cake, topped with ruby strawberries. Make a wish. He paused, thinking carefully. This was a tradition he hadn't done…in a very long time. What did he want?

His eyes shifted to Joss again. Oh yeah. Joss definitely had what he wanted. All he wanted.

Joss' brow pinched at the look in his eye. She saw his hesitation as he thought about what to wish for. But when he looked at her the hesitation vanished.

Bending over he blew out the candles.

"Not bad. Now let's cut this bad boy and eat it." She pulled out a knife and went to work cutting the layered cake.

"You didn't have to do this Carter."

"I know. I wanted to do something for you. You shouldn't spend your birthday alone." He heard the sincerity in her voice. "If it were me here instead of you, you'd do the same. I know." She handed him a large slice of cake and was caught in those blue eyes.

"Thank you." His voice was soft. The only space between them was the small saucer of cake, the one they both held.

"Any time." She lingered. The way he was looking at her made her shiver. It was the same look he gave her before she felt his kiss in the more. The air thickened. Trying to lift the tension Joss turned away and leaned on the counter. "So, what'd you wish for?"

His lips lifted. "Interrogating me on my birthday?"

"Can you blame me? You took some time to think before you blew the candles out."

His only reply was a twitch of his brow.

"Ok fine. Keep your secret. What's one more secret between us anyway?" She didn't mean to sound bitter, so she quickly changed the topic. "If you don't want to tell me then answer this. What do you want for your birthday? Tell me a gift I can give you."

"You don't have to-"

"John just answer the question. I want to. Please. You do so much for me. For others. Let me do something for you."

Those brown eyes were always hypnotizing. And they were hypnotizing him now. Drawing him in. Making him want to tell her things he ought to keep hidden. What if he asked her for the gift he wanted? For the gift only she could fill. He looked down at his slice of cake. It was losing its appeal. Sitting it on the counter he ran a hand over the back of his neck.

Could he really do this? Tell her what he had wished for and give her the option to make it come true? Would she ever agree to it?

Joss rubbed her arm. What was up with him? He actually looked nervous. Anxious. Face slightly flushed. She wanted to urge him for an answer, her curiosity almost strangling her. "John-"

"Do you ever think about that night?"

Her mouth snapped shut. She knew what night he was referring to. "Every day." She answered truthfully.

"Do you ever wonder…what life would be like if you and me…"

"You and me…what?"

"If things were different. If we didn't have anything keeping us from…"

She tilted her head wishing he would just say the words.

"…being together."

He watched her, holding his breath, terrified of how she would respond. She only looked confused. "What does this have to do with your birthday gift?"

"I'm never going to be with you Joss. But that doesn't keep me from wondering what life with you would be like."

Joss shifted on her feet. "John," she said gently.

"One day Carter." His looked at her, the vulnerability there silencing her. With one step he came closer. "Give me one day to know what life with you is really like. That's my wish. One day. You and me. No boundaries. Nothing holding us back. No fear or worrying about the consequences of telling each other…how we feel."

She couldn't believe what she was hearing. "So, what? Are you saying you want us to pretend to be involved for a day?"

"Not pretend." This was not going well, John thought in frustration scraping a hand over his face. "Be honest with each other. I don't want you to lie, but I know…there's something between us. And I know with our lives we can never be together. Ever. But, if we could have just one moment, at least for the rest of our lives we'll know exactly what's between us." As he spoke his hand lifted as if to touch her face, before he hesitated and dropped it.

Her chest heaved as she stared at him in disbelief. How long had it taken him to come up with this crazy idea? And he not only had the audacity to think it up, but he had the boldness to suggest it to her. Even worse, she was considering saying yes.

Turning away she hugged her waist. Shame her inquiring mind. But the chance to finally learn all the things hidden beneath John's shell was near impossible to resist. No boundaries. A chance to find out the reason behind that kiss. To admit the reason why she kissed him back.

And maybe kiss him again.

Ugh. She needed to think clearly not about kissing him again.

No consequences, he had said. Was that part really true?

She felt him at her backside. Could feel the tension radiating off his body. He knew he had placed everything on the line with his request.

"Joss, I'm sorry." He felt like an idiot. Had he just ruined everything. He shouldn't have risked this. He knew she cared for him, but only as a friend. It was dumb to think she could feel more. "I don't have any expectations from you. Even if…your feelings are not what mine are, I understand. I just need to tell you…"

She spared a glance at him over her shoulder. Big mistake. Those hopeless pleading blue depths tore away any argument she had. He wasn't the type to beg. Until now. "What happens when it's over? What are we supposed to do?"

"We go back to the way things are. When it's over, it's over."

Was it really going to be that easy? After opening an emotional can worms, unsure how deep the other was in, could they just bounce back to their corners? Return to their hiding places?

This wasn't a good idea.

But even as the thought formed in her mind, her mouth had other ideas. "You'll be honest, right? No holding back." It was the chance of lifetime.

Wait! John stiffened. Had he heard her correctly? Was she actually considering it? He couldn't squander the hope rising in him. "I promise." Taking her shaking hand, he placed it over his heart. "No holding back."

Her heart raced at the way his eyes caressed her face. She was his birthday wish. It was so easy to give him what he wanted, but to give it, she would have to give everything. "When?"

He took another step, the only sign of his anxiousness. Of his growing excitement that she just might agree. "Tomorrow."

She could get off work. It paid to have a good record. "What if you get a call?"

He shook his head. "There won't be any numbers."

She took a deep breath. "Okay. Only one condition. We keep Taylor out of this. I don't want him caught up in the thought of you and me being together, if it's not permanent." He nodded. Joss took a deep breath. "Okay John. Tomorrow." She cleared her throat taking a step back suddenly needing to escape. To breathe. To be anywhere, but with him right now. "I guess I should go."

John stopped her with a hand when she tried to step around his body. A smug smirk in place. "You live here Joss."

She clenched her teeth, embarrassed. "Right. Well if I knew your address I could've thrown this little birthday party at your place. I can't just kick you out on your birthday."

"I'll go Joss." He bent to give her a kiss to the head, but her hand on his chest stopped him. "Tomorrow John."

He nodded. "Tomorrow." Stepping away he walked to the door.

Tomorrow.